_.Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes._

The name is Tarryn. I am sixteen years old. I am a girl. I think... :D
My One True Pairing: Dasey, now and forever.
I've been writing on Fanfiction since November of 2006. Whoa, right?
I'm a very odd, and friendly person.
I love writing, and reading, and own almost 600 books, and counting! Yet, it's not enough! Must have more!
Well, I love to hear from you guys, your messages and reviews always make me smile.
And I know I suck with my updates but my internet access is limited and all my stories are on a portable hardrive. Grr.
But I'm trying.
Summer's coming up. Hopefully I'll be able to write more!

Fanfiction trailer for A Different Perspective, on YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AEUYyotzfc

My Ships

Life with Derek:
Derek/Casey,Casey/Ralph, Lizzie/Edwin, Casey/Trevor, Emily/Trevor, Casey/Sam, Casey/Noel, Derek/Sam, Kendra/Sheldon, Emily/Sheldon, Ralph/Anyone

Gossip Girl:
Chuck/Blair, Serena/Dan, Serena/Nate, Blair/Nate, Jenny/Nate, Rufus/Lilly, Dan/Vanessa

Harry Potter:
Harry/Hermione, Hermione/Fred, Harry/Draco, Hermione/Draco, Hermione/George, Fred/George, Hermione/Ron, Harry/Ginny, Lupin/Tonks, Lupin/Serius, Lily/James, Lily/Snape, Hermione/Sirius, Hermione/Lupin, Hermione/James, Luna/Neville, Draco/Ginny, Draco/Luna, Luna/Harry, Luna/Ron, Ginny/Neville, Ginny/Lupin, Hermione/Snape, Hermione/Blaise

The Mediator:
Susannah/Jesse, Susannah/Paul, Susannah/Adam

Dawson's Creek:
Joey/Pacey

Princess Diaries:
Mia/Michael, Mia/JP: Only Pre-Forever Princess. Not after. Or only if you pretend it doesn't exist., Tina/Boris, Mia/Boris

Supernatural:
Sam/Dean

Hannah Montana:
Miley/Oliver, Miley/Jackson, Lily/Oliver, Miley/Jake(Leslie haha), Lily/Jackson

Drake and Josh:
Drake/Josh

High School Musical:
Chad/Ryan, Ryan/Sharpay, Gabriella/Ryan, Gabriella/Troy, Sharpay/Troy

My all time favorite review.

Sharada
i thin that you have a really strong story goin g on and it is ready to end but
i also think that you should either write an aftermath or a sequel to give the
readers closure... or i will take a lava lamp outside your house turn it on
attract hundreds of hippies and start a jam sesh complete with weed bad music
and anti corperation poetry. the hippies will be so thick you will only have one
option to get away from the hippie stench and pot smoke...stay indoors and write
a sequel.

My Status

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Real Life Calamaties, Extravagencies, Embarrassments, and Simplicities

(Ernesto) "I'm thristy."
(Me) "Do you want me to get you something?"
(Ernesto) "Yeah, please."
(I get up and go to the kitchen, returning to the living room with a can of Mountain Dew. Ernesto is no where to be seen. Then I realize he is under a bunch of pillows and blankets that were on the floor near our Christmas tree. I throw the Mountain Dew can at the lump that is Ernesto.)
(Ernesto) "Ow!" He shoots up rubbing the side of his ass.
(Me) "That's what you get for hiding!"
(Ernesto) "I wasn't hiding!"
(Me) "Then what were you doing?"
(Ernesto) "Hiding!"

(Me and Ernesto looking at the fish tanks in Petco.)
(Me) "How come that fish is upside down and floating on top of that fish?"
(Silence.)
(Ernesto) "Tarryn. That's the fishes reflection."

(On the phone with Katie.)
(Katie) "I haven't heard from Jesus yet."
(Me) "Oh, how come?"
(Katie) "I don't think he's home."
(Me) "Why don't you call and check?"
(Katie) "But what if he answers?"
(Silence.)
(Me) "Katie, you're lucky your blonde."

(Me and Katie just talking)
(Me) "Cuz I'm Pimp like that."
(Katie) "Don't ever say 'Pimp' again."

(Me and Katie to our friend Tony)
(Katie) "Tony, you know how many states there are right?"
(Tony) "Yeah, like 50, right?"
(Tony's not alwasy the brightest crayon in the box, so we wanted to mess with him.)
(Me) "No, Tony. There are 48 states."
(Tony thinks.)
(Katie) "Really. Didn't you know that? Alaska declared independance, and now it is it's own country."
(Me) "And Japan bought Hawaii. Didn't you know that?"
(Tony) "No. No, of course I knew that! Gosh. I just didn't know Alaska declared independance..."

(A week later, he found a map of the United States and counted them to see if we were lying or not. ...He counted 52 states.)

(Battle of the Books Elective. I let Tony borrow my book list so he could go check out a book. Then he comes back into the room, holding the list.)
(Tony) "Hey, I just wanted to know how you say that." (He pointed at a word on the list.)
(Silence)
(Me) "Tony. That says Beanstalk."

(Me to Katie)
(Me) "Katie, what are you doing?"
(Katie) "Biting my knee."
(Silence)
(Me) "Oh. Ok."

(Katie and Me)
(Katie) "Tarryn, this is going to sound really weird, but please. Just smell my kneepads."
(Me) "Eww, Katie. No."
(Katie) "Come on. Just smell it."
(Me) "No!"
(Katie takes kneepad, and inhales.)
(Katie) "It smells weird."
(Me) "You think?"

(Tony at a computer)
(Tony) "Hey, where's the question mark?"
(Silence as I stare at him)
(Me) "It's right there."
(Tony pushes they key.)
(Tony) "No. That makes a slash."
(Me) "Tony, push shift!"
(Tony pushes shift.)
(Tony) "I don't get it."
(Me) "Push shift and the question key at the same time Tony!!"
(Tony pushes both keys resulting with a question mark.)
(Tony) "I knew that. I just...forgot."

(Me to Tony)
(Me) "Tony, spell 'intuition'."
(Tony) "E-"
(Me) "No."
(Tony) "...A?"
(Me) "Dear Lord."

(Me and Jesus talking about my friend Katie's dog Jack, while Tony listens.)
(Tony) "Wait. Who's this Jack?"
(Jesus) "Jack is Katie's dog."
(Tony) "But why Jack? Isn't Jack, like...a real name?"
(Blank stares and coughs o cover up laughs.)
(Me to Jesus) "Eh, it is Tony. What else should we expect?"

(I say something to Tony and Jesus and Tony starts to laugh.)
(Jesus) "Wait, what's so funny? I didn't hear."
(Tony keeps chuckling.)
(Jesus) "Why're you laughing?"
(Tony) "I dunno, but it's funny!"

(Random talk between me and Katie)
(Katie) "I'd be the blonde killed first in a horror movie."
(I laug and then cover my face.)
(Katie) "What's so funny? Tell me!"
(Me) "You don't have enough boobs to be in a horror movie in the first place!"
(Katie) "...I knew you were going to say that."

(Katie and me watching that Vonage comercial where the busted blonde runs out to the sea screaming dolphins, when it's really sharks, until the Vonage box thunks her on the head.)
(Me) "That would so be you!"
(Katie) "Nu-uh!"
(Me) "Yeah it would. You know you'd think it was dolphins."
(Katie) "That's not funny."
(Me) "Why?"
(Katie) "Because you're probably right!"

(Me showing Katie the Digital camera that I got for Christmas.)
(Katie) "Oh, cool. A Kodiak."
(Silence as Katie looks at the camera and I stare at her)
(Me) "Did you just say Kodiak?"
(Katie) "Yeah. Wait, why? Is it Kodiak? Kodak...Kodiak? What?"
(I begin to laugh)
(Katie) "Wait, what is it?"
(The word KODAK is clearly on the camera, but she doesn't look at the camera.)
(I sigh)
(Me) "Oh, Katie. Poor, poor Katie."

(Me and Katie in the candy isle of Wal-Greens)
(Katie steps toward me, draping one arm around my shoulder, and moving the other hand toward my cheek)
(Katie, in a really high pitched voice) "Sometimes when we touch."
(Me) "Katie?"
(Katie) "The honesty's too much."
(Me) "Katie!"
(Katie) "And I have to close my eyes and hide!"
(Katie stroked my cheek, and a little girl passes us, sees, and breaks into a run.)
(Katie) "I want to hold you till I die, till we both break down and cry."
(I try to control my laughter as Katie breaks into super sonic noise)
(Katie) "I want to hold you till the fear in me SUBSIDES."
(Silence)
(Me) "Why'd you do that?"
(Katie) "I dunno. I heard the song earlier, and it seemed like an entertaining thing to do."
(Me) "Oh, ok."
(We begin to walk)
(Me) "It was entertaining."

LATER

(Me and Katie at school, chasing our guy friends, grabbing them, and stroking their faces as we sing in high pitched voices, and they stand stiff and scared)
(Katie) Sometimes when we touch,"
(Me) "Touch."
(Katie) "The honestys too much."
(Me) "Too much."
(Katie) "And I have to close my eyes and hide."
(Me) "I hide."
(Katie) "I want to hold you"
(Me) Hold you."
(Katie) "Till I die"
(Katie) "Till we both break down and cry"
(Me) "Cry"
(Katie) "I want to hold you"
(Me) "You"
(Katie) "Till the fear in me"
(Unison) "SUBSIDES."

D

(Me, Katie, and Lena sitting on Daniel's jacket on the side of the football field 'watching the soccer game'.)
(All of a sudden, Katie sings.) "Come sail away. Come sail away. Come sail away with meee."
(Then I just sing) "I'm Saaailing awaaaay."
(And this simple thing turns into:)
(Me) "I'm sailing away, do dodo do, do do."
(Then Katie) "Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me."
(And Lena) "Ah ah ah ah. Ah ah ah ah. Ah ah ah ah ah ahhhhh."
(All of us repeat our lines over and over in REALLY high pitched voices.)
(Tony walks over to us.)
(Tony) "You guys suck. A lot. I mean, if this was American Idol, and I was Simon, I's say, That was the worst thing I've ever heard. No. Paula?"
(Me) "No, you'd probably be, Paula" (I mimick him sighing, and strokign the face of an imaginary Paula Abdul.)
(Katie) "No, he'd probably say, RANDY!"
(Me) "Ha. You're right. (Mimicks being Tony) "Are you Randy, Randy?" =P
(Laughter from me, KAtie, and Lena, and silence and a scowl from Tony.)
(Tony) "You guys really suck."

(I'm on the phone with Richard, while talking to Aida on Myspace.)

(Aida) "Have you gotten a promotion dress yet?"
(Me) "No, not yet."
(Aida) "Well, you should get a dress that really brings out your ass. I mean your eyes."
(Me) "lol, Yeah, I'll try and do that."
(Me) "Richard, Aida just told me that I needed to bring out a dress that brings out my ass, but then was all, I mean, your eyes."
(Richard laughs)
(Richard) "Haha, yeah, you should. You have really big 'eyes.'"
(Me) "Shut up!"
(Richard) "You have hugs 'eyes'."
(Me) "Shut up!!"
(Richard) "Wait, one more."
(Me) "Fine."
(Richard) "Jiggly!"
(Me) "SHUT UP!"
(Me) "Apparently I have two sets of 'eyes'. You can only look at one of them."
(Richard sighs.)
(Richard) "Well. I guess I'm not looking at your face anymore."
(Me) "I didn't mean you had a choice, dumbass!"

(On the phone with Richard, but singing One Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton.)

(Richard) "Dude, that song pisses me off."
(Me) "How come?"
(Richard) "Becuase I saw the video, and she's singing, I'd walk a thousand miles...but she's on a fudging car! I was yelling at the screen, Well then get your ass off the car, and drag that damn piano a thousand miles!"

(Johnny is bugging me and Lena.)

(Me) "You know, Johnny acts all tough now, but watch, he's going to end up as an inspirational speaker."
(Lena) "Ha, yeah, he'll end up traveling in a van."
(Me) "Yup. 'Fight the urge. I did.'"
(Lena laughs while Johnny glares at us.)
(Me) "And, of course, he'll have you, as his wife, preaching by his side."
(Lena and Johnny hate each other, so they both smack me.)

(Lena calls me)

(Me) "Lena, I don't feel like being on the phone right now."
(Lena) "That's too damn bad."
(Me) "Why don't you call Johnny?"
(Lena) "I don't want to go talk to Johnny."
(Me) "Go talk to your future husband!"
(I hang up on her)

(A little while later Lena calls again.)
(Me) "I still don't-"
(Lena) "I just called to tell you that you better have your brain on when I come to teach you music tomorrow."
(Me) "Okay, Lena. Now go call Johnny, your future husband."
(I hang up on her again.)

(Me and Katie talking while she tried to figure something out on the computer, which she knows squat about.)

(Me) "What would you do without me?"
(Katie) "I don't have to think about it because I have you to help me."
(Me) "Yep.
(Katie) "The computers trying to trick me. It's thinking, 'ha, a little blond girl that I'm going to mess up.' But it can't becuase I have you. And if I didn't have you, well then, that would be really sad."
(Me) "Um, yeah, okay."

(Me) "Son of a honeycake prostitute!"
(Johnny) "What?"
(Me) "I made it up."
(Johnny) "Make up another one."
(Me) "Yup skipperdy diddle do."
(Johnny) "... Too far. Too far."
(Me) "Whatever."

(In Choir watching Brittany eat something)

(Me to Diana) "Hey, I have Star Crunch."
(I begin to get my backpack, and then gasp.)
(Me) "I HAVE STAR CRUNCH!"
(Quickly grab my backpack and hug it.)
-Now that I've written this, I must eat a Star Crunch.-

(Me and Aida talking online)

(Aida) "I wanted to make a souffle, but then I realized that I don't know how."
(Me) I don't even know what a souffle is."
(Aida) "I also heard the word condoleezza rice, and I wanted to make that, too." (Me) "Um, hun, Condoleezza Rice is a person."

(Random conversation in NJHS)

(Ms. LaPine) "That's irrelevent."
(Katie) "What does irrelevent mean?"
(Ms. LaPine) "It doesn't matter."
(Katie) "But what does it mean?"
(Ms. LaPine) "It doesn't matter."
(Katie) "But it kind of does matter, because I want to know what it means."
(Ms. LaPine gives a pitying look.)
(Ms. LaPine) "Sweetie, irrelevent means that it doesn't matter."
(Me) "Yeah, way to go Ms. NJHS member."

(Diana sneezes)
(Me) "Are you sick?"
(Diana) "I dunno, I feel kind of icky."
(I poke her)
(Me) "I shall call you Germy."
(I poke her again)
(Me) "Hi, Germy."

(A couple days later)
(Me) "Are you still Germy."
(Diana looks at me warily)
(Diana) "No."
(Me) "Oh, okay."
(I poke her anyway.)

(Anthone to me)
(Anthone) "You're Tarryn 1."
(Me) "I don't want to be Tarryn 1."
(Anthone) "Fine."
(Anthone points at Ivette.) "You're Tarryn 1."
(Me) "No, make Maricarmen Tarryn 1."
(Anthone sighs)
(Anthone) "Fine, Maricarmen, you're Tarryn 1. Jessica, you're Tarryn 2, Ivette, you're Tarryn 3."
(Anthone looks at me) "Happy?"
(Me) "Who am I?"
(Anthone) "You're Chocolate Thunder."
(I shout)
(Me) "WHOOO, I'M CHOCOLATE THUNDER!"

(Keith shows me his id picture)
(Me) "Dude, it looks like you just got violated in a closet."

(Keith) "I'm hungry."
(Me) "I'm sorry."
(Keith) "I'm Jesus. Why are they treating Jesus like this?"

(Keith) "I'm Jesus."
(I nod)
(Keith) "Who wants to meet baby Jesus?"
(Me) "No, please, no!"

(Kianah) "You can lick my weenis."
(I laugh)
(Kianah points to her elbow)
(Kianah) "THIS is my weenis."
(Keith begins making a weird motion with his elbow)
(Keith) "Well, I can do stuff to myself with my weenis!"

(Me) "I want to sing that song from the Wizard of Oz."
(Brittany) "Which one?"
(Me) "Somewhere Over The Rainbow."
(Brittany) "That's not from the Wizard of Oz."
(Me) "Yes it is."
(Brittany) "No, it's not."
(Me) "Yeah."
(Brittany asks Anthone)
(Brittany) "Is Somewhere Over The Rainbow from the Wizard of Oz?"
(Anthone) "No."
(Me, becoming very confused)
(Me) "Why are you doing this to me??"

(Anthone) "Wiggly-wiggly-woo."

(I scrape my elbow against Sierra's back)
(Sierra) "She's giving me a nice massage!"
(I jab my elbows into her back)
(Sierra) "OW!"

(A little while later I rub my elbow against Sierra's arm)
(Sierra) "What are you doing?"
(Diana) "She's being weird."
(Me) "I'm molesting you."
(Sierra and Diana jump away)
"WHAT?"
(Me) "What? What are you talking about? I didn't say anything. Did you say something? I didn't hear anything. I don't know what's going on. Who are you?" (Said really fast)

(Watching Drake & Josh after me having gone on and on about why Dasey is love)
(Me) "See? They have so much chemistry!"
(Ernesto) "In all truth, Tarryn, I'm really glad you don't have any brothers or step-brothers."

(Anthone talking to Lena on the phone.)

(Anthone) "What's a decathalon?"
(I don't know anything that Lena said in this conversation.)
(Anthone) "Well, why do you need to get a scholarship with that?" (Anthone) "But that sucks." (Anthone) "But why with this scholatholon thingie?" (Anthone) "That's why there's football! Get off your ass, bulk up and get a football scholarship!"

Me and Ernesto through e-mail:

(Me) "But I'm sorry that I'm a spazz."
(Ernesto) "It's ok. I am a even more spazz."
(Me) "I really don't think so. I'm pretty spazztastical."
(Ernesto) "I'm more spazztasticalesterist."
(Me) "I'm the most spazztasticaleristicaler of all the spazzes who are spazztastical who think they are spazztasicaler but will never be more spazztasticalleristicaler than me, the MOST SPAZZTASTICAL SPAZZ THAT HAS EVER SPAZZED BEFORE!! :spazz:"

(After telling more people at school about the infamous 'Tony and the 48 States Story' -see way above' me, Ernesto, and Anthone go up to Tony.)

(Me) "Tony, how many states are there?"
(Tony looks at me suspiciously)
(Tony) "Ah, you're not tricking me again. There are 50."
(Ernesto shakes his head)
(Anthone) "God, dude."
(Tony) "What?"
(Anthone) "There are 49 states."
(Ernesto) "Canada bought Alaska, dude."
(Tony) "Wait, what?"
(Me) "Nuh uh!"
(Ernesto and Anthone try and get me to shut up because they want to trick them."
(Me) "Tony, don't listen to them. They're trying to mess with you...You see, Canada DID buy Alaska, but then there was this whole Revolution so they DID declare independence."
(Tony ponders on this)
(Tony) "So...that makes 49 states plus Hawaii makes 50?"
(Me) "Um...yeah Tony. That's exactly right."
(Tony) "Oh. Okay, that makes sense. Thanks."
(Tony glares at Ernesto and Anthone accusingly.)
(Tony to the guys) "Trying to mess with me. You guys suck."
(Tony shakes his head and walks away. Me, Ernesto and Anthone burst into laughter.)

(Keith takes my eraser that I had written 'Chocolate Thunder on it)

(Me) "Give it back!"
(Keith) "Hold on."
(Keith writes on my eraser)
(Me) "KEITH!"
(Keith) "Okay, okay, here."
(Keith throws the eraser at me.)
(I look down at it. 'Ass' is now written between Chocolate and Thunder.)
(I glare at Keith and he laughs)
(Keith) "Chocolate Ass Thunder. It just flows, doesn't it? Hey, I'm gonna call you CAT!"

(Diego slides into the seat next to mine)

(Diego) "Is someone gay if they say they have gay pride?"
(Me) "Not necessarily. I'm not gay and I have gay pride."
(Diego) "What if they say that they're gay?"
(Me) "Well, then I'm guessing that there's a strong possibility that they're gay."
(Diego) "Oh. What if you see them making out with another guy. Because he was making out with another guy after saying he had gay pride."
(Me) "I'm pretty sure he's gay."
(Diego) "...Are you sure?"

(Diego) "My name is so awesome. 'Die go'. Haha."

(I watch as Diego presses his finger into his skin and it turns a pinkish yellow and stays that way for a couple seconds.)
(He notices me watching as he draws pictures on his arm with his finger.)
(Diego) "Yeah, I've gotten through a lot of boring times this way."

(Jobe sits in the empty seat next to me and I glare at him)

(Jobe) "What?"
(Me) "You just sat on Hobo Bob."
(Jobe) "What?"
(Me) "HOBO BOB!"
(I point at the desk where I had previously written 'Hobo Bob' there days before.)

(Talking to Diana on Myspace)

(Me) "How come you don't have any pictures of yourself?"
(Diana) "If pictures of me were added to Myspace the site would automatically shut down and every computer belonging to someone that was logged onto Myspace would activate their own self destruct button and explode causing a great depression...of...depression for computer addicts?"

(On the phone with Lena while she's babysitting her mom's boyfriend's four year old nephew)

(Lena) "Tarryn, hold on."
(Lena talking to the four year old) "Hey, you know what? When someone knocks on the door, open it. Maybe it will be a stanger, and they will take you away!"

(Me) "Think happy thoughts!"
(Lena) "Oh my God, where have I heard that?"
(Me) "Think happy thoughts!"
(Lena) "Oh, come on! I know this. I know this! Oh! Oh, Harry Potter!"
(Ernesto) "It's Peter Pan, you dumbass!"

(Lena) "I have an invisible beard!"

(Lena) "Oh, you know what? We should name my beard!"

(Walking in front of Wal-Mart with Sheldon, some random guy who is smoking passes us and his smoke blows straight in my face)

(Me) "Hey! Second hand smoke kills, you know!"
(Guy turns to glare at me) "Not in your lifetime."
(As he's walking away he mumbles) "Stupid ho."
(I am strangely proud of this situation =)

(On the phone with Tony, who is trying to convince me that I should smoke weed with him)

(Tony) "Look, come on. Weed isn't bad. I mean, it's just a plant. You could see it while you're walking and say 'Aww, look at the pretty plant. It's so beautiful! Let's smoke it!"

(Lena) "You should have an invisible moustache!"

(Lena) "Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. They locked a room with rats. They locked me in rubber room with rats. They locked me in a rubber room with rubber rats! I HATE RATS! THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY! Crazy? I was crazy once..."

(Some guy named Steve to Lena) "Why don't you go stand on your corner?"
(Lena) "What corner?"
(Lena to me a second later) "Wait. Did he just insult me?"

(Alex) "Easier to become friends with people if they aren't intimidated, hehe."
(Me) "You're not intimidating. You're like Bear from the Big Blue House, just with explicit content."

(Diana) "I try not to swear. I said 'crackers' for a while, but then people thought I was calling them white."

(Lena) "I could totally have a conversation with a congress person and be all, 'Why are marshmallows white? That's discrimination!' They'd say something like, 'Well, we could burn them to be black' and I'd say, 'Are you saying we should BURN BLACK PEOPLE??'."

(Me to Gabriel) "I think it would be very beneficial to your life not to die."

(Me to Hayden, in a sarcastic way) "You're so funny that it could be construed as not even funny, how funny you are."

(Hayden) "Pause for me when you get to school so I can meet you by the entrance."
(Me) "I don't like to pause."
(Hayden) "Well, neither does your mother...ew! ew! ew!"
(Me) "I'm so telling her you said that!"

(Miranda about her mother) "Two margaritas before noon and she's parked illegally!"

(Mr. Sloekers, World History Teacher) "My rights end where another persons face begins."

(Carolina) "I will attack you!"
(Me) "That's not very loving!"
(Carolina) "With hugs...around your neck."

(Me and Diana texting after I tell her about Hayden saying something particularly gross about music and me making him come in his pants.)

(Diana) "I think the next time I see him, I'm gonna laugh!"
(Me) "Or maybe you should chop him in the throat and then laugh."
(Diana) "Or we could get Johnny to do more damage!-But hitting him in the throat sounds fun!"
(Me) "No-Johnny would likely kill him."
(Diana) "Ah-that's pretty true, maybe we should just assault him.
(Me) "With like, Slipknot masks on! Yes!
(Diana) "Sure, why not!!"
(Me) "Yes! Alright, we need Slipknot masks, a bag of oranges, a couple of wiffle bats, some brass knuckles and a chinchilla!"
(Diana) "HAHA-THAT SOUNDS GREAT INDEED!!"

(Alex) "Female insecurity: the gift that keeps on giving." (I learned that this is actually a quote by Tucker Max in his book "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell", but it works really well coming from Alex.)

(Joseph) "Yup. Love me and leave me. That's the story of my life. But that won't happen again, you see, cause I bought a butcher knife!"

(Mr. Caldwell, U.S. History Teacher) "Say if someone starts something with you while you're in a car. If you have a gun, say something back. If you don't have a gun, you drive on!"

(Mr. Turoczy, Algebra 3-4 Teacher) "If you're not copying, you're not trying!"

(Mr. Turoczy, Algebra 3-4 Teacher) "Just because it's prejudice doesn't mean it's not right."

(Late night conversation with Alex. For information to aid understanding, Alex is an 18 year old perv who is a Freshman in college)

(Me) "Snuggies are the creation of evil and should all be gathered and dumped into a fiery pit of doom."
(Alex) "Who actually buys those? This one 7th grader is chatting with me on Myspace. I am going to prison. Haha.
(Me) "Oh dear God. Keep the conversation to unicorns and ligers and don't send her a picture of your penis!"
(Alex) "She changed the subject to girls in college. She likes some 8th grade boy and a high school boy. She says she is really mature for her age. It's funny.
(Me) "Any 7th grader who says she's mature for her age probably actually wants to see your penis or is an undercover chick from Dateline. Get out now."
(Alex) "It's a real girl. She is my best friend forever's ex-boyfriend's little sister's friend. She added me when we sang over at her school. She has a purity or target ring."
(Me) "Okay, that whole how you know her thing was very complex for me in my current state therefore I thought it was fabulous."
(Alex) "But yeah, I am contemplating giving her my phone number but even I feel uncomfortable with that."
(Me) "Don't do it! Don't do it! That's step one in a long line of debacles that will end up with your mugshot online and a recording of your prison phone call on Youtube."
(Alex) "I didn't. But your reaction was worth the contemplation. That freshman I think is kinda cute at Camelback has my number..That was a mistake."
(Me) "At this point a sophomore would be pushing it and a junior would be moderately decent. From this moment on beware of anyone whose age does not start with a 1 and at least end in a 6."
(Alex) "Indeed. But yeah, my friend's motto, if they are old enough to be in high school, that's old enough. That's a nifty motto. Haha.
(Me) "If you truly understood the workings of a freshman girl's mind you would stay far, far away."
(Alex) "I have the blueprints but no clear pictures. My asshole side kinda wants to emotionally scar a freshman girl though.
(Me) "If she's a bitchy one I say go for it and keep a solid account of it for me to laugh over later."
(Alex) "I'm not good with the bitchy ones, I'm good with the slightly insecure ones."
(Me) "Then I give you a solid thumbs down. Unless its a bitchy one I cannot partake in any encouraging behavior. Unless you find evidence for me not to like her. Then I'm all for it."
(Alex) "Alright, I'll keep that in mind. I bet the first one I try to manipulate will do so to me. Should be a fun game."
(Me) "I Say never underestimate an insecure freshman, but also, don't give them that much credit."
(Alex) "That didn't say much."
(Me) "Basically, beware but hope that she really is an idiot. Hmm, I should have been a guy. I think I'd be a fantastic manwhore. I'd have less morals if I had a penis."
(Alex) "Thanks for insulting my manhood."
(Me) "I'm not insulting your manhood. You just turned 18. You've got plenty of time to be a dickhead guy with a power hungry penis. You'll be fine."
(Alex) "If I die tomorrow I will haunt you. I will watch you have sex as a ghost and screw it up before you cum."
(Me) "Now that's just a cruel thing to say. Probably the cruelest thing you've ever said in your life. For that, sexual karma will get you. It's like a law." (I am a virgin, but am pretty perverted. Thus me and Alex are really good texting buddies.)
(Alex) "Haha. I am going to get a haircut tomorrow. What should I get? And I am getting sexually desperate."
(Me) "I don't even know what you have. Is it still a mohawk or has that long since passed? And sexually desperate teenage boys should not talk to 7th graders. Be a man and get a hooker."
(Alex) "My hair is like super long now. And I would've gotten a hooker but if I did I can't donate blood."
(Me) "I must see a picture of your hair before it is cut then, because this sounds intriguing. And that's why sheep are in the world, Alex. For people like you. :)"
(Alex) "Sexual karma is going to make you get a UTI. And well I'm cutting my hair in the morning. I got new gel and body wash for sad, desperate guys like me."
(Me) "I can get a UTI in a fun way, so my sexual karma will not affect me in the way yours will. A friend of mine is good buddies with urinary tract infections so she can help me through the trauma of it. And you aren't sad and desperate. Just mildly disheartened."
(Alex) "I bought this hair gel and body wash that has pheremones in it to attract females. It's so sad and desperate, it just might work."
(Me) "Hmm, okay, maybe a little more than mildly disheartened. A little disillusioned. Maybe you should go buy some oysters, too, and see if it attracts girls to drop panties."
(Alex) "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell is making you have a penis. Tell me the first time you eat a girl out if you haven't already done so."
(Me) "Don't worry, Alex. You'll be the one filming it."

Okay, this is officially the longest thing ever, but I couldn't help but post it. I found it to be a highly enjoyable conversation, plus I was typing it here as I was texting it. Yes, I know. I am a sad human being.

Wow, that was long. Did you actually read all of that stuff? Sheesh, you're awesome! :D

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Read them, my loves