ALTERNATE LINKS TO MY STUFF:
(note: the Master FF List is always being edited as I write new stuff or post old stuff from here)

Master Fanfiction List

LiveJournal

Y!Gallery

Favorites @ Granger Enchanted

I HAVE FANART FOR BLUE INK!!~ It was drawn by the lovely Pointless Rythm. EVERYONE MUST SEE IT!! Blue Ink. THANK YOU! *gets hit for abusing the exclamation point*

AND ANOTHER PIECE FROM PR! *gibbers in incoherent joy* This time based on the Grand Illusion Trilogy featuring Harry and Altair! GO SEE IT! Teacher's Appreciation

Name: ...umm, none of your beeswax...kidding, call me J. Or D... or Diaphanous... or, if you're feeling suicidal, Old Lady (punishments will be painful)

Age: 24 *gasp*

Gender: Female who loves the dudes but doesn't have one of her own. :iz sad:

Height: I'm short and that's all you need to know, no short jokes allowed.

Weight: ...that's not polite to ask... .

Location: Ohio and that's all I'm telling you people. But I wanna live in Nevada, the desert appeals to me after so many years of snow and all-around weird weather in Ohio.

Can Be Found At: MapleStory, in Mardia: HouseOfMages (Evan), LilithFae (Aran); in Yellonde: KanameZero (Hunter), SkyeStrahl (Gunslinger), LilithDae (Wind Archer)

Favorite Authors: Lynn Kurland, JR Ward (too bad she doesn't want fanfic here... seriously though, read her shit, totally epic), Sherrilyn Kenyon, Karen Moning, JRR Tolkien (he's my hero, lol), JK Rowling (actually she's debatable... though I do love her characters...), Vicki Lee Thompson (I love her 'Nerd' series, the lulz), John Clement-Davies, Dan Brown, and others that I can't remember off the top of my head. (PS: I love super smutty romance novels from random authors that I find from browsing bookstores/libraries. XD)

Favorite TV Shows (when I do watch TV):Deadliest Catch; Planet Earth; Chowder (that's right, I still watch Cartoon Network); various oneshot TLC specials (I'm a TLC whore...); What Not to Wear; Clean House; Animal Cops; Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (I love the Travel Channel); SUPERNATURAL IN THE HOUSE!! MUAHAHAHA! (seriously, watch Supernatural. Damn you Amanda, you made me addicted!!"), Glee (occasionally; I lurve Kurt)

Favorite Movies: My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, State Fair, Oklahoma, The King and I (yes I have an old-school musical fetish, no you may not make fun of me), Doctor Dolittle (1967 version only, none of that Eddy Murphy crap), Star Trek I-VI (hell yeah, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and DeForrest Kelley are awesome!),Star Trek 2009, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, all the Indiana Jones movies, Star Wars IV-VI (old school all the way), Spaceballs, Robin Hood: Men In Tights (classic comedy right there), The Princess Bride, Van Helsing, Underworld, All the Batman Movies (even Adam West, lol), 300, Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3 (one name: Johnny Depp), Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended versions rock my world), Disney (a veritable list of childhood memories that I really don't feel like typing), The Last Unicorn (lol), Tomb Raider, Chronicles of Riddick, The Fast and the Furious, Fast and Furious, etc, etc, etc (I don't do horror so don't ask.)

Favorite Foods: Chocolate, Filipino food, and cheese, can't forget the cheese!

Today's is Harry Potter's 29th Birthday!! Wait... that means he's only seven years older than me... Score? (July 31st, 2009)

The sorting hat says that I belong in Slytherin!

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."

Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.

Take the most scientific Harry Potter Quiz ever created. Get Sorted Now!

Serenity Prayer

May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things that I can,

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people that I killed because they pissed me off.

"I belong to the SALAD Club: Sarcastic, Apathetic, Lazy and Disinterested!"

MapleStory: my anti-drug. Because when you're addicted to Mapling, how can you possibly have time for drugs?

Yaoi/Slash: my anti-drug. Because when you're addicted to yaoi/slash, how can you even think about anything else, let alone drugs?

If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.

It you have ever spent too much money at Border's, put this in your profile.

If you eat carbs and are proud, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' COULD, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile.

If you like, well-written, original characters but hate Mary-Sues, then copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Arktos, Wandering Hitokiri, Syldoran, Zilo's Blue Pen, EdElricFan1001, AkitaFallow, HisokaYukiko, Stephfunky, Diaphanous

If you love to sadistically torture your favorite characters in your stories, copy and paste this onto your profile. (it's all in good fun, I swear... :cackle:)

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is way too long, copy and paste this into it to make it longer!

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utterly worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile.

If you think SquareEnix could solve world hunger if they had $1 for every tear shed as a result of Crisis Core, copy this into your signature/profile.

We've got an educational system that's in the shitter, we've got a war going on, there's on thing after another, and what did our President think was important? Queers. That's what's important! That somehow, if we could stop the gays from getting married, everything else would turn out just fine! Everything would change - there'd be solar energy! The Sunni's and the Shiite's would lay down their arms: "He stopped the Queers! I love you too."

I believe that the reason that it's difficult for the gay community to be integrated into this society at large, the way they should be, is because there are no champions for them in Congress or in the White House. And that is the way that every group of people has basically been integrated into society. That's the way it works.

Instead, you have people like Rick Santorum, a senator from Pennsylvania, who says things that he should think and...shut his fucking mouth. You can go ahead and think it, that's fine, but you don't say aloud that homosexuality is a threat to the American family. Because that's prejudice. That's complete and utter prejudice and ignorance, on a level that is staggering at this point in time. It's very similar to the prejudice that the Jews faced when it was thought that during the first night of Passover that we would go into the Christian community and kidnap the firstborn of Christian families and kill it! And that, for those of you who don't realize, is bullshit! We would've kidnapped the child and made him work for us, and that's a big difference.

Homosexuality is a threat to the American family, are you kidding me? How? No one ever explains it. How? It's like there's a Jehovah's Witnesses of Gaydom! "Hi, we're here and we're Queer, we're here and we're Queer!" "I brought swatches, I brought swatches!"

But maybe I'm wrong! Maybe there are a group of Gay Banditos! Who get into a van everyday and wander from village to dell. And as night begins to fall, they go back into a suburban neighborhood, to that cul de sac, where only one house stands. And in the window, a young American family is just sitting down for their first meal. And these Queers...these Queers...don their black cloaks and hoods and matching pumps - very tasteful - and they charcoal up their faces and they sneak up to that house and open the door and start: FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE ASS!!

And another American family is destroyed!

--Lewis Black, Red, White & Screwed Performance

(If you think Lewis Black is a genius, post this in your profile.)

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.

When every little girl in kindergarten wanted to be a princess, I kinda wanted to be a vampire.

Friends ask why you're crying...Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again.

Me and You are Friends: You smile, I smile. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, well, I'm gonna miss your emails.

He said, 'I don't know why you wear a bra. You've got nothing to put in it.' Then she said, 'Well, you wear pants, don't you?'"

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&! upside the head. Pass it on.

What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.

Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in Hogwarts (just to list a few):
I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder."
Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is
I also will not refer to Dumbledore as my "pimpmasta".
I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office.
The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.
I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

95) Selective Invulnerability Principle RPG characters are immune from such mundane hazards as intense heat, freezing cold, or poison gas... except when they're suddenly not. Surprise!--The Grand List of Console Role Playing Games Cliches

156) Sephiroth Memorial Escape Clause Any misdeed up to and including multiple genocide is forgiveable if you're cool enough. --The Grand List of Console Role Playing Games Cliches

Here are six examples from others of why you should think before you speak -

FIRST:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.

SECOND:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD:

My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH:

While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons..
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said 'No'
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
' Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse..
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ' Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

SIXTH:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Hoo boy, do I ever!)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. (lol, totally possible for me since it runs in my family. explains so much...)

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (Actually, I passed 101 but failed 102... lol.)

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. (I have done this. And, it works. Especially since I have a white car and aviator sunglasses)

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

ONLY IN AMERICA

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. (in case you were wondering, I have proof that this is true. My cousin actually ordered a pizza at the same time an ambulance was called to pick up my grandfather. Guess who won?)

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order Super Sized Double Cheeseburgers, Large Fries, and a Diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Quotes (because a lot of authors seem to have them on their profiles and they're fun):

"Oh man, Quatre loves to blame himself for everything if you let him. Sooner or later he'll say there's no air in space because he didn't work on it hard enough." -Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz

"Tell me, what's it like living in a perpetual haze of stupidity?" -Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

"I thought I was crazy, Urameshi, but ye take th' cake fer tha'! Ye don' make bombs go BOOM in yer face!" -Jin, Yu Yu Hakusho

"I can't believe I said all that touchy-feely stuff for nothing!" -Yuusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho

"Kurama, don't make me rip out your precious voice-box." -Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

"Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?" -Lisa, The Simpsons

"Lord . . . what the hell am I doing here?" -Wolfwood, Trigun

"I'll turn him into a flea...a harmless little flea. Then, I'll put that flea in a box, then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself and when it arrives...AHAHAHA! I'LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! IT'S BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT I TELL YOU! GENIUS I SAY!" -Eizma, The Emperors New Groove

"If you wish to taste the ground feel free to attack me." -Kenshin, Rurouni Kenshin

"Anyone who sees me has got a date with his maker!" -Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing

"There's no way... I'll lose... To a coward who's always whining about destiny." -Naruto, Naruto

"I will never let my comrades die!" -Kakashi, Naruto

"I'm risking my life for this weirdo?" Terazuma, Yami no Matsuei/Descendents of Darkness

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'" -Isaac Asimov

"God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts." -Unknown

"Raising a teenager is like nailing jello to a tree." -a warning to all who have children

"A woman is like a teabag; you never know how strong she is until she's in hot water. -Eleanor Roosevelt

"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, secretions spit out of every gland and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body wight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour long orgasm?" -Dr. Allison Cameron, House, M.D.

"Life with men is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards." -Unknown

"All I see in your sword is fear. If I dodge, I'm afraid of being hit. If I'm protecting someone, I'm afriad they'll die. If I attack, I'm afaid I'll cut them. There is no place for fear here. Do you see the resolve to cut you in my blade? If I dodge, I won't let you hit me. If I'm protecting someone, I won't let them die. If I'm attacking, I will cut you." -Urahara Kisuke, Bleach.

"It begins with a character, usually, and once he stands up on his feet and begins to move, all I can do is trot along behind him with a paper and pencil trying to keep up long enough to put down what he says and does." -William Faulkner

"Christianity : The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense." -Christopher Hitchens

"Thinking of you, wherever you are, we pray for our sorrows to end and our hearts to blend. Now I will step forward to reallize this wish. And who knows? Starting a journey may not be so hard,or maybe it has already begun..." -Kairi, Kingdom Hearts 2

"Aang, this is my friend Foo-Foo Cuddly-Poops. Foo-Foo Cuddly-Poops, Aang." -Sokka, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Leon: Think you can handle this many?
Cloud: Well... Might be tough if one more shows up.
Leon: Hm. Then that'll have to be the one I take care of.
Cloud: What, you're fighting too?
-Cloud and Leon, Kingdom Hearts 2

"From the day I was born until the day I die, the only side I’m on is my own." -Genyjo Sanzo, Saiyuki

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." -Michael Pritchard

"Humor is just another defense against the universe." -Mel Brooks

"You know why big brothers are born first? To protect the little ones that come after them." -Ichigo, Bleach

"Hiei, I can't accept this. I value our friendship and all we've been through but... I don't like you that way." -Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho

"You're a team player, a save the day superhero. I hate people like you." -Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

-Growls at painting, clutching it tightly- "Damn you! Let me inside of you!! LET ME INSIDE OF YOU!" -Dark Mousy, DNAngel

"Don't tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can't he come up with something more original?" -Lina Inverse, Slayers

"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs." Christopher Hampton

"I swear to God, if you say 'om nom nom' one more time, I'll kill you!" -My younger sister, Shark Week. XD

"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." -Emo Phillips

"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." -Sir Richard Steele

"Something big's going on outside, and we're all too smashed to do anything about it..." -drunk Junon resident, Final Fantasy VII

"The red carpet has teeth." -Auron, Final Fantasy X

"What I have shown you is reality. What you remember... that is the illusion." -Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII

"A pro isn't someone who sacrifices themselves for a job. That's just a fool." -Reno, Final Fantasy VII

"Shut up Elena. You're making me sober." Reno, Final Fantasy VII

"Well... that's a lame way to kill someone." -Tidus, Final Fantasy X

"This is my phone... Tell Yuffie she has no right to reach this number..." -Vincent Valentine, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

"Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away." -Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

"A wolf will always be a wolf, the Shinsengumi will always be the Shinsengumi, and a manslayer will always be a manslayer, isn't that right, Battousai?" -Saito Hajime, Runrouni Kenshin

"In the end, only the fittest survive in this world. If you're strong you live, if you're weak you die." Seta Soujiro, Rurouni Kenshin

"I've never seen a ship like this before. It's far behind any C'tarl-C'tarl ship. It won't move unless you're naked! That's very kinky, wouldn't you say?" Aisha ClanClan, Outlaw Star

Kagura: You don't know what a woman feels like when she's in love!
Shigure: Oh, yes I do! Or at least I've felt enough women to venture a guess.
-Kagura & Shigure, Fruits Basket

"We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being an ass'." -Sohma Shigure, Fruits Basket

"That's because dessert is one of the four essential meals of the day!" -Tsuzuki Asato, Yami no Matsuei/Descendents of Darkness

"Then I'll give you just one piece of advice... dying hurts like hell." -Heero Yuy, Gundam Wing

"People who want to die, hurry up and die. You're wasting good air." -Doctor G, Gundam Wing

Reno: Hey, partner... =hold up bomb and shakes it slightly= This thing... uh... got any bite to it?
Rude: Shin-Ra technology at its finest.
Reno: Oh, so you made it?
Rude: If nothing else, it's... flashy.
Reno: =smiles naughtily= Oh, good...
Rude: You love it, I know.
-Reno and Rude, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Angeal: "When the B Unit sets off the signal, you're to sneak in and-"
Zack: =bounces in place= "Yeah...? And...? And, and, and...?!"
Angeal: -smirk- "Indulge yourself."
Zack: "Yes! That's what I do best!"
-Zack and Angeal, Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

"Me and Cloud here are both backwater experts. Oh yeah!"
-Zack , Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

“Evil beware. We have waffles.”-Raven, Teen Titans

“Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.”-Anonymous

“A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.”-Anonymous

“Men are 44 percent muscle, 53 percent fat and 3 percent brain. This explains a lot of things.”- Anonymous

"I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry." -Randall Jarrell

"Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill. I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business." -Henry David Thoreau

"One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child." Randall Jarrell

"When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it." -Marie de Sevigne

"Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world." -Peter York

"Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none." -Jules Renard

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." -Mark Twain

"I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere." -Unknown

"Turns out if you never lie, there's always someone mad at you." Scott Westerfeld

"A sale? That means I'll go broke saving money." -Michael Greene

"To read a book for the first time is to make the acquaintance of a new friend; to read it a second time is to meet an old one." -Selwyn Champion

"I'm not short. I just live in a big world." -Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist

"I'm a damsel; I'm in distress; I can handle this. Have a nice day." -Megura, Hercules

"I believe in dragons, unicorns, good men and other mythical creatures." Anonymous

"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic." -Doris Egan

"You got hair like a girl."
"And you smell like bubble bath. At least I can get a trim."
-Mr. D and Phury, Lover Enshrined

"Not having fun tonight, Z? You look like someone's shit on your front lawn." -Wrath, Lover Enshrined

"I hate when you're right."
"Which explains why you're usually so short-tempered."
-Rehv and Xhex, Lover Enshrined

"You look like hell."
"And you're Miss America."
-Vishous and Butch, Lover Unbound

Jane: "There aren't any syringes."
Butch: "I've got some." -holds out a sterile pack but keeps a grip on it- "I know you'll use this wisely."
Jane: "Wisely?" -yanks the syringes- "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school."
-Jane and Butch, Lover Unbound

"I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer." Rhage, Lover Eternal

"If sex were food, Rhage would have been morbidly obese." -Dark Lover, page 81

Butch: -addressing Beth- "You want to know his shoe size or something?
Wrath: "Fourteen."
Butch: "I'll remember that at Christmas, asshole."
-Butch and Wrath, Dark Lover

Rhage: "You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."
Butch: "Aw, come on now." -grin- "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."
Rhage: -fires towel at Butch- "Just pointing out your beer gut's gone."
Butch: "It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it."
-Rhage and Butch, Lover Eternal

"Looked like someone had nailed him in the hey-nanny-nannies with a wet sponge." -Lover Enshrined, page 50

Vishous: -blinks- "God, you're going for sainthood, you know that? You've always been there for me. Always. Even when I..."
Butch: "Even when you what?"
Vishous: "You know."
Butch: "What?"
Vishous: "Fuck. Even when I was in love with you. Or some shit."
Butch: -clasps hands to chest- "Was? Was? I can't believe you've lost interest." -throws arm over his eyes- My dreams of our future are shattered--"
Vishous: "Shut it, cop."
Butch: -peeks out- "Are you kidding me? The reality show I had planned was fantastic. Was going to pitch it to VH1. Two Bites Are Better Than One. We were going to make millions.
Vishous: "Oh, for the love."
-Vishous and Butch, Lover Unbound

"You know I'm right."
"Fuck you, Dr. Phil."
-Butch and Vishous, Lover Unbound

"This place is just too freaking precious. Give me rednecks and home-grown beer any day of the week over this X-culture bullshit." -Butch O'Neal, Lover Awakened

"You finished, big guy? FYI, goalpost over there would work righteous as a toothpick." -Vishous, Lover Revealed

"I should kill you now." -The Scribe Virgin, Lover Revealed

"Think of it this way. At least you won't have to worry about shaving your back as you get old, true? No manscaping for you." -Vishous, Lover Awakened

Butch: "You so need to lighten up about the potato-launcher incident.
Phury: "You broke my window."
Butch: "Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it."
Phury: "Twice."
Butch: "Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen."
-Butch and Phury, Lover Unbound

Zsadist: -awkwardly hugging Phury- "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."
Phury: "That was you?"
Zsadist: "You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?"
-Zsadist and Phury (twin brothers), Lover Awakened

Butch: -talking about Rhage's beast- "Can it get into the car?"
Vishous: "If it really wants to. Fortunately, it can't be very hungry."
Butch: "Yeah, well... what if it's got room for Jell-O?"
-Butch and Vishous, Lover Eternal

"Me? I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid." -Jack Sparrow, PotC

"RAITO! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU MULTI-FLAVORED SKITTLE! NOW OPEN UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU TASTE THE RAINBOW, YOU MAN-BITCH!"-from story Discordant Harmony by Hari-Aisu

"Happily ever after. Well, that's boring as all fuck, now innit? Yeah, let's not ever go that route, hm?" -Alice o'Hearts

"Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potionmaking. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses ... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." -Potion Master Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" -Stephen Wright

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Jack Handey

"We're all gonna do three things in life: We're all gonna lie; we're all gonna cry; and we're all gonna take painful shits." -Dane Cook

"Some people are like slinkies--Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs." -unknown (if you know, just PM me! XD)

"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing." -Tony Stark, Iron Man

"I'm murdering you as soon as we're free." -Genjyo Sanzo, Saiyuki

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov

“Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”- George Bernard Shaw

"Just because I grew up Catholic doesn't mean I go to church all the damn time. Only when I feel like it. It's boring and my sister falls asleep and drools next to me. Yeah, that's real respectful to God, let me tell you." -Me

"Aah! What do I do? There's no electricity and it's a fucking sunshiny day! Better call my mom..." -Me, seriously this happened.

"Peace out, girl scout!" -Rachel Rosen

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." -Jack Handy

"Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right." -Woody Allen

"Tell your boyfriend
If he says he's got beef
that I'm a vegetarian
And I ain't fuckin' scared of him." -Don't Trust Me, lyrics by 3Oh!3

"Porn? ...As in Porn?!" -Dr. Bailey, Gray's Anatomy

"Are you sure it's just your memories that are the problem?" -Lulu, Final Fantasy X

Pacha: "Uh-oh."
Kuzco: "Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall."
Pacha: "Yep."
Kuzco: "Sharp rocks at the bottom?"
Pacha: "Most likely."
Kuzco: "Bring it on."
-Pacha and Kuzco the llama, The Emperor's New Groove

"Live long and prosper." -Spock, Star Trek

"Dammit, Jim!!" -Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Star Trek

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans." -Ronald Reagan

"A room without books is like a body without a soul." -Cicero

"Dammit, Jim, why aren't you wearing underwear?!" -Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Star Trek XI fanfic Commendable Service by Rawles

Sarek: "Kirk, I thank you. What you have done--"
Jim: "What I have done... I had to do."
Sarek: "At what cost? Your ship? Your son?"
Jim: "If I hadn't tried... the cost would have been my soul."
--Sarek and Kirk, Star Trek III

“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.” -George Carlin

"...and then Buffy staked Edward. The End." -Hot Topic T-shirt

"What would I do if I only had six months to live? I'd type faster." -Issac Asimov

"If I didn't have writing, I would be running down the street hurling grenades in people's faces." -Paul Fussel

"Bitch."
"Jerk."
-Dean and Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"I lost my shoe..." -Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"I am Batman."
"...Yeah... you're Batman..."
-Dean and Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"Well, house rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"You smell like a toilet." -Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"Fake U.S. Marshal. Fake credit cards. You got anything that's real?"
"My boobs."
-Deputy Sheriff and Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"Looks like you're not the only one with sticky fingers. If it's any consolation I think you're a truly awful person." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick." -Anonymous

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me, and just be my friend." -Albert Camus

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three." -Elayne Boosler

"You can't have everything... where would you put it?" -Steven Wright

"The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg." -unknown

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." -unknown

"Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself." Rita Mae Brown

"Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." -unknown

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." -Carl Zwanzig

"Remember to always be yourself...unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

"Love is the breakdown of one's mind … it is the sudden rush that occurs in your heart that leads to unusual behavior and irrational actions. It also decreases your reaction time and lowers your pace in a certain amount of degree. If this happens to you, then you've fallen for it, you're in love." -Mark Aaron

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -Lily Tomlin

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter." -Winston Churchill

"No chick-flick moments." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"Well, because I'm the oldest, which means I'm always right." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"People believe in Santa Claus. How come I'm not gettin' hooked up every Christmas?"
"Cause you're a bad person."
-Dean and Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"I barely have any skin left on my palm."
"I'm not touchin' that line with a ten-foot pole."
-Dean and Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"Am I boring you with this hunting evil stuff?" -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"Poor bastard. His woman is cold-bangin' the gardener." -Missouri Moseley, Supernatural

"Oh wow! It's my first sawed-off! I made it myself. Sixth grade." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"We're all going to hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride." -Bela Talbot, Supernatural

"Wait a second! Bones breaks into my bathroom and I’m the weird one for being naked?" -Seeley Joseph Booth, Bones

"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose: They should draw the line at goats though" - Elton John

"I miss conversations that didn't start with 'this killer truck'." -Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"Oh God, we’re not gonna have to hug or anything, are we?" -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

Dean: "You're not gonna try and kill me, are you?"
Sam: "No."
Dean: "Good, 'cause that would be awkward."
-Dean and Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"Do you want a poem?" -Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"See, he's just like a puppy dog!"
"Yeah... like he was spawned from a Great Dane or something."
-my friend and I, reference to Sam Winchester in Supernatural

"Bastard sunk my battleship!" -Erica Leary

"You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"Dude, seriously; still with the ham?" -Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"You're drunk."
"You're sexy."
-Brian and Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

"...from now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'die, Ron, die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong." - Ron Weasley, HP Book/Movie (I don't remember which one... lol.)

"You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity" -Shrek, Shrek 2

"I always get the extra cookie." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"Vampires... It gets funnier every time I hear it." -Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"When all else fails... meet in Bobby's panic room." -T-shirt from Zazzle.com

"Those aren't boobs! They're lies!" -Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

"Every time I hook up with you, I get SHOT! Last time, I got shot in the ASS. I am in mourning for my ass!" -Izzy, The Mummy Returns

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I'm the baddest motherfucker on the valley!" -Eugene Small

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you; I will find you; and I will kill you." Bryan Mills, Taken

"Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."-Altair Ibn La-Ahad, Assassin's Creed

"None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me." Rorschach, Watchmen

Maria: "You should find an outlet."
Ezio: "I have plenty of outlets."
Maria: "I meant besides vaginas."
Ezio: "Mother!"
-Maria and Ezio Auditore, Assassin's Creed II

"Ah..good old subject 16. He re-painted my room, you know...IN HIS BLOOD!" -Desmond Miles, Assassin's Creed II

"Rest, prepare, cry in the corner...whatever you do before a mission, only do it quietly."-Malik Al-Sayf, Assassins Creed

"...Said crusaders are rather bewilderingly quick to mark you for death though. Part of that might be your fault for having an arsenal of knifes and a huge neon sign saying "I'm assassin" strapped to your back." -Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw, Zero Punctuation Reviews Assassin's Creed

"Assassinations are a tiny percentage of the gaming experience. But I guess 'Faffing About Creed' doesn't have the same ring to it." -Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw, Zero Punctuation Reviews Assassin's Creed

"Oh pissing blimey! There's jam coming out of the walls!" -Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw, Zero Punctuation Reviews Amnesia:The Dark Descent

"Dude, I'm not enabling your sick habit. You're like one of those lab rats that pushes the pleasure button instead of the food button until it dies." - Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"You know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams, and that they shoot rainbows out of their ass!" - Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol... Just wait for the inevitable blast wave." - Castiel, Supernatural

"No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality." - Sam Winchester, Supernatural

"I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week." -Kurt Hummel, Glee

"Oh, Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy." -Kurt Hummel, Glee

"At the bottom, you see, we are not Homo-sapiens at all. Our core is madness. The prime directive is murder. What Darwin was too polite to say, my friends, is that we came to rule the earth not because we were the smartest, or even the meanest, but because we have always been the craziest, most murderous motherfuckers in the jungle." -Stephen King

"Let me make one thing clear," Kurt hissed, breath brushing along Wes' jaw, "you do not," he pressed closer, forehead coming to rest against his, "mess with my Diet Coke. I will find you, I will kill you-" his hands tightened even further, "I will eat your firstborn child. Understood?"-Kurt Hummel, Glee fanfic The Bamboozlement of One Wesley Hughes by another pointless penname

"You're looking at that chick like you want to roll her up in a taco and put your hot sauce all over her." -Qhuinn, Lover Avenged

"Keep writing. Keep doing it and doing it. Even in the moments when it's so hurtful to think about writing." Heather Armstrong

THE DELIVERY BOY ONE-SHOT SERIES AS FOLLOWS:

Delivery Boy In Shangri-La

The Time-Traveling Delivery Boy

The Delivery Boy and the Delivery Apprentice

The Delivery Boy's Errand

After that you can read Off Course: The Delivery Boy Saga as an alternate route, like in the summary!

THE HOUSE OF MAGES ONE-SHOT SERIES AS FOLLOWS:

The First Step of a Thousand Miles

Fools of Fortunes

Waltz of Flight

Mage's Lament

The Wandering Wizard (writing)

OFF COURSE SERIES AS FOLLOWS:

The Delivery Boy Saga

The Delivery Boy and the Boy Savior

The Road Trip (writing)

THE GRAND ILLUSION TRILOGY AS FOLLOWS:

The Mirage

The Phantasm

The Illusion

T12ales of the Grand Illusion (based in the GI universe)

SO THIS IS LOVE SERIES (no particular order necessary):

Our Red String of Destiny (Malik/Harry slash)

With Love From Scotland (Altair/Harry slash)

Pretend Love (Ezio/Harry slash)

Pink Camellias and Red Tulips (Desmond/Harry slash)

Double-Mint (Altair/Harry slash)

Blue Ink (Shaun/Harry slash)

SexBomb (Kadar/Harry slash) (smutty versions at my Y!Gallery and my LJ)

Rain Dance (Malik/Harry slash)

OTHER STORIES/ONE-SHOTS In The Works:

Soul Biscuits (HP/AC extreme-AR crossover) (Part Four- 36% complete, 02/05/12)

Mirrors (HP/AC AU crossover) (Prologue/Chapter 1- 100% complete; Chapter 2- 100% complete; Chapter 3- 10% complete, 02/05/12)