Yes! I finally figured this out, and in three hours and fifteen minutes too.
The name's Stephen King Reincarnated.
Here are some things about me.
Name Kayla Deanna Nicole O'Brien
Age 16
Birthday December 26 1991 (I kept my mom in the hospital on Christmas, I was rotten before I was born!)
Sex Female
Skin Tone I'm tanned
Hair Curly Auburn (It just went like this all of a sudden)
Eyes Hazel Brown during winter, Green during spring and fall, Navy Blue and Greenish during summer. Oh! And I've got these flecks of orange around my pupils and this grayish haze around my irises. (As you can tell, I love my eyes)
Hight 5'5
Weight 130 pounds (I'm not lying)
Country Canada
Writing Style I mostly have to do humor, but I guess that's who I am. I am very serious about my work. I have improved a bit since I've started my Fic so I intend to keep writing stories. I can write horror but I prefer not to.
Hobbies Writing (Duh), singing, reading (That's why I love this website), listening to music, and watching TV
Favorite Shows Supernatural, House, Teen Titans, That 70's Show, Malcolm in the Middle.
Favorite Quotes
SN
Dean "House rules Sammy; driver picks the music, shot-gun shuts his cake-hole."
Missouri "Boy you put your foot on my coffee table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!"
Sam "I wanna know why! Why'd you do it?"
Demon "You mean why'd I kill mommy and pretty little Jess?"
Sam "Yeah."
Demon to Dean "You know he never told you this, but Sam was gonna ask her to marry em. Been shoppin for rings and everythin."
Demon to Sam "You wanna know why, because they got in the way."
Sam "In the way of what?"
Demon "My plans for you Sammy. You, and all the children like you."
Andy going all Obi-Wan "Why are you following me?"
Sam "Well we're lawyers. See a relative of yours has passed-"
Andy "Tell the truth."
Sam "That's what I-"
Dean hypnotized "We hunt demons."
Andy "What?"
Sam "Dean?"
Dean "Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmare wouldn't even touch. Sam here is my brother."
Sam "Dean shut up!"
Dean "I'm trying. He's psychic. Kinda like you. Well not really like you, but see he thinks you're a murderer and he's afraid he's gonna become one himself because you're all part of something that's terrible and I hope to hell that he's wrong but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right."
Dean "Now then, I know what we need to do about your premonitions. I know where we need to go."
Sam "Where?"
Dean "Vegas."
Sam "When I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet he gave me a .45!"
Dean "Well what was he supposed to do?"
Sam "I was nine-years-old! He was suppose to say 'don't be afraid of the dark!'"
Dean "Don't be afraid of the dark? What are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark! You know what's out there!"
Dean to demon possessed dad "Let him go, or I swear to God-"
Demon "What? What are you and God gonna do?"
Sam "I'm gonna kill you!"
Demon "Oh. That'd be a neat trick. In fact, here. Make the gun float to ya there psychic boy."
Bloody Mary "Those nightmares you've been having, about Jessica dying, screaming, BURNING! You had them for days before she died. DIDN'T YOU?"
Mary "You get out of my house. And let go of my son."
Bella "You know when this is over we should really have angry sex."
Dean (after long pause) "Don't objectify me."
TT
Raven "Remember me?"
Doctor Light "Umm I'd like to go to jail now please."
Robin "It's the end of the world, but so what?"
Cyborg "Alright four eyes is history, his ghoulies are gone and we just saved the whole dang universe! Now who wants French toast?"
Robin to BB after he talks to some dinosaurs "So, what did they say?"
BB "They want to eat us."
Kole "So what brings you down here?"
BB "Gravity."
Red X to Robin "Kid, you are taking life way too seriously."
THAT 70'S SHOW
Fes "Eric, say I have two boards and I need them to stick together, how do I do this?"
Eric "Well Fes, you have to nail them, kinda like how Kelso nailed Hyde's sister."
Hyde "You guys been working on this a while?"
Eric "About as long as Kelso's been working on your sister."
Eric "Hey Hyde, remember how you kept bringing it up when Kelso nailed my sister? I never understood why. But now I get it. It's fun! So guess what? Kelso nailed your sister, oh, uh, and another thing, Kelso nailed your sister."
Hyde "Shut up you little twizzler."
Eric "Sticks and stones may break my bones but Kelso nailed your sister."
Fes "Hey everyone,we have something to say!"
Kitty "Smile!"
Laurie "I married Fes so he could stay in the country!" Everyone turns to them except for Kitty who laughs and snaps their picture. (Doctor put her on drugs).
Red "You what!"
Laurie "Oh, don't worry daddy. I don't love him. I was just bored."
Fes "But we will be sleeping together."
Red "Ohh no, oww!" Grabs arm.
Eric "Dad are you okay?"
Kitty "Oh Red! I think you're having a heart attack. Stephen get him a chair. Laurie call an ambulance."
Kelso "He's not having a heart attack. He's having an arm attack."
Fes "Don't worry dad. You'll be alright."
Red "Kitty if I don't make it. Kill the foreigner. (Ha I Love Red)
Donna "Which is why I think we shouldn't have sex until we're married."
Eric "What? No! You can't do this! I'm addicted now!"
Donna "Com'on Eric. You know in some ways it's just like Star Wars. You know, being pure just like a Jedi."
Eric "There's no such thing as Jedi! That's just a stupid movie!" (Eric loves Star wars. He's been telling Donna facts all day.)
Hyde "Backed off! You constantly hit on her, you bought her presents, you shot me with a BB gun!"
Kelso "Yeah, that's me backing off."
Hyde "You know Foreman, you should write a book. "Things my father threatened to put up my @" Chapter one, his foot. I'd buy that!"
Hyde "You hired Kelso! Do you know how many fires this guy has started?"
Kelso "Three electrical, two chemical and one that even surprised me."
Eric "Look Jackie, Kelso was going to straighten up and start acting mature so you'd be happy...and then he set your house on fire."
(After Donna accuses Eric of cheating on her) "Tell me whose panties these are!"
(Midge runs in) "Donna those are mine!"
(Kelso and Fes start bowing to Eric) "Eric! You are a GOD! A God I say!"
Red "Well I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to."
Red "You're having a party? Why didn't you tell me?"
Eric "Because every time mom has a party, you go through five stages; anger, fury, rage, super rage, and cursing God for putting you on this planet."
Kelso "Round here, we have a saying."
Eric "Is it, "everyone down, Kelso's got a gun?"
Policeman "Maybe a few hours in a jail cell will make you appreciate the law!"
Kelso "That's the thing, it won't!"
Red to Eric "You're coming home in your underwear again?"
Red "Midge has locked herself in the bathroom."
Kitty "I'll handle it. Midge, the lock is on the doorknob."
Midge "I'm not coming out. But thank you, I see it now."
Donna "What's wrong?"
Kitty "Your mother's locked herself in the bathroom."
Donna "I'll handle it. Mom, the lock is on the doorknob."
Eric "Dad, this was just a prank that went, horribly, horribly wrong!"
Red (Covered in oatmeal) “Oh yeah! Well I’ve got a prank where my foot doesn’t go up your @! Let’s hope it doesn’t go horribly, horribly wrong!”
Eric “Oh no, look at the symptoms; temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair...Oh, Dad, I think you have menopause.”
Donna “And when Kelso saw you guys kissing, he just fell apart. I mean, it was awful…and then he ran into the screen door.”
Jackie “Oh! He's just so bad at doors.”
Kitty "What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?!"
Kelso "Yes I was! And up until now, everyone has had the good grace not to mention it!!"
Kelso "What's the point of being a girlfriend if you don't have your own boobs to play with?"
Eric "I forgot my mom's birthday."
Hyde "Really, cause I remembered."
Eric "Why didn't you tell me?!"
Hyde "How would that be funny?"
Kelso "One time back when I was dating Jackie, Pam was trying to wash her car, alright and she leaned over and like squeezed out the sponge. That's all I remember cause I rode my bike straight into a tree."
Hyde "They should have X-rayed your head at the hospital!"
Kelso "They did! And for your information, they found nothing!"
Kelso "Fes, I'm riding an open canoe down a rocky mountainside! What could possibly go wrong?"
Kelso "I've been with a lot of chicks...a lot...a lot...A LOT"
Kelso "Excuse me...BURN...BURN, BURN, BURN!" (Runs upstairs) "BURN, BURN!
Kelso "We totally did it!"
Brooke "Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant."
Kelso "I never touched her!"
Hyde (trying to pull a vase off of Kelso's hand) "The vase smells like chocolate!"
Kelso "Really?" (Lifts vase up and Hyde smacks it into his face)
Hyde "Hey what do the letters on the bottom say?"
Kelso "What letters?" (Lifts vase up again and Hyde smacks it into his face again) "Stop doing that!"
Hyde "Get smarter!"
Eric "Stacey doesn't like me...she likes Red."
Kelso "OH...you're gonna have to leave town!"
Eric "Why?"
Kelso "Cause we're gonna tell everyone!"
Red (the gang imagining Red getting high. He pours whipped-cream over his head) "Look at me. I'm Whipped-Cream Head. Fear me! All fear Whipped-Cream Head!"
Kelso (Lighting a fire-cracker. It doesn't go off) "Oh. Must be a dud. Go find out."
Eric "Why me?"
Kelso "Cause your super skinny. If it blows up, you got the best chance havin' stuff not hit you!"
Eric "True. But on the other hand no one would be surprised if you blew yourself up."
Kelso "That's a good point."
Fes (After Kelso has just fallen off the water tower) "Kelso, are you okay?"
Kelso "I think I fell!"
Donna (After she's just pushed Hyde off the water tower...accidentally) "Oh my God! Hyde are you okay?"
Hyde "I'm too old for this crap!"
Red "I'm not loving anybody that I'm not legally required to."
Eric (after drinking) "My head hurts."
Red "That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity."
Eric "Mr. Hyde, you are the greatest dad ever! Will you be my daddy? (they both laugh) I’m not kidding. (they both laugh again) Seriously."
Kitty "You give me one good reason why you don't want to go to church."
Eric "It's hot."
Laurie "It's boring."
Eric "The music sucks."
Laurie "The pastor's ugly."
Eric "I have to wear a tie."
Laurie "I have to wear a bra!"
Kitty "Enough!"
Laurie "What about Hyde? I mean, he doesn't have to go!"
Hyde "While I respect the Judaic-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies, and of course the teachings Mohamed, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I'd be a hypocrite."
Kitty "Eric, we have to keep your father calm, so no shenanigans."
Eric "Oh mom, I haven't shenaniganned in six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-do-welled, I've rabble-roused..."
Red "Will you shut up!"
Red "Let's hurry up and get out of this place. I think some of these nurses are stealing drugs."
Kitty "Red, I am a nurse."
Red "I stand by my statement."
Fes "Look! A robot!" (Kelso turns around and Fes runs away)
Eric "Man, you fall for that every time!"
Kelso "Yeah? Well one day, there's gonna be a robot. And all you suckers are gonna miss it!"
Red (to Kitty) "All jobs have the same problem; a dumb ass boss. You know, one guy actually thought that duct tape was called "duck tape."A security guard had to pull us apart."
Bob "Hey ya Red! Eric told me you and Kitty are having a little trouble in the old hee-hoo department."
Red (to Eric) "You told Bob? Are you out of your puny mind?
Eric "Look, you have to work this stuff out with mom. She hasn't fed us in three days. Dad, I can't afford not to eat. Yesterday I ate a raisin off the floor. I'm not even sure if it was really a raisin."
Red "Eric, go talk to your mother!"
Eric "What? Why me?"
Red "Because without food, you'll die first."
Eric "Wow, this is, like, the slowest burn ever."
Hyde "This is how burns were in the 18th century, before electricity."
Kelso "Say I had to catch my own food, right? But, I only ate really fast animals...my feet would eventually evolve into rockets."
Hyde "Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding."
Hyde (at age thirteen) "Man, if you don't get caught, everything's legal."
Eric "I'm a man, I am zitless, hear me roar!"
Fes "My name is (the school bell rings for a couple of seconds and keeps viewers from hearing his name.)"
Hyde "Okay, I'm not gonna remember that."
Kelso "I know! Let's call him Captain Poo Face!" (Hyde throws a basketball at him and they wrestle each other to the ground)
Eric "I had a really nice discussion with Red and Kitty about foreplay."
Donna "I'm really sorry Eric."
Eric "Yeah, me too."
Kitty (to Eric) "Foreplay is very important."
Red "Oh, no it's not."
Kitty (to Red) "Yes, it is."
Red "You drilled a hole in my floor! My foot is about to drill a hole in your @!"
Kelso "Aren't we all just driving the same car; this car called life."
Red "How 'bout I drive my foot into this thing called your @?!"
Kelso "A simple no would suffice."
Red "You morons just hung vacancy signs on your @3, and my foot's looking for a room!"
Red "You know I oughta vandalize your @ with my foot!"
Red "Sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot in your @."
Red "How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your @?"
Eric "What took you guys so long at the heart doctor's? Oh, let me guess. You had to call in a specialist just to find dad's tiny heart."
Red "You know, we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your @."
Hyde "We're gonna need an @-footologist STAT!"
Red "You are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called on the road to in your @."
Red "I wish I had two-thousand feet, so I could put five-hundred of them in each of your @3!"
Hyde (While seriously toked) "(Laughing so hard that he's crying while watching the weather report) Weather kicks @."
Red (Red opens the bathroom door and Kitty walks out, pot smoke can be seen in the bathroom) "Kitty, what happened?"
Kitty "Oh, I am starving!"
Red (Spotting Jackie sitting at the dinner table, eating off of Red's plate) "Why is the loud one eating my dinner?"
Kelso (Singing to the tune of American Pie) "So bye bye Mr. Stephen Hyde. I'm a hottie and you're nottie, Jackie's gonna be mine!"
Red (After finding a stolen police car in his garage) "Why? Why?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY HOUSE?!"
Hyde "You really wanna know, or do you just wanna keep yelling?"
Red "I wanna keep yelling!"
Red (Pretending to be Eric) "Well, I'm just a skinny, smart mouth kid who always has something to say about everything!"
Eric (Pretending to be Red) "Well, I wish I was an octopus...so I could stick eight different feet up eight different @3! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Red "Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars!"
Eric "Dead Commies! Dead Commies! Dead Commies!"
Eric "Pregnancy is the scariest thing in the English language; right after monsters and broccoli."
Kitty "I realize that, uh, I may have been a little irrational today."
Kelso "A little?"
Kitty "SHUT UP!"
Red (after Kitty finds out that Red keeps a stash of presents in the basement in case he forgets to buy something for her) "It's more of a vase inventory of love."
Kitty "Well, you're about to get a vase inventory of my foot in your @! Yeah! I can do that too!"
Kitty "Washer and dryer Red, they are going to have a washer and dryer. That red-headed harlot is going to be shouting out my baby's grass stains! What about my last summer with my youngest child? I bet you weren't thinking about that when you went fishing! I bought sparklers for the fourth of July! He loves sparklers and now he's leaving and what are we going to do for the fourth of July?"
Red "Uhhh, there's a car show in Kenosha."
Kitty "A car show? I don't wanna go to a beep car show in beep Kenosha! I want three more beep months with my baby boy! And now they're gone because of your bullbeep! Way to go dumb@!"
Hyde (after his first day at his new job) "I don't know if I can hack it, working in an office. My tolerance for following directions is really low."
Eric "Which is ironic because your tolerance for other things is really high."
Red "Stephen, everybody goes through the same thing, but the misery that you feel now will eventually be broken up by stretches of time where you will feel that you're happy." (gives a short laugh) "Course you're not happy. You're just too numb from your hellish life to feel the pain."
Kitty (looking very uncomfortable) "How was your day Red?"
Red "Pretty good actually."
Donna "So what do you guys want to do after graduation?"
Eric (very quickly) "Not touch dead people, ever!"
Kitty "The patient is allergic to penicillin and I thought something else might make him a little less dead."
Eric "I know when I go to the hospital, I like to not die."
Red "Hold that flashlight will you?"
Jackie "Like this?" (The car is illuminated in an angelic glow and heavenly music plays in the background)
Red "Well what do you know? One of you isn't useless!"
Red "You and your mom have a bad history. Neither of you can nurture the other's self-esteem because you've both been damaged by past criticism and shame.
Hyde "Are you okay?"
Red "I'm working half-days, so I watch a lot of Donahue."
Bob "Midge, I left my wallet in the car."
Midge "I left my...sex with Bob in the car."
Red "Check please."
Jackie "I'm gonna make Eric pay for this. I'm not strong, but I know plenty of ways to destroy a man emotionally."
Hyde "I'll vogue for that."
MITM
Malcolm "The car's shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be back wards, the guy's watch wouldn't say 12 o'clock if he was looking at a sunset and I have red paint on my @, that's right, red paint all over my @!"
Hal "Your mother's right. If you ever drive a golf-cart over a dinner table and into a swimming pool, there will be consequences."
Hal "Working for that company was like...well have you ever seen one of those nature shows where a wasp paralyzes a caterpillar and injects it with larvae? It stays alive for weeks, completely aware of ever bite and nibble it gets as the larvae slowly devour it from the inside out. I sat in my office envying that caterpillar, at least it got to be on TV."
Sergeant to brainwashed Reese "Now lets go make some bets and march you into the electric fence."
Lois "Honey, do you think I just took Domingo away because I'm mean?"
Dewey "Absolutely."
Lois "Dewey, the reason I had to take your teddy bear away is because he's very dirty. He's covered with germs and he could make you very sick."
Dewey "He wouldn't do that! He loves me!"
Lois "It's the germs sweetie. They're tiny bugs carrying disease and Domingo is covered with them. Now when you touch him, they get on your hands and what do you suppose happens if you touch your eyes? Well I'll tell you what happens. The germs get in there and infect them and you get very sick and eventually your optic nerve rots and your eyes fall out. Now if you want to keep Domingo, you can, but if you want to keep your eyes, you'll give Domingo to me." (Dewey pulls out Domingo from under the covers) "You made the smart choice sweetie."
Malcolm "Wow! Interesting dinner. Stevie beat the crap out of Reese, his dad got drunk, and his mom's gone totally psycho. Oh my God! We're contagious!"
Lois (When they find out that Craig and Abe are both dating the babysitter, Polly) "They're both our friends."
Hal "You're right. One of them will screw up eventually."
Lois "Exactly."
Hal "I just wish I could stop picturing the sex." Both of them start cringing.
Favorite Colors Turquoise Blue, Rose Pink, Silver
Personality Test Using Colors! Try it!
http/www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm
Fears I'm not afraid of much actually I'm a firm believer that "there's nothing to fear but fear itself" I think the only thing I'm even a bit afraid of are heights, but I've never met anyone who isn't a bit afraid of them.
I want to add in some quotes because I'm very bored.
Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand
If you're going to mock me, at least do it in tune
I only know two languages, English and pig Latin, so bigite mige ligosigers (bite me losers)
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer, then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
When we learn about drugs in health class, I wonder if we'll get free samples
Someone told me to go to hell, I told them to go first and tell me how the weather is
People tell me that school is my job...I'd like to get paid now please
The meaning of life is for all things to die
Here's a riddle for you. It's the most popular place in town, people are dying to get in
Did you know that the proper name for a birdie in badminton is a shuttlecock? No wonder they renamed it, because I guarantee you, the players would shorten the name and it isn't going to be shuttle
Do you insinuate that I should tolerate the diabolical impertinence of one who's mental capacity is unable to comprehend my meaning?
I can tell by the mute expression on your countenance that none of my multi-celebrical phraseology has penetrated even the outer most portals of your diminutive vocabulary
I don't like phones, I hear voices in them
Am I the only one who's wondering what his head would look like on a stick?
I don't play well with others
God made men's brains bigger than dog's so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties
There are some creatures who's brains are so tiny that they don't even realize they exist. I guess that's why some people are always asking what you're looking at when you're looking at them
If it were up to me, you'd be dead by now
An optimist jumps off a ten story building and for the next nine stories thinks, 'so far so good'
Somebody should shoot him
Are you trying to get killed?
Does anyone out there watch the weather channel? Can you tell me when hell freezes over so I can get my money back?
Let's start a fire
Let's blow something up
Let's throw some rocks
God, please shut them up
Shoot me
If we were intended to smoke we would've been set on fire
He's not gay...he just likes dancing
Education is important...school on the other hand
Enjoy life, there's plenty of time to be dead
5/4 people have trouble with fractions
Call me that again and I'll set you on fire
Ah yes Divorce, the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet
The ten Christmas Ailments
1.Schizophrenia...Do you hear what I hear?
2.Multiple Personality Disorder...We three kings disoriented are
3.Dementia...I think I'll be home for Christmas
4.Narcissistic...Hark! The Herald angles sing about me
5.Manic...Deck the halls and walls and house and lawn and streets and stores and office and town and cars and buses and trucks and trees and...
6.Paranoid...Santa Claus is coming to town to get me
7.Borderline Personality Disorder...Thoughts of roasting on an open fire
8.Personality Disorder...You better watch out, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna pout, maybe I'll tell you why
9.Attention Deficit Disorder (My bloody favorite)...Silent night, holy ooh look at the froggy can I have a chocolate why is France so far away?
10.Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle...
For those who take life too seriously
1.Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2.A day without sunshine is like...night.
3.On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4.42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5.99 of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6.Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7.He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9.The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10.Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. (culture is a bacteria)
11.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12.Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13.If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14.How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.
15.OK, so what's the speed of dark?
16.When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17.Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18.Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19.How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20.Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21.What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22.I couldn't repair you brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23.Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24.Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25.Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
26.Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your @ tomorrow.
27.Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today, I wish, I wish he’d stay away.
Kill a man and you're a murderer. Kill many and you're a hero. Kill them all and you're favored by the gods-or dangerously unbalanced.
Throwing acid is wrong in some people's eyes.
"Normal" is just a setting on the dryer.
I gave you life. I can take it away.
Be confident, stupid!
If the brain was simple enough to understand, we'd all be too stupid to understand it.
Society is constructed to ensure that people can avoid the painful act of thinking.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and have not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me up to a week sometimes to make it up.
I don't give a damn about a man who can only spell a word one way.
If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Every generalization is false, including this one.
Tomorrow is the yesterday of two days from now.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Only presidents, editors and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial, "we".
A banker is a fellow who'll give you an umbrella when the sun's shining, and wants it back the second it starts to rain.
Censorship is telling a man that he can't have a steak because a baby can't chew it.
(The answer to the riddle is a cemetery)
I found a lovely poem on the Internet and I'd love to share it.
Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.
Well! Have a nice day.
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