My yaoi bringeth all ye fans to the yard, and they're all " 'tis better than mine!" VERILY, 'tis better than yours. I couldst teach thou, but I must levy a fee.
Name: Doritos THE Amazing, thank you very much.
Age: The average number of potatoes in a kitchen times 2.5, plus one.
Location: Earth.
Species: A Dorito.
Sanity: What? WHERE!? Is it contagious!?
Things to like: Music, The Legend of Zelda, music, Fire Emblem, music, Super Smash Bros., music, Nintendo, music, yaoi, music, anime, music, food, music, Pi, music, pi, music, pie, music, falling asleep on the couch with your best friends after twelve consecutive hours of gaming, music, and of course, life in general. Oh, right. Music.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent that aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactively Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenan666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, Astra Ranyl, String, FlamingDoritos
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that poor Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.
If you know (a) video game character(s) or video game weapon(s) that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.
92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your carcass off.
If you know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think the rabbit from the Trix commercial should go to the store and buy his own box, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
If you believe Marluxia is straight, copy this into your profile.
Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.
If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't ignore it because the Bible says that If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my father and the glory of Heaven.
If you have ever run into a glass door, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile
If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think the people who don't want school to end are psychopaths and should be sent to an aslyum copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.
If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight should die, copy this into your profile.
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tried to hi-five some body and it has taken over 10 tries to actually slap their hand copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you love God with your whole heart and are 100 percent proud of it, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you absolutely, positively, LOVE Kingdom Hearts, (either one) or Final Fantasy, (any of them) copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, Phantom-Figure, Karimlan di Sindihan, FireWaterLightDark7890, String, FlamingDoritos
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!
(') This, over here, is my amazing candle. I am lighting it to commerate the deaths of those 32 lives that were lost at Virginia Tech
!eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI
If you believe PREPS TRAVEL IN PACKS, copy this into your profile.
If you don’t believe in stereotypes, copy this into your profile.
If when you go to sleep you can hear songs that you haven't heard in three years copy this to your profile.
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.
If you are against real fur on clothing then put this on your profile.
If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.
If you think Demyx is a cute little dork, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that Axel LOVES saying 'Got it memorized' just cuz he can, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think Organization XIII are the best bad guys EVER, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you feel bad for Lexaeus because he has no fans, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Re-post this to help stop racism:
Black and White:
A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored. "
"REMEMBER WHEN"
REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when )m 0 m( was your hero
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?
Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now
You know you live in 2007 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
And just one more. Good going Nintendo4ever! Stop the homophobia!
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
How to use the Holy Hand Grenade, which can be used to blow thy enemies to tiny pieces
To useth thy Holy Hand Grenade, first pulleth the pin from thy hand grenade. Then thou shall counteth to three, no more no less. Three is the number thou shall count to and three is the number at which thou shall stop at. Thou shall NOT count to four, and thou shall not count to two unless it immediately precedes the number three. The number five is right out! Once thou reach the number three, lobbeth thy hand grenade towards thy enemies.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
2007/11/18
I GOT FIRE EMBLEM AND IT'S AMAZING!! WOOHOO!!
2007/12/13
In loving memory...we miss you, dad.
2008/04/06
I beated teh Fire Emblems! All hail teh mighty DORITOS!! MAKE ME A SAMMICH!
RANDOM:
Awww, someone needs attention...
This guy has been following me from site to site, flaming things like there's no tomorrow. I think someone needs some attention.
LOLman321
2007-11-19
ch 1, anon.
wow i can't believe your on this site too. i honestly switched here in hopes of avoiding your bad writing techniques. and what a surprise you write guy on guy stories involving fictional video game characters. have you no shame. where is your pride. your all a bunch of sick twisted perverts in need of counselling and medication. this isnt normal at all. this is horrible and embarassing to read. im embarassed just to go onto your profile. so once again fuck your storywriting and may you be struck down for your wicked ways you tainted piece of crotch skin
Ain't he cute? C'mon, folks, give him a hand. First he starts on fictionpress, now he's here on fanfiction...it's a cry for help if I ever did see one. If he's trying so hard to avoid me, why the hell's he poking around here in the first place? You'd think that he'd be flaming more people if he were so opposed to stuff like this.
But alas, no, it's just me.
LOLman: Get a life.
Everyone else: Find some pants and wear them. If you find them and someone's wearing them, then steal them off that person. (they wanted to walk around in their underwear all day anyways)
(AND THE RESPONSE THAT MADE MY DAY!)
You have received a private message from:
Name: Midnight Crystal Sage
--
GASP
WHO DARES FLAME YOU! LET ME AT 'EM!
(readies shadow sword) Where the hell are they?
Midnight, you just made my day.
Everyone else: go skinny-dipping.
EAT SOME PIE!!
Quotes:
Spontaneous combustion may lead to severe headaches. Stay cool. -A message from the Board of Education
Use proper chewing technique. -Instructions on pack of gum. (What is the proper chewing technique, anyway...?)
Please stop talking; I'm trying to look at boobs. --Spike TV
Of the thirty-six ways of avoiding disaster, running away is best. -Some person who isn't me
Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. I'll tell you what crazy is. Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantalope on your head, saying 'I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster'. Now that's crazy. -Agent WD-40, in Spy Hard
Books smell weird. Especially this one. --Jasmine
Pour bleach on it! --Steph, when replying to 'MY COMPUTER SUCKS!'
The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets. --??
If there's a fat man on the field, it's not a sport. It's an activity. --Adam
Never underestimate the power of a free hat. --South Park
Best day ever? How so? Did scientists discover an antibiotic for hyperactive infants, so your brothers are mere vegetables now? -Chris
We interrput this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating. --??
Sometimes it is very difficult for me to tell whether you are God in his personification or if you are merely on some illegal substance that we have yet to name. --??
Flames fans are loyal, Flames fans are true, and when we are angry, we'll throw stuff at you! --Dinuriel
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. --??
Some people give out cookies, and some people give out toothpaste. --??
My nose is filled with cake! --Curtis after a no-hands cake-eating contest
You're so chubby...have a steak. --Nick
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. --Mitch Hedberg
You act like he's the only thing you care about. Well...that and pastries. --Chris
You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. --??
Barbie is not human. She is an alien. --Mr. Boutin
Demyx, I hate to tell you, but water clones are not considered a people, and you cannot declare your couch fort a country. --??
Sports Tonight Interactive: The saftest STI out there. --Me
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
Law of Probable Dispersion: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. -Todd Merrill
From the point of view of a tapeworm, man was created by God to serve the appetite of the tapeworm. -Edward Abbey
A new beginning starts with the 'reset' button. -Me
By one estimate, the average American spends 1,600 hours a year either driving or earning the money to support a car, and drives an average of 6,000 miles a year. That works out to about 4 miles traveled per hour spent -- the equivalent of a normal walking pace. -Edward Tenner
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. -George Carlin
Speed does not kill. Stopping very quickly kills.
We can drive together! Side by side...crashing into the same poles...running the same red lights... --Steph
We should jump off bridges using chickens as parachutes, like Link does! ...only...our chickens aren't on steroids, like the ones in Hyrule...so we'd all die. -Me
I don't want to make him suffer...I want him to DIE. -Jessica
Who was it that decided buttons were cute?
"You have to try to bluff the public, and the public knows and expects this. In other words, you can't say anything sensible. It's got to be all bullshit during an election campaign."
– John Crosbie, Vancouver Sun, July 18 1996
Being a musician is knowing when it's time to give up and play another tune. -Me
I am a god with words...just not with spelling them. -Kurtis
I can't believe it's taken you so long to figure it out. Pie HAS taken over the world because everyone loves it and can't resist it. And just because it CAN'T eat us doesn't mean it doesn't WANT to. -Dinuriel
If life didn't suck, it would probably blow. -Dinuriel
Of COURSE I have a destiny! I'm KYLE! -Kyle
Spirits don't give very good hugs... -Jess
...Dude, Naesala would so make fun of my bacon. --String
Memories of what? What will be recorded, exactly? Do I need my death costume? --Kurtis
A fishy just ate my harpoon... --Chris, while playing Runescape
I don't like water: don't like the taste, the smell, or the way it makes you pee. I don't trust it. Anything that clear must be hiding something. --A person on THE INTERNET
One cannot simply walk into Wal-Mart. There is an evil there that never sleeps. --Kurtis
ecause im not soing andoing --Pi's greatest typo
"Centa here spent a week in mourning because he accidentally killed a butterfly."
'It was all colors of the rainbow...'
"There was a funeral procession."
--Looking For Group
Hey, this picture just jpeged on me...CURSE YOU, MICROSOFT!! --Dinuriel
Dude, I'd hit that so hard that whoever managed to pull me out would become the King of England. --Some guy
Ike is jealous of moni because I have his beefcake. --Don't ask
If you poke me, I'll start barking. --Pi
Most of the things worth doing in the world have been declared impossible before they were done. -Louis Brandeis
Never frown, even when you're sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. --Steph
Killing under the cloak of war is no different than murder. -Albert Einstein
Remember: Professionals built the Titanic. Amateurs built the Ark. -??
You're young and so am I, and each year we can get younger and younger. --Mr. P
Every morning is an evening backwards. --??
You've got two feet--so why do you want to walk backwards? Walk towards the future and not the past. I promise that I will walk with you when you need it, carry you when you feel you can't go on. --Me and Pi
No matter how bad things get, always remember two thing: You're alive, and God loves you. --Pi (damn, this kid is smart)
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. --??
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes their way. --??
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time. --Edith Wharton
If tomorrow morning the sky falls...have clouds for breakfast. --??
It's comforting to know that whatever happens tomorrow will have absolutely no effect on today. --??
Remember what was. Anticipate what will be. But live in the moment that lies in between. --??
We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. --??
The only graceful way to accept an insult is to ignore it
If you can't ignore it, top it.
If you cant top it, laugh at it.
If you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.
Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace. --?
If you die, I die with you. --Pi
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." -- Douglas Adams
No boy is worth crying over. And the one who is won't make you cry. -- Sarah Kane, age 10
Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. --??
Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. --??
I bet whoever invented Jell-O had a bunch of friends who did acid and really wanted to freak them out. --??
#1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
"Hard Drive installed on January 1, 1970." ...that can't be good. --??
Alex: I need to take a poo
Dad: Don't take a poo, leave a poo
Alex: Well, if I don't take it, do I not flush it?
Dad: Well what are you going to do with it?
Jenn: I can't believe you're having this conversation
I spent the entire day being normal, now that I'm home, I just want to duct tape fuzzy green pipe cleaners to my head, turn on the strobe, take off my clothes, and IRC. --??
Roses only last a couple of weeks, and that's only if you leave them in water. They only really exist to be pretty. So that's like saying, "My love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance." But a potato! They last forever, man! Not only with they not rot, but if you leave them they'll start growing stuff! That alone makes them a good symbol. Wait, there's more! There are so many ways to enjoy a potato! You can even make a battery with them! It's like saying "I have many ways to show my love for you." Potatoes may be ugly, but they're AWESOME. So THAT is like saying "It doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you."
Excuse me, but I think you have me confused for the opposite gender. --Jessica
Nice to meet you! I like your features! --Other Jessica
Selling live lobsters at the supermarket is great. I get the modern convenience of a store, while still being able to engage my food in a fight to the death. --??
Rabbits are cute, but if they started walking on their ears it would be creepy as hell. --??
I kinda question the utility of bench pressing. I mean, sure. If the refrigerator falls on you, it'd be good to be able to move it. But really, if you have to do that more than once, the refrigerator is probably out to get you, and you may want to see if it's still under warranty. --??
If I ever turn into a super villian, I think I'll put my lair in a strip mall, rather than a volcano or something. It's cheaper, for one, even taking heating costs into consideration. And does the hero ever really expect to be hit by spinning diamond-tipped death blades right next to the Baskin-Robbins? --??
When the machines of the world finally turn on us, it won't be flying robot squid, or nuclear bombs. It'll be all the smoke detectors in the world going off at once, and herding us outside into the crosshairs of the tennis ball launchers. --??
It's pretty amazing that our society has reached a point where the effort necessary to extract oil from the ground, ship it to a refinery, turn it into plastic, shape it appropriately, truck it to a store, buy it, take it home, then throw it out is still considered less effort than what it takes to just WASH the spoon when you're done with it. --??
If I ever go blind, I want a seeing-eye dolphin. They're smarter than dogs, and I don't think one would let me get anywhere close to being hit by a car. --??
I find it interesting that the colors of many carbonated beverages are the same colors that, in nature, mean "DO NOT EAT ME! I AM POISONOUS AND YOU WILL DIE!" --??
Without music, life is a journey through a desert. -- Pat Conroy
Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent. -- Victor Hugo
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. -- Igor Stravinsky
A good composer is slowly discovered and a bad composer is slowly found out. - Ernest Newman
Composers shouldn't think too much - it interferes with their plagiarism. - Howard Dietz
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. --??
We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. --??
"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.
"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." --David Viscott MD (thanks, Pi)
I'm not a rapist! My teddy bear is! --Zack
"Maggot rice...WORM SPAGHETTI..."
'DAMMIT, STRING, STOP MAKING ME WANT PASTA!'
--Me and String
Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full. --??
Speaking of which, breadboxes are small. You can only stuff about seven live squirrels into one. --String
Your invitation to share a background could not be sent because he's an Antipersonnel mine at the marching band convention! --MSN
Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between the two, my life flows. --Nisargadatta Maharaj
All those who are unhappy in the world are so as a result of their desire for their own happiness. All those who are happy in the world are so as a result of their desire for the happiness of others. -- Shantideva
Awww...it would be so much cuter had I not just chased a mini-cockroach from under the bird cage... --String
History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. --Winston Churchill
If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. --??
"What's this movie about?"
'A vampire and a girl hunting other vampires and other girls.'
--Greatest movie summary given by an eleven year old, EVER.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. -- Chris Rock
'What's an audiophile?'
"Someone who has sex with music."
'...awesome.'
--Me and Alex
I’m learning how to fight, how to zombify shit… and when I graduate I’m going to be the heir to… well, it’s basically a big pile of crumbling rocks but it’s an important one. --Steffain; MU
Life is sexually transmitted. --??
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. --??
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. --??
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. --??
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. --??
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. --??
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration. --??
Today you shaved your hair into a mohawk to make my mom laugh over losing hers to chemo and today I realized that you are my hero. --??
As the clock ticked off the last few seconds of 2005, I closed my eyes and made a solemn resolution for 2006: I will not kill anyone this year. --??
I spent five days getting there only to realize it was the journey I should have been paying attention to. --??
You'd think that with the rise of cameras and video recorders, UFO sightings would go up, and not down. --??
The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. --??
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. --??
Hello, hon. I just wanted to say I love you, and that you are going to rape the exam on the 9th. That's right. you are going to rape that little booklet of doom and make it cry. --Pi comforting me in time for an exam
We're terrible teases to our boyfriends, you know. Horrible, horrible individuals.
"No, we're CREATIVE individuals."
--Me and Luna
Me: ... :snorts:
V: what?
Me: Heeee... you're eating wood.
V: yes...yes I am. and you cant watch.
Me: However will I live?
A: lol is the wood tasty?
V: it's VERY tasty
Me: Oh really? Can I have some?
A: ya you have to share
V: :snicker:
A: don't hog all of the toothpick
--A horrible conversation with my boyfriend and another friend
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. --Some kid
Trotter's Law of Percussion Music:
Percussionists will consistently lose their music as a concert approaches
Corollary: All parts will be lost at least once, and percussionists will not admit to losing any music until they are caught faking the parts.
The Uncertainty Principle:
The location of all auxiliary percussion instruments cannot be known simultaneously
Corollary: If a lost percussion item is found, another will disappear.
Percussion Will Travel Principle:
On every band trip one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school
Percussion Won't Travel Principle:
On every band trip one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the performance site
Diminishing Quality Rule to the Percussion Won't Travel Principle:
At any festival one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with that of another school
Corollary: The one you take back will be of lower quality
Law of Lost Drumsticks:
Percussionists will lose sticks
Corollaries:
Percussionists always claim the sticks were stolen
The lost sticks will be found the day after new ones are bought
Stidman's Law of Doors:
The largest of the timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium
Murphy's Law on Instruments:
An instrument always breaks at the worst possible time
Corollary :The instrument will belong to a first chair player
Baldwin's Law:
Instruments are easier to break than to fix
Wyszkowski's Law:
Anything will work if you fiddle with it long enough
Principles of Instrument Repair:
- The screwdriver of the correct size will be missing when it is needed to tighten a woodwind key
- When replacing a woodwind pad, all available pads will be the wrong size
- When a pad is accidentally dropped it will roll to the least accessible part of the bandroom
Law of Diminishing Repairs:
After restoring one key on a woodwind instrument, three others will malfunction
Mouthpiece Inertia Principle:
Brass mouthpieces are easier to jam than to dislodge
Halbrook's Axiom:
A stuck key will work perfectly when the repairman tries it
Law of Selective Operation:
Brass valves will stick on contest days
Corollaries:
They will not stick when the conductor tries them
They will stick again when the student resumes playing
Richard's Complimentary Rule of Ownership:
If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away
If you throw anything away, you will need it the next day
Communication Principle:
When a conductor gives students letters for parents, 15 will be left on music stands, 25 will be inside the music, 15 will rot in instrument cases, 15 will be left in lockers, 15 will crawl under the student's bed, and 15 of the parents will receive the letter.
Tillis' Organisational Principle:
If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is
Left-Right Principle:
At least one person is out of step in any one march
Corollary: It is usually the same person
Reeley's Principle:
Any piece you select as a closing number will have a final note one step higher than the first trumpet can play
Small Band Dilemma:
The drum major is always the best trumpet player
Bogan's Law of Bus Trips:
Bus breakdowns always occur on the longest trips
RT + 1 Principle:
The scheduled return time of any trip will be one hour earlier than the actual return
Corollary: This happens even when you pad the return time with an extra hour
RT + 3 Principle:
You will have to wait at least another two hours for the last parent to pick up a child
Blind Leading the Blind Principle:
Band members playing correctly will always follow the players who are playing incorrectly
Murphy's Law of Small Band Sight-Reading:
Invariably, the melody will be in an instrument you do not have
Corollaries:
Cues will not be provided
If they are provided, they will be in the parts of your weakest section
Murphy's Music Stand Principle:
The music stand you get will wobble
Reely's Adaptation of Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction:
If you take a music stand down and put it up enough times, eventually you will have two of them
Two Principles of Diminishing Concentration:
Secretaries always interrupt rehearsal when concentration levels are at their peak
Players late for rehearsal are always those who sit in the centre of the band
Horn's Law of Teachers' Meetings:
After-school meetings always occur on the day of an important after-school rehearsal
Missing Mute Principle:
At least one mute will vanish from the brass section at any rehearsal
Extended Rest Theorem:
The longer the rests, the less likely a section will enter after them
Contest Pronunciation Principle:
If a name can be mispronounced as the programme is being introduced, it will
Two Recruiting Ratio Principles:
For every student wanting to play clarinet, there will be six who want to play alto sax
For every student wanting to play alto sax, there will be seven who want to play snare drum
The "There's Another Hole in the Dam" Principle:
Fix one spot in the music and another spot falls apart
Alternate Amnesia Axiom:
Any alternate fingerings taught will be promptly forgotten
Lost and Found Principle of Music Folders:
At least one music folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal
Corollaries
It will usually be the same player. If it is not the same player, there will be no name in the folder
Say It Again Sam Law:
Even if everything is explained perfectly, there will still be a question
Corollary: You will have just answered the question one minute before it was asked
Beginning Players Concert Law:
There will be one video camera for every three beginning musicians
Premature Deafness Ratio
A conductor's hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists are started each year.
McMurray's Programme Principle:
At least one name will be left off the concert programme
Corollary: It will be the child of the head teacher
McMurray's Second Programme Rule:
If there are two ways to spell a name, the wrong one will be selected
Murphy's Law of Clapping:
If the audience can clap at the wrong time, they will
Two Principles of Cymbal Cuing:
Cue the cymbal player or he will not enter
Cue the cymbal player and he still will not enter
Law of Selective Acoustics:
The percussion section always sounds loudest where the judges are sitting. It cannot be heard from the podium
Hatch's Law of Clarinet Squeaks:
Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most exposed sections of the music
Fillmore's March Law:
If a march can be rushed, it will
Corollary: A march rushes in proportion to a band's inability to play it quickly
The Play It Again Sam Axiom:
At concert festivals, three other bands will play your toughest piece
Corollary: All three perform before you do, and play it better
Surprise Symphony Principle:
At least one section of the music which sounded perfect in rehearsal will go haywire
The Punctuality Paradox:
Give a strongly-worded lecture about punctuality and you will be late to the next performance
Bidewell's Transition Principle:
You are never as good as the previous conductor
Anderson's Solution:
When in doubt, blame problems on the previous conductor
The Least Credible Sentence in Conducting:
One more time
Emily's law on practicing:
The difficult passage practiced for hours, will not be played correctly once the student plays it for the teacher
the more a student practices, the less likely he will play correctly during the lesson
Emily's law on repertoire
The more the student hates a specific piece, the more likely he will have to play it
At least one member of the orchestra will forget to change the key with everyone else. Consequently, they will be playing the loudest.
Two or more flutes will never play in tune.
If you’re ever asked to compile a list of the least reassuring things you can say during a sexual encounter, “I found something fun-looking in the bathroom”, “it’s a surprise”, and “just hold still” probably all need to be on there, in that order. --Tales of MU
Laura: I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT SEX
Me: PENIS GOES INSIDE YOU
Laura: KAY
--Just...don't ask. I beg of you.
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony? --??
A man went to a zoo. The only animal was a dog. It was a shitzu. --??
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. --??
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia. --??
So a baby seal walks into a club... --??
Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4. --HOLY CRAP WHAT? THIS JUST SHOWED UP ON MY PROFILE!! HAS SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED?! I DON'T EVEN UUUSE INTERNET EXPLORER!!
“Kieran, look at me,” Oscar said softly. The axe knight opened his eyes to see Oscar kneeling between his legs, naked except for the gold chain around his neck. “I…I’d like you to be my first. License and registration, please." --WUT? I think I was a little tired when I wrote this...
How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol Hordes got bored? --Calvin and Hobbes
I think they'd hoard one each, then they'd go kill someone. they ARE Mongols. --Chris
"Damn, if only I didn't tape this cardboard box together then I could open it right here."
"Never fear, I have a knife on me!"
"Wow that is super special awesome! You hero!"
--Chris laughing at people who carry around knives just because they can
Cuz it's like what my dead alcholic grampa who is now in a pot on our computer desk always said... --Ashley
MY PAL OSCAR HAS A FIRST NAME, IT'S O-S-C-A-R, MY PAL OSCAR HAS A SECOND NAME, IT'S Y-U-M-M-Y. OH I LOVE TO USE HIM EVERY DAY, AND IF YOU ASK ME WHY I SAY 'CAUSE YUMMY OSCAR HAS A WAY WITH W-E-A-P-O-N-S...eh?
I'M SO WITTY.
--Yeah, that's me. Stop making that face.
TwilightKnight: all i do is wait for Desert crisis 1.5 and play counter-strike all day
Dr SpaZZo: Heh.
Dr SpaZZo: Which, by definition, means I have more of a life than you
Dr SpaZZo: Pity
TwilightKnight: well i was making out with a girl today
Dr SpaZZo: Liar
Dr SpaZZo: Theres no such thing as a "girl"
TwilightKnight: yes it is true!
TwilightKnight: they arent the tales and ledgends we thought them to be
TwilightKnight: they exist and live on the outside!
TwilightKnight: In the daylight!
Dr SpaZZo: Outside? Daylight? Now you're just making words up.
--Ahh, the internet.
Recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is likely to prefer a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his temple and a cricket stump jammed up his arse. --Whoever came up with this WINS.
I beat the internet. The end guy is hard. --BombScare
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