Hola.

I'll be a freshman at OSU next Autumn. Hail to the scarlet and gray!

I am mostly a parody writer. I am also rather lazy. Oh dear!

According to legend, Lia Maria Guadalupe Lorenzo was born in internation waters in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. When she was two, she helped her Viking parents, Hammerfest and Julia Roberts (pronounced Spanish-style because people kept thinking she was that krummy actress that nobody likes), pillage the entire country of Guam. Yes. All of it.

That's when the Barbary Samurai from Tripoli struck! They hated the Vikings and knew that Lia's family was the last Viking family in the multiverse. So the Barbary Samurai threw their cruise missiles at the Viking ship and it totally exploded. But Lia survived because she ducked.

Lia washed up on the shores of Latvia and was raised by a secret clan of ninja pirates. She was a prodigy, mastering all the ninja pirate arts by the age of three. Lia then left her adopted family and embarked upon a quest to avenge her family and destroy all the Barbary Samurai. But then she got distracted by those accursed 'I Love Lucy' reruns.

As the Last of the Vikings, Lia decided to turn her life story into a stupid movie that only had one bloody song that played during the entire film. Needless to say, it was a box office hit. Lia was a gazillionaire but gave all her money to Latvia, effectively bumping it up to a 29th world country. When she was only ten, Latvia elected her Supreme Empress of All the Lands after a crazy, unnecessary revolution that only happened because Latvia secretly wanted to be like Russia but without the silly, furry hats.

After conquering half of Europe and 1/6 of Puerto Rico, Lia got bored of fame and fortune. Lia changed her name to Anarchy Sky and joined a rock band called the Ming Dynasty. Unfortunately, it turned out that Anarchy Sky was the only one with any musical talent. So instead of playing in Farm Aid concerts, Anarchy Sky and the band pillaged the world. Twice. She was the greatest Viking ever.

But then she got bored of that. Anarchy Sky moved to Amerika at age fourteen. Historians suspect that she got lost on the way to Paraguay and frequently confused her Cs with her Ks. Today, Anarchy Sky is supposedly disguised as an eighteen year old marine biologist who writes for the New York Times under the identity of Chinese philosopher Thundercats Ho. Her writing is laughable at best.

Fin.

Desafinado: Don’t ever ask that, fool! There is something inside of me that burns. It’s something so terrible that it consumes all that dare to go near it. Come close to me and you will be scorched. AlbelNel Edited by Commie Sky and Mafia Sky

The Black Brigade Theatrical Troupe: Vox and his minions are plotting against Albel, who is busy forcing his troops to perform Miss Saigon, while the Aquarian ninjas plot against them all.

Lost Days Lost Love: Albel Nox never believed in fate or love at first sight. This is a story of unborn love. AlbelNel Edited by BlueTrillium and Commie Sky

Lady Killer Soujiro: A glorious tale of Rurouni Soujiro, alcohol, shotgun weddings, and general wackiness.

The Dancing Elite of the Juppongatana Sisterhood: Waffles? Giraffes? Break dancing Tenkens? A story so insane that I dare not tell you more.

The Swordsman of the Opera: Albel the Phantom watches from the shadows as his student, Nel Zelpher, deals with psycho managers, a few rabid co-workers, a foolish suitor, and the Phantom himself.

He Wasn't Exactly Awake: The Infamous Inn Scene. Albel Nox sneaks into Fayt's room at night to ask him a simple question. Things don't go as planned.
Update: Complete. 1/8/06

Killing Albel Nox: Fayt and the gang have had enough. All the fanfics are about Albel, Albel, Albel! The solution? Murder. Murder most foul. Albel’s days are numbered.
Update: Complete. 1/8/06

Killing Sophia Esteed: Heh heh heh...

No Edge Lines: Fayt organizes a reunion and a kidnaping or two to bring the whole gang together on Earth. After messing with the wrong Texans, Albel, Nel, and Cliff are chased across the country and forced into exile in China. And that’s when things got really weird. By Anarchy Sky and Commie Sky.

"Cheat Commandos, ROCK ROCK ON!" -Cheat Commandos from Homestar Runner (it's Dot Com!)

"I landed on the guy I wanted to save!" -Amelia from the Slayers (my favorite anime)

"Meanwhile, on the other side of town..." -My ULTIMATE Segue

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -Matt Groening from Life in Hell

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." -Shakespeare: Henry VI, Part 2, act ii

"I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to." -Jimi Hendrix

"I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers." -Mahatma Ghandi

"You do not lead by hitting people over the head. That's assault, not leadership."-Dwight D. Eisenhower

"There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy."-Ambrose Bierce from The Devil's Dictionary

"Squirrels are proof that God meant us to laugh." -Methuselah Jones

"When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet; when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, we could power entire metropolitan area." -No Clue

"The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n" -Lucifer from Paradise Lost

"Ah! I see you have the machine that goes 'BING!'" -Monty Python

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -Douglas Adams

"Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane." -Winston Smithfrom "1984" by George Orwell

"Big Bang Theory: In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. " -Terry Pratchett

Peace out.