Here are some other things to keep you entertained. And I will warn you now, I am one of those people who enjoy putting random crap on their profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

You know you live in 2009 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your studen ID number on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Black and White:
A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored. "

We interrupt this profile for an important message to one who has passed on. He will be remembered dearly.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

ONLY IN AMERICA...

...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

...are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks

...sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes at the front

...people buy hotdogs in packs of 10 and hotdog buns in packs of 8

...the banks leave both vaults open and then chain the pens to the counter

...people order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke

...people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveways and keep their junk in garages

...people use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from someone they don't want to talk to in the first place

...is the word "politics" used to describe the process so well; "Poli-" in latin means "many" and "tics" mean "blood-sucking creatures.

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts:

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class

Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.

“Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell.

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.

I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.

When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I
will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”.Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled “Firewhiskey”.

It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”.

Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.

I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.

If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.

I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.

I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.

The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.

I shall not give Professor Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

I may not chase Seamus Finnegan around school in search of his ‘Pot o’ Gold’. Nor am I allowed to tell people he’s a leprechaun on steroids.

I may not refer to Sirius Black as ‘Seriously Black’.

I am not allowed to ask First Years if they need help ‘polishing their wand’. No matter how funny their reactions are.

Some Quotes

I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

Like Daddy always said: If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit!

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning 'to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet'. - Robin Williams

I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one.

Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall out of a window...I laugh.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match it for me at kick boxing.

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

The most dangerous enemy is that which no one fears

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something

When someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If at first you don't succeed - cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.

Smile - it confuses people.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up."

A friend trys to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their ass off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!'

A friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be there next to you saying "damn that was fun!"

A friend will tell you when your wrong, a true friend will wait for you to screw up so they can laugh in your face.

A friend will encourage your choices in life, a true friend will write them down for black mail.

A friend will help you study for a test, a true friend will help you procrastinate studying for a test.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

Incoming fire has the right of way. - War Laws

I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat me with experience.

I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Laughter is the best medicine... or is it the wine?

Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie in my diary?

Beans beans are good for your heart! The more you eat the more you fart!

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... "

WARNING: My stories are all rated M because they are meant to mature readers and contain explicit content. If you are not comfortable reading such material but are interested in reading the story, I have plenty of notcies forewarning you.

D.N. ANGEL

Gay Sanctum: Complete. Thank you for reading. I plan on going through and touching up the story a little. If you wish to help me do that, PM me , emai me, or submit a review.

HARRY POTTER

Won't You Please Stay With Me?: Complete. Spanish Translation by Alisevv: http://www.slasheaven.com/viewstory.php?sid=27963&chapter=1

As of right now, I do not plan on writing a sequel. But I am looking for a third person to beta this fic.

Situational Ethics: WIP. I should've updated by now. But all I have for you all is the same excuse as most other authors. College has started up again and between classes and projects, I really don't have time. I am writing this next chapter inbetween taking notes, sketches, and running to classes. So far, I have two pages. This chapter will be updated. This chapter may also be the final chapter of Situational Ethics and then once I get a few chapters written for the next story, I will be posting it. Thank you for your patience. Please wait just a bit longer. I promise, it will be up before Halloween.

Erasmus: The name is Greek, meaning "Worthy of Love". Given Erasmus' parentage, you can probably guess why I chose the name.

Chance: Complete. I do not plan on writing or doing anything more with this story. It's meant to be a oneshot.

XXX - I have yet another story on it's way as soon as "Situational Ethics" is finished. Contact me if you'd like to beta it.

If you wish to translate any of my fictions, as people have of lately been doing that, PM me.

Some facts about me.

Age: Old enough to know better, young enough to not really care.

Residence: United States

Sexual Orientation: Proud member of the LGBT

Schooling: Currently attending college

I have a myspace and a facebook. If you want to find me, PM me first.