Erm... Hello.

Chirp, Chirp, Chirp...

Crickets: Please say something, we're getting tired.

Um...I just gained enough intelligence to figure out that you can use these profiles to ramble about yourself. And I like to ramble (you'll especially know this if you've gotten a review from me sheepish grin.) It's my extreme sport.

Now that I am here, I'd like to get one thing across: I am a complete and utter lunatic. However, along with being just a tad insane--

Random individual: Just a tad? (BANG! hit by a traditional ACME anvil)

--I am also fragile. My strangely contradictory personality allows me to be loud and sassy as well as occasionally very shy. But you wouldn't be able to tell if you're reading this, right? Ha, ha. I'm the new girl in town with this fanfiction thing, and ALL I WANT IS TO BE LOVED! But I can still take constructive criticism. Don't baby me, tell me exactly what you think! (See. I'ma little volatile. Get used to it, because I'm sure I'm going to stay that way.)

My self-christened duty is to deal with all the completely out-of-the-blue, left-side-of-the-brain ideas that no one else would think of after their fifth martini and write stories about them. Many times they are a weirdly inconsistant mixture of side-splitting humor and extremely marshmallowy drama. Just like my personality. You will probably never get a normal story from me, and if you ever do, it means I am losing my touch because of a complete breakdown. I will not lose my touch if I don't have a breakdown, and I won't have a breakdown if people send me reviews (hopefully nice ones, helpful criticism gratefully accepted and flames ignored or laughed at unless I absolutely deserve them.)

All cartoons are my passion (and Artemis Fowl from the books, him too!), and I may not stick to one category for long. However, Beetlejuice is my first and one true love.

Priest: You may kiss the bride.

BJ:(tied to a chair...a comfortable chair, for I am crazy but hospitable) BUT I DON'T WANNA GET HITCHED TO THIS NUT-JOB!

Me: Do it or else!

BJ: Or else what?

Me: CANDYCANE!

BJ: ...What about a candy cane?

Me: She's my pet sandworm.

BJ: YOUR WHAT?

A sandworm slithers in and eyes him hungrily.

BJ: IDOIDOIDO!

Me: (addressing worm) Never mind, snookums!

Candycane whimpers and slithers dejectedly away.

Priest: I now pronounce you ghost and crazy-girl-with-unusual-screenname.

Me: YAY!

BJ: WAAAA!

I have many ideas. Many, many, many ideas.But I work slowly, one story at a time. (Even when I have a list of ideas piled up behind me and me brain is about to explode.)

I try not to ship for any one couple. I respect all and any pairings-- Slash or Straight, underdog or broadly accepted-- as long as it is written well and understandable reasons are given either directly or indirectly.

Besides this... well, there really is no proper discription of someone like me.

Basically, I am the type of person who sits at home listening to music that admittedly sounds similar to a sick and/or wounded animal writhing on a whoopee cushion, reading strange books, watching off cartoons, eating lemons whole and plain, and loving oddball characters like Beetlejuice or Terra (from Teen Titans) from the moment their smiling faces hit the screen. ...Whether those smiles need braces or not. (That means you, BJ. Someone's parents sure were cheap.)

I have a thing for villians. Something about evil is justsoooooo hot! (I LOVE YOU, SLADE! CALL ME!)

I do not like nature. I've made it my point and dream to move straight into the center of New York City someday. Concrete is not safe. But neither is nature. Concrete can give you a scraped knee, but will it ever give you WestNile, Lime Disease, or Bird Flu? ...I think not, Babes.

Nicknames: Some people call me Wednesday.(Hey!I collect shark teeth, not human teeth! And I've only pulled a plastic appendage out of my purse and pretended to wonder whose it was once!) So when I'm moody, I'm "Wednesday." When I'm nice, I'm "Glinda." When I'm nothing special that day, I'm "Hey! You, kid, move over!"

Name: Oh the mystery ;)

Grade: U.S.D.A. Prime

Age: Not quite fresh, but certainly still edible, and not pruny or moldy.

Race: 40-meter dash.

Sex: No thanks.

Gender: Girl

Planet: Mars is too close, Saturn is too far away. I think I'm on Jupiter. ;)

Live in: U.S. (I'm not British, but I like to say "bloody" a lot. I think I've watched one The Nanny episode too many.)

If by this profile any reader feels that I resemble anyone you know living, dead, or undead, it is purely coincidental.

...BJ: (sneaks quietly up behind me with a lamp)

Me: (turns suddenly) You wouldn't hit a girl, would you? (bats eyes)

BJ: (stops and thinks) ...Well...

Me: (winds up and socks him in the face before he can finish thinking, slamming him straight into the wall across the room) HAHAHAHAHA! GOD, YOU'RE DUMB! (dances) I can't believe you fell for that!

BJ: (poofs behind me and hits me with the lamp) I changed my mind. You aren't a girl. Hell, you aren't even human! (pauses) Oh, shit...Is she dead?

Ms. Plum: New arrival.

I'll stop talking now.

Crowd: THANK GOD!

x Spiderjuice:)

Sad news, people. I have divorced BJ (see ridiculous boredom-fueled scene above).

CROWD: (read appropriate cue card) GASP! IT CAN'T BE!

'Tis true. And that's not the end of it. He took everything.

CROWD: NO!

Yes. He took my money. He took my house. He took my car (actually, Doomie violently raped my car, and Beetlejuice helped him dispose of the body in the river). He took my DVD player, my MP3 player, my telephone, my laptop, my Twilight soundtrack--

CROWD: What?

ME: I don't understand it either.

-- my sexy imaginary friend Ivan, my llama, my hat collection, and my sandwich.

CROWD: Your sandwich?

The one I would have had.

CROWD: Ah.

But do not fear!

CROWD: Oh?

I have found myself a new man!

CROWD: (reads yet another cue card) Awwww!

His name is Vincent Monroe. He dresses like a smexy pirate. A smexy pirate with cash. And he can fix stuff!! (jumps with excitement)

WOMEN: Woooooooooooot! (pump fists)

Right now he's locked in my closet, but everyone thinks he's dead. Don't give the secret away.

CROWD: ...Uh...

Don't give the secret away!

CROWD: Yes ma'am!

Thank you.

xSJ;)