:~: My Blog! :~:

:~: Monthly Status :~:

July 09: Is kinda thinking about life a little.

June 09: Totally missed it.

May 09: It's still to early to say, but the way I feel might have something behind it.

April 09: Not very happy with the current situation.

March 09: Thinking life is going pretty well now ... thus far.

February 09: Painting pictures in my head that will never reach the paper.

January 09: Dreaming of what will be this year and wishing for what was in the past.

December 08: Trying my hardest to seam normal, but it kinda feels fake.

November 08: When things start to look good, it just all goes wrong.

October 08: I'm that girl that just kind of looms around in the background, just kind of ... there.

September 08: Love is one of the funny things you always want but never really have, even if you say you do.

August 08: School starts soon ... bleh.

July 08: Car rides suck.

June 08: OMG, SUMMER! It feels like I haven't heard that word in YEARS!

May 08: Exams suck.

April 08: AUGH! Too fast ...

March 08: I don't really know what to say anymore; the harder I try, the less I care.

February 08: I can't help but to stop stare at everything I'm missing.

January 08: Wow. Life seems so ... fast now.

December 07: I feel like the thirteenth in a dozen.

November 07: I don't really know anymore. There's not really reason, just repetition.

October 07: Never mind all those silly things. Your future is everything that lays before you. You can work on it whenever you fell like it. Right now: take time for something simple.

September 07: Back to School, what fun, what fun. Tests and scores, hoo-rah, hoo-rah. Guess what lunch, yipee, yipee.

August 07: So what, your life is harder? I'm not through with mine yet. Come back when I'm done.

July 07: I never said this was the end of this, just the start of something new. Weather or not the new is the old, there is nothing I can do. But never say the the end is near, just think the start will soon come to.

June 07: You laugh at me; I laugh towards you. Look at us, we're getting nowhere. Smiles get you places faster. ((I don't get this anymore as of 10/07 DX))

May 07: If say that you love me, do you mean it? If you don't should you say it? If you do, why should you have to tell me? I already know.

April 07: I've listened to ice. It's louder than thunder.

March 07: "The only difference between you and me is everything and nothing at the same time."

February 07: Loves sucks. Nobody wants it. But yet, everyone does.

January 07: Staring at a blank wall, looking at an empty canvas, seeing a painted picture.

December 06: Making some excuse. I can't seem to work it out the way it seams. Ever.

November 06 (1.): Somehow, I got lost, and somehow I was found. So ... where am I now?

November 06 (2.): Something tells me you don't like me. Something also tells me I don't like you.

October 06: Back where I started at the fork in the road. I guess I should take it...

September 06: Locked in my state of mind, begging for the dog that has the key. Or sleeping. Sleeping is better.

:~: Give Me Your Brains! MWAHAHAHA! :~:

:~: Notes :~:

8/3/09: Wow, a whole month since I've bothered logging on? Shame shame. I'm reading a ton of light stuff (more because I have to, but that's another story) and totally loving it. Not light as in light and fluffy, just not totally smut. Actually, a lot of what I read is angst. I have yet to find a Bones/Kirk story that is extremely beautiful, but doesn't involve Jim being all heroic and dying. Jeez. Also, my eye really hurts. Stupid pink eye.

7/3/09: Alright, I've got some 'splaining to do. I posted a new story in an odd place for me. The Book Thief is a gorgeous book, and has a lot of fanfiction potential. So, while I was bored some time in early June, I went and looked it up. But, the fandom was very small. Only 30-something stories total, and only 25 in English. I was determined to get the ball rolling. I started by beginning to write a small, cute fic, meant only to be a three-shot, based and modeled completely after the writing style in the book, and successfully posted the introduction and the first segment. Also, there was no character listing. So, I spent about an hour reading through the book for the third time (not really reading, just looking for the parts where I knew certain characters would appear) and writing down all the names. I sent this list to FF.net. The very next day, after a long series of events that I will not be expanding on, I was grounded from the internet. It was harsh. I had my wireless disconnected and the password removed, with threat of my actual computer be physically removed from my room if I acted "inappropriately" by sneaking on another computer or reconnecting my wireless. Needless to say, I complied. I still had my phone, and was allowed to use its internet, but only because it's access was extremely limited. I could still get on FF.net, but only to search and read. I technically could still leave reviews and add favorites, but it was so difficult and such a long process, I gave up on it. And there was no way to update stories at all, so my progress on the next section of "a secret unkept" slowed dramatically, due to both my lack of enthusiasm and my dwindling computer time. And so we reach the conclusion of this long rant: I'm back. I plan to be updating soon-ish, and hopefully starting (and finishing) the final segment thereafter.

5/31/09: So I've been reading some OOC for me stuff (I love how use fanfiction reference for my own life, jeez, what a nerd). The extent of my fanfictionation was M-rated oneshots. And I was extremely picky about them too. But, thanks to the help of my one friend and a Star Trek fanfic (of all the fanfiction? where did that come from?), I've opened up to a whole new world: plots. I had heard of such devices, but rarely saw them in my conquest for a good, smutty oneshot. Such story had maybe a flimsy lead-up that I more likely than not skimmed over, and perhaps an equally flimsy follow up. If you were lucky, you might find one with nice pillow talk and more of an emotional ring than pure smut, but even then, the one thousand or so word revolved around the physical part. Unless, of course, you found one following the FanFiction.net ratings code and omitted the physical part. Then you had a flimsy plot with little-to-no point. These types of stories were (and still are, to a point) my favorite. My activity on FanFiction.net is irregular. I can't always get online and check out new stories, so short and unrelated oneshot is a good way to spend a couple of hour online, then simply proceed to a two to three month period where I am overworked and too busy to worry about the cliff-hanger in chapter nine that I can't get to right now because I've got 50 problems of Geometry, then an essay to finish for English II. Itwas clean cut and simple. But not I see the appeal of a story with a sequence of events and a setting larger than a bedroom. I can't really explain it, but it's nice.

5/24/09: Ohmehgawd, ohmehgawd, ohmehgawd. I' really scared that I might have failed ... OH SHITE!

5/17/09: So I've noticed I really get to working on something. I'll be really excited about. Write a paragraph here, a page or two here, something everyday. And then I'll just stop. Period. The end. Leave it to take up some MG on my computer, and that's the extant of it's usefulness. Useless.

Another note: There are quite a few different versions of Code Geass, aren't there? The anime, the manga, Suzaku of the Counterattack, the written books, and they're all just too different. Not different enough that it's a different stories (expect for Suzaku of the Counterattack, that a whole different pea in this pod), but just enough that it gets under your skin.

4/18/09: I've really been focusing on art recently. Like, working on it every day in some way, either drawing something new or working on it on Paint (how old school cheap, huh?) I haven't worked on any writing in a while, and I don't know why.

4/6/09: I'm a little discouraged. I really like the "What If" story I finally got around to posting, but I haven't got any feed-back at all. IDK, is it just that bad, and I'm not seeing it?

4/3/09: I changed my name, but I realized that there were too many people who recognized NARUfreak (or at least one person who loves my reviews), so I'm leaving it as "theblackmasquerade-NARUfreak-" for a while at least. Just until I leave some reviews and he/she recognizes who I am (I don't know her/him personally, so I don't know if it's a guy or a girl, but I love the work). Then it'll just be "theblackmasquerade".

4/2/09: So this past week was my spring break. I had a very realistic chance to go to the beach. Instead, my brother and I went to spend the whole week with my dad and his family. I don't mind seeing them, but it was only a week. I had two weeks off for Christmas break, but we didn't go see them like we were supposed to. My mommy's birthday is tomorrow, but we won't be back for another two days. If you ask me, this was just bad planning.

3/18/09: So, um yeah. I didn't die. I promise. Maybe some of you wish I had ... IDK. I started (barely) working on a fic about Lloyd from Code Geass. I feel like he's so underappriciated on FanFiction. I looked, and there weren't any good stories about him. Schneizel and he ... sigh

2/14/09: Happy Valentine's Day!! I know I suck at updating anything, but I'm currently working on a Valentine's related fanfic for Code Geass, but I wouldn't hold your breath. I'm currently obsessed with Code Geass! It's ridiculous how into this anime I am, and it's the actual anime, too! Usually I fall for the manga, but this time I love Clamp's version much better. Other than my nonexistent writing, life is actually going pretty well for me right now. No complaints. Well, I didn't have a Valentine this year, but I'm fine with that.

1/2/09: Ugh, I feel old. I'm going to be sixteen extremely soon (18 days). Unfortunately, I won't be able to drive until June 10. Happy New Year! '09! Holy shit, I feel old. I mean, just looking at my profile! It doesn't feel like five years! I got a picture of a kid Larxene for Organization THIRTEEN, but I don't know how I would link it so you guys can see it, since he emailed it to me directly. But good job, SonofHades!

12/21/08: So, Merry (early) Christmas. I'm writing a Death Note fanfic for a friend of mine, which I've never done before, and so far I really like it! Yay me! I'm writing again!

12/6/08: I'm so not updating like I used to. It's Christmas season! My favorite holidays are Christmas and Halloween, mainly because of the decorations! So this year, I think I'm going to throw like a little Christmas party together, just a bake cookies together and make s'mores outside kinda thing. But I don't know who I'd invite, because there are a lot of people who'd come, but them they wouldn't know anyone else, cause I'm good at making a friend at a time, but not really a whole group. So that is currently my dilemma at the moment. Just an average, teen-girl problem. Sigh I'm becoming pretty average.

11/20/08: TWILIGHT!! Twilight's premier! Find me there, 12:01 sharp!

11/3/08: Well, nothing was written in time for halloween ... (whistling). Sorry, I've been way overworked recently. I'm just way to lazy for my schedule. Happy (late) Halloween y Feliz la Dia de los Muertos. I love you all.

10/1/08: It's Halloween month!! I'm trying my hand at a horror story. It's not really working, but I'm still trying. Everything I'm doing with Organization THIRTEEN feels wrong, and I'm sleeping a TON ... all well. I've been think about doing a series of completely unrelated stories, the What If? series, where I go in a change one, and ONLY one important element early in the story, and see how the story would change. For example, in Naruto, what if the forth hokage didn't die? I'm trying to keep them really in character and follow the general plot that wouldn't be affected as close as possible to the originals. I'm working on one fore Twilight, Naruto, Death Note, and MAYBE Code Geass, but i'm not sure what I'm going to change for Code Geass at the moment.

9/23/08: Sooo ... yeah, what's going on? I haven't been doing anything but homework and sleeping recently, so I'm going to try to back into writing, but I'm in a very deep writer's slump. But hopefully. My art's been okay, though! :D

9/16/08: I tried working on Organization THIRTEEN today ... it's just not working out ... bleh.

9/15/08: Life isn't really fun right now. I've got too much on my plate and I can't really keep up. My friends aren't really my friends, just the people I'm associated with. I'm not doing anything. And what I really want is a relationship, like love. But it's just not happening. I can't even begin to focus on guys, with all my homework, and no guys are focusing on me, so it's a lose/lose situation. Aww, we almost had to put my beagle down. It turned out that she just ate something that got stuck in her stomach (cloth or rope or somtething), and she was eating, and she was puking all the time. The vet found the lump of whatever, and she thought it was a tumor, so we were concidering putting her down, but we did surgery, and it's all okay now! Yay! Happy ending ... minus the bill. Holy crow.

8/10/08: I was looking into some modeling agencies earlier and that kind of scared me. I'm the type of person who hates that stuff, but I was seriously considering filling out an online application. I'd so go under an alias though. And anyway, even if I applied, I probably wouldn't get accepted. I'll be honest, I'm not all that pretty. I'm not ugly, but I'm not model material (and I never wear make-up other than eye-liner anyway) XD So just to humor myself, I copied an application and compared some registration fees. Bleh, it's all so expensive, too. Speaking of which, I soo need a job. Especially if I'm serious about applying (the cheapest, best quality is like 150!!).

8/6/08: Haha! The "degrees.info" ad has little faces next to job titles, and the face for Graphic Design is Naruto! Awww, I thought that was so cute! They didn't even try to hide that it was Naruto, headband and whiskers and everything! (Wonder if they had to pay money to be able to use his face for propaganda, lol!) XD

8/3/08: OMG?! I updated Organization THIRTEEN?! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?! But it's not that impressive, I just had to write something, and that's what spilled out. I should be stoned for making you wait that long and only giving you this crap.

7/30/08: Ugh ... I'm SOO sorry I haven't been working on Orginization THIRTEEN, but a lot has been going on recently, and I'm having a writer's block moment. So if I forced it, it'd be crap. Trust me. You'd hate it.

7/15/08: Haha, I was looking at the hits for Orginization THIRTEEN, and currently, I have 1347 for Chapter 1, and 1734 for Chapter 2. Thought that was cool.

7/13/08: I haven't really written anything on here in a while, but i've started a blog. So I'm going to start using it more. I actually recently wrote a blog about cosplay, heh-heh. :D

6/7/08: Ugh. I love my picture!! (squeal!!)

6/5/08: I'm not really going to say anything, so I'm not to sure why I'm even writing anything ... Wouldn't it be great if FanFiction got a chatroom?? I don't know why they would, but it'd be cool I guess. I've just realised that, as I writer, I've gotten a lot worse, but at feeling "normal", I'm doing much better ...? I used to think in third person, like I wold write, which actually mad it easier to write. But it made me feel weird, so I tried to stop. It worked ... but now I feel I can't write as well. and I feel stupid when I try to think like that again ... (sigh).

6/4/08: I've been online a lot recently (unfortunately, only late at night, so i've been really tired recently, too). I'm getting arround to updating certain stories, but the book I'm working on is my priority, so my mama says.

6/2/08: Oh. My. God! It's finally summer!! Beaches and amusement parks and road trips, BABY! Um... Orginization THRIRTEEN has somewhat been forgotten, but I get around to it soon since I've go the chance now. Ugh, I so bad at dead lines. I've started writing an original story with my mama that was SOMEWHAT inspired by Twilight. I let you guys know it's name when it's closer to getting done so you can look for it. I'll be using a nom de plume, just so you know. Probably Ryn Paris if I had to decide right now. Maybe V S Haufield if I had to pick a more name like pseudonym. Hmmm ... so watch out for that.

5/17/08: I can't wait for school to let out. I know I was s'posed to post stuff over spingbreak, but i had too much on my mind. My dad asked this girl to marry him, and she said no, but they're still dating. And, like, the second time I meet this girl, she decides to tell me why she not going to marry and this story about she and my dad going to look at houses. Wow. I mean, seriously. Wow. I've almost got my driver's license. Me and my mama are working on a original story.

3/29/08: Today was the first full day of my spring break! Yays!! No, seriously, I'm gonna have mor time to update some stories now. I've got Autumn of Seasons done, and I'm really working on Chapter 3 of Organization THIRTEEN, but I've got writers block on it. Blech. WHOO! Beaches!! I was just at a beach a couple of weeks ago, but it was pretty dead. It'll probably be dead where I'm going too, since they've already had there spring break. T_T

3/10/08: I hate tests. There's too many going on. I'm going to have to start studying for my AP tests, too, soon, and I hate that. I don't even like the class, and I'm starting to wonder what I took it to begin with ...If I can get my computer internet up, I've got another new stories for you kiddies! No, seriously, I've got the attention span of a flee ... (sigh). I started reading Skip Beat, Beauty Pop, and Godchild ... which actually quite saddens me, because I used to hate Shojo, but I can't find any good new Shonen, other than Deathnote, but I've already finished all the ones at my Borders. Actually, I've read all the manga I can stand at my borders, and I'm waiting for new stuff to come out. I'm trying to get my permit, since I was supposed to have gotten it the week of my birthday, but I have to take all these stupid online test, and I hate them. Anyone wanna suggest a manga for me? I'm into newer-ish stuff, some comedy, but mostly dramatic stuff with a lot of comic relief. The new Bleach 22 came out like a month ago, and Naruto 28 came out this month. I got to read them both,and I though they were okay. Naruto's still a little too childish for a fifteen year old, and I didn't see enough of the "hollows-that-remove-their-mask-to-become-more-powerful" hot guy (the guy on the cover of 22), but I liked it better than Naruto 28. I'm just rambling now, and it's been forever since I've done that. Feels good.

3/5/08: ... I'm ... soooo sorry. I'm serious, I just been busy and stuff. I'm working on Chapter 3 of Organization THIRTEEN, but it just won't work the way I want, and it begins really sad. I meant it to be a comical story, but no, not really. It keeps on working out to be so dramatic. I found a few stories a wrote a while ago, and I'm trying to rewrite them to my current style. Maybe I'll post them if I get my PC's internet up and running. Right now, I have to use my laptop for the internet. Sigh ... my life is kinda bleh right now. It's not bad or anything, but I've got nothing going on.

1/5/08: Yay! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I got this really cool computer for X-mas, very nice. It came with Window's Vista and has a whole lot more memory space than my laptop. But I haven't got my internet running yet ... so ... I'M IN LOVE WITH THE TWILIGHT SERIES!! I ABSOLUTELY love Edward! Love the series to death!! I've already read up to Eclipse, and I waiting for Breaking Dawn and the Jacob book to come out.

12/3/07: I don't know ... There's too much going on, and there's not enough time for me so much. I wish I could get back on here more, but I probably can't. I just don't know ... Ever realized that if you only looked at the immediate future, that your life isn't so spectacular? That ... all it is is nothing, and you didn't get until now? Yeah, I bet it's all my own fault. I'm not ... normal? around my friends. They aren't who I'm used to. I'm probably depressed. I sleep too much, and I don't really want to do anything anymore. I just can't think of what would be fun for me ...

10/12/07: Hey, it was only a month this time! I've been kinda avoiding ff.n because it's the main reason I've been getting in trouble online, so if you feel unloved because i stopped reviewing, don't, I miss you all so much.

9/11/07: ...OMG, and two months later I'm resurrected from the dead. No seriously, a lot went on. We moved to a different state, and my grandma died, and I was really emotional, and then a new high school, so yeah. And I have new internet rules, so you are all going to see a lot less of me. So please understand it's not because I don't like your stories anymore or anything like that, I'm just super-uber busy with so much. I'll get back to it on breaks and stuff, tough.

7/11/07: Harry Potter 5 came out today, but I'm goin tomorrow with one of my friends i haven't seen all summer. Heh-heh, today's 7eleven!! Oh hey! I've got proof that people love redheads! I went on Wikipedia and looked up the Turks. Here are the number of words of information they had for each Turk:

Reno-647

Rude-372

Elena- 326

Tseng- 281

Guess which one's the redhead. And everyone loves Axel, Gaara, Ron, Irish, and Daisuke! People love redheads! I know I do!

7/7/07: Today is supposed to be the luckiest day ever (casino: 7/7/7). Heh, love it. Haha, rewatching some naruto on youtube. My gosh, there is SOOO potential for a pedifile Orochimaru. "My future is within this child." "I need his body to survive." I wonder if that was intentional. _ So, then ... I'm almost a quater of the way done with chapter 3 of Organization THIRTEEN. , this story makes me feel loved. Anyone wanna beta read?

7/5/07: "I'll stare just to stare, simply so I can think about anything and everything without telling anyone. This is how I stay sane, even when it would better to be locked up in that tiny white padded room, alone and to myself. But for you,I'll stay." That was fun to write. I'm getting worse at writing the more I try to make it all make sense. So I need to do stuff like this randomly. yeah, so heh.

7/4/07: Hey, just in time for the Forth! My internet was down for a long time, since my wireless broke! I got it up and running last week sometime, but it broke again for a while. But here I am, weather or not you, whatever. AND OMG! I FEEL SO LOVED!! I'm serious, I opened my email, and it said I had 59 new messages, so I though it was all junk mail, but no-oo! About 96 percent were reviews and favorites and alerts! My gosh, i mean, y'know, only nine or ten or eleven reviews, but it still meant something to me! YAY! YOU DO LOVE ME! Well, SOME OF YOU. I was going to go see fireworks tonight, but we missed about half of it, and I blaim my aunt and uncle. All thier fault. Stupid Crocetch (sp?) game!

6/21/07: I'm finally not so stressed. A lot of sitting around doing NOTHING helps. I'm getting back to doing stuff that's fun. I think I was just depressed, like the chemical depression, where it's some chemical fucking with your brain? Does that make ANY sense? Anyhoo, I'm writing again. I'm writing on this again, too. You know what, this is my journal. I'm always bitching that I can't keep a diary for shit. I always forget about it. But since I've been doing this, I've been keeping it up farely well. For you people that might ever look at this, oh my god, thank you. Seriously. I can't think straight, and it so likely that no one ever reads this, but if some one does, I really thank you, for taking, like, and hour reading all of this. Unless your a pedofile. Then fuck off, I've got enough shit to worry over.

6/11/07: ARGH!! You know what, I HATE WRITERS BLOCK!! HATE! I'm actually trying to update Simple and sweet, but it always just sounds ... bad! It just has poor imagry! Sorry all.

6/9/07: YAY! 1230 hits! love you all. I would write more, but I'm tired.

5/28/07: My step-dad and I are trying to make a manga together. It's going to be a teen-noir, which I think is really cool. I have to draw it, and he writes the plot. We went to Barnes and Noble for almost three hours looking at "How to draw Crime-Noir" and "Noir Comics: Step by Step" books. Really fun. We've decided it'll be called Hemaphobia because the main character is afraid of blood, but she has to solve all these murder cases. It's got a weird plot, but I think that it makes it cooler. We still don't know the main character's name. Any ideas?

5/24/07: Another year, it goes by so fast. I'm out of school, finally. I'll never see my friends again, since I moving. I know I passed everything, so no summer school. And YES! Finals are OVER!! XD Does anyone else have this much crap on thier profile? Or is it just me?

5/6/07: Wow ... I feel loved. 1178 hits to my page. I LOVE YOU ALL! TToTT WAHHHH! (tears of joy.) LOL. It's really early, and I haven't gone to bed yet, so ... I'm leaving it there.

5/5/07: I'm mad at FF.net now. I wrot this really, really long thing on here, and I just realized it didn't save. Alwell. Things are ... not really better. I broke up with my boy friend, or he broke up with me, since he wanted to go out with a girl that has a boyfriend. So I'm mad at him now.

4/17/07: I'm sorry to anyone who cares about my writing. I'm really, really stressed. I've got a lot of stress in school to get good grades, and now state tests. My grandma is really sick, sicker than before. My mommy came home, but we started packing. I didn't realize it was Easter until a week later. Uh ... whatever. My parents are really worried. I can't wait until summer. I need this summer.

3/24/07: My life is currently a mess. My friends suck, I'm moving soon, my grandma might die, and my mother is always making trips to go visit the sick grandmother. My grades keep dropping, and I'm way too stressed. Happy Spring everyone. I added a new story that I wrote really really late over springbreak. I didn't mean for it to end up the way it did, but I was just typing, and it helped me get some emotions out. I haven't really had time for Fan Fiction, but I promised myself that I'd try and keep this page up to date. So ... anyone who cares and is reading this: Thank you. Really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

2/1/07: OMG, it's Valentines month!! I have to remember to keep away from those sickening lovey-dovey fics. Even thought I'm writing one. BTW: Empty promises should be up sooooon ... I think ... I hope. Happy fic writing, everyone!!

1/23/07: I, for some reason, went and found the oldest person on Fanfiction.net. Starfreak1. Don't ask why I did this, I was just really bored. She's faved by me if that link doesn't work.

1/21/07: I can't believe I forgot to do something for Gaara's B-day!! It was on the 19th, and mine was yesterday!! I'm so proud of that!

1/20/07: YAY! I'm 14 now!! It's actually legal for me to watch Adult Swim!! Now I'm not an outlaw!! ... Whatever ... I already posted valentine tribute! I missed both the Christmas and New Year stuff, and Halloween, too, now that I think of it.

1/4/07: Wow ... A year already? Holy Crap.

12/25/06: Hey! Merry Christmas. This is my very first christmas at home! Usually I'm at my grandma's or my aunt's. I travel a lot, so I'm use to it. But this feels weird. I always help put up my tree, but don't ever see it until after new years.

12/23/06: WTF? How the crap did Christmas come so early?! When I was younger, it felt like five years from December first to Christmas Eve! Now it's tomorrow!! Wow. Life really does speed up the older you get, huh?

12/16/06: Whoa. I can remember when my page was VERY short, now it's like ... LONG! And it keep on getting longer. What's wrong with me? Nobody knows. Seriously. I can't eat, even though I try, and whenever I try, I get extremely tired, and I can never finish the meal, but I get hungry again two minutes later. And I feel sad a lot. Not like I'mgoing to start crying, but ... I just don't know where my life is going anymore. It seams so real now, and I don't want to grow up anymore I wish I had actual childhood memories, and that I did something with my life when I was younger I'm only 13! But I feel like I'm going to be 20 soon! I feel like life's too short, and I can't give it anymore. I am very good at masking it, I've always been good at hiding over all feelings, but that's what scares me. I want to talk to someone about, but I feel like I can't. I don't believe that it's going to explode at some point, and never did; you won't explode if you've hidden it for so long, cause that's all you know. That's all I'll ever know. I don't want to think like this!! I don't want to WANT to be sad!! Who the frick WANTS to be sad?! I'm all messed up. God, I need help. But I don't want to ask for it, people will tell to talk to my grandpa, who works with people like me. But then they tell you that you're an intelligent young lady, and you shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. Duh. I've NEVER heard anyone say "You should totally be sad, dude!!" Have you? Then they ask you why you feel like this. I want to know why!! I'm not making sence. I'm sad. I want to be messed up.

12/4/06: Happy holidays people! Gotta love you all. My laptop's internet works now. Faster updates. No one cares.

11/20/06: YAY! Me feelses so lovered. That was painful to write. Gawd, I usually have bad grammer, but hardly ever on purpose. I WAS FLAMED AGAIN! TWICE! To "Toad" and "Kai" (I am very immature, aren't I?), I thank thee! Kai was ticked that I linked her, and FrOg decided to be uncreative and copy what Kai said first. I love you two! I'm so happy you love the story and NO complaints! Insert sarcasm here! But seriously, what up with caring? If you want to flame me, you must care. And why alerting it? Yeah, I must look SO IMMATURE compaired to that. Insert more sarcasm. Whatever. Flame me as you wish. Please, give me a reason to laugh. But to do that, FrOg, some creativity would be helpful. Sound familar?

11/11/06: YAY! I am officially a Fanfictionist! Despite what anyone may have thought before! I had my VERY FIRST FLAME! All thanks to Kai's Snowfall! Let's all give her a big round of applause!! (Rolls eyes.) While we're on the subject, now that I've found out that you can actually be flamed and it's not just a rumor that everyone hates (JK. I'm not trying to upset anyone, just I was expecting my first flame a WHILE ago. Like Chapter 1 of Angel with Blue eyes...), three things: 1.) Flames are accepted, expected, and respected. SAY what you've gotta say! I might laugh, but I promise I'll consider what you've got to say. 2.) I will try to prove flames wrong. Like this one

"This story started sucking when Demyx called him 'Zexy'. It got worse with the use of /, even worse with the 'Are you sugar high?' 'Well actually...'. It started reaching the point of no return when YOU MADE DEMYX AN IDIOT. FAIL. (Demyx would never, EVER say, "UH-DUR!". Even to substitute 'Duh.'
Demyx's character has been destroyed in this fanfic. Every sentence you use him in he's horribly OOC.
'Black thingy'... Even an idiot knows they're PORTALS OF DARKNESS. UH-DUR. (lolz :D)
...'Dang'... No. That's so out of place.
Check your spelling and Grammar. MARLUXIA DOESN'T RANDOMLY BLAME AXEL. Saix wouldn't care. Actually, he wouldn't even BE THERE because he thinks everyone (except Xenmas) IS BELOW HIM.
The currency is MUNNY, not dollars/bucks.
Revise before you post. (And play the game)
~Kai"

I said that THIS IS A HUMOR STORY! Even an idiot knows that most Humor stories are the PEAKS of randomness and OOC. And I gave a VERY fair warning when I said Zexion will be BIPOLAR! Even an idiot know that he's NOT! Okay, even though she made a couple (one) good point, which I easily dispelled, she was mostly and idiot herself. She should have read the summary, category, and the A/N before she read the chapter. 3.) Don't let the fact that I expect/accept/respect flames confuse you. There are ways that kai could've put this that would've got the point across, but ina way that I wouldn't have considered it a flame. I do think down upon flamers. There isn't a real reason to be as mean. Sure, I expect/accept/respect flames, but I don't accept or respect flamers. Of course I expect them though. Life wouldn't be life with out them. XD!

11/7/06: I've posted "Organization THIRTEEN", and my mom's being a poopy head, and she just grounded me. This is the same mom that banned yoai ... SIC HER!

11/3/06: Not much to say here, just thought I'd update before I forgot. But no one cares ... but it's still fun. For everyone who hates how I write, join the club. I reread some of my stuff on the second, and I got so agrivated ( as I have said before countless times, I own no dictionary, so to bad for you) at how bad the spelling and gramrical mistakes were. Gosh, I do need a dictionary, and an english book, and a grammar book, and an acient latin book while I'm at it. Unfortunatly, if I buy all of those new, like I'd prefer, My total would require a bit more money that I'd like to pay, so I guess I'll do without the Anceint Latin book for right now.

11/1/06: Happy (late) Halloween, Peoples! I missed ALL of my Halloween Fics, AND I haven't updated in a month and a half, I think. Happy Day of the Dead, which is today and tomorrow. And for those of you who care (someone in the back: "No one!") I was a witch without a hat. So, in other words, a was a gay fag with out a costume going up to peoples doors and screaming "TRICK OR TREAT!" Nice ... I usually hate those people.

10/18/06: HEY! I'm going to just dump everyother website I'm on! Yay! No, seriously (sp? me needs a dictionary), I'm treating fanfiction.net like Myspace of livejournal. I've gotta stop. Nobody cares. TELL ME IF YOU DO! PLEASE! Any way, for me and me only, i'm going to write this annonymous crap (my god, I need a dictionary). I'm gonna be a gothic guy for halloween (I almost said x-mas, and I don't know why). I'm going to a Day of the Dead party, and the hostess isn't even Mexican, ella es americana y brasilana. Well, that was fun. Anyhoo. Soy perezosa y cansado, y son de once menos veintiseis p.m., asi, adios! For those of you who could read this, I'm sorry I'm so bad.

10/16/06: My bar is broken, and that suckies. I started to write little fourtunes for me, one each month. I got a halloween costume. I'm going to be a gothic bride. YAY ME! New muse, and new discriptions. Updated some stuff in my bio. Read through it, you find out a lot about me. Am I the only one who updates her bio every week? I donno. Um ... I'm looking for some pictures for a Halloween concert. The first song is called "Georgio's Lament", and we're looking for sad pictures, like grave stones, or wilted flowers. It can be fan art, or anime, or photos, or paintings, but it has to be decent enough for 11-year-olds. The second song is "Goblin Dance", and what we want for that one should be obvious. Post it on the web and give me the adress, or email it to me. ALSO! I'm trying to start a website, and I NEED HELP! HELP ME, PEOPLES, HELP ME! Now that all that's done ... yeah ... g'bye

10/13/06: I, for some reason, just looked up the voice of Axel. Did you know, you people who care, that Reno's voice and Axel voice in Japan are the SAME GUY! Wow (sarcastically) ... never saw that one coming ... Keiji Fujiwara is his name. Some other movies he's been in: all Japanese, with long confusing names, and Fullmetal Alchemist, as lieutenant colonel Hughes. Don't you just LOOOOOOVE it when you have NOTHING to do?

10/8/06: YAY! It's Halloween month! Time for new Halloween oneshots and stories! WHEE! My Muses have been going CRAZY! I can't seem to stop writing or drawing. This is good for you guys, because now that I've found my MP3 player, some of this stuff will make it to fanfiction! YAY! FINALLY! I guess finding stuff is what happens when you clean your room, huh? I should try it more often. In other news, one of my dogs has an ear infection. We took her to the vet, and it cost 115. The most expensive thing on there was a bath. Don't know why I'm telling you this. LUV THE RANDOMNESS OF ME!

9/25/06: I've started two new fics, both of are KH, and neither of them are yoai, for reasons I've said MULTIPLE times, everywhere. I jioned this new place, ficwad.com. I don't know why, though. Anyhoo, there I'm "improvise_is_rule". My gosh, I love that name. I had trouble deciding. It was that or "grey_eyes_stare". I'm also continueing a story that I started a WHILE ago, but never really finish, start expecting that one soon. Angle w/ Blue Eyes is taking a while to send, since my dang computer erased most of my files, and hid the rest. YamiAmi may just have to make up her own chapter four. But at least you'll get it.

9/8/06: The sending is going to take maybe longer than I thought. I was hoping that I would be able to get my laptop on the net by this weekend, but somethings came up, and I don't know when I'll be able to get on.

9/7/06: FINALLY! I was wondering if I'd just have to delete it! YamiAmi has agreed to take up Angel with Blue Eyes! We're still working it out, so it might be a while. I'm expecting a mounth tops. But it won't definatly be before the weekend. You loyal people who send me messages ... you'll finally get chapter 4!

9/3/06: It's almost fall, my favorite time of the year. Soon, my creative muses will give you sickeningly cute images of romantic scenes with multicolor leaves and sweaters. Oh, yes my favorite time of year. I had a weird dream last night. It had something to do with purple sword, jewlery boxs, bones, steep hills, bridges, wolves eating themselves to make them bigger (I know, WTC?), a REALLY hot guy (who was me.) and King Mickey Mouse. And some bug guy that I can barely remember. And a middle-aged, fat Cloud, with red, balding hair who looked nothing like cloud. Don't ask.

8/23/06: Why is everything changing on fanfiction? Did everyone get a memo to change their pen-name? I dunno ...

8/16/06: School began two days ago, and I'm already behind on homework. I'm learning spanish now! I think, when I finish learning it all, I might write a story in spanish ... a weird thought, I know.

8/9/06: No I didn't die, I was just spiritually released from my body ... anyhoo ... I notice fanfiction changed their layout ... if you ask me (which no one will) I like it better the old way. YamiAmi if she wants, might get Angel With Blue Eyes ... then you'll FINALLY get an update ... but I promise my mom that I wouldn't write anymore yoai, and I'm keeping that promise. And hey! I remember when I barely had anything in my bio! Now just look at the scroll bar!

7/27/06: http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=poopeater. So much fun here ...

7/27/06: THE most hilarious movie EVER! http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/324919 It's Akamaru doing the hamster dance! Inthe middle of the screen, it should say "WATCH THIS MOVIE!" Click that, and you'll get a pop up.The only one that doesn't dance is Kiba. In the begining, Naruto ask, "What's wrong with him?" and Kiba answers, "Catnip or something..." Moves a little fast, and somethings are hard to catch. I've replayed it, like, 80 times!Send me a message and tell who or what your favorite was! Mine is 'Tachi's "Score! 9000 POINTS! I'm adorable!" God! I was laughing my ass off when I first time I watched!

7/25/06: I've been writing alot of one-shots lately, and for some reason, my muse doesn't want me updating stories. They're working as hard as hell, but they can't continue off of a already made story. Sorry for the FEW people who like my work. AND I'M SO SORRY! I CAN'T UPDATE "ANGEL WITH BLUE EYES"! I've already told you, my mom doesn't want me writing yoai anymore. So I can't. I would argue with her about it, but I don't wanna be completely banned for FF.net for good, like she threatened to do before! Well ... here's what I'm going to do, if anyone wants, they can have it, just as long as they don't change anything about it. okay? Send me a message if you want.

7/17/06: Click here for a good laugh: http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?kingdom_flames. I happen to be kingdom_flames here, look for me. BUT YOU MUST CLICKY! CLICKY-CLICKY!

7/13/06: I've started a new, shared account with my cousin, INU-gurl101. We are now anime-way2good4u! We've already wrote the first chapter of our first story! But meany fanfiction.net won't let us post it untill 7/16! Meany!

7/6/06: I changed my email account. I'm now knigdomflames101@gmail.com. But I'll still check my excite email. whatever. Oh, and I, being the loser I am, looked up where I was in the directory. And, as of 12:55am, I am on page 33, third row for the left, very bottom. I'm SUCH a loser. sigh

7/4/06: HAPPY FOURTH! May the fouth be with you. I got that from one of my friends at a parade. Stupid, huh? I had to help my aunt's neice-in-law with her theses-thing-or-other. She 21, I'm 13. Yeah ... huh. Whatever. See ya later.

6/30/06: YAY! OVER 300 HITS TO MY BIO! WHEEE! ...Okay, enough of that. Tomorrow's the first day of July. On Sunday I'm going to see fireworks since I'm "working" on the fourth. Yeah ... "working" ... not really ... more like sitting up with some brats because their parent's are assholes and grounded them from going to see fireworks. Like I said, A-S-S-H-O-L-E-S. I've been restricted from the shooting area though because of last year... that poor tree. But it was SOO pretty, it was burning BLUE for a bit beacause of the chemicals in the fireworks! Yes, I am a pyro-maniac ... just like Axel.

6/24/06: My doc. thing is goin' wack. I've notice a lot of people are having this prob, I'm gonna report this. Any way, I would update "Shadow", but I can't. Sorry you impatient people.

6/23/06: HEY YOU GUYS! I'm trying to start a new site of my own! I've been writing some new crud that kinda has to go with Final Fantisy and Kingdom Hearts put together. I'm calling it "Shadow: The End of it ALL." Cool, huh? It's about what happens when Sin, the Heartless, and the Nobodies get together under the command of a 15-year-old girl named Hanna. The hero is Hanna's long-lost freind, 13-year-old Nacikona, daughter of Sora and Kairi (I would have made Sora and Riku, but ... well ... yeah ...). She can't wield the Keyblade, but she has her own sword, the "Heaven's Oathe". Reply if you want to read it. I can't post it because it's too abstract from anything else. Maybe in KH...

6/20/06:sigh... I can't read any more yoai... my mumsy doesn't like it. So I won't be updating "Angle with blue eyes" or "Save me". I'M SO SORRY! Grr... dang mom!

6/14/06: THAT'S IT! 102 hits for "Smile", only 2 damn reviews! If you don't like it, TELL ME SO! And you can leave a message even if you're not a member! 598 hits for "Angel with blue eyes", 11 reviews! Don't ask me how ticked I am. Just know, I'M FREAKIN' PISSED OFF! I mean, thank you, to the people who DO reveiw. But ... eh, whatever. I've gotta a problem, and it scares me.

6/11/06: I am such a greedy baka. I only care about getting reveiws. Sorry guys. I know I 100 percent suck at writing,and I can't believe I think I'm good! Whatever. Sorry, again.

6/7/06: THIS IS THE COOLEST MUSIC VIDEO I HAVE YET TO SEE! http://media.putfile.com/Kingdom-Hearts-Music-Video2. I don't know how to download it ... yet. You can't right click. It's a Kingdom Hearts thing. Don't read the reviews if you can't stand people who dis KH. To them, I say, THIS GAME IS MORE THE SOME PUNK KID AND A DAMN KEY FIGHTING OFF BLACK BLOBS WITH CRAP DISNEY CHARACTERS FOR FRIENDS! The graphics are okay in it's original size, but it's small.

6/6/06: Today's the devil's day. Whatever. By the way, anyone know where I could get some KH (kingdom hearts) icons? I updated my background and everything. Link- http://www.deviantart.com/view/7040311/. some more links are further on.

6/1/06: Hey, I might change my name to kingdom_flames in honor of Kingdom Hearts (which I just finished in 43 hours). Anyone who checks this place out, send me a message.

5/31/06: KA-CHAA! I PASSED! I ROCK!

5/24/06: I GET OUTTA SCHOOL TOMORROW! YEA! And, I MIGHT PASS! WHEEEE! Anywhoo, I haven't posted a story yet, even though I've been on FanFiction since January (5 months for the people who are to lazy to count). Also, even though I'm asking, I'll be glad to be someone's editor.

5/1/06: HEY, GUYS, I'm looking for someone to be my editor, I need it. If you wanna, just send me a message.

:~: My Muses :~:

Music, Rainbows, and Katherine

:~: Always stuff :~:

Name: Yeah right. Bite me.

Gender: Girl

Ethnicity: American

Home Country: US

:~: As of May 2009 stuff :~:

Age: 16, and will be driving June 10! Scary scary.

Likes: anime boys, eyeliner, makeup, people staring, black, emo people (they're so fun), rambling (i do it ALL the time!), writing, art, computers, the internet, fanfiction (even though it's ruined me. not joking), helmets, my brother (sometimes), colors, rainbows, colored pencils, SHARPIES!!(tm), friends, redheads, japan, japanese, tokyo, small spaces, living in small spaces in tokyo, violin (kinda-sorta), converse(tm), Microsoft Word, new york city, big cities, oceans, interior design, my parents, travel, london, english people, asians, paris, the french language, people not like me, living

Dislikes: SCHOOL!! the country, rural communities, open spaces, people staring, writers block, bitches in heat (not the dogs), my brother (sometimes), bad fanfiction writers, flamers, pink, Victoria Secret, chores, Microsoft Word, cell phones (they go dying on you all the time!! i mean, my gosh!), celeberties, paris hilton, writer block, artists block, suburbs, not being able to use my hands, getting hurt, acting weak, depression, crying for no reason, being trapped, homophobia, people who hate their friends just because they're gay, loud people (if they're not fun), really really dirty houses, fear (gots lots of it!), people like me, living

Favorite Manga/Anime: Code Geass, Death Note, Vampire Knights, Godchild, Skip Beat!, Bleach, ZOMBIEPOWDER., Naruto, Tsubasa Chronicles

Favorite Video Game: Wii Fit, Wii Sport golf, Kingdom Heart II, Sonic Adventure 2 (go Dreamcast!!)

Favorite Book: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (I entirely recommend this book. It's so beautiful, and such a sad but happy ending), The Twilight seires by Stephanie Meyer, Night by Elie Weisel, A Seperate Peace by John Knowles

Favorite Movie: Eh, whatever for that week. Rocky Horror is up there, Lion King, and lots others that I can't think of presently.

Favorite Season: Winter! I miss snow! T_T

Favorite Holiday: Halloween and Christmas tied. I love dressing up for Halloween, and the decorations are a lot of fun, and Christmas is so pretty, it's in winter, and the decorations are gorgeous, and the presents are half-bad either.

Favorite Musical Artist: Queen, Azure Ray, Polyphonic Spree, Elliot Smith, The Servants, That One Band with the Cool Name, certain songs by Coldplay, Billy Joel, Fall Out Boy

GPA: Well, it's summer, so I'm not worrying ... so I tell myself.

:~: Favorite Pairings :~:

-Star Trek IX

Spork

McSpork

Bones/Jim

Scotty/Uhura (in mild doses)

Sulu/Chekov!

Kirk/Chekov

Scotty/Chekov

((basically anyone))/Chekov

Scotty/Bones

Jim&Spock!Prime (as pre-slash or friendship, not really together)

Spock ... Spock!Prime (as in, they are having a conversation. Tis werid, I know)

-Code Geass: Lelouche of the Rebellion

LelouchSuzaku

SuzakuSchneizel (even though only one person writes it ...)

LelouchSchneizel

LelouchRolo

SuzakuEuphie (this is more of a Sister/Best Friend sort of thing, but it's still a cute couple)

LloydSuzaku (I would LOVE to see someone write this!)

:~: Story Status as of August 2009 :~:

Pressed (Star Trek: 2009) - Mainly just idle thoughts for my amusement that I'm trying to get down.

Summary: Five years can change a lot of things.

Rated: M or T, depending on how I go about writing it (sexual themes, maybe graphic violence)

Current Status: not yet introduced

Five Times James T. Kirk Showed Off His (Awesome) Knowledge of Vulcan Anatomy (Star Trek: 2009) - Just a cute little oneshot full of creeping Bones out. Really sweet, lots of fluff.

Summary: And the One Time Bones Showed Him Up. Honestly, Dr. McCoy is beginning to question Jim's sorces.

Rated: T (for one (or two) blatant sexual comments, language, loads of fluff)

Current Status: not yet introduced (but getting there)

Organization THIRTEEN (Kingdom Hearts) - I swear, I am working on it, just it's not working out like I was hoping; it's not funny at all.

Summary: One of Vexen's experiments goes VERY wrong. Now, Xemnas is left to babysit twelve thirteen-year-olds. Popcorn, movies, puperty, pizzas, zit cream, and a sugar high, bipolar Zexion all are in the way of Xemnas's plan to get Kingdom Hearts.

Rated: T (adult humor, sexual humor, mild language)

Current Status: 3 chapters (on hiatus)

Seasons (Naruto) - I really don't feel like writing about Sakura now, and prbably not in the near future, either, so you might have a while to wait.

Summary: A series of oneshots for each of the members of Team 7. Naruto understood winter, Sasuke hated spring, Sakura loved summer, and Kakashi remembered autumn.

Rated: K+ (some confusing ideas, mentioned/hinted character death)

Current Status: 3 chapters

What If? A Twilight Fanfiction (Twilight) - An OC story, which upon I frown, but I think my E is cute. I'm trying not to make her "Mary Sue", which is the main problem of most OCs I know.

Summary: What if someone made a difference before Bella?

Rated: T (adult themes, death, mentioned death, slightly suicidal thoughts)

Current Status: 1 chapter

What If? A Naruto Fanfiction (Naruto) No where near final, but I think it would be fun.

Summary: What if the Fourth Hokage didn't die?

Rated: ? (?)

Current Status: not introduced yet

Return (Kingdom Hearts) - I'm working on its sequel on and off, the one about Reno's letter to Cloud, and there might be prequel, about Riku.

Summary: After three year disappeared, Sora comes to Kairi. Set three years after they find the bottle from the king.

Rated: T (mentioned death, mentioned suicide, adult themes, mentioned yaoi, slight sonen ai)

Current Status: complete oneshot (sequel pending)

Not So Pink (Naruto) - It was a oneshot, with a promise of a sequel, but I'm a lot trouble trying to work on it, so it was abandoned. But probably not forever.

Summary: One not so pink card caught Sasuke attention. It was orange, with blue trim, and a simple swirl. It was so alien to Valentine's Day, and it left him reading it over and over.

Rated: T (shonen ai, er ... maybe it should be K+?)

Current Status: complete oneshot (sequel abandoned)

Angel With Blue Eyes (Kingdom Hearts)- I've went back and reread this several times, and I think it's utter rubbish. Even if I could continue, I don't think I would, but it's still up to show my improvement (at least, I think I've improved).

Summary: Sora is trapped in Twilight Town as a heartless with Roxas. Darkness is disappearing, but they need to find a way home ... wherever that is. ((this wasn't the original summary, but I can't remember it, so ...))

Rated: T (shonen ai, mentioned death, slightly suicidal thoughts, depression)

Current Status: 3 chapters (abandoned)

"Wilted" and Other Sad and Scary Stories (Err ... collective, probably Naruto) - Just an idea at the moment

Summary: A collection of oneshots and short series that have a sad, scary, or anti-happy undertone, in the name of Halloween.

Rated: T or M (blood and gore, death, depression, suicide, adult humor, maybe shonen ai?)

Current Status: not introduced yet

:~: Thanks :~:

For those of you who read through this, thank you. To those of you who just skimmed through this and thought it was too boring or long so you clicked the back button, whatever. You had all the right to do so. I am sometimes really boring, and this is getting soo long.

Thanks to everyone who has ever read my work, and especially the people who take time to leave a review. And, omehgawdiluvyew to the people who leave those amazing reviews that just make me feel good inside! You guys rock! Thanks!