Bumper Sticker Fat People are harder to kidnap.

Bumper Sticker Paranoids have enemies too. Philosophical Senior consultants are kept around to ask the questions everyone else thinks are too obvious to bother with.

Bumper Sticker Warning: I brake for the heck of it.

Bumper Sticker Where's there's a will, I want to be in it.

Bumper Sticker My wife's other car is a broom.

Bumper Sticker This vehicle may wreck or explode at any time for no apparent reason.

Religious Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

Religious Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.

Politics The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

Religious What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand?

Bumper Sticker Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Bumper Sticker Warning: I brake for hallucinations. Joanna Get any Closer, and I will eat you

Bumper Sticker Mafia staff car.

Religious Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

Bumper Sticker Caution I swerve and hit people at random.

Bumper Sticker Drive it like you stole it.

Bumper Sticker We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Bumper Sticker 4 out of 5 cannibals recommend vegetarians.

Bumper Sticker Born again and again and again

DON"T STEAL the government hates competition

A day with out sunshine is like night

Top Ten Signs your family is Stressed

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

Definitions

Bible- Basic Infromation Before Leaving Earth

Interesting Quotes

"Sid lock the doors before you go to bed" Sids dad "Why I'm already inside?" me!!

"I hate life because your in it" Sid

"Your just jealous because you lack the intelligence I have" me

"As you sow so shall you reap" Mr. Hanks (I Love Him!!)

"Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over" Key chain

"people are like slinkies they have no purpose in life, but bring a smile to you face when you push them down the stairs"

"Hate is a special kind of love we give to people who suck"

"I'm not leaving the store until you shake my hand dammit!"

Drinking Toasts

I used to know a clever toast, but now I cannot think it, so fill your glass with anything, and damn your souls I'll drink it

For every wound, a balm

For every sorrow, cheer

For every storm, a calm

For every thirst, a beer!

"Times are hard,

And wages are small,

So drink more beer,

And fuck them all"

"In heaven there is no beer,

that's why we drink it here,

And when we're gone from here,

Our friends will be drinking all the beer"

"Candy is dandy,

But liquor is quicker"

"The Frenchman loves his native wine;

The German loves his beer;

The Englishman loves his 'alf and 'alf,

Because it brings good cheer.

The Irishman loves his " whiskey straight,"

Because it gives him dizziness.

The American has no choice at all,

So he drinks the whole damn business"

"Drink tonight and drown your sorrows,

for you may not be drinking tomorrow,

And while you have it use your breath,

cause there's little drinking after death"