OK, screwball quotes, weird things i find amusing, and bumper stickers, coming up.

Here's one about how God is always with you. Oddly, it's more believable than Footprints. I found it on AkitaFallow's account, and decided to be one of the 7 who repost it. I challenge you to do the same.

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers
will not stand up for God?

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what...and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. I bet 93 of you people that read this won't repost

More stuff from AkitaFallow's profile, that I had to copy/paste. You do it too, it's fun!

If you didn't update all or one of your stories in a year, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are songs that make you cry, copy this into your profile.

If there are songs that are your exact life story or close to it, copy this into your profile.

R etards

A ttempting

P oetry

If you agree, copy this into your profile.

If you actually read all of this (and I don't mean skimmed, or read all of it after seeing this), Congratulations! If you have an absurdly long profile copy and past this to make it longer!!

('-/')
(v ,)' _ )-.\ -'
((,.-' ((,/

This is the puppy. Can you see him? If you can, the puppy would like you to be his own personal slave. He also wants to beat Bunny in his conquest of the world. Copy and paste him into your profile and help him make slaves of us all!

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

More copy/paste crap

If you're a Wikipedian, copy this and paste this into your profile.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY! If you have anger management problems, copy this and paste this into your profile.

HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO! If you are loud (and I mean loud!), copy this amd paste this into your profile.

What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to be like when you grow up? If you're certain of the answer, copy this and paste this into your profile.

WHEEEEE! LET'S BE JELLY BEANS! If you wanna be a jelly bean, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you live in a (insert adjective here) place, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you're a Harry Potter geek (or nerd!), copy this and paste this into your profile.

BOOO! If you're planning to be something scary for Halloween (and I mean scary!), copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read these 'copy and paste' things, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you think you do these 'copy and paste' things too much (but you still do it anyway), copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you do these 'copy and paste' things just to make your profile longer (which I think is totally cool!), copy this and paste this into your profile.

And still more

If you're a nerd (and you're proud of it!), copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you're a geek (and you're proud of it!), copy this and paste this into your profile.

(GIRLS ONLY) If you're a tomboy (and you're proud of it!), copy this and paste this into your profile.

And yet more

If you're a workaholic joining millions of Americans, copy this and paste this into your profile. (Oh, and please don't work so much. It's not good for you.)

If you have ever attempted Alchemy by clapping your hands or drawing a transmutation circle, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you are 15 years old or older and you still have an imaginary friend, copy this and paste this into your profile.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If you are evil, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you're an activist against drunk driving, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you're an activist against drug addiction, copy this and cpaste this into your profile.

If you strongly support women's rights, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you think girls are cool and should rule the world, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you support the idea of women running for President, copy this and paste this into your profile.

X3! If you love making sidefaces, copy this and paste this into your profile.

WHEEEE! If you're amused easily (and I mean very easily), copy this and paste this into your profile.

I think I'm addicted to copy/paste crap!

If you love ice cream, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you're really hyper right now, copy this and paste this into your profile.

WHAT! If you have bad hearing, copy this and paste this into your profile.

I LIKE CUPCAKES! If you are random, copy this and paste this into your password.

If you have ever ran into a door before, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a tree before, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you're a pyromaniac or any other kind of maniac, copy this and paste this into your profile.

And still more. What's wrong with me?!

If you think Bratz are stupid and and deserve to die, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If you have a strange phobia (bufanophobia, autophobia, etc) copy this and paste this into your profile.

Who are you? You look familiar...If you have short or long term memory loss, copy this and paste this into your profile.

:) If you like to smile a lot, copy this and paste this into your profile.

And more again.

If ‘meep?’ is part of your regular vocabulary, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the person who came up with Copy and Pastes was a genius, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you truly believe the marshmallow men are after you to bring you to a lovely padded cell, but none of your friends will believe you, copy and paste this into your profile.

Yeah, I know. I have issues. If you're the same, copy and paste. You know the drill.

If you're a Seeker, of anything, or a fan of The Seekers, copy and paste this into your profile. Also copy/paste if you think you could play Seeker in Quidditch. (Yeah, an original one, for once. I'm weird.)

If you think those stupid kids should just let the poor Lucky Charms leprechaun eat his breakfast, copy and paste this onto you profile.

If you're proud of yourself because you looked this far down, copy and paste this into your profile.

More of them! I'm nuts!

30 of kids go to college. the other 70 either drop out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are on of the 30 that KNOW that your going to college put this on your profile and add your name to the list. EcoliandDahChihuahua, Gaara's-pandachan101, Evilfangirl, Feareth the Kitty,Monko25, leafninja345435, animemaniac-101, SilverAngel90,SeyoukaiStar,kohano haru,fruitsbasketangel OneSong05, Ayumi Elric, AkitaFallow, Terri Granger-Durham

If you have pretended to be someone your not but learned it's better to be you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tried to fly without a plane or any other flying machine/type thing, and SUCCEEDED, copy and paste this into your profile (I did for about 2 seconds)

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever choked on your own spit, copy and paste this onto your profile

Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.

If you ever just started doing this copy/pastes just to get your profile longer and got totally addicted to them, copy and paste this to your profile!

So many of these. What is wrong with the world that people have enough time to create these?!

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever run into a wall while being total sugar high copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are the complete opposite of normal, copy this into your profile.

--Girls--
--are like apples--
--on trees. The best ones--
--are at the top of the tree.--
--The boys don't want to reach--
--for the good ones because they--
-r afraid of falling and getting hurt.-
-Instead, they get the rotten apples--
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something wrong w/ them when in
-reality they're amazing. They just--
--have to wait for the right boy to
-- come along, the one who's-
-- brave enough to--
--climb all--
--the way--
--to the top--
--of the tree.--

Did you know...

it's good to cry.

chicken soup actually makes you feel better.

94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.

lying is actually unhealthy.

it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.

89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.

chocolate will make you feel better.

most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.

a good friend never judges.

boys aren't worth your tears.

we all love surprises.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile

If you think those reallllly annoying kids should shut up and just buy their own box of Lucky Charms, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gone so insane that your friends were scared of you the next day, copy this into your profile.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.

Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button, you will be disconnected.

If you have a complex fear of mosquitoes due to idiot doctors referring to injections as 'just a little mozzie bite', copy and... ah screw it, you know the drill

If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you ran up a "Down" escalator, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever mistaken a stick for a snake, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

Holy heck, will these ever end?! If you agree, copy and paste... well, you know.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

I want child abuse to stop, and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile. Thank you to DemonDaughter, for opening my eyes even more to the tragic events of child abuse.

If you believe that the government should make levees, not war, copy this into your profile.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO

If you think the people who don't do copy/pastes are just too damn lazy, copy and paste this to your profile!

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

Too many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, put this in your profile.

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, add this to your bio.

If you like to read people's profiles when you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against real fur on clothing then put this on your profile.

If you think that if women should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

Wow, this is getting long!

if you have ever yelled something random in a large crowd of people, copy this onto your profile and add your name to the list. itachilover7 (it was only when school let out...i woke the next day with a sore throat), Kuro Uchiha (...same as itachilover7) Ayumi Elric (not me, I'm just crazy that way), AkitaFallow (I don’t quite remember what… I’ve done it too many times… U-.-) Terri Granger-Durham. (don't remember when, do remember the weird looks I got.)

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

I solemnly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers), copy this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile

If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to you're profile.

If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you always say 'uhhhh...' when someone questions you, instead of replying shortly, copy/paste this into your profile.

A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who won't say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing too, just to help you cry. If you have a true friend, copy/paste this into your profile. -Kudos to TrueThinker-

If you've ever busted a move/burst into song randomly, copy/paste this into your profile.

IF YOU LOVE CAPS LOCK, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!

If copy and pastes have taken control of your mind, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

if you think that fighting is fun, but war is pointless, copy this onto your profile.

If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

If your parents have ever told you that you weren't normal, and are proud of it copy this to your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile

A friend tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their butt off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!'

SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! If you are really random put this on your profile.

If you have ever helped out a noob, copy and paste this into your profile. And good for you.

If your perfectly aware that ENVY IS A FRICKING GUY! Copy and paste this!

If you have ever walked into a wall while reading, copy and paste this into your profile while not walking and reading this.

If you're putting this in your profile only for entertainment purposes and to make your profile longer then it already is because that's just plain awesome, copy and paste this into your profile to make it longer then it already is by copying and pasting this into the profile you're trying to make longer and yes, I'm completely aware that I'm saying all this just to make this cope and paste a hell of a lot longer then it has to be, I'm just smart like that!

If you've ever copied something from someone else's profile, copy this onto your profile! (Wtf?)

If you enjoy the copy and paste feature, show your appreciation by copy and pasting this into your profile!

If you're a self-proclaimed genius, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you have OORFS (Over Obsessive Rabid Fangirl Syndrome) and ish proud, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you've ever repeated a copy and paste and were just too lazy to delete this, copy and paste this to your profile!

If you've ever been on the computer hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to this list: danyan, zEIDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Firehawk, Rainfire, Snowfur, Firestar's Gal, Faithrose, Spell-A-Casters, Ayumi Elric, AkitaFallow

If you are a person who acts friendly but actually has an evil mind and are plotting world domination, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've read people's profiles to copy and paste things to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you or your best friends are insane, copy and paste this to your profile, and add your name to this list: Faithrose, Spell-A-Casters, Ayumi Elric. AkitaFallow

If you have beyond violent mood swings, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you can memorize lyrics to a song at first glance, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you get way too happy when someone copy and pastes your copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile

If you are any of these nationalities, and people keep telling you you have an accent from a different country, copy this.

If you think Australia's national anthem is outdated and shouldn't be used to advertise this great nation, copy this. (Only applies if you know the words to Advance Australia Fair.)

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you all ready have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this onto your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile.

Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict. (I’ll finish my profile later)

Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. (even though I've lost an argument with myself a few times...I blame my inner personas)

If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' COULD, copy this into your profile.

If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you hear voices in your head and know that they are real put this on your profile. (They're my...spirit guides/muses)

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.

If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!

If you fricking LOVE these copy and pastes, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you have ever spent more than six hours straight on the computer then copy and paste this into your profile, add your name to the list. PenginYasha, leafninja345435, Tsukiko The Librarian, TheCrazyScotswomanOfD00M, Ayumi Elric, AkitaFallow, Terri Granger-Durham

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something twice and not even noticed, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever copied and pasted something into your profile twice or more and not notice until pointed out; and were to lazy to delete it; copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list of forgetful/lazy people. Tsuki Sister Cattsuki, Ayumi Elric, AkitaFallow, Terri Granger-Durham

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like
bagels.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favourite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favourite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in FMA. Crazy is when you run into a pole and say as your excuse you were daydreaming about your fictional boyfriend Edward. Crazy is when you pee yourself in public and hug your imaginary boyfriend Sanchez for support. Crazy is when your alter egos begin to boss you around and date fictional characters while you are crying in a corner, then you burst into a happy song when someone asks you what’s the matter. Crazy is when you are bored you start talking to your alter egos and somehow kill one of the alter egos boyfriend, and now you are hiding from her wrath even though she is in your head. Crazy is obsessing over Edward Elric and marrying him and fangirling over him constantly. Crazy is when your fanfiction penname becomes a completely different person who’s the exact opposite of you, and you build an imaginary world for him/her to live in with Edward and Alphonse Elric. Crazy is when you KNOW the marshmallow men are after you, but no one will believe you. Crazy is having a conversation with a mirror (especially if the mirror is cracked; then you're talking to thousands of yourself...). If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmaun mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt
tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses
and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs rpsoet it.

If you love italics, copy and paste this to your profile!

If you made it all the way to the end of this crap, give yourself a pat on the back, and copy this into your profile.

This so tragically true. Once again from AkitaFallow

OMG this made me cry...

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl; I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could
When I heard that crack; Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college; I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy on that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married; I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress; Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now; the time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have; I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "Mummy, I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would, pass this around
I'd be happy if you could; don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on, maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart for the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Slightly connected in sentiment to the above. Otherwise random. If you agree with it, or believe in it, copy and paste. "So I'll see you on the far shore, I'll see you when we'll dream again of golden days and nights we've yet to know. Yes I'll see you on the far shore, I'll see you then, I know I will, 'cause we've still got a long long way to go." - Far Shore. Recorded by The Seekers. I don't remember who wrote it, but when I find the writer's credit, I'll update this.

Very weird random stuff I thought was cool.

Have an American history teacher explain this-- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford'.

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Weird, huh?

Another lot of strange stuff.

Did you ever think of these?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

OK, here's the next chapter of Infuriating Potterverse. I'm borrowing it from Mugglenet,com, and AkitaFallow.

Copied from Mugglenet.Com

123 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort; Sure-fire ways to get yourself killed, or at least Crucio'd round the block and back again

Started by Amanda Lack (stars_planets_clocks), and added to by countless others

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there...

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'

29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, O Dark One' whenever he starts to talk of what caused him to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.'

36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping!

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban.'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'

51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'

52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.

53. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party.

54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.

55. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles.

56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'

57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.

58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.

59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.

60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?'

61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.

62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London...

63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.

64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.

65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.

66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.

67. Steal, snap and bury his wand.

68. Tell him Lucius did it.

69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details.

70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.

71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.

72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'

73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'

74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son.

75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'

76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.'

77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.

78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'

80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle.

81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric aquaintance.

82. Cuddle him at random moments.

83. Sign him up for Little-League.

84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.

85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.

86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'

87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.

88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.

89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.

90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.

91. Write sonnets for him.

92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.

93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'

95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'

96. Mock his baldness.

97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')

98. Get him drunk.

99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'

100. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.

101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive.

102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'

103. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'

104. Three words: Potter Puppet Pals.

105. Ask him where he gets his garlic-scented soap.

106. Ask him to dye Easter eggs with you.

107. ..at Christmas.

108. Make him dance in the rain with you.

109. Insist that this is to cleanse his soul.

110. "Accidentally" schedule him a haircut.

111. ..even though he's bald.

112. Be offended by everything he says.

113. When he gives you an order, stare at him blankly and drool.

114. Invite him to go streaking.

115. Kill Harry.

116. On the next Valentine's Day, decorate his lair.

117. ..make sure the decorations are pink and frilly.

118. Tell him that getting the same plastic surgeon as Michael Jackson was definitely a bad idea.

119. Paint his fingernails hot pink while he's sleeping, then place a permanent sticking charm on them so he can't remove the color.

120. Whenever you look at him cover your eyes with your hands and scream "IT BURNS!"

121. Bake him scar shaped cookies, but insist it wasn't purposeful.

122. Trade his black robes in for pink pajamas.

123. Insist that it's opposite day and paint a lightning bolt on his forehead.

And Itzika's addition... 124. Read this list to him out loud. Make sure to do all the voices, motions, and sound effects and to laugh at appropriate intervals.

Cool, but strange.

WHO DOES THE WORK?

Who's working anyway?

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,
Sitting on your butt,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

This is a tragedy. Copy this if you are joining the crusade against homophobes.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.

Lord, help me to be the type of person my dog thinks I am. If you agree, copy and paste this, plus the below.

HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter animals in order to prevent unwanted animals.

Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet.

Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY.

NOTE FROM DOC AND EVE: For the love of all that is sweet and just in this world, TRY to find your pet a good home before dumping them in a shelter! They love us, are loyal to us and are truer friends than any two legger could be! They give us so much; PLEASE TRY TO RETURN THE FAVOR!! If you want to save at least one unwanted pet, copy and paste this into your profile!!

Give your mutt a dog choc, and a hug, then re-post this. And if reading this makes you miss your year 11 (or equivalent) science project, re-post this. Mavis, I'll never forget you, little one. Please don't suffocate on your new imprint object, wherever you are. If you had an experience like this, re-post, with a mini-message to your little baby darling.

This is amazingly true.

I don't care if you're gay or straight, everybody needs love.
I don't care if you're diseased with an incurable sickness, everybody deserves a chance.
I don't care if you're ugly or pretty, everybody has flaws.
I don't care if you're black or white, everybody has the same capabilities.
I don't care if you're weird, everybody needs to change.
I don't care if you're rich or poor, everybody needs warmth.
I don't care if you're different, everybody is.
Repost this if you agree with it.