"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty

But don't judge on what you see

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me

So keep your bowlers black

You top hats sleek and tall

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all."

- The Sorting Hat, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Bwah haha, I love my avatar. Inter-house unity... Smirk. And my laptop's bg... "You say foul, loathesome, evil little cockroach like it's a BAD thing..."

Name: Sapphyre Edwige Black. That's what I'm going with now; it's my band name. I'm attempting to form a wizard's rock band... We're Snivellus Squared! Don't check us out yet; our lead singer (TheDutchessL, or Esmeralda Esperanza Evans) is in Brazil until December, so no songs for us... But RPG for all! I have an RPG of Hogwarts on this site, waiting to spring into action, and then my Username on SnitchSeeker is BluePhyre. I have an RPG up there, too. Check it out!

Age: 15!! I've had this account since I was 12... Scary.

Birthday: September 12th

Gender: Female

Lives in: Rochester, NY

AIM Screenname: LaTuaCantante987, IM me! It's purposely for Fanfiction use, gimme a reason to sign on every day! Just... tell me who you are. xD I'm a bit paranoid sometimes...

MSN Screenname: hamsterblue912... I don't go on much. Oh well. Again, tell me who you are and why you're IMing me. Thanks...

Email: changeling12@optonline.net

Favorite Animes: Cardcaptor Sakura, Death Note, Chobits, Fruits Basket, Chibi Vampire/Karin, Rosario-Vampire, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicals, Vampire Knight, Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gu-Oh GX, Witch Hunter Robin, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Ouran High School Host Club, Naruto, Inuyasha, Avatar, Absolute Boyfriend, Perfect Girl Evolution, Code Geass, Bleach, Castle in the Sky, Full Metal Alchemist, Elfen Lied, Chobits, Mahou Sensei Negima, xxxHolic, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Alice 19th, Princess Tutu

Favorite Books: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, (and not Breaking Dawn, because that was the personification of "epic fail") A Great and Terrible Beauty, Rebel Angels, The Sweet Far Thing, Black Stallion, The Chronicals of Narnia (listing them all would be a hastle), Harry Potter (look at latter note), Ella Enchanted, Secret Garden, Thief Lord, Eragon, Wuthering Heights, Gone With the Wind

Favorite Movies: Twilight (I've already seen it four times...) Narnia, The Lion King, Harry Potter 1-6, Prince Caspian, Sound of Music, Grease, Beauty and the Beast, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Spiderman, Spiderman 2, Pirates of the Caribbean, Final Fantasy 7, Superman, Fantastic 4, Men in Black, Men in Black 2, Rush Hour, Rush Hour 2, Rush Hour 3, National Treasure, National Treasure 2, Miss Congeniality, Mean Girls, Meet the Robinsons, Mary Poppins, Cloverfield, Get Smart, Pink Panther, The Forbidden Kingdom, 21, Gone With the Wind, Wuthering Heights, Atonement, Becoming Jane, The Notebook, The Other Boleyn Girl, Peter Pan, Gattaca

Favorite Bands/Artists: Silverstein, Cartel, Good Charlotte, My Chemical Romance, Green Parking Meters, Chiodos, Eiffel 65, Evanescence, Fallout Boy, All American Rejects, The Fray, Flight of the Conchords, Green Day, Chris Daughtry, Gorillaz, Hoobastank, Howie Day, Avril Lavigne, Journey, Kelly Clarkson, Ashlee Simpson, Lemon Demon, Life House, Linkin Park, Mandy Moore, Michelle Branch, Vanessa Carlton, Coldplay, Muse, Natasha Bedingfield, Nickelback, Panic! At the Disco, Ozone, Paramore, Postal Service, Relient K, Simple Plan, Switchfoot, The Killers, Papa Roach, The Starting Line, Taking Back Sunday, Three Days Grace Train, Nirvana, Three Days Grace, Snow Patrol, Incubus, Dear Juliet, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Mitch Hanson Band, Death Cab for Cutie, Goo Goo Dolls, 30 Seconds to Mars, Vertical Horizon, Trading Yesterday, Tally Hall, Three Doors Down, American Hi-Fi, Submersed, The Corrs, Crossfade, Hans Zimmer, The Veronicas, Sara Bareilles, Incubus, Billy Joel, Lou Bega, Carrie Underwood, Daniel Powter, Life House, Yellowcard, Travis, HelloGoodbye, Taylor Swift, Sum 41, Cold, Clay Aiken, Incubus, 311, Flobots, We The Kings, Tokio Hotel,

Hobbies: Trombone, Bass, Piano, Art (any art xD), Reading, Writing (no DUH), Anime, Track, Archery, being a Harry Potter nerd

Fears: Fire, insects, heights, dementors, being murdered where no one can hear me scream...

The Ten Commandments

as told unto his prophet B. Cavis (Disclaimer: Not mine.)

In the beginning, there was canon. And God saw that the canon was lame, and God said “This canon is lame.”

The Lord took a handful of clay from all corners of the Earth and created a figure and imbued it with imagination and skill and knowledge of html code. And the Lord called this figure “Fanfiction author” and blew the breath of life into it that it might live and be able to squee.

And the Lord saw that the creation was good and the Lord said “This author is good.”

The Lord took the author up onto the mountain and spoke unto him, saying “You are a fic author, and you are My creation. These are My commandments. Follow them or flames shall reign down upon you and fill your email accounts.”

And the author was much afraid, and said unto the Lord “…okay…”

And these were the commandments the Lord lay down for the author, ten in number. And the number of the commandments was ten, and they numbered ten. There were ten commandments.

Thou Shalt Write

The Lord spoke unto the author and said “Lo, the canon is bad, for the writers have become corrupted and revel in wickedness. They stretch UST on for years, they hurt and horribly abuse the characters, and lo, this does not please Me. Mac should giveth up on Harm and buy a vibrator, and Mulder and Scully will never have onscreen sex. And lo, this does not please Me. You were created to fix it, and fix it you shall. Canon shall not limit you, and you shall not be limited by canon.”

And the fic author rejoiced, for he thought canon was sucky, and he was a Mac/Webb shipper.

Thou Shalt Join Together

“Look,” said the Lord, “for I have created for you the Con. It is a tool of great power and you shall use it for good to meet up with fellow authors and you shall spread goodness and eat pie. For pie is good. Much love to the pie.”

And the author said “But Lord, forgive me, I am poor and have no moneys. I can not afford a Con. Though you are right, pie is good. I like cherry.”

And the Lord said “Pumpkin is better.” And the Lord thought for a time and declared “Then thou shalt join Yahoo!groups and use Live Journals and start dialogues about ten second scenes that last for many days and many nights. For there is strength in numbers, and the oldest among you shall govern wisely when you all heard together like sheep.”

And the author rejoiced, and there was pie.

Thou Shalt Be Wary of OC’s

“There is a great evil lurking plaguing the land,” saideth the Lord. “Known as an Original Character. Thou shalt not write them if thou art a bad author. For Original Characters can be too perfect and too clean and too sweet, and this displeases Me, for this is not the nature of a true character.”

And the author said “O Lord, how will I know if I am able to write an OC?”

And the Lord said unto the author “You shall know for if you are not ready, I will send unto you many replies with bad grammar and lines of “11!!11!!” and then I shall smote you and there shall be no more pie.”

And the author was much afraid, and the Original Characters because a right earned by few alone, as was decreed.

Thou Shalt Kill Mary Sues”

The Lord proclaimed “Thou shalt not suffer a Mary Sue to thrive among you, for they are an abomination.” And the author was forbidden by the Lord to create characters with too many powers, abilities, and skills, oddly colored hair of abnormal length, and names that consist of meteorological terms. And the Lord decreed it so, for it was an abomination, and it was so ordered.

And the author asked “O Lord, is this not very much like your last commandment?”

And the Lord said “Coveting thy neighbor’s wife and adultery are similar as well, and I have the lightening bolts. Does thou wisheth to become dirt at the four corners of the Earth again? For I can make it happen, bucko.”

And the author shut up, for God had the power to turn him into dirt, and he was afraid.

Thou Shalt Write Crossovers

The Lord spoke unto the author saying “There will come a day when you shall wonder what Teal’c would look like hugging a My Little Pony, and you shall indulge in that curiosity, for it is good in the eyes of the Lord.”

And the author was much incensed with the Lord and said “I’ll never wonder that!”

And the Lord smote him, and replaced him with another author, who looked down unto the smoking remnants of her predecessor and was much more agreeable when presented with the idea. “I shall wonder that, O great and powerful God.”

And the Lord was happy, because He had always wanted to watch Daniel talk with Merry Weather pony, and had not been hugged enough in His youth.

Thou Shalt Not Become Fan Girls

The new author spoke unto the Lord and asked “And what if I am to become overcome with joy and geekiness and turn to darkness?”

And the Lord said “Then thou art a fan girl, and a tool of evil.”

And the author pouted.

“However,” the Lord said “I shall give unto you the ability to squee, so that your fan girlishness shall be seen and forgiven by all as endearing. For you shalt turn insane over new Harry Potter books and season finales, and this is forgivable for I still can not believe she had Lupin and Tonks get together, omg.”

And the author rejoiced, and squeeing became prominent throughout the land.

Thou Shalt Try New Pairings

The Lord said unto the author “Canon is bad and so are the pairings it presents. For this reason, you shall have OTPs, and they shall become your most treasured of possessions, and you shall create icons and stories that revel in their greatness.”

And the author said “But what if I like the major pairing on the show, o great and fierce God who smote the guy before me?”

“You will not like them for long, for the show writers will make them corrupt and irritating after season three, and lo, you shall look unto an OTP for salvation.” And the Lord was happy for He had come up with a way to validate His shipping of Krychek/Mulder, and the author was happy for she had not been turned into dirt.

And there was much rejoicing.

Thou Shalt Not Write Self-Insertion Fics

And the author presented a work to the Lord featuring herself frolicking with the characters of Battlestar Galactica, and the Lord was much incensed with the work.

“This is an evil,” He said unto the author. “And it is an abomination unto Mine eyes.”

“But I get to play with clones,” the author replied. “And there are My Little Ponies. Does this not please you, my Lord?”

And God was pissed and said “No, biotch, it doesn’t.” And he explained unto the author that self-insertion stories were a great plight upon the world, and that Self-Insertion Fics, not tobacco, were the actual cause of cancer.

And the author was saddened, and smoked a cigarette to soothe her nerves.

Thou Shalt Write Smut

The Lord spoke unto the author and said unto her “There is much fun that can be had with boy parts and girl parts when used together. Your OTPs will never be shown having sex. Sam and Jack will never be shown beating each other with sausages, and Weir will never bend over and let Sheppard pull out her butt plug. And this displeases me.”

And the author said “May I write this to please you, o Lord who is so very big and scary?”

And the Lord thought about it for a moment and said “Yes. Thou shall write smut. For sex pleases Me.”

“Sex pleases us all,” the author agreed, and it was decreed that sex was pleasing, and lo, it was so.

Thou Shalt Send Feedback

And the Lord commanded to the author on top of the mountain that she would write to those who had done good to express her appreciation. And the author asked the Lord “What if I have no time?”

And the Lord said “Then you will get leprosy.”

And the author was much bummed out about this, for she liked her legs, and agreed. And feedback became prominent, and the land flourished under the rules the Lord had given.

FIN

Back to the Dart Board (AKA Stories I've Yet to Upload, and in All Reality, Probably Never Will):

Coming to America, a Fruits Basket fanfic that was created when I listened to a certain mysterious song for hours on end.

Neko Love III, a Fruits Basket fanfic I know you are all dreading. Sequels to sequels piss me off, too. Sorry, I'll kill her off this time... for good. Mary-Sues deserve to die, and this is the word of God.

Nevermore, Everless, a Teen Titans fanfic, BB/Rae. Mute, homeless, and marked a witch, Rachel Roth grew up with her only companion a raven, Nevermore. When the past comes to haunt her, a strange boy of emerald skin appeared in the village of Everless, her knight in shining armor. But the story was not over as he rescued her from a fate worse than mere death, and she was headed in an even worse direction... Into Hell, right after her mother. Confused? It's hard to explain.

Super-School, a Teen Titans fanfic of epic proportions. At last, the Titans find themselves cast into the biggest cliche of all: high school. President Burning Bush himself passed a law, Arkham's Bill, forcing all the underage, sentient-beings of Earth to attend schools for their kind, and the Titans are included. There, they find a new type of adventure, and, through hormones and homework and the whole shebang, the unlearned teens manage to thrive. But just like the bill, this new home for the teens has a darker purpose, a purpose that puts the Earth in jeopardy. And this time, the Titans aren't enough to save it.

Of Furry Doughnuts, Cupcakes, and Jell-O Allergies, a Twilight fanfic, a comical parody of my friend's idea, her obsessions with pastries, and, of course, our least favorite werewolf, Jacob. He's the cupcake.

Because I Love You, a Full Moon wo Sagashite fanfic, Taku/Mit, of course. Why doesn't anybody write them? Best couple... Helloooooo! I mean, we all love Izumi and his puppy ears, but... A princess of formal upbringing, Princess Mitsuki is expected to do as she's told. And so, she does. She had fallen in love with the prince she was about to marry, and life was going well. And then, he came into her life. He stole her away, with a full intent to deliver her to the center of Hell. But things change, and Mitsuki found that being a bad girl is okay when you're in love.

Learning to Love (and title things better), Twilight fanfic which I never expect to hit this site. Still... When you're a vampire hunter, things can get rather crazy. When you're in love with your partner, things get worse. But when you discover that you're head over heels in love with your prey, that you are your prey, things get... suicidal.

Something That Sounds Kinda Gay Without Giving the Plot Away, Wow That Rhymes, a Meet the Robinsons fanfic. It's supposed to sound gay for a reason... One of the only three slash pairings I support... Not out of disrespect for the homosexual community, of course. Only because I find that many (many) slash pairings really don't work out too well.

Oldest Sib, an Animaniacs fanfic. It's about what Yakko sacrificed as the oldest sib in the orphaned trio to take care of Wakko and Dot. Of course, it's a bit angsty, but I promise to make it cute. I can't write a funny, non-romantic story. Darn you, Animaniacs, for involving absolutely NO romance! RAWR!

The Dark Lord Potter Series, a Harry Potter fanfic series in which Harry, instead of being rescued by Hagrid, is stolen and raised in the home of one of the most famous (and blondest) Death Eaters there ever was. Through trials and tribulations, Harry finds that he is not really a Malfoy, that "Aunt Bella" isn't exactly the nicest witch around, and that, despite all former intentions, he has fallen deeply in love with the brother he never had. Drarry.

Hogwarts Returning, a Harry Potter fanfic, in which Harry and Hermione return to Hogwarts for the eigth year, hoping to finish their magical education like the good little students they are. However, something worse than a three-headed dog or the Dark Lord himself lie within the walls of the greatest school of witchcraft and wizardry known to man, goblin, centaur, veela, and any other sentient being. What is that? A new professor, and an old enemy. Drarry.