My Current Philosophy (its a changing thing) "Enjoy life, prolong chocolate" and "Talent is just Gods way of picking favorites", and a brilliant Albert Einstein quote: "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe"

Name: Kaiya (pronounced Kiah or Kya take your pick)

Age: 17

Interests: My Oboe, books (duh) and music in general (just not rap. Please, anything but rap)

Home: Sydney, Australia

Pets: One dog (Marley. Seriously), two cats (Tink and Captain Jack) and one Axolotle a.k.a Mexican Walking fish (Owen (Torchwood, guys))

Quote of the week (you may find it below): Adelaide: State your name, rank, and intention! The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.

Thought of the week: I have had my wisdom teeth out, woe is me.

CHALLENGES:

BTVS challenge, I had a thought, what if it had been Spike that killed the Gypsy girl and got the subsiquent curse, not Angel? For the sake of Spike I'm demanding a removal of the true happiness bit, cos I like Spike TONS more that Angel. Anyone who chooses to can write it, I can't write, haven't got the attention span, please let me know if you do cos I'd like to read it.

Torchwood/ Doctor Who challenge, what would have happened if the battle of Canary warf was at Torchwood 3 and not Torchwood 1? Set after everything changes, pref S2, no extra characters, you can keep the Doctor and Rose turning up if you want to, either way, probably needs a different resolution though. (keep it canon plz)

Fav books:

Harry Potter

Eragon

The Hunger Games (a.n. Read it. now... I said NOW!)

Artemis Fowl

Wicked: The life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West (I love the musical as well!)

Fav TV shows

Torchwood

Doctor Who

Merlin (BBC)

The Sarah-Jane Adventures

Monty Pythons flying circus

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Fav quotes (in the Immortal words of Ianto Jones, There's quite a list)

Frankie Boyle: (Pretending to be Tony Blair)"Get me an eighteen inch knife and a hand grenade; I'm sorting this Iraq shit out!"

"It's not just a baseball bat Bond, It's a baseball bat with a nail through it"

"this is one of the healthiest X-rays I've ever seen! but when we compare that with yours!" laughs

"What's that Joker? 'You'll be back' ... Somehow, I don't think you will be" (a.n. think for a second)

"Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs."

Jack: I’m try-sexual. I try anything that’s sexual.

Human Doctor: What if God was me, me, me?

What a brilliant universe this would be!

Holy crap, it’s a monster, allons-y!

Time to haul our asses home.

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All Dad’s horses and all Dad’s men couldn't put Humpty together again!” Arthur chimed.

Ianto ignored him though and with his mouth open he headed straight for Tosh’s computer whispering to himself about the pretty lights. He was just about to start pressing buttons when Tosh came flying at him screaming wildly. She tackled him to the floor and said harshly, “No one touches my computer bitch.” Ianto held his hands up in defeat and whispered in a frightened voice, “Okay, okay.” Tosh got off him and held her arms out in a Matrix-esque gesture, “Come get some bitch.” Ianto took one look and ran off flapping his arms about and making bird noises. Tosh blew her fringe out of her eyes and whispered with a malicious gleam in her eyes, “Yeah I thought so.” Huffing to herself she sat down at her computer and surveyed the Hub through narrowed eyes. No one touched her technology.

“Elphie!” Galinda cried joyfully. “Whatie?” Elphaba said with a raised eyebrow, mocking the blonde-haired girl’s tone. “I’m trying to readie.” from "A kiss is just a kiss" by thesqintestsquint

Elphaba: I have to turn you to tin now! Audience: Oh noes! Fiyero: I love you Elphaba! Elphaba: Nessa got house’d! Audience: Oh noes! Glinda: I’m sorry your sister got house’d! Elphaba: No you’re not! We fight now! Audience: Oh noes! Gale Force: We’re here to kill Elphaba! Audience: Oh noes! Fiyero: I save Elphaba! Audience: Oh noes! (Wicked in 62 seconds)

Galinda: I bought my morals on eBay! (Wicked in 62 seconds)

Father: I SHUN green babies! Baby Elphaba: Well, I shun you, too. (Wicked, the musical parody)

Elphaba: I’M MEEELLLTIIING!! (Please be smarter than most of Oz, Glinda) MEEEEEELTING!! Glinda: OH NO!! ELPHIE MELTED!! Elphaba: God, Glinda, don’t be a ditz. (Wicked, the musical parody)

Ianto: holds up gun If there's a virus, there must be an anti-virus. Release it now or I'll blow a whole in that tank, and we'll all die together. Jack: Joins Ianto, holds up his gun at the tank You've made your point now stop this and we can talk! 456: You are dying. Even now. Jack and Ianto shoot at the tank, screaming noise is heard Jack: What's that noise? What's it doing? We gotta get you out of here. I can survive anything, but you can't!Ianto: It's too late. I've breathed the air. Jack: desperate, begins crying There's gotta be something, there's gotta be an antidote! 456: You said you would fight. Jack: And I take it back, alright? I take it all back, but not him! Ianto falls to the ground, and is caught by Jack. He lies in his arms Jack: No! No, no, no, no, no. Ianto? Jack: It's all my fault. Ianto: No it's not... Jack: Don't speak, save your breath. Ianto: crying I love you. Jack: shakes head Don't. Ianto? Ianto? Ianto, stay with me, Ianto, stay with me please. shakes, desperate Stay with me, stay with me. Ianto: Hey, it was...Good, yeah? Jack: Yeah. Ianto: You'll forget me. Jack: shakes head Never could. Ianto: In a thousand years time, you won't remember me. Jack: Yes I will. I promise, I will. Ianto dies Jack: Ianto? Ianto? Don't go, don't leave me, please. Please, don't. 456: He will die. And tomorrow your people will deliver the children Jack: looks up at 456 with hatred, looks back at Ianto, kisses. Then dies beside Ianto

Lauren (Catherine Tate): Are you the Doctor? Mr Logan (David Tennant): Doctor who? Lauren: Innit there! Mr Logan: I don't know what you're talking about. Lauren: You look like Doctor Who though! Mr Logan: I'm not Doctor Who, I'm your English teacher! Lauren: I don't think you are though! Mr Logan: Lauren... Lauren: I think you're a 945 year old Time Lord Mr Logan: Listen... Lauren: Did you just pitch up from Mars? Mr Logan: Don't be ridiculous... Lauren: You know your house right? Mr Logan: What? Lauren: You know your house? Mr Logan: Yeah? Lauren: Is it bigger on the inside? Mr Logan: Be quiet! Lauren: Have you parked the TARDIS on a meter? Mr Logan: Can we please get back to Shakespeare? Thank you. So... Lauren: Do you fancy Billie Piper sir?

Elphaba: Noticing the whole student body is staring at her green tint What? What are you all looking at? OH! Do I have something in my teeth? Wait...is my underskirt showing? Drops her suitcase Alright, let's just get this over with. No, I am not seasick. Yes, I've always been green. No, I didn't eat grass as a child…

Madame Morrible: You must be Nessarose, what a tragically beautiful face. And who is- (Turns to Elphaba and screams) Elphaba: I'm the other daughter, Elphaba. I'm beautifully tragic.

Adelaide: State your name, rank, and intention! The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.

Jack: Gwen? Boy have I had a day, sees scanner, indicating that she's pregnant Oh my god, is that- runs down stairs to look at her How long? Gwen: Three weeks. Jack: That's good isn't it? From where I'm standing it...looks good to me. Gwen: Yeah, bloody hell, it's brilliant! Jack: Ianto! we're having a baby. Ianto enters, see's scanner Have you told Rhys? Gwen: I've only just found out myself. Jack: Ooh you told me before you told him, he's gonna love that. Ianto: Congratulations. Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the car? Jack: You did what?! Gwen: That is just, bloody spectacular! oh, what about this place, uh my job? Jack: We'll manage, we always do.

Buffy: Why are you...? (she bolts up in bed) You had sex with Giles?! (Joyce gasps) Buffy: YOU HAD SEX WITH GILES?! Joyce: (turns to hurry out of the room) It was the candy! We were teenagers! Buffy: On the hood of a police car?! Joyce: (stops just outside the room looking back) I'll be downstairs. You feel better. (she hurries away) Buffy: (calling after her) TWICE!!

Gwen: I'm going into England. Farewell forever. Rhys: Do you have currency? Gwen: Yes, and I've had my injections.

Ianto: He thought we were a couple - "you two". The way he said it - "you two" Jack: Well we are - does it matter

Saphira: Mary had a little feldunst, little feldunst, little feldunst. Mary had a little feldunst, its fleece was white as snow... And I ate it.

Arthur: What kind of meat is this? It has a very strange texture Merlin: Its pork Arthur: This isn't pork! Its far too stringy.. what is it? Erm... Its rat isn't it? Merlin: Yer... try not to think about it Arthur: Look at me! I'm being rude. Here I am stuffing my face with this... delicious stew, when your hungry too! Come on take a seat EAT!

Spike: Oh, uh, Eve's stuck in the elevator. Gunn: So tell maintenance. Spike: Right. Well, where the bloody hell is maint— (sighs) Oh, to be honest, I don't even care.

"Excuse me, there's no pretence here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow." Fiyero, Wicked

Ianto: Only Owen could get himself stuck in a volcanic pocket underneath the Himalayas.

Tosh and Owen have hooked up and Jack and the rest of the gang know cos of the comms When Tosh rounded the corner into the main hub, she was met with raucous applause from her colleagues, and when Owen emerged behind her, someone pressed play on the sound system and a wedding march started up. Laughing his socks off, Jack turned on the fan on Gwen's desk, emptying the contents of a packet of confetti into the gust, and blowing the all over what he referred to as 'the happy couple'. Tosh glared pointedly at him, and she was pretty sure Owen was doing something similar, because the music and the fan suddely stopped with one press to Jack's wristband, and he exclaimed, "Oh, come on! Your wedding day is a time for joy and elation! No more frowny faces, please." He giggled. "I now pronounce you caught-in-the-act-by-the-boss-during-working-hours-on-the-floor-of-a-dark-dingy-possibly-rat-infested-tunnel. You may kiss the Tech Expert!"

The team had quickly learnt to leave Jack alone during his arguments with the Government, especially after he almost throttled Owen following at attempt to calm him down with the phrase ‘That Saxon would have been a better Prime Minister anyway…’

Willow: Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken. (Thunder crashes and lightning flashes. Suddenly, the demons disappear. Buffy and Spike pull away from each other) Buffy: Oh, ugh.. Spike: Oh, bloody hell! (They both jump up, each wiping their mouths and gagging and carrying on) Buffy: Spike lips! Lips of Spike!

The Doctor: Why am I handcuffed... why would you even have handcuffs? Prof. River Song: (Playfully flirtatious) Spoilers.

Buffy: Aren't you gonna introduce me to your... (recognizes) Holy God, you're Willow.

Fred: But you said he loved her. And of course she's gonna love him back, because he's so strong and handsome and he really listens when you talk. I-I mean, if you go for that sort of thing, why wouldn't it work? Cordelia: Let me break it down for you, Fred. (Assumes the roll of Buffy) Oh - Angel! I know that I'm a Slayer and you a vampire - and it would be impossible for us to be together - but! Wesley: (assuming the roll of Angel) But! My gypsy curse sometimes prevent me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy! Cordelia: Yes, Angel? Wesley: Oh, I love you so much I almost forgot to brood! Cordelia: And just because I sent you to hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends. (Wes grabs a hold of Cordy's wrist.) Cordelia: Oh! Wesley: Or possibly more. Cordelia: Gasp! No! We mustn't. (Wes pulls Cordy close.) Wesley: Kiss me. Cordelia: Bite me! (Wes bends Cordy back over his arm and pretends to sink his fangs into her neck.)

Spike: (barges into Angel's office) Hey, big guy! Need another car. 'fraid this last one ended up in the drink... (stops in mid-thought when he sees puppet Angel sitting at the desk) Puppet Angel: (anxiously) Spike... Spike: (staring) Look at you. Puppet Angel: (gesturing with his hands) Just turn around and walk away. Spike: (still staring) You're a— Puppet Angel: Spike! Spike: (starts laughing uncontrollably) You're a bloody puppet!

Giles: Buffy, a word in your ear. If you think of the store as a library, it'll help you concentrate on your service rather than selling. Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam. Giles: (Cleaning his glasses and not really listening) Yes, quite, yes.

Warren: What the hell is that? Andrew: Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh? Jonathan: Uh, thermal exhaust port's above the main port, numbnuts. Andrew: For your information, I'm using the Empire's revised design from Return of the Jedi. Jonathan: That's a flawed design!

Spike: Oh, poor Watcher, did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea?

The Doctor: What fruit doesn’t remind you of Jack? Ianto: Passion fruit. The Doctor: Seriously?

(Spike, dressed in a deerstalker and tweed suit, bursts into the Magic Box, wreathed in smoke.) Anya: Holy moly. Spike: You need to give me asylum. Xander: I'll say.

Anya: She came from the grave much graver. Spike: First he'll kill her, then I'll save her. Tara: Everything is turning out so dark. Spike: No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her. Willow: I think this line's mostly filler. Giles: What's it gonna take to strike a spark? Buffy: These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.

Giles: I was able to examine the body while police were taking witness arias.

Spike: Don't I get a cookie? Buffy: No. Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth. Buffy: You're a pig, Spike. Spike: Yeah, well I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance. (He says it loud enough for Giles, Anya, and Xander to hear. They all turn to stare at Buffy from the living room. She looks at all of them) Buffy: (defensively) That was the spell. (She's clearly lying. Willow scowls at Spike and shoves a cookie in his mouth.)

AnyaI've got a theory, it could be bunnies. uncomfortable pause Tara: I've got a theo- Anya: Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes! They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses! And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for, anyway? Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies! Long silence.

From "I've Got a Theory / Bunnies / If We're Together". Xander: It could be witches! Some evil witches. He sees disapproval from witches Willow and Tara. Xander: Which is ridiculous, 'cause witches they were persecuted Wicca good and love the earth and woman power and I'll be over here.

Human Doctor: Then BAM!! You touched my hand! Instant biological metacrysis...I grew... out of you! Still, could be worse... Donna: (indignant) Oi, watch it space man! Human Doctor: (unintentionally imitating her) Oi, watch it earth girl! (surprised) Ooh... I sound like you. I sound all... all, sort of... rough! Donna: Oi! Human Doctor: Oi! Donna: Oi! Human Doctor: Shh! Spanners! Must have picked up a bit of your voice, that's all. (puzzled) Is it? Did I? No! OHH! You are kidding me! (feels inside jacket) No way! One heart...I've got one heart! This body...I've only got only one heart! Donna: But that's like, you're human! Human Doctor: (repulsed) Ohh, that's disgusting! Donna: Oi! Human Doctor: Oi! Donna: Stop it! Human Doctor: No, wait, I'm...part Time Lord, part human! (sarcastically) Well, isn't that wizard?!

Rose: Alright, both of you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it. Proper Doctor: I said 'Rose Tyler'. Rose: Yeah?...and how was that sentence gonna end? Proper Doctor: Does it need saying? Rose: And you, Doctor, what was the end of that sentence? The Human Doctor whispers something in her ear, presumably "I love you". Rose pauses briefly, then kisses him, allowing Donna and the "real" Doctor to slip away unnoticed into the TARDIS. As Rose realises, she turns to watch them go sadly. The Human Doctor stands beside her and they hold hands.

Rose: I think you dream about him sometimes, he's a man in a suit, tall, thin man. Great hair... some, really great hair.

Proper Doctor: Torchwood Hub, this is the Doctor, are you receiving me? Gwen: Loud and clear, is Jack there? Proper Doctor: Can't get rid of him...Jack, what's her name? Jack: Gwen Cooper. Proper Doctor: Tell me Gwen Cooper, are you from an old Cardiff family? Gwen: Yes, all the way about to the 1800's. Proper Doctor: Oh thought so, spatial genetic multiplicity, it's a funny old world, now Torchwood, I want you to open up that Rift Manipulator and send its power to me! Ianto: Doing it now sir. Rose: What's that for? Proper Doctor: It's a tow rope, now then Sarah, what was your son's name? Sarah: Luke, he's called Luke and the computer's called Mr Smith. Proper Doctor: Calling Luke and Mr Smith, This is the Doctor...come on Luke, shake a leg! Luke: Is Mum there? Proper Doctor: Oh she's fine and dandy, now then Mr Smith, I want you to harness the Rift power and loop it around the TARDIS, you got that? Mr Smith: I regret I will need remote access to TARDIS base code numerals. Proper Doctor: Oh blimey, that's gonna take a while... Sarah: No no, let me. K-9? Out you come! K-9: Affirmative. Mistress. Proper Doctor: Oh, good dog! K-9, give Mr Smith the base codes! K-9: Affirmative, Master, TARDIS base codes now being transferred. The process is simple.

Captain Jack: communicates with Davros Captain Jack Harkness, calling all Dalek boys and girls, are you receiving me?

(Captain Jack bursts out of a ventilation shaft in front of Sarah Jane, Mickey and Jackie) Captain Jack: Just my luck, I climb through two miles of ventilation shafts, tracking life signs on this thing, and who do I find? Mickey Mouse! Mickey: (deadpan) You can talk, Captain Cheesecake! (Both laugh and hug each other) Captain Jack: Good to see ya! And that's Beefcake... Mickey: ...and that's enough hugging...

(Gwen brings up two guns) Ianto: Uh, those don't work against Daleks. Gwen: Yeah, well I'm going down fighting, like Owen, like Tosh, what about you? Ianto: Yes Ma'am.

Mr Smith: I'm recieving Communication from The Earthbound Ships, they have a message For the Human Race Sarah Jane Smith: Put It Through, Lets hear it. Daleks: (Through message On Mr Smith) EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!! (Jack and Martha both hear the message in horror) Jack: No. OH NO!! Gwen: What is it, who are they? Do you know them Jack?! Sarah Jane Smith: (Under Her Breath) No. Jack: There's nothing I can do, I'm sorry we're dead. Sarah Jane Smith: (Crying) No, Not them, You're So Young! (Hugs Luke)

The Doctor & Sky Silvestry: Roast beef. Bananas. The Medusa Cascade. Beat BANG! Rapidfire Rose Tyler Martha Jones Donna Noble TARDIS! beat Shamble-bobble-dibble-dooble. beat Oh, Doctor, you're so handsome. Yes, I am, thank you.

The Doctor: Ughh! Arms, legs, neck, head, noes. I'm fine. Everyone eles? How are we? Rose: Appearing on the TV behind the Doctor, silently yelling Doctor! beat Doctor!

The Doctor: Oh, I can't wait! Allons-y! Hostess: I'm sorry? The Doctor: It's French for 'let's go'! Hostess: Fascinating.

The Doctor: Oh you're not, are you? Please tell me your not archeologists. River: Got a problem with archeologists? The Doctor: I'm a Time Traveller, I point and laugh at Archeologists.

Donna: This isn't my real body?... But I've been dieting!

Prof. River Song narrating: (As the Doctor walks away) When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it'll never end. But however hard you try you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever for one moment, accepts it. (The Doctor runs back) The Doctor: Why? Why would I give her my screwdriver? Why would I do that? The thing is future me had years to think about it. All those years to think of a way to save her, and what he did was give her a screwdriver. Why would I do that? (realizing why his future self has given River the screwdriver, she's ghosting) Oh, ohh, ooooh. Look at that. I'm VERY GOOD! Donna: What have you done? The Doctor: Saved her! Prof. River Song narrating: Everybody knows that everybody dies. But not every day. Not today. (The Doctor uploads her into CAL with her own happy universe) Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Somedays nobody dies at all. Now and then, Every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair and the Doctor comes to call, everybody lives

Xander: (as Xander walks in on Spike and invisible Buffy) Spike? What are you doing? Spike: What am I-... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I? (starts doing "push-ups")

Donna: There's a giant wasp! Doctor: What do you mean, a giant wasp? Donna: I mean a wasp that's giant! Agatha: It's only a silly little insect. Donna: When I say giant, I don't mean big. I mean FLIPPING ENORMOUS!

(The Doctor resorts to charades to mime the food he needs) Donna: Cocktail shaker! You want a Harvey Wallbanger? The Doctor: Harvey Wallbanger? Donna: Well, I don't know! The Doctor: How is "Harvey Wallbanger" one word? Agatha Christie: What do you need, Doctor? The Doctor: Salt! I was miming salt, I need salt, I need something salty! Donna grabs a brown bag: Donna: What about this? The Doctor: What is it?! Donna: Salt! The Doctor: That's too salty! Donna: sarcastically Oh, that's too salty! Agatha Christie: What about this? The Doctor: Mmm eats Donna: What's that? Agatha Christie: Anchovies Donna: What is it? What else? the Doctor mimes open palms, with arms outstretched Donna: It's a song- Mammy! I don't know, Camptown Races? The Doctor: Camptown Races !? Donna: All right, Towering Inferno!? The Doctor: It's a shock, a shock, I need a shock! Donna: All right then, big shock... kisses him on the lips The Doctor exhales the toxins The Doctor: Ahh, detox. Oh, I must do that more often beat I mean, the detox...

The Doctor: Well, you need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up "genocide". You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read "Over my dead body".

Cline: Jenny, what you doing? Come back. Jenny: Sorry, can't stop. What are you gonna do, tell my Dad? Cline: But, where are you going? Jenny: Oh, I've got the whole universe. Planets to save, civilisations to rescue, creatures to defeat... and an awful lot of running to do!

Clone Martha: When did you know? The Doctor: About you? Oh, right from the start. Reduced iris contraction, slight thinning of the hair follicles on the left temple, and, quite frankly, you smell. You might as well have worn a t-shirt saying 'Clone'

John: You took your time. Gwen: ON YOUR KNEES! John: sigh Honestly it's just sex sex sex with you people

Jack enters the Hub to find I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper playing John: swaying to the music COME OOOONNNN! Sing along; It's our song! Jack: We don't have a song. and if we did have a song it wouldn't be this song. John: You're no fun.

Scythe creatures: Devils! Blasphemers! Pray to your heathen God! While in the Lord's name we cast you out! walk towards Ianto and Tosh who gun them down Ianto: There we are then. Tosh: Sorted.

Jack: Hopeful I’m sure our hosts will make themselves visible shortly. Maybe there’ll be probing!

Jack: Aw, c’mon. Zero G has some serious perks. Gwen: We’ll just leave you and Ianto alone then shall we?

Owen: to Jack about him trying to drown himself, weakly, guilty You were watching? Jack: Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water? I was taking pictures.

Owen: can't get out of the room and is about to be vaporised hysterical TOSH! TOSHIKO I CAN'T GET OUT! NOT LIKE THIS!! I'M NOT DYING HERE! Get me out of here Tosh. GET ME OUT OF HERE, I DIED ONCE AND I'M NOT DOING IT AGAIN! Where's Jack? Where's Gwen, Ianto? YOU WANNA WATCH THE DEAD MAN DIE AGAIN?! Tosh: Owen, just stay calm. Owen: Ooh wWhy should I do that? Where's the FUN IN THAT!? I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion! Yells continuously Tosh: almost whisper Please stop. Owen: WHY? GIVE ME ONE GOOD BLOODY REASON WHY I SHOULD, ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T KEEP SCREAMING! Tosh: crying Because you're breaking my heart. Owen: calms down Sorry. Tosh: still crying, harder It's my fault. Owen: No, no no it isn't, no it isn't, don't you dare go there Tosh, I'm really sorry. pause What's gonna happen to me Tosh? Tosh: whisper I can't. Owen: Please, okay, I need to know. Tosh: not crying but barely able to get the words out The containment chamber will be flooded with irradiated fluid. Owen: Ah, my body will slowly decompose, while I watch. Tosh: crying I should have been able to stop it! Owen: Sshh, come on Tosh, there's no way you could have anticipated that power spike, come on. Besides you've saved my back so many times in the past, right from the moment I joined. Tosh: Your second week, I had to cover for you, pretend I was a medic because you were hung over and unreachable. Owen: weak laugh What was it, a space pig? Tosh: Almost a whisper Space pig. pause Owen: We never did get that date did we, you and me? We sort of, uh, missed each other, was my fault, didn't notice until it was too late, I'm sorry. Tosh: weakly, crying Me too. alarms sound Owen: It's starting. Tosh: whisper Owen. Owen: It's alright, really Tosh, it's alright, last words Oh God.

Host: It's gonna be like "loose women" in a TARDIS. David: Well, Yeah cos John Barrowmen comes on as well

Jack: Quite excitable! Ianto: must be that aftershave. Jack: I never wear any. Ianto: You smell like that naturally? Jack: Fifty first century pheromones, you people have no idea.

Jack: There is no job for you here, and there never will be. Ianto: I really like that coat

Gwen: Well, bollocks to serenity! Owen: For a lovely girl you have a very dirty mouth.

She (Rose) turned and noticed Jack and Ianto were playing tonsil hockey a couple of steps below them

Jack: thinking Shall I compare thee to a bag of fertilizer? No, thou art more full of shit.

Owen: That is you. Right, now I've seen everything. Ianto: Told you. Gwen: You did stand up? Jack: I never did stand up. Gwen: Okay then - a song and dance Jack: I was sen-sa-tion-al. Tosh: I don't believe this Jack, what were you doing there? Owen: He's part of this freak show. Jack: Some things never change. Owen: You being rude about me?

Owen: to Tosh Woo woo look at you. Tosh: D'you like it? Owen: Drop dead gorgeous Tosh and I think I speak with some authority. Tosh: Don't really get a chance to dress up much, what are you wearing? Owen: Truth is Tosh, weddings, never really been me either. Love 'em and leave 'em that was me. Tosh: Owen you should come, it could be fun. Owen: You ever seen a dead man dance? Tosh: I've seen Fred Esther in the easter parade, twice!... Late night TV. Owen: God you need a date don't you? Which this isn't, is it? Tosh: No Owen, it isn't, I just want you to come to the wedding. Please. Owen: Yeah alright, I'll, dig out my dancing shoes

Ianto is checking out wedding dresses Tailor: Can I help you? Ianto: I'm looking for a wedding dress for my friend. Tailor: Of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised, we're quite used to men buying for their... friends.

Tosh: (About Johns wrist strap) It's the same as yours. Jack: A little smaller John: But lasts much longer

Owen: (talking to a child cancer patient) Jamie, you're scared, of course you are, the last lot of chemo didn't work and you can't bear the thought of going through all that pain again, I understand that mate, I really do. But let me tell you, that not everyone dies from this disease. And the ones with the best chance of making it are the ones who believe they can beat death. And sometimes, just sometimes, you can. So watch and learn, Jamie Burton. Jamie: Watch what? Owen: Watch me beat Death. Tosh: (finally picking the lock on a door) Come on! Owen: Okay, go, come on, Jamie, (to Tosh) take him! Tosh: Owen? I am not leaving you to face that thing on your own! Owen: I know what to do. Tosh: We don't know what we're dealing with! Owen: Tosh... (kisses Tosh) you're so going to hate me for this. (uses the lock-picking device to shut himself in the lobby)

Owen: (supposedly telling Martha what death is like) There was a light, a tiny speck of light and I was rushing towards it and it got brighter, and brighter, then suddenly there were these gates...these big, pearly gates and there was this old geezer and he said, "You've been a very naughty boy!"

Ianto: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds," but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.

Owen: what we're gonna do is vaporise this paper, with out even scorching the cup. Jack: this is gonna end in tears (Owen adjusts the device, the others move away, Owen almost vaporises Ianto as he's walking up the stairs) Ianto: AAAAAAAHHH! Owen: Ah, haven't quite got the callibration right yet (Ianto death stares him, Gwen and Jack laugh)

Martha: about Jack we were only together for a few day but it was pretty intense. Gwen:... you mean-? Martha: oh, go no! no not that sort of intense, no nothing like that. why? are you and him? Gwen: No! no not at all. Martha: we must be the only two people on the planet. Gwen: I know, what are we doing wrong? Jack: OY! You talking about me? Gwen: No no we were just discussing alien flora, weren't we? Martha: Oh yeah. Jack: She's no fun, raise your game girls.

Tosh: Ianto, what have you done with Billy Davis's body? Ianto: uh, I was just about to dispose of it, why? Tosh: I thought of a way we can use him to get us in to the Pharm shows him the screen clever huh? Ianto: Oh, you are warped on the inside, how do you think of these things? walks away Tosh: I'll take that as a compliment.

Rose: Jack! Pants are GOOD! They need love and attention and they NEED TO BE WORN!

Jack: And for the record, measuring tapes never lie. Ianto: silently Oh, fuck.

Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat? Jack: Yup. Gwen: What was it like? Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it. Gwen: laughs You're rough.

John: about the suger babes that's Dig Dasterdly in the front, Mutley at the back and Penelope Pitstop, its the way out wacky racers

Rose: If I even so much as sneeze out Mickey’s name, you leap out of nowhere, latch onto me like a koala bear and scream MINE at the top of your lungs. (a.n Koala's are not bears)

Owen: Posh English accent Is that a dress Tosh? Tosh: I do believe it is Owen.

Gwen: about Tommy alright, when was he born? Jack: 1894.

Sherez Jek: We shall become the best of companions! The Doctor: What do you say, Peri? We can go on nature walks, have picnics and jolly evenings 'round the campfire!

Peri: Doctor, why do you wear a stick of celery in your lapel? The Doctor: Does it offend you? Peri: No, just curious. The Doctor: Safety precaution. I'm allergic to certain gases in the praxis range of the spectrum. Peri: Well, how does the celery help? The Doctor: If the gas is present, the celery turns purple. Peri: And then what do you do?" The Doctor: I eat the celery. If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.

Tosh: While hacking the military network Come on guys, that wasn't even difficult, you disappoint me. Ianto: It's almost obscene what you do to security systems.

Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutley everything, no phones, phones all broken, miming phone Hello anyone there? NO, cos the phones aren't working.

Owen: How'd you know that? Ianto: I know everything, and it says so on the bottom of the screen.

Ianto: They know more about this place than I do, nobody knows more than I do.

John: You live in a sculpture. Could you be any more pretentious?

John: I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place. She's beautiful, he's stunning... Gwen: Don't you ever stop? John: What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous. Gwen: That's a poodle. John: It's nice!

Jack: There you go! I can taste it! Oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen. Take the pill, flush it away, it enters the water cycle. Feminizes the fish. Goes all the way up into the sky then falls all the way back down onto me. Contraceptives in the rain. Love this planet. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. I'm never doing that again.

John: Have you got a team name? I love team names, go on. Jack: Torchwood. John: oh, not Excalabur (sp?), Blizzard, Bikini cops? no? Torchwood, oh dear.

The Master: Say hello, to the Spikes Of Doom! The Doctor: Say hello, to the sofa of reasonable comfort.

Jack: Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to? Ianto: two thousand and eight. Owen: enthusiastically Hey! what if they all become psychotic! Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy? Owen: Yeah, But I'm just saying!

Bernie: To Owen after a chase Don't hurt me, I've got asthma! Owen: I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna bloody kill you!

Jack: So, whats our next move? Owen: stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging? Gwen: sarcastically Put pheromide (sp?) in the water supply. Jack: No, too hit and miss Owen: Yeah, and the water company got really pissed off the last time we did that

Dalek Thay: DALEK SEC IS A TOOL AND I HOPE THE DOC-TOR KICKS HIS RED-NECK FREAK ASS!

Captain Jack: tentatively Doctor. The Doctor: Captain. Jack: Good to see you. The Doctor: And you. Same as ever, although... have you had a work done? Jack: You can talk.

Doctor: Take me to your leader... I've always wanted to say that!

The Doctor: Oh Rickston, I forgot, did you get that message? Rickston: No, what message? The Doctor: Shut up!

The Doctor: What's your name? Bridge technician: Alonzo. The Doctor: (pauses in disbelief) You are kidding me!

Owen: the heart rate triples, the brain swells, pressing against the skull as that keeps going the lungs begin to shrink making it impossible to breath the pressure increases on all the internal organs until (rat explodes and Owen grins) rat jam!

Owen: Episode Intro My name is Doctor Owen Harper and this is my life. A life that is full of action. And violence. And work and wonder. Secrets. And sex. And love. And heartbreak. Death. My death. The death I survived. The death I'm now living through. Except.. this isn't living. Every day is the same. I get up. Get ready for work. Same as everyone else. The thing is, I'm not the same. I get to work and everyone is doing the same old thing. Babbling away about aliens, weddings. I'm not real. Three days ago I died. And they think I'm fine. But they're wrong.

Japanese guy: It’s the ancient blue box of legend! The one that carries girl with hair of sunlight, man with elephant ears and man who tried to kiss emperor and emperor’s daughter!

Ianto: You sure you don't want anything Tosh? Tosh: Really sure, a friend of mine got Hepatitus off a burger from one of these places. Jack puts his Burger down

Andy: Alright Mulder and Scully, say I do believe you- and I don't because it's bollocks- but say that I do

Jack: No other race in the universe goes camping. Celebrate your own uniqueness!

Jack: That one's for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic...Stun Gun.

Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell? Gwen: That would be grass. Owen: It's disgusting.

Tosh: All I'm saying is once in a while, I'd like to drive. Owen: Yeah and all I'm saying is no. Tosh: Why not? Owen: Look, I've shared cars with women before and I know what'll happen; there'll be an emergency, we'll all raring to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, rearview mirror's out of line, and the steering wheel's in my crotch.

(after Owen hobbles out of cell naked with his hands over his genitals) Gwen: Are you all right now? Or are you still feeling a bit of a cock?

Jack: Put your trousers on and get out. NOW! It almost breaks my heart to say those words.

Jack: Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of “Torchwood”? Owen: Er, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I’m a twat.

The Doctor: refering to the plastic arm harmless. Rose: you think? hits him with it

Rose: Who's strolling? I went by barrage balloon. Only way to see an air raid.

while hanging off a barrage balloon in the middle of an air raid Rose: in reference to her Union Flag t-shirt Okay, maybe not this t-shirt.

Digging through a bin of alien weapons. The Doctor: Broken. Broken. Hair dryer. Pulls big brute of a space gun out of bin. Oh, yes! Lock and load.

Rose: She slapped you. The Doctor: Nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never been slapped by someone's mother. Rose: Your face... The Doctor: It hurt! Rose: You're so gay!

Rose: We'll go down fighting, yeah? The Doctor: Yeah. Rose: Together? The Doctor: Yeah! They link hands. The Doctor: I'm so glad I met you. Rose: Me too.

The Doctor: opening Rose's phone Tell you what. With a bit of jiggery pokery.. Rose: Is that a technical term "jiggery pokery"? The Doctor: Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you? Rose: Nah, I failed Hullabaloo.

Rose: You think you're so impressive. The Doctor: I am so impressive! Rose: You wish.

The Doctor: Think of it, plastic, all over the world, every artificial thing waiting to come alive. The shop window dummies, the phones, the wires, the cables... Rose: The breast implants...

Doctor: I'm The Doctor, by the way. What's your name? Rose: Rose. The Doctor: Nice to meet you, Rose. holds up the bomb Run for your life!

Doctor: Oh, your father got all the brains, didn't he? Rose: Being rude again. Doctor: Good, I meant that one.

Doctor:(the Face of Boe has just teleported away) That is enigmatic. That - that is textbook enigmatic.

Rose: where I come from, Jackie dosn't know how to work the timer on the video recorder. Pete: I showed her that last week. Rose gives him a look, Point taken

Jackie: about young Mickey He just grabs hold of whats passing and holds on for dear life! God help his girlfriend if he ever gets one.

Jackie: Well, I reckon you're mad. The pair of you. It's like you go looking for trouble. The Doctor: Trouble's just the bits in between! It's all waiting out there, Jackie. And it's brand new to me. All those planets, creatures and horizons...I haven't seen them yet. Not with these eyes. to Rose And it is going to be... fantastic! Rose smiles and the Doctor extends his hand for her to take it. Rose: That hand of yours still gives me the creeps... The Doctor grins and wiggles his fingers. Rose takes his hand. Rose: So where are we gonna go first? The Doctor: Um... points that way. No, hold on... points again That way. Rose: points in the same direction That way? The Doctor: Yeah? Rose: smiles Yeah. That way.

The Doctor: Am I ... ginger? Rose: No, you're just sort of ... brown. The Doctor: disappointed Aw, I wanted to be ginger! I've never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me!- Ooh, that's rude... Is that the sort of man I am now? Rude? Rude and not ginger.

The Doctor: Rose! I've just remembered! Rose: What? The Doctor: I can dance! I can dance! Rose: Actually, Doctor, I thought Jack might like this dance. The Doctor: I'm sure he would, Rose. I'm absolutely certain. But who with?

The Doctor: Once more unto the breach! Shakespeare: I like that! realises Wait a minute. That's one of mine! The Doctor: Oh, just...shift!

Shakespeare: To be or not to be... Ooh. That's quite good. The Doctor: You should write that down. Shakespeare: Maybe not. Bit pretentious? The Doctor: Meh.

Donna: This friend of yours, what was her name? The Doctor: Tears in his eyes, voice breaking a little Her name was Rose.

The Doctor: Once the breach is closed, that's it! You will never be able to see her again, your own mother! Rose: I made my decision a long time ago, and I'm never going to leave you.

The Doctor after finding where the "ghosts" have been coming from The Doctor: So you find the breach, the sphere comes through. Six hundred feet above London, BAM! It tears a hole in the fabric of reality. And that hole, do you think, "Ooh, shall we leave it alone? Shall we back off, play it safe?" Nah, you think, "let's make it bigger!"

Rose: walking away This is me, dinner lady. The Doctor: I'll have the crumble. Rose: I'm so gonna kill you.

The Doctor: That is so dinky, the go-anywhere creature: fits in your pocket, makes friends, impresses the boss, breaks the ice at parties.

The Doctor: I'll have to get a house! With - with doors and carpets, can you imagine? Me, living in a house! Rose: singsong voice You'll have to get a mortgage! The Doctor: No. Rose: Oh yes. The Doctor: No. That's it, I'm dying. It is all over. Rose: What about me? I'll have to get one too. Or - it could be the same one. We could... I don't know... share. The Doctor stares at her Or not, whatever. The Doctor: Anyway. Rose: Yeah, we'll see. The Doctor: I promised Jackie I would always take you back home. Rose: Everyone leaves home in the end. The Doctor: Not to end up stuck here! Rose: Yeah, well stuck with you, that's not so bad. The Doctor: suprised Yeah? Rose: Yes.

The Doctor: Who you gonna call? Rose: Ghostbusters! The Doctor: I ain't 'fraid o' no ghost!

Jack: incredulously Who has a sonic screwdriver? The Doctor: I do! Rose: to herself Lights! Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Ooo, this could be a little more sonic"?

To baby Rose The Doctor: Now, Rose... You're not gonna bring about the end of the world, are you?... are you.

Trin-E: Just stand still and let the Defabricator work its magic. Jack: What's a Defabricator? Jack's clothes are disintegrated Jack is standing naked, and not remotley bothered. Jack: Okay, Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers? Zu-Zana: Absolutely. Jack: Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.

The Doctor: Deluded. Bless. I'll need to trade her in. Do you need anyone? She's very good at tea... Well, I say very good I mean not bad. Well, I say not bad... Off we go then, allons-y, but not too fast, her ankle's going. Jackie: I'll show you where my ankle's going!

Rose: You know what - they keep trying to split us up, but they never ever will.

The Doctor: Are you deducting? Rose: I think I am. The Doctor: Copper's hunch? Rose: Permission to follow up, Sarge?

The Doctor: Nobody else in this entire galaxy has ever bothered to make edible ball bearings, genius!

The Doctor: Upon appearing from the TARDIS. To Elton Someone wants a word with you. Rose: You upset my mum! Elton: glances at the Abzorbaloff ... Big, green, absorbing creature from outer space, and you're having a go at me? Rose: No one upsets my mum.

Ood: The Beast and his armies will rise from the pit to make war against God. Rose: I'm sorry? Ood: whacks communication sphere Apologies. I said "I hope you enjoy your meal".

The Doctor: to one of the clockwork robots Oh, brilliant! It's you! You're my favourite, you are! You are the best! Know why? 'Cause you're so...thick! You're Mr Thick-Thick-Thickety-Thickface from Thicktown, Thickania! slight pause And so's your dad!

When asked if there is anything on board The Doctor: Nah, nothing here. Well, nothing dangerous. Well, not that dangerous. Know what, I'll just have a quick scan... case there's anything dangerous.

Cassandra: possessing Rose for the second time Oh, chav-tastic again.

Cassandra: Goodness me, I'm a man! Yum. So many parts! And hardly used. Ungh.. Oh! Two hearts! Oh baby, I'm beating out a samba! Rose: Get out of him! Cassandra: Oooh, he's slim. And a little bit foxy. speaks suggestively to Rose You thought so too. I've been inside your head. You've been looking...you like it!

Rose: We're going home? The Doctor: Up to you. Back to your mum. It's all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast... No! Christmas! Turkey! Although, having met your mother, nut loaf would be more appropriate. Rose manages a small smile despite herself. The Doctor: Is that a smile? Rose: No. The Doctor: That was a smile. Rose: No, it wasn't. The Doctor: You smiled! Rose: No I didn't.

Rose: What happened? The Doctor: Don't you remember? Rose: sounding confused It's like... there was the singing... The Doctor: That's right. I sang a song and the Daleks ran away.

Female Programmer: Archive six is out-of-bounds. Jack: Holds up his dual machine guns. Do I look like an out-of-bounds sort of guy?

Rose: The thing is, Cardiff's got this rift running through the middle of the city, it's invisible, but it's like an earthquake fault between different dimensions. The Doctor: The rift was healed back in 1869... Rose: Thanks to a girl named Gwyneth, 'cos these creatures called the Gelth were using the rift as a gateway, but she saved the world and closed it. Jack: But closing a rift always leaves a scar and that scar generates energy, harmless to the human race... The Doctor: ...But perfect for the TARDIS, just park it here for a couple of days right on top of the scar and... Jack: ...Open up the engines, soak up the radiation... Rose: ...Like filling her up with petrol, and off we go... Jack: ...into time... Rose, Jack, the Doctor: ...AND SPACE! The three exchange high-fives Mickey : My God, have you seen yourselves? You all think you're so clever, don't you? The Doctor: Yep. Rose: Yeah. Jack: Yep.

Jack: She's got a teleport! That's cheating! Now we'll never get her! Rose: Oh, the Doctor's very good at teleports. Doctor uses sonic-screwdriver to bring Margaret back three times, each time closer than she was before. The Doctor: I could do this all day. Margaret Slitheen: out of breath This is persecution. Why can't you leave me alone? What did I ever do to you? The Doctor: You tried to kill me and destroy this entire planet. Margaret Slitheen: Apart from that.

Jack: Now hold on, ladies, I don't want to have to shoot either one of you. Trin-E: But you're unarmed! Zu-Zana: You're naked! Jack reaches behind him briefly, and returns holding a very small gun. Zu-Zana: But.. that's a compact laser delux. Trin-E: Where were you hiding that? Jack: You really don't wanna know.

Davinadroid: You are live on channel forty-four thousand. Please do not swear. The Doctor: You have got to be kidding.

Idris: The Lord Mayor says "thank you f-for popping by." She'd love to have a chat, but, um, she's up to her eyes in paperwork. Perhaps you would like to make an appointment for next week... The Doctor: happily She's climbing out the window, isn't she? Idris: Yes, she is.

K-9: Maximum defence mode! Mr. Finch: to Krillitanes, exasperated Forget the shooty dog thing!

Mickey: I'm their Man in Havana! I'm their technical support! I'm... realises Oh my God! I'm the tin dog!

Rose: So the royal family are werewolves? The Doctor: Well, maybe not yet, a single wolf cell would take... a hundred years to mature? Might be ready by early 21st century? Rose: Nah, that's just ridiculous. Mind you... Princess Anne... The Doctor: I'll say no more. Rose: giggling And if you think about it, they're very private. They plan everything in advance. They could schedule themselves round the moon, and we'd never know! she and the Doctor enter the TARDIS They like hunting! They love blood sport! laughing as the TARDIS dematerialises Oh my god, they're werewolves! the Doctor and Rose make howling noises

Rose: about the Koh-i-Noor How much is that worth? The Doctor: They say, the wages of the entire planet for a whole week. Rose: Good job my mum's not here or she'd be fighting the wolf off with her bare hands for that thing. The Doctor: She'd win

Rose: Only an idiot hang's the union flag upside down, shame on you. (a.n. And you actually can, apparently)

Captain Jack: Heh, okay, vanity, sorry. Yeah, can't help it. Used to be a poster boy, when I was a kid, living in the Boeshane Peninsula. Tiny place. I was the first ever to be signed up for the Time Agency. They were so proud of me. The Face of Boe, they called me. smiles I'll see you. He runs off The Doctor Quietly No.. Martha: It can't be. The Doctor: No... definitely not... no? Martha laughs The Doctor: mouthing silently No! He throws back his head and laughs

The world begins chanting the Doctor's name, he begins rejuvenating The Doctor: I've had a whole year to tune myself into the psychic network and integrate with its matrices. The Master: Stop! I order you to stop! The Doctor: The one thing you can't do... is stop them thinking. He begins rising upwards angelically Tell me the human race is degenerate now... when they can do this. The Master: with a look of horror and disbelief No! He shoots at the Doctor, but the laser energy is absorbed by a forcefield The Doctor: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Captain Jack: What do you say I use this perception filter to sneak up behind him and just break his neck? The Doctor: Now that sounds like Torchwood. Jack: still a good plan.

The Master: commenting on the Teletubbies to the Toclafane Television, in their stomachs. Now that, is evolution

The Master: about the Time Lords' death. All of them? But not you, which must mean... The Doctor: I was the only one who could end it. And I tried, I did; I tried everything. The Master: What did it feel like, though? Two almighty civilizations, burning. Oh, tell me, how did that feel? The Doctor: Stop it. The Master: You must have been like god. The Doctor: I've been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don't you see, all we've got is each other. The Master: Are you asking me out on a date?

The Doctor: to Sally, when she tries to remind him who she is Sorry, I've got a complex life. Things sometimes don't happen to me in the right order. Especially weddings. I'm awful with weddings. Especially my own.

Baines/Son of Mine: rapidfire Headmaster, sir! Good evening, sir. Come to give me a caning, sir? Would you like that, sir?

Scannell: This is never your ship. The Doctor: Compact, eh? And another good word: Robust. Barely a scorch mark on her.

The Doctor: 379. It's a sequence of happy primes, 379. Martha: Happy what? The Doctor: Just enter it! Riley: Are you sure? We only get one chance. The Doctor: Any number that reduces to one when you take the sum of the square of its digits and continue iterating until it yields 1 is a happy number, any number that doesn't, isn't. A happy prime is both happy and prime. NOW TYPE IT IN! turns to captain I don't know, talk about dumbing down. Don't they teach recreational mathematics anymore?

The Doctor: And that's two impossible things we've seen so far tonight. grins Don't you just love it when that happens?

The Doctor: Oh, they've got nibbles! takes some I love nibbles.

Lazarus: grasps Tish's hand That's an interesting perfume. What's it called? Tish: visibly disgusted Soap.

Lilth: And as for you, Sir Doctor... she pauses as he stares back at her fascinating. There is no name. Why would a man hide his title in such despair? Oh! smirks but look... there's still one word with the power of the days... The Doctor: The naming won't work on me. Lilth: But your heart grows cold, the north wind blows, and carries down the distant... Rose? The Doctor: instantly incensed, the Doctor stands up and strides toward Lilith to loom over her Oh, big mistake, 'cause that name keeps me fighting!

The Doctor: Come on! We can all have a good flirt later! William Shakespeare: Is that a promise, Doctor? The Doctor: Ooooh, fifty-seven academics just punched the air!

The Doctor: Just think. When you get back, you could tell everyone that you've seen Shakespeare. Martha: And then I could get sectioned!

Martha Jones: Do you have to pass a test to fly this thing? The Doctor: lands TARDIS Yes, and I failed it!

Martha: Oh no, no. Martha turns heel and dashes back out as the Doctor waits inside, a look on his face as if he's heard this too many times before But.. it's just a box! Martha runs around the ship, inspecting its smaller outside dimensions But it's huge! she comes back to peer at the Doctor How does it do that? It's wood! It's like a box with that room just crammed in. It's... The Doctor mouths the next few words along with her bigger on the inside! The Doctor: Sarcastically Is it? I hadn't noticed.

Martha: You never even told me who you are! The Doctor: The Doctor. Martha: But what sort of species? It's not every day I get to ask that... The Doctor: I'm a Time Lord. Martha: Right, not pompous at all then!

The Doctor: Judoon platoon upon the moon...

Jackie: Whimpering I'm gonna be killed by a Christmas tree!

Spike complains about the lack of "Weetabix" cereal. Giles: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all. Again. Spike: Get some more. Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood. Spike: Yep. Well, sometimes, I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood -- give it a little texture. Giles: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself. Spike: Sissy

Buffy: Spike and I are getting married! Xander: How? What? How? Giles: Three excellent questions. Spike: to Buffy What are you looking at? Buffy: The man I love. She and Spike kiss, long and salaciously. Xander and Anya avert their eyes. Xander: Can I be blind too?

To the Doctor, on Sarah and Rose meeting Mickey: Aww, mate! The missus and the ex! Welcome to every man's worst nightmare!

The Doctor: And you decided to scream? Mickey: It took me by surprise! The Doctor: Like a little girl? Mickey: It was dark! I was covered in rats! The Doctor: Nine, maybe ten years old. I'm seeing pigtails, frilly skirt...

Major Blake: The President is insisting that he takes control of the situation. Harriet Jones: You can tell the President, and please use these exact words; "He's not my boss, and he's certainly not turning this into a war."

"Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
"Loved it," said Lupin briskly. "'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question."
"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.
"Think I did," said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin..."
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

A week after Fred and George's departure, Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves, who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier, and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth, "It unscrews the other way."
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

"You’re not by any chance writing out a new order form, are you?" said Mrs. Weasley shrewdly. "You wouldn’t be thinking of restarting Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, by any chance?"
"Now, Mum," said Fred, looking up at her, a pained look on his face. "If the Hogwarts Express crashed tomorrow, and George and I died, how would you feel to know that the last thing we ever heard from you was an unfounded accusation?"
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-"
"Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing." Percy scowled.
"That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley.
"Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seized her hand too. "How really corking to see you-"
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Ron: "Who're you going with then?"
Fred: "Angelina."
Ron: "What? You've already asked her?"
Fred: "Good point. Oi, Angelina! Want to come to the ball with me?"
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides.
"So-after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating-"
"Jordan!" growled Professor McGonagall.
"I mean, after that open and revolting foul-"
"Jordan, I'm warning you-"
"All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure..."
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

"7and a half hours to save the world, isnt there some law that says we get at least 24?" Holly short: the opal deception

He glanced up sharply when Holly entered through the pneumatic double doors.
“Anybody see you come in here?”
Holly thought about it.
“The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.”
Foaly frowned. “The EIB?”
“Everyone in the building.” Holly smirked.
--Artemis Fowl, page 42

“Clear,” she said into her microphone. “I’m going in. Foaly, have you got your ears on?”
“I’m right there with you, darlin’,” replied the centaur. “Unless you step on a land mine, in which case I’m way back in the Operations Room.”
--Artemis Fowl, page 265

'Butler glanced across at him from his perch on the knoll.
"How did that go?" he asked. "Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age?"
"Fabulous," said Artemis, voice dripping with sarcasm. "We're planning a June wedding."' --Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony

Stewie: My, what a thumping good read! Lions eating christians, people nailing each other to 2-by-4's. I say you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh!

"Very theatrical, I rather like this God fellow" stewie: family guy (while reading bible)

(Captn jack Sparrow) "Don't touch my dirt." -PotC: DMC

(Captn jack Sparrow) "alas my brethren you will always remember this as the day you -gets taken out by wave- Cap'n Jack Sparrow" -PotC: DMC

(Becett) "you can fight and all of you will die, or you can not fight in which case only most of you will die." PotC: AWE

(Captn jack Sparrow) "and that was without one drop of rum" PotC: AWE

(Captn jack Sparrow) "Ladies! Will you please shut it? Listen to me. Yes, I lied to you. No, I don't love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I've never been to Brussels. It is pronounced "egregious". By the way, no, I've never met Pizzaro but I love his pies. And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy?"
-Giselle slaps Jack- -Scarlett slaps Jack-
-Jack turns around and slaps Gibbs- PotC: AWE

(a.n if ur still reading congrats)

Favorite Cannon

Jack/Ianto

Owen/Tosh

Doctor/Rose

Harry/Ginny

Ron/Hermione

Holly/Artemis

Buffy/Spike

Willow/Tara

Elphaba/Glinda

OK Cannon

Jack/Gwen

Gwen/Rhys

Buffy/Angel

Willow/Kennedy

Elphaba/Fiyero

Non-Cannon

Harry/Hermione

Hermione/Draco

Glinda/Fiyero (I think it's pretty obvious he doesn't love her)

Cannons that I kill people with

Jack/Tosh (WTF?)

Jack/Owen (ditto)

Doctor/anyone but Rose

Ron/Ginny (ummmmmm INBRED, YUK!)

Holly/Chix

Holly/Root (throws up in corner)

Holly/Grub

Hermione/Voldemort (whoever thought up that i want to know what you were on (and where to get it))

The Jewish Man

A Jewish man walks into a church and says "Rabbi, I need your help, my son has converted to christianity!"

and the Rabbi says "Alright I'll consult God tonight, please come back tomorrow"

the next day the Rabbi says "I'm sorry I cant help you, God says he has the same problem" (1, 2, 3... YOU GET THE JOKE!)

Mum, I hate tomato soup!

Shut up son, we only have it once a month (EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW)

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexics Association

Fav Songs

I am slowly going crazy

I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

(repeat until you have made the other people in the room homicidal)

Every sperm is sacred (from Monty pythons the meaning of life)

wierd thing (sorta like me)

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are.
The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

If you could read that put it in your profile

And for the record Mr. Hot Shot Russell T. Davies director producer man

Strike 1: You sent Rose Tyler to a parrallel universe

Strike 2: You killed Owen once

Strike 3: You killed Owen again and you murdered Toshiko

...You are just one cruel, twisted yet somehow brilliant for making the show what is, but nonetheless sick man aren't you? (and now, YOU'RE OUT!!)

If you agree, put this on your profile

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.

You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with!

You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that, my children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

"I am sick of people having a near death experience and saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD…it’s a MAGLIGHT!” ~Tony V.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

"Skill is being able to walk across Niagra Falls on a tightrope without falling. Intelligence is not trying."

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Not lifting weights doesn't kill me. Therefore, not lifting weights makes me stronger.

A blonde just texted me and asked, "What does idk mean?". I said 'I don't know' and she said 'omg nobody does'.

I love shooting stars... and Justin Timberlake is next in line...

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"A day without sunshine is like night."

Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.

please note:
CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN CANCELLED!
apparently, YOU told Santa that you have been GOOD this year...
He died laughing

"Nobody goes to McDonald's for their salads. That's like going to a crackhouse for vitamins."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

I had a wet dream about you last night...
I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff!

I don't have ADD...and I really don't see where you're getting the idea from. Oh look, a chicken!

I don't understand why cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's day. When I think about romance, The last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon

"I've had a REALLY bad day! I rear-ended a car today. The driver got out of the other car and he was a DWARF! He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT Happy!" So I said, "Well then, which one ARE you?" That's how the fight started."

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

"Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening."

What ever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Whatever doesn't kill ME, had better run like hell!

Knowlege is knowing that a Tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

A good mum lets you lick the beaters. A great mum turns off the mixer first.

There are three types of people...those who can count...and those who can't

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

In a British University, a final exam question on Business was:"Define what risk is".
The shortest answer ever at one word was :"This."
The student handed the essay in and got 100.

Don't go knocking on death's door, ring the doorbell and run, he hates that!!

Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

One fine day in the middle of the night two dead men got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other got out their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and came to arrest the two young boys. If you don't believe my story's true ask the blind man he saw it too!

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how the hell you did it.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

"As an artist, English is my second language."

"Space. It seems to go on and on forever. Then you get to the end, and a monkey starts throwing barrels at you."

"Two men look out a window: One sees mud, the other sees stars."

"Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation."

"Science does not know its debt to imagination."

"Lord have mercy on my enemies, cause I sure as hell won't."

"Never judge a book by its movie. "

"Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

"The first casualty of war is always truth."

"The real proof there's intelligent life out there because they've never tried to contact us."

"I stopped believe in fairies, dragons, good people, and other mythological creatures a long time ago."

"I know Karate... And a few other Japanese words!"

"Our sun is one of 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Our galaxy is one of billions of galaxies populating the universe. It would be the height of presumption to think that we are the only living things in that enormous immensity."

"Imagination is intelligence having fun."

Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

"You have enemies? Good, because that means you've stood for something sometime in your life."

Boycott shampoo! demand REAL poo!

"You spend the first two years of your childs life teaching them to walk and talk, then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up."

"Whoever says nothing's impossible should try nailing jello to a tree."

"Some people are like slinkies; useless, but entertaining to watch as they fall down stairs."

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWAHAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life

7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. Reason #1... 'nuff said!

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a concieted snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

~STOP STEREOTYPES! IF YOU HATE STEREOTPYES AND WANT THEM TO STOP, COPY THIS LIST INTO YOUR PROFILE AND BOLD-IFY THE ONES YOU ARE

Homophobia and You

(author unknown)

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Copy to your profile if you agree

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insanse, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your fist repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this in your profile.

93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you're Defying Gravity, and no one can pull you down, copy this into your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you read in bed until past 3 in the morning, put this on your profile!

If you have TONS of books in your room and think it's odd when people just stare at them, put this on your profile!

If you believe teenagers are sterotyped, put this on your profile!

If you have been high on diet coke, put this on your profile!

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.

If you don't think Orlando Bloom is God's gift to women, then copy and paste this into your profile. (a.n sorry guys)

I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, deathxbyxdawnxgurl, weasleybabe24, ga nat nat, evil older sister, Frozenfan, slygirl16, Raxacoricofallapatorius, B00K FREAK

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you are Doctor Who/Torchwood obsessed, copy this into your profile.

If you could read a 700 page book in a day copy and paste this in your profile.

Whovian and PROUD!

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that in reality the Doctor's universe is real and we live on a parallel world where he does not exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your carcass off.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think rap is the most God-awfulest thing to ever be called "music," and that rappers are wanna-be's who are being paid to make fools out of themselves and can't even sing, copy and paste this into your profile.--And always remember. Crap can't be spelled without first spelling rap.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever heard of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

WHETHER IT'S BETWEEN TWO MALES, TWO FEMALES, OR A MALE AND A FEMALE, LOVE IS LOVE!! ...if you agree, put this in your profile.

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'em, put this in your profile.

If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile.

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile! (a.n Jesus that hurt, I was on roller blades, and that hill was STEEP!)

If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you've ever started singing out loud for no reason known to man copy and paste this in your profile

If your profile is long copy and paste this into your profile and add your name: The Silly Bee, Crazy About Harry Potter, Toe-Jam-Stuff Crazy Psycho Book Freak

If you're freaking sick of all the MarthaDoctor fics, put this on your profile. (a.n. well I'm not really sick of them cos anyone who posts them gets lynched by people like me but...)

Geeks are smart. Geeks are cool. Geeks make up over 70 percent of the Universe's populace, or this one's, anyway. So geeks overpower all the rich and popular people, anyway. If you are a geek and proud of it, put this on your profile. (a.n. I am actually a nerd but you know, most people don't care)

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you're one of the smart beings who knew that Rose would return someday, put this on your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmemories, Misfit Band Geek,Laby Anne Boleyn, Horsie Friend, kiss-her-theta, Crazy Psycho Book Freak

If you love it when your room is a mess, but your mum/dad disagrees, copy and paste this into your profile (a.n. it's not mess! it's organised chaos)

Grammar Nazis will rule the world someday. If you are a grammar nazi, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you solemly swear you are up to no good copy and paste this into your profile

If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered if you were adopted because of your sibling, copy this into your profile.

If you are a bookworm, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. stateofmind7337, Shadowxwolf, Crazy Psycho Book Freak

If you avoid people who are permanently smiling at all costs, copy and paste this into your profile

If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and throw those lemons back in the face of the person who gave them to you until you get the oranges you originally asked for

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If YOU get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile

If you like David Tennant more than Orlando Bloom, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that the Doctor and Rose should have got together and run off to make lots of little time babies then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear bits off TV shows or Movies in your head but don't know whether its on a nearby TV or not put this on your profile

If you dislike those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this to your profile.

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, put this in your profile.

If you've ever done the above on purpose, put this in your profile, also.

If you think flamers should get a life, put this in your profile.

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it have written, and you are one of the aforementioned people, copy and paste this into your profile.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off its orbit" for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this into your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If you like David Tennant more than Orlando Bloom, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a bookworm, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list. stateofmind7337, Shadowxwolf, Crazy Psycho Book Freak

If you collect copy and pastes, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you confuse people with big words, then tell them to look it up in the dictionary, but they never do and keep pestering you until you tell them what it means, but didn't tell them, put this on your profile!

If at least once a week someone mispronounces / misspells your name, put this on your profile!

If you can easily finish a novel in one day, put this on your profile!

If you've ever wanted to go into a book & strangle the characters for being SO dumb, put this on your profile!

95 of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus was standing on the edge of a tower ready to jump, copy and paste if your a part of the 5 yelling "Jump Bitch!"

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your fashion sense is "is it comfortable?", copy this to your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

Russell T Davies is evil and a genius. Mainly because he's brilliant and tries to hide it behind cruelty and coldness (towards, mainly, the poor Doctor and Rose). If you agree that Davies is an evil genius but has good intentions, copy this into your profile.

Steven Moffat classified Rose Tyler as the Doctor's "needy girlfriend," and that he had to hand it to the Doc for ditching her and 'palming her off on a copy of himself.' If this statements makes you very, very angry, join the club! (and copy this into your profile!)

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong,

I can’t speak at all,

Or else I'm locked up

All day long.

When I'm awake, I'm all alone.

The house is dark,

My folks aren’t home.

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try to hide

From his evil eyes,

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door.

He’s already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I’m sorry!" I scream

But its now much too late,

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please, let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor.

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

Are You Having a Bad Day?

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was 80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from the onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an ax, leaving her with permanent severe brain damage.

3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a plank of wood that had been by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to the slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

AND THE WINNER IS...

5. An Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was killed in the explosion.

See... You're not having such a bad day.

Randomly list 12 characters from your fav TV show

1 – Toshiko

2 – Rose

3 – Owen

4 – Ianto

5 – Jack

6 – Sarah-Jane

7 – Dalek

8 – 10th Doctor

9 – Mickey

10 – Martha

11 – John Lumik

12– Gwen

1.Have you ever read a 6/11 fic?

Sarah-Jane and John Lumik? thats soooooooo wrong.

2.Do you think 4 is hot? How hot?

Ianto? totally! but i prefer 8

3.What would happen if 12 got 8 pregnant?

Gwen got the Doctor pregnant? Rose'd kill her.

4.Can you recall any fics about 9?

not really... sorry Mickey.

5.Would 2 and 6 make a good couple?

Rose/Sarah-Jane don't get me started on how wrong that is

6.What would happen if 7 walked in on 2 and 12 having sex?

If a Dalek walked in on Rose and Gwen having sex it's shoot them, lol.

7.Make a summary for a 3/10 fic.

Owen/Martha, "She saw him, live, die and come back, but he's lonely, Martha does well with lonely guys"

8.Is there such thing as 1/8 fluff?

Tosh/10th doctor? maybe, pity they've only met once

9. Suggest a title for a 7/12 comfort fic.

Dalek/Gwen, uuuhhh, hmmmmmm, Beauty and the beast! but which ones which?

10.What kind of plot would you use for 4 to deflower 1? Ianto and Tosh, no idea.

11.Does anyone on your friends list read 3 het?

Owen, uhhh none of my friends are really into TW

12.Do any of your friends write/draw 11?

No, ditto

13.Would anyone of your friends list write 2/4/5?

Rose/Ianto/Jack? alright threesome actually, all things considerd, but ditto.

14.What might 10 scream at a moment of great passion?

Martha, uuuuhhhmmmmmmmm, no idea

15. If you wrote a songfic about 8, what song would you choose?

10th Doctor, "gotta be somebody" by Nickleback

16. If you wrote a 1/6/12 fic, what would the warning be?

Tosh/Sarah-Jane/Gwen? Warning – very OOC, slash

17.What might be a good pick-up line for 10 to use on 2?

For Martha to use on Rose? “Sooooo, the Doctor told me to give you a test run before he did"

18.When was the last time you read a fic about 5?

About Jack? ummmm, i re-read "smells and noises" the other day

19.What is 6’s super secret kink?

the sonic lipstick, it's got three settings!

20.Would 11 shag 9? Drunk or sober?

Would a John Lumic shag Mickey? LOL maybe if he was drunk, pity, he can't walk, can't exactly jump him...

21.If 3 and 7 get together, who tops?

Owen and a Dalek? Owen can't shag, lol

23.How would you feel if 7/8 was canon?

Dalek/10th Doctor, probably I'd revolt and kill the writers and the Dalek and BRING ROSE BACK!! oh wait, i'd do that anyway!

Now it's your turn!

WAYS TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. Avoid using punctuation

2. Finish all sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"

3. Have your co-workers address you as you wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

4. When someone invites you to a party, tell them a week in advance that you can't attend because "you're not in the mood".

5. When you go through a drive through, specify that your order is "to go".

6. When you go out to eat, order a diet water with a serious face.

7. At a store, set all clock radios to a polka station, turn the volume all the way up, then set them to go off all at the same time.

8. At work, switch the coffee in the break room to decaf, then when everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch it to espresso.

9. Decorate your office with mesquito netting and toucans and seashells and play tropical music all day.

10. At the zoo, exit while screaming, "They're loose, run for your lives!"

Instructions for Health

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps

"CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop.

"IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal

"A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual

"TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO." -Infantry Journal

"TRACERS WORK BOTH WAYS." -U.S. Army Ordnance

"FIVE-SECOND FUSES ONLY LAST THREE SECONDS." -Infantry Journal

"BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID." -David Hackworth

"IF YOUR ATTACK IS GOING TOO WELL, YOU'RE WALKING INTO AN AMBUSH." -Infantry Journal

"NO COMBAT-READY UNIT HAS EVER PASSED INSPECTION." -Joe Gay

"ANY SHIP CAN BE A MINESWEEPER...ONCE." -Anon

"NEVER TELL THE PLATOON SERGEANT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO." -Unknown Marine Recruit

"DON'T DRAW FIRE; IT IRRITATES THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU." -Infantry Journal

"IF YOU SEE A BOMB TECHNICIAN RUNNING, TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HIM." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

If you spent years discussing, and theorizing about what would be Harry Potter's final fate, you are a true member of the Potter Generation.

There is only one Potter Generation and if you are a true member of it you have a right to boast. You have the right to be angered at little kids who cut in front of you while you were in line waiting to get the final Harry Potter book. You have the right to swear angrily aloud about children who see the movies yet do not read the books. You have the right to know that you, of all other Harry Potter fans, have been there from beginning to end and for ten years you have grown with Harry along his epic journey. You are a true member of the Potter Generation--embrace it.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Fire And Ice

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost

The Tyger, by William Blake

Tyger Tyger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, and what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger Tyger burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?