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Okay, its definitely time for a few renovations and alterations of this page, though I doubt anyone will really take interest in it at the moment seeing as I havent really been doing any writing lately, but what can I say when its time, its time. I've changed quite a bit since I last recreated my profile page (which was in October I believe), and the things I have discovered during the period of time that I have been away from this site have changed my perspective in a way that definitely calls for some refreshment.

I think I'll go about this a little differently this time and explain my history here on this site. I've been here for a good 3 and half years and it was along with this site that my life has evolved. I first heard about fanfiction in 8th grade from this girl Amanda Z (I guess I can credit a bit of who I am today to her because of this). I remember chatting with her online back when AOL was still popular and people would stare endlessly at their buddy lists, and when I asked her what she was up to she said she was reading fanfictions, the OC, if I remember correctly. At the time I had no idea what a fanfiction was and after she explained it to me, I had to come to the conclusion that it was probably just a lame waste of time.

The year following that, I became hugely obsessed wit a Lifetime television series called MISSING. I was part of online groups, forums and whatnots and when it was advertised that MISSING had gotten its own section in fanfiction, I decided that it wouldn't do any harm to check it out. After reading a few stories, I felt compelled to write my own (which, as it turns out, happens to me often, after a prolonged period of reading). I made my own account and have been reading, writing, reviewing and favoriting ever since. But wait, my story doesnt end here.

After I was done with MISSING, I rediscovered the adolescent side of myself and began writing for the disney show The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. During this time I realized something very important about what I liked to take away from fanfictions. I felt that humorous, light and fun fanfictions were attractive with shows that generally fall under the genre of heavy drama and that when it came to shows that were either comedic, adolescent, or too fantastical to be true, the most appealing fanfictions were ones that revealed a deep dark underlying truth. I lived off that philosophy for a long time, and to certain degree I still believe in it today.

My Suite Life phase had been washed away with my ever increasing obsession with Grey's Anatomy. I had skimmed through all the pages of stories in the archive in order to cater to my addiction when I was not able to saitsfy it through television viewing. I began writing again, and my brain would constantly spit out ideas for fanfics, some written, some abandoned and forgotten. However saying I was hooked was an understatement.

It was at some point in the last year and a half or so when I stumbled upon a Grey's story that changed my perspective on things. The story was about the relationship between surgical intern Isobel Stevens and her boss, attending Addison Montgomery, called Reprimand by Milk and Glass (for reference view my favorite stories, I'm sure its present there). At the time I had first laid eyes on it, I was in no way interested in the physical, sexual aspects of the story, but more the amazing dynamic and natural chemistry I saw between the two extremely powerfully, attractive women. It was then that I had made my own history in adding my first femslash fic into my faves (just a side note, I'm very picky about the stories I enter into my favorites. I think about it almost like purchasing a book, the good books are worth buying and keeping in your collection, the just plain okay ones you can get out of the library anytime). I went back to read this story time and time again and with each reading I let my guard down a little more in regards to the sexual descriptions within the fic. I was so attracted, so enthralled, so captivated with the all the other aspects of the relationship between this couple, a relationship that almost sparked the want for a similar situation in my own life, that it didnt really matter to me what the women did with their bodies.

By last October, I had admitted in profile that if the femslash was well-written, I was down for it. In retrospect I was hungry for more of that relationship, knowing that their was something within it that satisfied me and made me warm inside. I had desperately rummaged through the entire site in search of any and all Izzie/Addison pairing stories. I can say in confidence that I had viewed each and every one of them, read all the way through great deal of them, and favorited handful of them as well. It was at that time, 5 months ago, that something happened to me. I was reading this stories, and the ones that I ended up really enjoying did something to me. And it seemed as though someone had took all my secret feelings (aside from some of the sexual stuff), all the fooling around, foreplay, flirting, comfort that I had longed for, in exactly the way that I had longed for it, and put it into a story that just happened to revolve around my favorite characters of all times.

Finally acknowledging those feelings are what got me to pause in my tracks for a bit, take a gander at my surroundings and reevaluate myself or more specifically my views on my personal sexuality. I guess the only way I could put it so that the situation is a little more understandable to you the reader, is that these stories, these specific femslashes, addressed and finally awakened these feelings that I had shoved deep down inside of me, inadvertently covering them up for years with humble excuses. I read these stories and though the sex hadnt quite turned me on just yet, perhaps because I wasnt quite ready for it to be part of my life, I was happy inside; I was laughing, and I felt that I was completely and utterly understood in regards to the things I had always yearned to have with another person.

I know what you must be thinking to yourself at this point: here's this loser who over time got addicted to fanfiction and now wastes her pathetic little life getting a rise out of girl on girl stories claiming that they have "inspired and changed her into who she is today". I get that thats how this may seem, the way I am turning this sort of memoir into a twisted love story, but it's really more than that; its the fact that I grew here, its the fact that I can say that I evolved from a poor writer who was desperate for reviews (like many of us are) for her stories which seem to have no relation to who she is today, into a slightly better (but still struggling) writer who can be proud of all of her stories, and their fruits or lack thereof. I think what I was really trying to say in this endless, perhaps pointless, story was that yes, I wrote Suite Life fics, yes, I've had stories with little to no reviews, yes, I read femslash (and enjoy it very much nowadays) and though any of this may be of some concern to myself or perhaps others, it has all been part of my journey: reading, writing and discovering.

Okay... now that you have been very patient, sitting in front of your screen and reading what seems to be the preliminary version of my autobiography (haha) I will reward you with some basic info about myself:

Age: 17 (real close to 18... almost there), on my way to college

Gender: F

Location: East Coast should be a sufficient answer for you

Favorite TV Shows

- Grey's Anatomy (yes, I have stuck by it until now despite its plummeting quality)

- Private Practice

- Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

- Lost

- Gilmore Girls (with Lorelai as my personal fave)

- The L word

- Biggest Loser (come one, everyone needs a little bit of reality television)

Favorite Ships

- Grey's: Well in fics I used to be heavy into Addek, then Addex and some Merder, the Lexzie, but my all time fave is Addison/Izzie. Grey's fics used to be the only ones I would read, whereas now I barely open them seeing as I only take insterest in Addison/Izzie and there's no hope for anymore of their stories, I've read them all. In real life, or more correctly, televison life, I root for MerDer, Lexzie, Slexie (Lexie/Sloan who are amazing hot, perhaps the hottest couple there) and Callie/Arizona.

-Private: I dont read the fics but I'm generally disappointed with everyone Addison ends up with, I believe that Naomi and Sam need to get back together for good, and that Cooper and Charlotte are on fire and by far the sexiest couple on the show.

- SVU: Any femslash with Olivia Benson does the trick, she is incredibly, unbelieveably, undenyably hot!! (to say the least). Personally I think I prefer, Casey over Alex, perhaps because Casey is fresher in my mind, not only in her looks but in her behavior, where as i have a hard time recalling details of Alex which is frustrating when reading the fics and wanting to draw from the show itself. But honestly it doesnt make much of a difference to me, the can both be extremely sexy with Olivia, thank you very much.

-Lost: On television I am definitely a Jack/Juliet and Sawyer/Kate fan which makes the show presently very displeasing, however when it comes to fanfiction ever since I saw the episode where Kate and Juliet were tied together I was hooked, Kate/Juliet all the way!

Fave Books (yes I read those too)

- 1984 by George Orwell!

- Illusions by Richard Bach

- The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald

- Flowers in the Attic Series by Virgina Andrews

- James Patterson novels

Thats all for now, enjoy the writing and sifting through my collection of favorites that I had accumulated over time here and um feel free to leave a pm if you need anything. Hope to see you back out there in the writing world soon (perhaps once I finish all my English HW for the real world)

Credit for the avatar goes to mammothluv on live journal, if by a one in a million chance you stumble upon this than know that your hard work is highly appreciated =)