Author has written 27 stories for StarTrek: The Next Generation, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, RENT, Blade Runner, Twilight Zone, StarTrek: Deep Space Nine, House, M.D., Numb3rs, Moonlight, and X-Files.

Ev'rybody seems to think I'm lazy. I don't mind - I think they're crazy Running ev'rywhere at such a speed, 'till they find, there's no need

Keeping an eye on the world going by my window

When my grandmother first came to this country, the only job she could get was strapping toothbrushes on fish. She often wondered about what she was doing, but never dare to ask, as jobs were hard to come by. - B. Kliban

Name: Frizz K. West

Age: 15

Hair: A really short, dark brown mess of curls and frizz.

Rate of Eccentricity: .1764705 (Distence between foci divided by lenght of major axis)

Loves: The Beatles, David Bowie, Star Trek:TNG and DS9, Artemis Fowl, Monty Pythons Flying Circus, reading, writing, weird people, cats, Aida (Broadway version), the Twilight Zone, science fiction in general, potatos, Oscar Wilde, reviews, my old social studies teacher, B. Kliban, one-panel cartoons, pre-movie Spongebob, The Marx Brothers, food, sleep, fruit, my cat, my dog, my desert dwelling plants, the Internet

Hates: Slow computers, normal people, math, idiots, so called "webspeak" (y r u going there 2moro?), people who hate, a certain Satanic French teacher, volley ball, malaria, chemistry

If I Were a Reptile I Would be a: Box Turtle

33333333

Favorites:

Movies: The Hours and Times, Gone With The Wind, Pirates of the Carribien, Buch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Village, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Monty Python's Life of Brian, The Man Who Fell to Earth, Psycho, Blade Runner (DC), Breathless, Lawrence of Arabia, anything by the Marx Brothers.

Books: The Little Prince, The Moorchild, Zink, Green Angel, The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy Seiries, The Man Who Fell to Earth, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Middlesex, Gates of Fire, the Pillars of the Earth, Dune, Waiting for Godot.

T.V Shows: Monk (before Sharrona left), Star Trek:TNG, CSI, NUMB3ERS, NCIS, StarTrek: DS9, House M.D., Moonlight, Spongebob Squarepant (pre-movie), Ned's Diclassified School Survival Guide, Dave the Barbarian, The X Files, Mork & Mindy

Music: .The Beatles, David Bowie, Joe Jackson, The Velvet Underground, soundtracks to Aida, Velvet Goldmine (bad movie, good music) and RENT, MIKA, The Petshop Boys, Mando Diao, T.Rex, CCR, Sweet, Billy Idol

Color: Silver.

Food: CHOCOLATE!

Numer: 27, for reasons unknown.

Rule Six: THERE IS NO RULE SIX!

33333333

Ranting:

My life is a series of obsessions. They are: The Beatles, StarTrek TNG, Monty Python, David Bowie, HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy, RENT, Andy Warhol, Whose Line is is Anyway? and Oscar Wilde, The Man Who Fell to Earth (the book), Charlie's hair (NUMB3RS), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (book), Blade Runner, Velvet Goldmine, The Worf Song, Breathless, The X Files, Mork & Mindy.

My only goal in life is to have as many reviews as humanly possible. The only thing I dislike more than people who read and don't review are people who read, put it on their fav. list, and don't review. I could not spell to save my life, so please tell me about any errors you may find. Jessica, AKA PEACE IS GOODandsoisrent, is not the idiot I make her out to be. She's just really funny. I have an account on FictionPress.com under the same pen name, where I write weird short stories and bad poems. I have my profile on that as my homepage. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing when I write anything, like right now, I don't know what I'm doing! See?

I think I have the longest fav. quotes list on this whole site. There are 102 last count. And 15 are from Jessica, her holding the title of most quoted, by far. If you find anyone with more quotes than I, tell me so that I can deflate my massive ego. It's getting hard to fit in rooms. The very, very first quote at the top of my page is from John Lennon's "I'm Only Sleeping", which describes my mood every single morning, weekend or not. The second quote is from a cartoon by B. Kliban titled "A Little Family History." The grandmother he refers to is pictured in my icon. For anyone who will dare attempt to read the quotes list, I recommend starting at the bottom and reading up until you get bored.

333333333

And now for something completely different...

- Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself! - Somebody else's bio.

- I used to think that anybody who did anything weird was weird, but now I know that anybody who calls anybody else weird is weird. - Sir Paul McCartney

- Our late editor is dead, he died of death, which killed him. - John Lennon

- Your dead, this is the afterlife ... and I'm God! - Q "Tapestry"

- Sarah: ... and with an English accent ...

Me: Sarah, he's English and ENGLISH people do have ENGLISH accents! - a conversation between me and my friend Sarah about when she (supposedly) met Daniel Radcliffe.

- Strange women lying in pond distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! -Dennis "Monty Python and the Holy Grail".

- I reject your reality and substitute my own! - Adam Savage (Mythbusters).

- ... And suddenly, he needed air in his lungs, which was damn weird because he didn't have lungs in the standard sense and he didn't need air in ANY sense! - Q-Squared by Peter David

- I cook! I clean! And God damn it IT'S MANLY! - My friend Kevin, after I asked him why he knew all the names of kitchen tools in home ecc.

- Raymond Luxury Yatch: No, no, no, it's spelled Raymond Luxury Yacht but it's pronounced Throat Wobbler Mangorve!

Interviewer: You're a very silly man and I'm not going to interview you! - MPFC, An interview with Raymond Luxury Yacht.

- I'm the type of person who'd like to sit at home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom. - Andy Warhol

- I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it! - Capt. Jack Sparrow, POTC2.

- My Rice Krispies tell me to do bad things. - My friend Or. Yes, his name is Or.

- I never think that people die. They just go to department stores. - Andy Warhol

- I am a deeply superficial person. - Andy Warhol

- Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. - John Lennon

- You know, for as long as I can remember, I've had memories - Colin Mochrie

- He's an idiot! I love him!- My friend Jessica, talking about her improv. teacher

- If I were me, I would so stalk myself. - Again, Jessica. She said this after we made up the theory that Or has split personalities and is stalking himself.

- People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it's impossible to count them accurately. - Oscar Wilde

- I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy. - Oscar Wilde

- Always forgive your enemies; Nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde

- But, it's not body temperature, really. It's more like... potato temperature. - Yet again, Jessica. She said this one in biology after we did an experiment with enzymes (which work best at body temperature) using potatoes.

- Whiskers began... WHAT? - Jessica. Again. She cracks me up.

- Aw! You look like a lonely little orphan girl. You should star in a movie! - My friend Hanna, to me, after I pressed my hair to my head for one reason or another. Apparently I looked something like little orphan Annie.

- Shocking new development! Virginia is not Kentucky!- My brother's best friend, Matthew.

- (In a sing-song voice) House, cut your leg off! - Jessica trying to explain the T.V. show House M.D. to me.

- We can't just strap rocket boosters to Earth and say "ANDROMEDA, HO!" - Again, Or, after Jessica suggested that we move the earth when the sun explodes.

- Holy cats! - This is something that I say whenever anything at all happens, most just to bug Jessica. I got it from a book by Andy Warhol.

- Green, green, green, so I did. - Sgt. Gripweed, How I Won the War. I say this a lot. WEIRD MOVIE! But I liked it.

- Imagine if you started an "I Hate Mr. Brown club" and just sat around saying "Yo, I hate Mr. Brown. His head's too shiny. Stupid Mr. Brown. "- My 8th grade social studies teacher, Mr. Brown.

- ...No more Ms. Meady saying "Put down that shovel!" - Jessica, talking about Ms. Ready the school drama teacher (for lack of a better term). Not only did she miss-pronounce her name, Ms. Ready has never said anything about a shovel to Jessica. This statement was followed by much laughter

- Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff. - Rule of Acquisition # 65

- "Honesty" is just another word for "You're mean!" - Hanna after I explained that I wasn't being mean by saying she was a moron, I was just being honest.

- Me and Robbie decided to eat Jamal. He called us racist and threatened to eat himself. We told him that was physically impossible.(beat) We were wrong. Jamal ate himself. -smosh short, "Stranded".

- I'm not talking about racism, I'm talking about the color green! - Jessica, in a very serious conversation. Well, she was the only one talking, because the other guy wouldn't say anything, but it was very serious non-the-less

- I only remember things after people tell me about them. That's how I lost the court case. - My brother, in a fever induced haze. To this day I still have no idea what he was talking about.

- (Singing) I'm sanding away the glue... and that is not a pun... - A song about tech ed (sort of) by Jessica, Hanna and I.

- TRANSFORM!- Something my 8th grade social studies teacher said when he wanted us to move our desks from rows to groups.

- I'm just calling to annoy you!- My dad.

- Normally, when people tell me about conversations they've had with brick walls, I think they've gone off the deep end, but you went off the deep end so long ago that I'm forced to take you seriously. - Matthew, in a conversation my brother and him were having about echoes.

- Pearl: People will mistake me for a planetarium!

Mr. Krabs: What do you mean?

Pearl: I...don't...know! - Mr. Krabs and Pearl, Spongebob Squarepants. That show was really funny before they made the movie.

- I've got two things to say! The second one will come after. - The head security guard at my middle school. Not the smartest security guard out there, but she's nice. Sometimes.

- All you guys who think you aren't affected by P.M.S... You are wrong! - My 8th grade health teacher.

- Jessica: I'm Jessica...

Other Jessica: And I'm Jessica...

Both: And we're schizophrenic! - Two of my friends, both named Jessica, but only one is the one I've been talking in all the other quotes.

- What's going on? Why does that guy look like a lumberjack? What is happening? - Me. None of my questions were answered.

- Something bit me! - My Dad. In an electronics store.

- Aw. Your three took my Jack! - My friend Janine, at camp at 2 AM. It seemed a lot funnier then too.

- WE ARE BORG! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now, so leave your name and number and we'll assimilate you later. - From a list of answering machine quotes. I'd love to have this for my answering machine.

- I have a NINJA ARMY?! - Jessica on the phone with another friend. She's moving. Ack.

- Sir, I protest! I am not a merry man! - Worf, ST: TNG, Qpid

- Repeat after me; I will NOT join a cult. - My old social studies teacher, who is amazingly awesome.

- There can be just about any kind of revolution. There could even be a rodent revolution, where they grew eight feet tall and wore top hats and ate people. That would be a pretty major revolution, because then instead of "Oh, look, a squirrel." It'd be "AAAUGGG!"- My old social studies teacher

- Me: The security guard called you a girl.

Kevin: I've learned to not question the security guards. - Kevin and I.

- Quick Sunu! Grow six feet taller so we can find Therese and Angie! - Hanna, when we were trying to find other people in a crowded store. Sunu actually tried to gain six feet in a matter of seconds, but only made it to four.

- Progesterone verses Elephants. It will be an epic battle. - Guy on my Academic Team. I am the Super-Nerd!

- Well, what is Amny?

A train station! GOSH! - Jessica and I wrote this to add humor to an otherwise dull school paper. It turns out Amny is not a train station after all, which makes me so very, very sad.

- Oren: Time heals all wounds.

Brian: That's not true. If your head gets chopped off, in a hundred years you'll still be dead.

Noah: Decapitation is not a wound!

Brian: It's a way of life! - Conversation during Academic team meeting.

- He looked at his brother with loathing, then...killed him! I remember that day well. It was a melancholy day, cloudy, with a 40 per cent chance of rain, and a side of meatballs. Those meatballs were good. Kind of like the ones Grandma made. I ate those meatballs. And I fed the leftovers...to my dead brother! - Guy in my English class, talking to himself. And I nearly fell out of my chair.

- Cultural diffusion. It is the most important term you will learn in the next two years. If there is a question, and you don't know the answer, it is cultural diffusion. If I come to your house in the middle of the night and pick you up out of bed and shin a flashlight in your eyes and start beating you up, the first thing you should say is "Mom, call the cops!" The second thing you should say is "cultural diffusion." If the question is "What's your Grandmother's middle name?" and a choice is "cultural diffusion", you pick cultural diffusion! - My GH teacher's cultural diffusion lecture.

- Oh! Cheese! How can I talk about Ireland and not talk about cheese?- Jessica, telling me about her field trip to Ireland.

- -cough- Eyebrow! -cough- - Jessica, actually coughing and saying "Eyebrow" in between.

- I'm not eating a light bulb! - Sarah, eating a sugar light bulb.

- Chicken! Chicken! Chicken! -collapses- - Sarah's little brother, getting excited about chickens

- Every book I've liked came from that store. That is so not true. - Jessica. I wish everyone would say that when they lie.

- TODAY IS WEDNESDAY!- Something Jessica and I say every Monday.

- Kryptonite can't kill Jesus. - My social studies teacher.

- Girl: Josh is, like, my best friend ever!

SST: No, Josh is my best friend ever!

Girl:...You need to get more friends.

SST: I can't. I don't have anymore money. - Conversation between Random Girl and my social studies teacher.

- House: What's her name?

Wilson: She doesn't have one. Some sort of birth defect. - House, M.D.

- Whatever it is...I'm against it! - Groucho Marx. My Dad says this a lot, and I never knew it was a quote 'til I saw "Horse Feathers."

- Future events such as these will affect your lives in the future. - Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space". I couldn't even get through the first half-hour, but this line was perfect.

- Brother: You try to kill me too often.

Matthew: I don't succeed often enough. - My brother and his friend.

- I'm pretty glad that all the Jews didn't have time for was letting bread rise. Like, they could've not had time to let their clothes dry, and I'd be wet all week, or not put on their left shoes, and I'd have to limp around all week. See my point?- My GH teacher, about Passover.

- What's an organic shape?! Are there Kosher shapes!? Do they have four stomachs?! - Katie, freaking out about organic shapes in art class.

- I intend to live forever, or die trying. - Groucho Marx

- She gets her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

- Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

- Why is there a dumpster outside of the synagogue labeled "Gentiles?" - My brother. Apparently it's a company, but it's still funny.

- Now, I know this seems kind of weird, and kind of crazy and really stupid, but, guess what? So's life. - Mike, my teacher at a summer writing program.

- Chris: That food looks good.

Molly: Yes, and that music is nice.

Chris: Yes, and it's very disappointing, because I'm allergic to all Mexican food.

Molly: Yes, and so am I.

Chris: Yes, and I think the only reason we're here is because the logo is very well done.

Molly: Yes, and I think you pick really bad date locations.

Chris: Yes, and the other 17 women I've dated told me the same thing.

Molly: You never told me about the 17 other women.

Chris: And they wouldn't tell you about me. - A wonderful moment during Improv at the writing workshop.

- I don't know why they call it butterflies, since it's more like some squirrel digging around in there. - Mike on stage fright.

- Ed: I never leave this room. I never leave this room.

Seth: You know what? Someday, you will leave this room. But it won't live you. - Seth, another teacher, and Ed, the only guy who spent the whole day in that same room.

- Ahh vengeance thou art my wavering temptation! You feel me? - Lili from the writer's workshop, when we were attempting to write emails in fake Shakespeare.

- What happens to ice cream trucks in the winter? Do they fly south? - Hanna

- Enjoy your bowl of Anti-Christ! - Me. Because sugar free Jell-o is the Anti-Christ.

- Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a metaphor?

Guy: This class is Hell! ... Would be a metaphor. - English class is awesome because of people like this.

- Cookies make the world go round! Not gravity, not the magnetic force of the Earth, it is cookies, god damn it! - Girl in my chemistry class. Completely right.

- What the enlightenment, man?! - From a little play about Henry David Thoreau. My new favorite explicitive replacement.

- Well, Hanna, it looks like you have to acquire a full beard by period three. Get to it! - In order to play Fredrich Engles in a Global Mock Trial.

- Here comes Sunu. Who loves old people. A little bit too much. - my friend Jen about Sunu, who is a closeted gerontophile.

- Pie is a many spleeeendored thing! - Me, singing about the joys of pie.

- Impending culinary doom... - Mork, Mork and Mindy

- I knew we were in trouble when we saw the goat falling down. I didn't know they could scream. - Mork, Mork & Mindy

- Had I not been his mother, I'm sure he woud have committed matricide! - My mom's friend talking about waking her son up in the middle of the night.

- Nadija: (about vending machine that refused all her money) This is war! War! -leaves-

(a few minutes later, Nadija returns holding three bags of chips)

Me: How'd you get three? Did it throw up it's arms and scream "I surrender!"?

(Later)

Me: Nadija, have you ever considered seeing a therapist about this negativity thing?

Nadija: I think that after a few minutes he'd throw up his arms and scream "I suddender!" - Those vending machines are cowards.

- T.E. Lawrence was asexual. But he did not reproduce asexually. No, there were no little T.E. Lawrences budding off of him. - Another great Academic Team moment.