"Roses are red,
Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet,
and so are you.
But the roses are wilted,
the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl is empty
and so is your head! HAHA!"
"Wise men speak because they have something to say, fools speak because they have to say something"
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2 milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
cool bumper stickers
If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this into your profile.
If you know someone who just talks and talks and talks and then when you say something they don't care, copy this and put it in your profile.
Even when you cant see Him, GOD is there! If you belive in GOD put this in your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal.Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you ran up a down escalater copy this into your profile If you like chocloate as much as I do copy this in your profile
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile
If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.
If you are a straight person, copy this into your profile.
Copy this bunny into your profile to help it achieve world domination. Also join the dark side, we have cookies!
"None of us are virgins. Life has screwed us all."
I'm not arrogant. I'm just better than you.
TO BE A MAN YOU MUST HAVE HONOR...HONOR AND A PEEEEEE-NIS.
> AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
> > > 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. > > > 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thought for the Day: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES ... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING ... BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.
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