Updated 2/13/07: Wallflower-Chan’s Fancomic updated. Things you should never say to a member of the Opposite sex section updated. Real Life Quotes updated (Sanoon and Other). If You Have Ever updated. Special Art section updated.
I update my profile regularly, so if you’re bored, or obsessed with me, check back for something to read.
Sup ya'll, ha ha. My name is Lance, and that's all you need to know. The rest of what you will read will be USELESS information. So lets start, shall we?
I'm a miserable, pathetic, FILTHY human worm-baby, just like every other pathetic FILTHY human worm-baby. Ahem
I recently discovered that I do have a life. Isn’t that a bitch? Damn it, I have responsibilities! Currently, along with my fanfiction, I'm writing a book, which I hope to publish. The name of said book is called the Robotic Uprising. It takes place in the year 3057.
I hope to be an author. That’s my life goal. You’ve probably guessed that much. Anyway, my friend has an account here on fanfiction.net. He is an avid Harry Potter fan, where as I am an Invader Zim fan, mixed with some Aqua Teen Hunger Force and various others fan. Yeah, that should be a category. His penname is Lord Cargyle.
ATTENTION SECTION: (bet that caught you attention, hahaha!)
Dead Man Talking is now done. Some of you think that this is the end of Jack. Don’t worry. Consider Dead Man Talking the Jack’s intro story. He’ll appear in more stories.
OC Center: Because it just needed to be done.
In recent news, Jack has won the best OC of the year award in Invader Sideos’s OC Con 06. So…congrats Jack. Say…where does a ghost keep a medal? Also, both Anakras and Jack have fanart that was not requested. Take a look at it in the Special Art Section
Stories Jack stars or makes appearances in:
Dead Man Talking by Sanoon - His intro story.
Anakras by Sanoon - Although not named, he is the corpse in the story.
Metal Gear Solid: The Massive by Sanoon - Interacts with the characters a few times.
Spirits and Ghosts by Sanoon – Hooray for Jack.
Stories that Anakras makes appearances in:
Dead Man Talking by Sanoon – What a big meanie!
Anakras by Sanoon – His big…yet short…story.
Spirits and Ghouls – Finally get to see Anakras’s personality more here.
Personal information:
Birth date - 4/23/88
Age – 18
Sex - Yes please (LOL, I love that one!)
Gender – Male…call me girls ; ) LOL (How many bio’s have you read with that gender on it?)
Location – Wauseon, Ohio. Please come visit me dawg.
Interests include but are not limited to: Guns, Irkens, Human-Irken hybrids, Anime, Anime with plenty of cleavage, Other anime, Video games, Halo 1 & 2, Anything military, Guns, Guns, and more guns (I prefer sniping than other things, but if I were to ever own a gun, I would take a rifle, ya know, one that has full-auto, or semi-auto.), foreign people, and alien women. My new Xbox 360.
Dislikes include but are not limited to: Empty clips for my guns, Running out of ammo, Empty pantry, No more Mountain Dew, religion, very religious people, close minded humans, humans in particular, children between the ages of 0-10, and really stupid games.
Comments: One word people, TOLERANCE. Ahhh…ahhhh, one sec…oh yeah…I wish was an alien. Also, I have worked out a small theory. Take any movie in history that has sucked ass, and place Vin Diesel with a light saber in it. Now it’s awesome.
Music:
I listen to rock, sometimes heavy metal, and rarely rap. Some of my favorite bands and songs include but are not limited to:
Breaking Benjamin: Polyamorous, Natural Life, Water, Shallow Bay, So Cold, The Dairy of Jane, Evil Angel, Until the End, Dance with the Devil, Topless
Cold: Suffocate, Stupid Girl, Don’t Belong, Wasted Years, Rain Song, Back Home, Feel it in Your Heart, Anatomy of a Tidal Wave, Another Pill, Happens All the Time, When Angels Fly Away
Disturbed: Down With the Sickness, I'm Alive
Eminem: When I’m Gone
Hoobastank: Crawling in the Dark, Remember Me, Give It Back, From the Heart, The Reason, Let it out, Unaffected, Born to Lead, Inside of You, First of Me, More than a Memory
Linkin Park: Lying From You, Faint, Breaking the Habit, Nobody’s Listening, Session, Numb
Nothingface: Beneath, Ether, In Avernus
Papa Roach: Last Resort, Broken Home, Between Angels and Insects, Blood Brothers, Not Listening
Prism Theory: This Tragedy, Storm Shower, Secret Identity
Rammstein: Engel, Klavier (Really, all of their songs)
Slipknot: My Plague
Staind: Falling, Please, King of all Excuses, Open Your Eyes, Yesterday
System of a Down: Question!, Dreaming, Hypnotize, Tentative, Lonely Day, Sugar
Three Days Grace: Just Like You, I Hate Everything About You, Home, Drown, Take Me Under, It’s All Over, On My Own, Riot, Get Out Alive, Over and Over
Trapt: Stand Up, Headstrong, The Game, Enigma
Weird Al: Amish Paradise, E-Bay, Why does this always happen to me?, Hardware Store, The Night Santa Went Crazy, Kinda Like Nirvana, White and Nerdy
Check out some of these great bands
Great Characters:
Seeing as I've been playing video games all my life, I have seen many great characters, but here are some of the greatest characters I have ever seen or played as, from books, to movies, to video games.
Alien: The Aliens - Nothing cooler than those things. Nothing.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Meatwad, Carl, The Plutonians, The Mooninites, Drippy, and Happy Time Harry - They're all perfect.
Final Fantasy 7: Aires, Cloud Strife - Can his sword get any bigger?
Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children: Sephiroth – OMFG!!! He kicks ass!!!
Final Fantasy Tactics: The Black Mage - Who will deny their POWER!?
Fullmetal Alchemist: Major Armstrong, Meas Hughs - "Wanna see my daughter?"
Halo: Master Chief – He's awesome!
InuYasha: InuYasha, Kagome, Shippo, Moroku, (I like that perverted bastard, LOL), and Sesshomuro -Great man
Invader Zim: Zim, Gir, Red and Purple, Prof. Membrane, Dib, and especially Tak (Hm hm hmm ; / )
Ninja Gaiden: Ryu Hyabusa - Plain and simple, he OWNS!
Pitch Black: Riddick - I WANT SHINED EYES!…plus…It has Vin Diesel.
Red vs Blue: Caboose, Church, and Vic - Undeniably funny
The Robotic Uprising: Colonel Denson, Psycho Sid - C'mon, they’re my own creations, how can I not put them on the list?
Invader Sideos: Ex-Invader Sideos – Those who know this creature run in fear when he draws near. He’s truly one of the greatest OC’s on this accursed site.
Good Song Lyrics:
I enjoy singing. So much in fact, that I sing to myself ALL the time. I enjoy singing songs that have relevance to any sort of writing work I may be doing, or any that can help direct the unlimited power of my imagination in a single direction.
"Dreaming of screaming,
Someone kick me out of my mind,
I hate these thoughts I cant deny."
- System of a Down, Hypnotize: Dreaming
"And if you go, I wanna go with you,
and if you die, I wanna die with you."
-System of a Down, Hypnotize: Lonely Day
“I stand here face to face,
with someone that I used know.
He used to look at me and laugh.
But now he claims,
that he’s known me for so very long,
but I remember being no one.
I wanted to be just like you,
so perfect, so untouchable.
Now you want me to be with you
Someone who used to have it all.”
- Hoobastank, Hoobastank: Remember Me
“I don’t want you to give it all up,
and leave your own life collecting dust.
And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.
It never gave us a chance to be.
And I don’t need you to be by my side,
and tell me that everything’s all right.
I just wanted you to tell me the truth.
You’d know I’d do that for you.”
- Hoobastank, Hoobastank: Running Away
“Can’t you see that you’re smothering me?
Holding too tightly,
Afraid to lose control.
’Cause everything that you thought I would be,
Has fallen apart right in front of you.”
-Linkin Park, Meteora: Numb
“Now it seems I’m failing
All my dreams are not worth saving
I’ve done my share of waiting
And I still got no where else to go
So I wait for you to
Take me all the way
Take me all the way”
-Three Days Grace, Three Days Grace: Take Me Under
“Hate is nothing new
Murders watching every step
Ignorance, oblivious to all the evidence
Repent, for all that were the innocent
Forget, so we all can rest
Hey, it’s the end of time
We all will see it in our lifetime
We all will die vi-o-len-tly
It’s painted in the sky”
-Nothingface, Skeletons: In Avernus
“In a violent world
Where deceptions free
Things I can’t control
Taking over me
Till they try to take
My identity
So what the hell
Have they done to me?”
-Cold, Soundtrack for Psi Ops: With My Mind
“There was a time when our dreams felt so real
Just out of reach but not to far to feel
Together we’d finally make them come true
‘Cause anything’s possible when I was with you
But they kept on saying we’d never amount to anything
All of the dreams we built up from the ground
They never believed them
They just tore them down
We will rebuild them from the start
We will rebuild them from the heart”
-Hoobastank, The Reason: From the Heart
“My head hurts, this shit isn’t getting me high
My chest is so tight I think I am going to die
My stomach’s in knots and the room starts to spin
As I wait for this Valium to slowly kick in.”
-Staind, Break The Cycle: Pressure
“I’m a loner. I’m a loser
I’m a winner in my mind.
I’m a bad one. I’m a good one.
I’m a sick one with a smile.
I can’t take this.
Born to break this.”
-Cold, Year of the Spider: Stupid Girl
“When she walks into the room,
they look up to see her face.
All the glitter falls on her,
And the room’s her stage.”
-Cold, A different Kind of Pain; Back Home
“I’ll stay strong. I’ll be fine.
Carry on with my life.
I’ll still stare at the sky.
Pray for rain all the time.
Why’d you run? Why’d you hide?
Why’d you leave? No goodbye.
When the clouds take the sky.
Does the storm give you life?”
-Cold, Year of the Spider; Rain Song
“I’ll make a soldiers decision and fly away.
Load my gun, paint my face, call me Misery.
I can see the sky light up and the ground explode.
Got my sights locked in. I can see you breath.
Then I watched you fall and somebody scream.
It’s the saddest thing when angels fly away.”
-Cold, A different Kind of Pain; When Angels Fly away
“I walk alone, think of home.
Memories of long ago.
No one knows I lost my soul long ago.
Lied too much! She said that she’s had enough.
Am I too much? She said that she’s had enough.
Standing on my own. Remembering the one I left alone.
Forget about the life I used to know.
Forget about the one I left alone.
I need to run far away. Can’t go back to that place.
Like she told me I’m just a big disgrace.”
-Three Days Grace, One-X; On My Own
“If you feel, so empty, so used up, so let down.
If you feel so angry, so ripped off, so stepped on.
You’re not the only one refusing to back down.
You’re not the only one. So get up.
Let’s start a riot! A riot! Let’s start a riot!
Let’s start a riot! A riot! Let’s start a riot!
If you feel so filthy, so dirty, so fucked up.
If you feel so walked on, so painful, so pissed off.
You’re not the only one refusing to go down.
You’re not the only one. So get up.
Let’s start a riot! A riot! Let’s start a riot!
Let’s start a riot! A riot! Let’s start a riot!”
-Three Days Grace, One-X; Riot
“No time for goodbye”, he said as he faded away.
”Don’t put your life in someone’s hands. They’re bound to steal it away.
Don’t hide your mistakes because they’ll find you, burn you.”
Then he said, “If you wanna get out alive, woah-oo, run for your life.
If you wanna get out alive, woah-oo, run for your life.”
-Three Days Grace, One-X; Get Out Alive
Deviantart Links!
Why do these links get their own section compared to the others? Because they are links to stories/art created by my friend, Dr. Frag, or myself.
A picture by Dr. Frag. It’s titled, Gir Ate My Homework
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/32912563/
As stated above, I hope to become an author. If you like my fanfiction, then take this link to see a piece of my serious work. It’s the first chapter for one of my books-in-progress. It’s called ‘The Tale of Psycho Sid’
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/32821596/
This is a poem I wrote. I don't know what it means. I just started writing when I heard one of Rammstein's songs. The words just came to me. Title, 'Truth'
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/32685542/
A poem entitled ‘I’m Sorry Mom’. Some people want to be forgiven, and some of those people don't realize where the line is.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/33735791/
Two different beings meet at night, every night.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/34520385/
A little story I had to write for English class. Exaggerating real life events to make a humorous story.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/35082752/
This is a wonderfully drawn picture of Invader Sideos’s OC, Sideos.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/35437011/
For those of you who are reading Plinks Love, then you will know that that story is an interpretation of a comic drawn by Half-dude. Here’s the link to the comic.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40355443/?qo=16&q=by3Ahalf-dude&qh=sort3Atime+-in3Ascraps
Special Art:
This is art that was done to my stories…by request or dedication.This is work done for Zim’s New Slave by the incredible wallflower-chan.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/35649205/ (Request)
Another piece done by wallflower-chan. This time, it’s Dead Man Talking.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/42200565/ (Request)
This piece is of Psycho Sid, the main character in the book I’m writing. Done by wallflower-chan.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/43511723/ (Request)
A picture of Anakras done by Dr. Frag.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/43985729/ (Not Requested)
A picture of Jack from Dead Man Talking by Half-dude
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/44021633/ (Not Requested)
Another Picture of Jack From Dead Man Talking, this time by Zimadonna
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/45303448/ (Not Requested)
This picture has Anakras in it, and was done by Half-dude.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/48372715/ (Not Requested)
This is another picture that has Anakras in it, down by wallflower-chan
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/48305740/?qo=1&q=by3Awallflower-chan+in3Ascraps&qh=sort3Atime (Not Requested)
My Favorite Fan Art:
These pics are from www.fanart-central.net and www.roomwithamoose.com. I now have pictures from www.deviantart.com. Enjoy.
Invader Zim section:
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-43705.html - Anime Dib. It’s pretty awesome.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-95062.html - Anime Zim…at least he’s not paranoid.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-55026.html - What if Dib was a vampire? UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME DRAWING!
http://www.roomwithamoose.com/fanart/fanart_mie.jpg Manga Dib. Almost looks like Harry Potter…if he were cooler. LOL!
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-55613.html - Anime Dib and Gaz.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-205197.html - Purple in Egypt. He even comes in Egypt style clothes.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-125964.html - Prof Membrane ROCKS!
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-202907.html - Red is kneeling. He also appears to be wearing civilian clothes.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-210760.html - Zim and Dib. I guess this qualifies as ZADR.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-336697.html - They look like girls in this anime drawing.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-241771.html - WE’RE NORMAL!
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-291908.html - Funny Zim and InuYasha crossover
http://www.deviantart.com/view/8851266/ - Invader Zim: The Movie
http://www.deviantart.com/view/11464447/- Our two favorite dogs.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/12956521/- How Gir eats a Reeses
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/19033547/- Muffin on a stick.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/17332468/- Gir, the self-Ipod.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/11701367/ - Emma, a fancharacter…of herself…by DarkJak
Tak Section: That’s right, she gets her own section.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-172436.html - Tak seems depressed.
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-60535.html - Tak doodles
http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-70127.html - Tak and an alien.
http://www.roomwithamoose.com/fanart/fanart_ryn8.jpg - Anime Tak
http://www.roomwithamoose.com/fanart/fanart_ryn15.jpg - Tak holding Tak’s hands
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/16038169/ - Tak, Tak, Tak, Tak, Tak, Tak
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/7272570/ - Who loves Tak?
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/15626915/ - We love Tak.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/4574125/ - Umm, cool. Tak.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1482019/ - Aww, they got Tak.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1420264/ - The only type of romance I endorse. (lucky bastard)
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/8030131/ - You should respect my addiction…my Tak addiction.
Black Mage Section
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/18532298/ - For those of you who never played Final Fantasy Tactics, or any of the very old Final Fantasy games, this is what Black Mage from my FF Tactics story is based off of, appearance wise.
http://www.deviantart.com/view/13706578/ - Black Mage Animation
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/6838298/ - Black Mage headshot
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/6692346/ - Oh, the power!
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/10681232/ - Always look on the bright side.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/21914610/ - Another Black Mage
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/4258274/ - Black Mage Fire
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/3864280/ - Because not having a face never looked so good.
http://www.deviantart.com/view/15712173/ - This is just funny
Links to Stuff I Like:
ATTENTION EVERYONE: BEHOLD, THE GREATNESS OF VIN DIESEL! MY FAV ACTOR!
http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php?topthirty
ATTENTION EVERYONE: BEHOLD, THE GREATNESS OF CHUCK NORRIS!
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty
Ever needed answers to questions that only a ninja could answer? Here’s where you can find them (Speakers Needed)
http://www.askaninja.com
Funny as hell comic strip called Digital Purgatory. Check it out!
http://www.dp-comics.net/archives/01.htm
Another funny comic strip site.
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20021023
OMFG!!!!! THIS IS A MUST SEE!!!! Lightsaber duel between two teens! (Speakers Needed)
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/highschool-lightsaber-duel.html
LOL!! LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!!! LOL!!! Prank phone calls are funny!!! (Speakers Needed)
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/computers-are-for-porn.html
Dr Evil has a midget clone, and so does Michael Jackson. (Speakers Needed)
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/minimichael.html
A British kids show that never aired. I wonder why? Adult humor. (Speakers Needed)
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/rainbowkidsshow.html
America, fuck yeah!! (Speakers Needed)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1079732904030377998&q=halo+2&pl=true
Awesome must see Halo2 / Resident Evil crossover. Hard to believe it’s fake. (Speakers Needed)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7958006187849957994&q=halo+2&pl=true
An FSR production. A Halo 2 clan made a very good video. (Speakers Needed)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3790810858398459508&q=halo+2++fsr&pl=true
This is a very good piece based off of Saving Private Ryan. (Speakers Needed)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4494880199871179508&q=Saving+Private+Cyan&pl=true
I have learned much from Gir, including how to dance. (Speakers not required, but helpful)
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/84579
See the facts of Chuck Norris. (Speakers Needed)
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/301551
The Chronicles of Vin Diesel (Speakers Needed)
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/258075
Wallflower-Chan’s Fancomic:
The whole reason I’m adding this is because wallflower-chan is a great artist. She is making a great comic called ‘Devastis’. Ok, it’s also because she is using my OC Irken, Pix, in her comic. But she is also using a lot of other OC Irkens too.
http://www.deviantart.com/view/36339056/ - Devastis, Page One
http://www.deviantart.com/view/36418999/ - Devastis, Page Two
http://www.deviantart.com/view/36851627/ - Devastis, Page Three
http://www.deviantart.com/view/37166713/ - Devastis, Page Four
http://www.deviantart.com/view/37589890/ - Devastis, Page Five
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/38691821/ - Devastis, Page Six
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/39159268/ - Devastis, Page Seven
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/39497515/ - Devastis, Page Eight and Nine
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40564090/ - Devastis, Chapter 1, Cover page and page 1
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/41625898/ - Devastis, Chapter 1, Page 2
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/42463587/ - Devastis, Chapter 1, Page 3
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/43671935/ - Devastis, Chapter 1, Page 4
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/44868410/ - Devastis, Chapter 1, Page 5
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/46193282/ - Devastis, Chapter 1, Page 6
Things I Received:
This section is dedicated to imaginary items that I have received by the other people on this site. You know how people will say something like, -gives you a cookie-? Well, that’s how it happens.
invader batty has given me: A Tak plushy (Thank you so much!!!) and two cakes.
Spicers apple has given me: A big peanut butter cookie. Yum!
Purple Ghost Sausage: A miniature version of Tak’s ship for my Tak plushy I received from invader batty. Thank you!!
HYPA gal33355555: A Pizza. It’s funny…cause I want a pizza right now.
Techno Doofus: A ‘Tallets are Sexeh’ t-shirt, and something that says, “I am a member of the almighty tallest roxs elite.” I can only assume it’s a T-shirt. I have now received muffins.
YELLOWCARDFMAFANS: A cookie.
Rant Section:
You get to hear my views on whatever I feel like talking about. Enjoy.
5/20/06
Chinchillas are Ninjas
I have a pet chinchilla, named Cody. I must say; he is a quick little creature. Anyone who owns a chinchilla will know what I am talking about. In fact, if you observed their movements and took time to study their intelligence, you would come to think that chinchillas are ninjas of the animal world. Cody lives in a two-story metal wire cage. When I try to remove him from his home, he jumps onto one of the corners of the first story wall, jumps onto the adjacent wall, and onto the stairway. He then jumps onto the wall at the end of the stairway, does a back flip onto the floor, and runs into his plastic igloo house, all the time avoiding my hand. Such agility for a small animal…amazing.
Now take their intelligence. They can solve simple problems, and perform simple tricks. They can adapt to problems, and train themselves how to escape from capture. Example: When I used to have a guinea pig, (Much dumber creatures in comparison, but maybe more loving) a hole was chewed in her water bottle. So for a short time, I had to put her water in a small container. Next to the ground, easily accessible, no problem right? Wrong. She tried to find the spout under the bowl! She would have died from dehydration if I didn’t go out and buy a new water container. Cody, on the other hand, when he chewed a hole in his water bottle and forced me to use a bowl to place water in, he drinks, and still does drink form it. Smart. Although, there are other animals that can make that transition as well. It is mostly how they were taught as a baby.
And he stares at me with his red eyes! I know that when Cody is staring at me from the cage, he is trying to figure out which way he will go when he escapes from the cage. He is planning his great escape. And here’s another thing. He knows which wire to chew through to disable one, and only one, of my computer’s speakers. As of now, I only have my right speaker to listen to music to. Damn it! That smart little bastard.
Things You Should Never Say to a Member of the Opposite Sex: (If you have one you want to add to the list, just send me a PM and I’ll see if it’s good enough to add.)
Men shouldn’t say…
Can I borrow some of your eggs? I need them for my human genome experiment. – Submitted by Sanoon
Damn, you look ill…or are you always all super white and stuff? – Submitted by Invader Sideos
Stop using my condoms! – Submitted by Sanoon
I sold your jewelry to buy a new x-box game, hope you don't mind… It’s two player! – Submitted by Invader Sideos
I used all your shoes for target practice. – Submitted by Sanoon
I used all of your makeup to paint my friend’s face. Isn't he the happiest clown you've ever seen? – Submitted by Sanoon
Why don’t you by clothes that fit you? – Submitted by Invader Sideos
Your baby looks like a rat. – Submitted by Sanoon
I peddled our son for drug money. – Submitted by Sanoon
I wrote a story with you in it. It's titled, The Whore Next Door. – Submitted by Sanoon
I bought you a six-pack for our anniversary. – Submitted by Invader Sideos
Damn, your ugly. – Submitted by Invader Sideos
I took one of those birth control pills you got, and I feel a little weird right now. – Submitted by Sanoon
Honey, look! I’m going to inject pure estrogen into myself! – Submitted by Sanoon
Women shouldn’t say…
(Really, could use a few, so send em In)
I took your truck and traded it in for an SUV. Isn't that great!? – Submitted by Sanoon
I cleaned your room and got rid of all those really old comics, you know, the ones in those protective cases in that big box? Its not like they were worth anything. – Submitted by Invader Sideos
Honey I swear I don't know how he got a hold of my panties! – Submitted by YELLOWCARDFMAFANS
Great Real Life Quotes:
Sanoon:
"You gotta be gay!"
“Everyone always says that you should be a nonconformist. Well, Hitler was a nonconformist. Do you want me to be like Hitler?”
“You smell like British. That’s how they find you.”
“Science and math aren’t useless. Science and math have given us the calculations to go to the stars, although those same calculations have brought us back to Earth in a big flaming fireball. Maybe we should have reviewed those calculations a little bit more before using them.”
“Who here wants to break out in song and dance?” – Said towards the already pissed off McDonalds night crew. They hate me now.
“You’re moving as slow as a donkerboodle.” – I sniped my friend when he was crouching in Halo 2. This is what I said to him.
“I want to know how Master Chief can flail his arms in the air after he dies. I want to die dramatically like that. I don’t want to die in a bed shitting my pants. I want to die by getting hit by a car, or something cool.” – Another random, stupid thing said while playing Halo 2
“When you look at the lobsters, there are always two or three of them that are energetic and full of life. All the others have accepted the fact that they are going to die.” – In reference to the lobster tanks at grocery stores.
“Steve, you should masturbate more in public.”
“Hey, who left their uranium out on the parking lot?” – Seriously, who did? It’s not that I’m going to return it. I just want to know.
“When I woke up this morning, I wasn’t in my room. I was in this arena-like place. I was lying on this ledge 20 feet above the ground. When I looked down, I saw El Gigante. He was huge! His head was placed somewhat below his shoulders, so he had this horrible hump. And in his right hand, he had a cudgel. I noticed that on my left hand, I had golden brass knuckles. I don’t know how they were brass, but…I don’t know. I jumped off of the ledge, and raised my fist to strike him…He hit me with his cudgel. When I woke up, I was half an hour late for work. Hitler was somehow involved.” – My excuse as to why I was late for work.
“Worship me, for I kick ass.”
“Time magazine should have an article about me. I am awesome.”
“Come on. We got places to go, things we don’t wanna do.” – Half a year later…we still haven’t done those things we don’t want to do. Mostly Dr. Frags fault.
“Yogi loves his little campers…he loves them gooood.” – Yogi Bear…the pedophile.
“Oh my god! It’s Hitler…oh no…wait…that’s Yogi Bear”
“Destroy my hopes. Like I don’t do that enough to myself already.”
“We’re going to drop an atomic bomb on your face. We’re hoping that’ll cure your acne.”
“Sane people talk to themselves. Insane people talk to the voices in their head.”
“Most people are against that kind of stuff, ya know, ripping out fetuses.”
“I bore myself to sleep”
“I gotta get out of the house. I’m wasting my life away here in front of the computer. (Thunder cackles outside) I’ll stay in my house today.”
“Some people would consider it extreme to strap a bomb to someone’s car who you don’t like. I don’t think that’s extreme. I think strapping an atomic bomb to someone’s bumper is a little extreme. I would never do that…under normal circumstances.”
“These people will only leave if a car bomb were to blow up in the parking lot. Luckily, I pre-made one and put it in my car. Let me go get it.” – This is a lie. I do not make bombs.
‘Dr. Frag will always be there, to remind the kids to watch their step, or else they'll end up in his clutches. It just so happens that such an event happened, where a little boy, formerly known as Nick, snapped his ankle on the swing. He was taken to the care of Dr. Frag, and was never heard from since. This event is now referred to as Thanksgiving.’
“I could never be emo, because I am awesome.”
“You notice Tak never pets her pussy?”
“Cabbage?! Life, you disappoint me.”
“I own pants!”
“Ya know, if you-anyone who takes up the cleaning franchise…and realized their life is crap…will come to figure out that cheese sucks.”
“I need a dagger! What do you want me to do when I run out of arrows? Flip ‘em off?”
“Sorry. My internet decided to be gay."
“Look, I did more work than I was supposed to. Praise me!”
“I write for the people, and the people are stupid.”
Dr. Frag:
“Damn it! I’m not supposed to kick ass!”
"If you say one more word, then I'm going to have to rip out your trachea and use it as a straw."
“Hey, I’m a good person. I wave to blind people.” – I bet they truly appreciate that.
“I only lie to deaf people.” – Wow, what with your waving to the blind and lying to the deaf, you are truly an awesome person.
“I enjoy destroying people’s hopes and dreams. Yeah, it’s kind of a hobby of mine.” – Hopes and dreams destroyed to date: 6
“The Navy wants you to die. Why else do they have the saying, “Accelerate your life!”? They want you to die as fast as possible.”
“I am not a lazy bastard. I am a manipulative asshole.”
“Well, he doesn’t know how to handle money very well. You don’t pay somebody interest if they don’t ask for it. You milk them for all they’re worth. Gimme gum!”
“You know how some people say that everybody is good at something? I don’t think that’s true. I think some people just suck at everything they do.”
“Did you know that I once surgically removed false hope from a child’s heart?”
“When I die by your hands, I want you to give my eulogy.”
“If you ask me to have sex with you, I ‘m going to cut out your intestines.”
“You guys aren’t deserving of my friendship.”
“I wish Frenchy were here.” – There was a foreign exchange student at our school. He was from France, so we took him to China Buffet. A black French kid in the U.S. eating at a Chinese restaurant. To say this quote properly, you have to put your left hand up the bottom of your shirt and place it on the right side of your chest. I don’t know why Frenchy did that. He once told us his name…but we forgot. I love how he didn’t mind that we called him Frenchy. At this point, he’s back in France. I wonder if he’ll remember us? LOL!
“I only look at the pictures to read the words they write on there. I am hopeless.”
“You have friends?”
“Where are my feet?”
“Follow me. I know a leprechaun.”
George W. Bush
I shit you not.
“It’ll take time to restore chaos.” – Well…I guess we got time.
“During these last few months, I’ve been trained by Al-Quida.” – O_o.
“We’re working hard to put food on your family.”
“Not one doubt in my mind…that we will fail.” – Well, at least Dubya is confident.
“I think war is a dangerous place.” – If it were a country, it probably would be.
“I call upon all nations to do all they can to stop these terrorist killers. (Pause) Thank you. Now watch this drive.” – He has his priorities in order.
“I’m the master of low expectations.” – Really?
“If you want to be blunt about what has taken place, sometimes when you don’t measure, you just shuffle kids through. Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling.” – It sure are, Dubya, it sure are… not to mention adults.
“The Oval Office is an interesting place to meet, particularly, people who are beginning to struggle with democracy and freedom because it’s a reminder that the institutions, at least in this country, are always bigger than the people. Sometimes we’ve got an all right President, sometimes not all right. But the presidency, itself, exists.” – Dubya’s observation on democracy.
“It’s not a dictatorship in Washington, but I tried to make it one in that instance.” - Chilling way to describe his executive order making faith-based groups eligible for federal subsidies.
“My views are one that speaks to freedom.”
“I remember talking to the country after September the 11th, and reminding people that this would be a different type of war we faced. Sometimes you’d see action, and sometimes you wouldn’t, that we’d be on a manhunt to find the terrorists who destroyed us.” – I had no idea that America was destroyed, but I’ll have to take Dubya’s word for it.
“See, one of the interesting things in the Oval Office – I love to bring people to the Oval Office – right around the corner from here – and say, this is where I “office.” - Dubya “officing” in the White House.
“The truth of the matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he John Kerry were the President of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off.” – Speaking carefully… well, that’s a different matter.
“The best way to relieve families is to let them keep some of their own money.”
“He’s going to tax all of you.” – Dubya on John Kerry. Sounding pretty silly unless Dubya is planning to unilaterally outlaw all taxes.
“I'm dealing with a world in which we have gotten struck by terrorists with airplanes, and we get intelligence saying that there is, you know, we want to harm America.” – I'm hoping this was a misstatement on Dubya's part
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” – Dubya's boastfulness enters new, scary territory here.
“We want results in every single classroom so that one single child is left behind.” – Who’s the lucky child?
“Listen, the other day I was asked about the National Intelligence Estimate, which is a National Intelligence Estimate.” – It’s a good thing Dubya told me what the NIE is, or I would have never gotten it.
“One of my hardest parts of my job is to console the family members who have lost their life.” – I can imagine that that would be hard, if not impossible.
“I always -- always -- sometimes say, government can hand out money -- and I'm going to talk about some of the money we're trying to hand out -- but government can't put hope in a person's heart, or a sense of purpose in a person's life.” – Aww…I’m sad now.
“Of all the people in the world who understand Texas, it's probably Australians.” – Yes, the Australians.
“Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.” - I didn’t know that we had so much time on our hands.
“This is an historic times.” – It sure is.
“I urge others to take time out of your life to make a difference in a child who may be lonely.” – Yes, take time out of someone else’s life to help a child.
“We can outcompete with anybody.” – Is that a good thing?
“We had a great visit on the plane. There is no air raids on Air Force One, by the way.” – Wow.
Other People:
“Have you ever wanted to go home and slit your wrists because you couldn’t stand talking to someone?” – Kid in House Planning and Design class.
“I have the perfect idea to solve our gas problem. We can make a car that runs completely on marijuana!” – My friend, Matt. My reply was, “That’s more expensive than gas!”
“Show-off.” – Matt. He said this to the drummer of Prism Theory, Drew Pen’Cook…multiple times. We saw Prism Theory play in a small electronic store, and they kicked ass. Matt is a drummer, but was annoyed at how Drew was showing off. It made me laugh.
“Clayton may have done it, but if I were to accuse him, using his mind only, I would wake up with herpes the next morning.” – Matt. Wondering who put spitballs on the ceiling at work.
“Ya know it comes with pancakes n’ shit?” – Waiter at IHOP. So…the meal comes with shit too?
“This is fuckin hot!” – Same waiter at IHOP.
“This is what I come to work for. I come here to clean up at the end of the day…I hate cleaning.” – Clayton.
“Ya know, when you have nothing to do, you do stuff like this. (chopping peppers) Then, people will think you’re working hard for tomorrow, but then, when they leave, you throw it away.” – Clayton
“While everyone else flees from the ongoing destruction, you'll be out there in a sunchair with a soda saying "bring it" – Wallflower-chan. In reference to the end of the world being predicted to occur in 2012 by the Mayan culture, and how I would react during it.
“Don’t let Jesus get the gun!” –My little nephew.
Great Quotes:
Invader Zim:
"Maybe you really are an alien like Dib says. A horribly disguised, disgusting...horrible one." –Tak
“If it makes you feel better thinking that I’m stupid, then uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhh go ahead,” – Strange Green Alien
C’mon son, lets go play in the toilet!” – Robot Dad
“I have captured the enemy for meat testing. Praise me! PRAISE ME!!!” – Gir
“I require access to all human knowledge” – Gir
“Why IS his head so big? WHHYYY is his head so big?” – Gir
“Your methods are stupid. Your progress has been stupid. Your intelligence is stupid!” – Gir
“I’m gonna roll around on the floor for a little bit, K?” - Gir
“I loveded you piggy! I loveded youhoohoo” – Gir
"All the child-like wonder was ripped from my heart the day my foot got stuck in an escalader and aliens didn't come rescue me." - Dwicky
Red vs. Blue:
"Griff, I’ve never believed in you, not even for a moment, but now is your chance to prove yourself…to me." -Sarge
"That's right, I'm a gay robot." - Church
"Chupathingy. How ‘bout that? It’s gotta a ring to it." - Sarge
"I would just like to let everyone know that I'm a girl, and I like ribbons in my hair, and I want to kiss all the boys." – Griff
“Skippy the one-eyed sergeant’s firing blanks, dude.” – Vic (Kudos to those who get it)
“Okay, look guys. I don’t mean to be rude, but I got a missing girlfriend, a guy who’s pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, and our worse enemy is hangin’ out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really, really, really don’t have time for this hoarse-shit right now.” – Church
“If I have to suffer any more, Mel Gibson is going to make a movie out of me.” – Donut
“And now I go to sleep, standing up with my eyes open, as is my custom.” – Captain Flowers
Aqua Teen Hunger Force:
"Look at him and tell me there's a God." - Shake
“I’d rather use the unlimited power of my imagination, plus, I ain’t got no damn money.” – Meatwad
“Ya know, Happy Time Harry, just kinda’ bein’ around ya kinda makes me wanna die.” – Meatwad
“Hey, who left the door open…and ripped it off the hinges, and threw it in the yard?” – Meatwad
“Gentleman, behold. I have made love to this machine, and now, upon retrospect, I ask…why?” –Dr. Weird
“It says to do it Steve, and I wrote it, so it must be right.” – Dr. Weird
“Aww, that is so awesome! I always wanted a gender!” – Meatwad
“Look at it man. It makes me look like a hillbilly. Look, I’m just better than you, okay? I just am.” –Romulox
“Vee have technology beyond our comprehension.” – Oglethorpe
"Okay, okay, time out here. Somethin' I need to say ya know. Ever since my son was...never conceived because I’ve never had consensual sex without money involved, I always sorta’ looked at you as...well, kind of a thing that I could, ya know, live next to in accordance with state laws." - Carl
“Oh, boy! I apologize. My hormones are goin’ nuts! Now, please, if you would get the fuck out of my way. I mean, how many times do I gotta fucking write ice cream on this fucking list before someone gets his ass in gear and brings home the fucking ice cream! Maybe I should get a steak knife and etch into your mother-fucking forehead! How hard can it fucking be? Ice mother fucking cream! I guess that’s the price I pay for living with two fucking morons!” – Meatwad
Other
“In 30 years, my son will be President, and he'll still be a fucking idiot” – Unknown person from the Boondocks
"I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Harry Garry rock. I need scissors. 61!" – Colonel from Metal Gear Solid: Substance
Funny Conversations:
(Real Life – In my car)
Sanoon (Very high pitched voice) – My house.
Matt – That sounded like Meatwad if he got hit in the balls. Does he even have balls?
Sanoon – He has a bulge.
(Real Life – At work)
Sanoon – The saying, “It’s only illegal if you get caught,” doesn’t apply to stealing or murder. It only applies to suicide.
Dr. Frag – Attempted suicide is illegal. Suicide you can’t get in trouble for. They’re going to arrest you for doing something…that you can’t be arrested for.
(Real Life – At work)
Sanoon – Matticus, I have found a solution for the whole ‘Child Molestation’ problem.
Matt – Really?
Sanoon – Yes, now this may seem kinda extreme, and it would cost a lot, so bare with me.
Matt – Ok.
Sanoon – I think that every girl under the age of 15 should be shadowed by a US National Guard soldier. That’s right, I think we should deploy our National Guard to follow the kids everywhere they go and act as bodyguards.
Matt – You’re right, that is extreme.
Sanoon – Anyone who still has the balls to abduct one of the girls will get filled full of lead. Plus, it’ll help get our hobo’s get off of the streets.
Matt – What! Oh right! Lets have these old stinky horny men follow around the girls! That’ll help!
Sanoon – Hell no I’m not giving a hobo a gun! What are you, crazy! The hobo’s can take over the jobs that the US Nation Guard soldiers had.
Matt – Ah, of course.
(Real Life – At work, my boss’s office)
Sanoon – I can tell you why it took us so long to finish up back there. Ok, here’s what happened: Around 7:00, we (Dr. Frag and Sanoon) were attacked by a revived Hitler and his evil group of Nazi ninjas. We could only fight them off with the pots and pans that were back there. The cooks won’t remember this, because the ninjas hypnotized them so they can’t remember anything. That’s also why they didn’t help us. Once we bravely battled them off, we were behind on the bus carts. Can I have a raise?
Boss – What? Hell no you’re not getting a raise!
(Real Life – At work)
Matt – (Walking into the dish room from the buffet) Hey guys, there are some extreme redneck hillbillies at the buffet. Seriously, I’m not kidding.
Dr. Frag – (Immediately stops cleaning pots and pans and starts to walk out to the buffet table) I’m going to get some chicken.
Sanoon – (Following Dr. Frag) I’m going to check the bus cart.
(Real Life – In my car)
Dr. Frag – Would you talk to a rabbit if it talked back to you?
Sanoon – (Instantly) Yes.
(Real Life – Taco Bell)
Sovellis – I wanna speak to your manager.
Clerk (A friend of mine) – Ok. (Turns around) Andrea! A customer has a complaint.
Andrea – (Walking over) What’s going on?
Sovellis – Nothing
Clerk – Nothing, he’s just messing with you. (Manager leaves) Oh, I guess she doesn’t give a shit about you.
(Real Life – China Buffet)
Waitress – Would you like more to drink?
Preston – Hold on, lemme call my mom. (Pulls out cell phone and calls his mom) Hey, can I have a refill of my drink? (Pause) Pepsi. (Pause) No, it’s not diet. (Pause) Only half? (Pause. Puts his cell phone away) Can I have half a glass?
(Real Life – At work)
Dr. Frag – If we didn’t scream so much, John would think we’ve died back there.
John, A.K.A. our boss – You’ve made the mistake of thinking that John cared.
(Real Life – At my house)
Dr. Frag – I’m going to get a Mountain Dew.
Sanoon – We’re out.
Dr. Frag – Lets go buy some.
Sanoon – I’m broke.
Dr. Frag – What!? Is that even possible?
Sanoon – Both at once or one at a time?
Dr. Frag – Ugh…?
(Real Life – On the phone)
Dr. Frag – Hey, wanna fight?…or I come over there and draw something?
Sanoon – Sure, but I’m in the middle of a Life of a Peasants game. I’m trying to be Gir, but they’re making it hard since they haven’t seen the show.
Dr. Frag – Oh, okay. Well, whenever you’re ready, come on over.
(Online chatroom)
Sanoon - I need more heroes...real people
Invader Sideos - In the words of the Stranglers, "What ever happened to all the heroes? No more heroes anymore."
Sanoon - They were cut out by technology and a widening fanbase that required better thinking on the writers’ part but was unachieved. (Pause) I made all that up.
Invader Sideos – It’s good.
(Real life – At work)
Sanoon – It’s a well known fact that e=mc2. However, it’s a lesser known fact that e also equals me.
Matt – So you’re energy?
Sanoon – I’m energy in its purest form.
(Real life – At work)
Waitress – What do you want from Tiny’s?
Sanoon – THE WORLD!!!
Waitress – What!?
Sanoon – I don’t know! I need time to think!
Waitress – I don’t have time for you to think!
Sanoon – I want a medium cherry slushy! Now go fulfill my needs!
(Real life – At work)
Sanoon - Are there any fire or tornado safety regulations here?
Clayton (The greatest man alive) - Hmm, yeah, that is standard to have some posters or drills for fires and tornados, but in all the years I’ve been here, I haven't seen any. Lets see if there are some over here.
(Inspects a dirty bulletin board with old greasy papers and manuals tacked up. We don’t find anything about fire and tornado safety.)
Clayton – If there's a tornado, you're supposed to hide under the table. There's only room for one though, so I don't know what you're gonna do.
Sanoon – There’s two tables.
(Real life – At work)
Sanoon – What’s in there? (Nods towards a pot of food)
Clayton – I finally found a use for the chili. You don’t like chili, do you?
Sanoon – No
Clayton – You poor, neglected child.
(Real life – At Eryndor practice for my Archery test)
Yakomo – (To Slade, my friend and target) Put your hand on your nuts.
Slade – (Covering his crotch with his hand) Alrighty.
Sanoon – Don’t worry, I won’t miss.
Yakomo – And do not look. (Meaning, don’t stick your head above the shield your hiding behind)
Slade – Oh wait, you’re not Sovellis. I don’t have to worry about it. (Removes his hand from his crotch. Sovellis isn’t as accurate as I am)
(Real life – At home)
Sovellis – (Loud noise as my bed collapses from under him.) What the hell?
Sanoon – That’s my stuff.
(Online chatroom – To put is as simply as it can get, this conversation is the result of laziness.)
Sanoon – It all started this morning, when my friends woke me up for reasons that I don't care to remember. After getting up and doing nothing for five minutes, I got in my car and drove Dr. Frag home. It was at that point that I noticed the evil Nazi ninjas jumping on my car. I quickly got out of my car as Dr. Frag brought out his sword. We fought as well as we could, but we died.
Invader Sideos – Aww (Pause) So...you alive now?
Sanoon – After which, once the Nazi Ninjas left, a traveling pixie came by and revived Dr. Frag. He then went inside and left me lying in the road. The pixie shrugged and left. That's when the zombie invasion happened. Thousands died...but I arose from the freshly paved cement, (it was recently re-done) and stumbled to find my first victim. That's when I stumbled back to my house, where NoahWaters hit me with a stick. Then he threw donuts at me. After I killed him and turned him into a zombie, we wandered around town trying to find a human, since most of the towns residents were now walking corpses. After a while, the Nazi Ninjas came back and started killing the zombies in order to re-kill Dr. Frag. Their efforts were futile as they never survived the zombie horde. (Pause) That's when the meteor hit!
Invader Sideos – My gosh!
Sanoon – Ohio was now vaporized as a deadly plume of smoke and debris covered the country. That's when you showed up Sideos, don't you remember? You laughed at us and went home, but in the process of laughing, a deadly virus that was harboring itself inside your body caused all plant life to die.
Invader Sideos – Awww yeaaa
Sanoon – And then...the sun imploded!
Invader Sideos – That was bad. I think I got knocked out, thus the memory loss.
Sanoon – Realizing the horrible fate of the Earth, Gandhi came along and started to make the universe right again. But the wall-gnomes wouldn't have it! They surrounded Gandhi, but that's when Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel entered the scene to protect Gandhi. The wall-gnomes put up a good fight, but were mowed down easily. They did have one strength however...sheer numbers.
Invader Sideos – Oh noes!
Sanoon – Eventually, Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel grew tired. In a desperate attempt to save the universe, Gandhi, Chuck Norris, and Vin Desiel combined into the being known as...Vingandorris!
Invader Sideos – WOOOPA
Sanoon – The wall-gnomes quickly died out as Vingandorris performed his ultimate move...The Galactic Roundhouse Kick of Peace. After the wall-gnomes were dealt with, Gandhi set things straight. The world was back to normal. (Pause) Hitler was somehow involved.
Invader Sideos – Yes. Yes he was
Sanoon – The end!
(Real life – Jake’s house)
Jake – You guys are a douche
Sanoon – What? We…as a group…are a douche?
Matt – We are the collective douche.
Dr. Frag – Come on collective douche. Lets go.
(Real life – At school)
English teacher – So, what did you get done in the INTV room?
Sanoon – I didn't get much done because I couldn't figure out how to turn on the main monitor.
English teacher – Yeah, I can't do that either.
Sanoon – I did get most of…(English teacher turns and starts talking to another student)…my writing-you don't care, do you?
(Real life – at school)
Sovellis – I’m going to kill you.
Levi – Did you hear that? He threatened to kill me!
English teacher – That’s cool.
(Real life – at school)
Sanoon – Well, I learned an important lesson today.
Matt – What?
Sanoon – Levi has ovaries.
(Online Chatroom)
Sanoon – Sideos, sir, you've just hired an Umbrella Special Forces Member to moderate your forum. I don't think you'll see any more problems from your fans.
Invader Sideos – Good, and I wont mind if you use...excessive force in keeping them under control. In fact, I positively encourage it. You now get to use the staff entrance, car park and toilets.
(ATHF)
Shake – Look who just got a minibike.
Meatwad – Look who just insulted me with this 10-horsepower piece of crap. You think I’m a child?
Shake – Don’t look at the streamers. Look at the frame. This is a man’s bike.
Meatwad – Keep her cranked. Let me go get my dolly.
(ATHF)
Captain – This is your captain speaking. Welcome to the glass-bottom boat ride at the world famous Trenton Tar Pits. I just want to let you know I’m a convicted sex-offender. / Ugh Oh ladies and gents, hang on to the handrail folks. Were entering some choppy tar. I hope our ship will hold together. This is the worst I think I’ve ever encountered. Ohh no, ladies and gentlemen, now were being attacked! Look to your left over the tarboard side. Giant Microscopic Tar Monsters. I guess I’m going to have to get out and fight them, ladies and gentlemen. Wish me luck.
Meatwad – Good luck captain
Captain – Okay, I’m back, and were safe, ladies and gentlemen. They wont be bothering us anymore. I chased them off with my nudity. Does that arouse anyone down there?
Meatwad – How can I tell if I’m aroused?…Hey, how do I know if I’m aroused?
Captain – Okay, and we’ve docked. And I feel a little sexy. Who down there wants to meet the captain, and feel sexy with him?
Meatwad – Ohh, I do. I wanna meet the captain.
(ATHF)
1st Announcer – Standards and practices are a vital link in keeping good and funny ideas away from you – the television viewer. Watch how this nun reacts when we blow her brains out.
(Blows nun’s head off with shotgun. Blood spews out everywhere)
2nd Announcer – No! Permission not granted.
1st Announcer – Oh no. Somebody’s going to get an e-mail. What’s a better, more acceptable solution?
(Blows nuns head off with shotgun. A colorful rainbow comes out of her neck)
1st Announcer – That’s right! A happy and colorful rainbow! Although not nearly as funny, it’s guaranteed not to offend the black people!
2nd Announcer – No! Unacceptable!
1st Announcer – Ooh! Did I say black? I meant to say…(looks at a sheet of paper) minorities.
2nd Announcer – Acceptable!
1st Announcer – Looks like someone’s about to get an “A.” By following the rules, you’re guaranteed to make a mediocre product that no one can relate to.
(Red vs. Blue)
O’Malley – I haven’t been here in some time. Which one is the blue base?
Doc – It’s the blue one.
O’Malley – Oh yes, they’re really thinking outside the box with their designs. (Walks forward a few feet) Hmm, it’s quiet. Too quiet. (Sniper bullet flies by his shoulder) Now suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Church – Alright, hold it right there!
Lopez – (Spanish) I think I see someone now. I think he has a gun.
O’Malley – Yes, I can see that. Thank you for keeping us informed. (Whispers to himself) Moron.
Church – Yeah, that was just a warning shot O’Malley. You make any funny moves, and the next one’s goes right in the middle of your visor.
Caboose – You think you can make that shot from here?
Church – Ugh, probably not. I was actually trying to hit him that time. I swear to God, I think somebody fucks with the sights on this thing when I’m not lookin’.
O’Malley – I knew it. This was just some elaborate scheme to lure us into an ambush!
Church – First of all, I don’t know if calling you on the phone and inviting you over…I don’t think that qualifies as an elaborate scheme. And secondly, we’re not ambushing you. We just want to lay down some ground rules for your visit.
Works in progress:
The Truth of the Past – A continuation of Amnesia, Ending A. Dib had some strange visions of his birth, but what does it all mean?
Spirits and Ghouls – (Invader Zim) A certain character from Jack’s past just doesn’t seem to want to die…
A Better Kind of Evil – (Invader Zim) A joint-fic with the ever-controversial Invader Sideos and myself. What will Dib do when he is offered the chance for greater power? Will it corrupt him like it has everyone else before him?
Metal Gear Solid: The Massive – (Invader Zim/Metal Gear Solid) Zim captures Dib, but Gaz can’t be bothered to save her brother. Time to call in a specialist!
The FF Tactics Story – (FF Tactics – Hiatus) This is a tale of the adventures of a Black Mage, a Rouge, a Fighter, and a Mage Assassin. Comedy and Action/Adventure. Oh, and the FF doesn’t stand for Final Fantasy, it stands for Fan Fiction. The true name of the story is Fan Fiction Tactics. LOL!
Zim’s New Slave 2: The Returnening – (Invader Zim/Aqua Teen Hunger Force) if you loved the first one, then you’ll love this one. I’ve decided that this is going to have chapters. Now I just need a plot and plenty of side characters. Hmm…
Educational Video – (Red vs. Blue) Church and Tucker get so fed up with Caboose’s retardedness, that they get him an educational video to help him get smarter. Will it work?
Freeing the Doomed – (Invader Zim and other stuff – discontinued) A joint-fic from AnimeFreak84 and myself. For those of you who are disappointed about her halt in writing, then you will enjoy this story. Another comedy involving IZ, ATHF, and a few OC characters. NOTICE: I have lost contact with Animefreak84, so for the time being, this fic is discontinued.
Future planed works: A.K.A. works that I think are funny but will most likely never get see the light of day.
The Evil Meeting (Not a working title) – (Invader Zim/Aqua Teen Hunger Force/Austin Powers) Yet another crossover fanfic. This one has IZ, ATHF, Dr. Evil, and Mimi-Me. A definite comedy.
Terry? (Not a working title) – (Invader Zim) This little OC is a laugh and a half. Very annoying to talk too, because he says everything as if they were questions. What happens if he meets the crew of Invader Zim?
Little Dribble and the Young’uns (Not a Working Title) – (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) It’s MC Pee Pants’s forth coming. How will the group deal with it?
Staring Down the Barrel of a .45 (Not a working title) – (Invader Zim) Zim and Dib fight their final fight. Another songfic idea with a song from Shinedown.
Ether (Not a working title) – (Invader Zim – Idea given away) This will be a songfic about the Irken Empire. I have given this project to Invader Sideos. When and if he makes it is now up to him.
Works that are 'completed', but may have future additions:
Things He Dream – (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) Ever wonder what Meatwad dreams about at night? Well, I have, and this is what it’s about. I thought of this while I was at work. It's a comedy, like most of my works. I have too many projects right now, so I won't be doing anything with this for a while, nor do I have anything else in mind for this. However, that might change.
If You Have Ever…If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Celyna, ShadowShapeshifterAndHerCat, Sanoon.
98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, (actually I have) Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki (I do all the time!), WeaselChick, Celyna (I fall up the steps to school every time I go up them...sadly...), SSAHC, Sanoon.
If you have attempted Alchemy by clapping your hands or by drawing a transmutation circle, copy and paste this in your profile.
99 percent of the idiotic school mass would morph into zombies if Devon said it was "cool." If you're one of the 1 percent who would shriek "DIE, ZOMBIE, DIE!" and hit them with a shovel, paste this into your profile.
And please, most importantly for all who read this. REVIEW MY WORK! I can gain no greater insight, or discover writing flaws in my work if nobody reviews. Flame it or praise it, as long as you tell me what you thought of it. Thank you. Oh, and congratulations if you actually read all of this. I am going to make the longest profile ever!
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