Name: ...umm, none of your beeswax...kidding, call me J. Or D... or Diaphanous... or, if you're feeling suicidal, Old Lady (punishments will be painful)

Age: Too Old For The Comic Book Store Now... DX

Gender: Female

Height: I'm short and that's all you need to know, no short jokes allowed.

Weight: ...that's not polite to ask... .

Location: Ohio and that's all I'm telling you people.

Favorite Manga: Too many

Favorite Anime: Just ask, I'm quite sure I can give a list... a massive one.

Favorite Authors: Lynn Kurland, JR Ward (too bad she doesn't want fanfic here... seriously though, read her shit, totally epic), Sherrilyn Kenyon, Karen Moning, JRR Tolkien (he's my hero, lol), JK Rowling (actually she's debatable...), Vicki Lee Thompson (I love her 'Nerd' series, the lulz), John Clement-Davies, Dan Brown, and others that I can't remember off the top of my head. (PS: I love super smutty romance novels from random authors that I find from browsing bookstores/libraries. XD)

Favorite TV Shows (when I do watch TV): Grey's Anatomy (don't ask, I blame my old roommate); Jon and Kate Plus Eight; Table for Twelve; Deadliest Catch; Planet Earth; Chowder (that's right, I still watch Cartoon Network); various oneshot TLC specials (I'm a TLC whore...); What Not to Wear; Clean House; Las Vegas; House (Omg, he's my favorite asshole); Meerkat Manor (shut up, I like it, okay!); Animal Cops; Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (I love the Travel Channel); Mark and Ollie: Living with the Mek; all of Paula Deen's shows; Guy Fieri's Big Bite; Diners, Drive-ins and Dives; Food Network Challenge; Iron Chef ( the original Japanese version), and yeah, that's it.

Favorite Movies: My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, State Fair, Oklahoma, The King and I (yes I have an old-school musical fetish, no you may not make fun of me), Doctor Dolittle (1967 version only, none of that Eddy Murphy crap), Star Trek I-VI (hell yeah, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and DeForrest Kelley are awesome!),Star Trek 2009 (I am so getting that DVD!! Seriously, it's mine. If I have to sell my soul, I will), The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, all the Indiana Jones movies, Star Wars IV-VI (old school all the way), Spaceballs, Robin Hood: Men In Tights (classic comedy right there), The Princess Bride, Van Helsing, Underworld, All the Batman Movies (even Adam West, lol), 300, Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3 (one name: Johnny Depp), Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended versions rock my world), Disney (a veritable list of childhood memories that I really don't feel like typing), The Last Unicorn (lol), Tomb Raider, Chronicles of Riddick, The Fast and the Furious, Fast and Furious, etc, etc, etc (I don't do horror so don't ask.)

Favorite Foods: Chocolate, Filipino food, and cheese, can't forget the cheese!

Hobbies: Watching anime, reading manga, reading romance/science fiction/fantasy books, bugging my younger sister to the point of insanity (I'm succeeding!), and writing (duh) and sometimes a RPG called MapleStory... it owns my soul... and!! Watching movies, lots of movies that are to my taste though.

Today's is Harry Potter's 29th Birthday!! Wait... that means he's only seven years older than me... Score? (July 31st, 2009)

"REMEMBER WHEN"

REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when )m 0 m( was your hero
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now

Manga: my anti-drug. Because when you're addicted to manga, how can you possibly afford drugs?

Yaoi: my anti-drug. Because when you're addicted to yaoi, how can you even think about anything else, let alone drugs?

If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak.
If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, Battleground Heart, Kaity the Chameleon, xX-Arianna-hime-Xx,Seppaku, Amanemanga, Rethira, Diaphanous

If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile.

It you have ever spent too much money at Border's, put this in your profile.

If you eat carbs and are proud, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' COULD, copy this into your profile

If you think that Sasuke from Naruto completly has to have the nick-name 'Chicken Butt Hair Dude' , copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile.

If you like, well-written, original characters but hate Mary-Sues, then copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Arktos, Wandering Hitokiri, Syldoran, Zilo's Blue Pen, EdElricFan1001, AkitaFallow, HisokaYukiko, Stephfunky, Diaphanous

If you love to sadistically torture your favorite characters in your stories, copy and paste this onto your profile. (it's all in good fun, I swear... :cackle:)

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

I have the kind of friends that if my house was burning down, they'd be there making S'mores and hitting on hot firemen.

When every little girl in kindergarten wanted to be a princess, I kinda wanted to be a vampire.

Friends ask why you're crying...Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs at you and trips you again.

Me and You are Friends: You smile, I smile. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, well, I'm gonna miss your emails.

He said, 'I don't know why you wear a bra. You've got nothing to put in it.' Then she said, 'Well, you wear pants, don't you?'"

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&! upside the head. Pass it on.

What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨)
¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer. (My grandma, 3 year survivor of breast cancer. Go Grandma, GO!)

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie
Carebears
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!! (Back in the day...)

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A moment of silence.

Things I'm Not Allowed to Do in Hogwarts (just to list a few):
I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder."
Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is
I also will not refer to Dumbledore as my "pimpmasta".
I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office.
The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.
I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your nec k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me MATURITY.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
The last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons..
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said 'No'
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
' Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse..
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ' Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Differences Between Men and Women

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go
out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in £20,
even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the
girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be
able to identify most of these items.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

~MY 9 NAMES~

1. YOUR REAL NAME

Jessica

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:
(first 4 letters of real name + izzle.)

Jessizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(fav color and fav animal)

Purple Hawk

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(your middle name and the street you live on)

Marie Merywen

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)

Rosje

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME:
(Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite soda)

Green Coke

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME:
(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any
letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd
letter of dad's middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and
last letter of your moms middle name)

Esrorgz

8.YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
(both parents middle name)

Gerard Rodriguez (apparently I'm going to have to get a sex-change too, lol)

9. YOUR GOTH NAME:
(3rd favorite color, and the name one of your pets)
Black Mackie

Quotes (because a lot of authors seem to have them on their profiles and they're fun):

"Oh man, Quatre loves to blame himself for everything if you let him. Sooner or later he'll say there's no air in space because he didn't work on it hard enough." -Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz

"Tell me, what's it like living in a perpetual haze of stupidity?" -Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

"I thought I was crazy, Urameshi, but ye take th' cake fer tha'! Ye don' make bombs go BOOM in yer face!" -Jin, Yu Yu Hakusho

"I can't believe I said all that touchy-feely stuff for nothing!" -Yuusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho

"Kurama, don't make me rip out your precious voice-box." -Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

"Why do I get the feeling that one day I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?" -Lisa, The Simpsons

"Lord . . . what the hell am I doing here?" -Wolfwood, Trigun

"I'll turn him into a flea...a harmless little flea. Then, I'll put that flea in a box, then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself and when it arrives...AHAHAHA! I'LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! IT'S BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT I TELL YOU! GENIUS I SAY!" -Eizma, The Emperors New Groove

"If you wish to taste the ground feel free to attack me." -Kenshin, Rurouni Kenshin

"Anyone who sees me has got a date with his maker!" -Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing

"There's no way... I'll lose... To a coward who's always whining about destiny." -Naruto, Naruto

"I will never let my comrades die!" -Kakashi, Naruto

"I'm risking my life for this weirdo?" Terazuma, Yami no Matsuei/Descendents of Darkness

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'" -Isaac Asimov

"God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts." -Unknown

"Raising a teenager is like nailing jello to a tree." -a warning to all who have children

"A woman is like a teabag; you never know how strong she is until she's in hot water. -Eleanor Roosevelt

"Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, secretions spit out of every gland and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body wight. It's violent, it's ugly and it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Do you know that women can have an hour long orgasm?" -Dr. Allison Cameron, House, M.D.

"Life with men is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards." -Unknown

"All I see in your sword is fear. If I dodge, I'm afraid of being hit. If I'm protecting someone, I'm afriad they'll die. If I attack, I'm afaid I'll cut them. There is no place for fear here. Do you see the resolve to cut you in my blade? If I dodge, I won't let you hit me. If I'm protecting someone, I won't let them die. If I'm attacking, I will cut you." -Urahara Kisuke, Bleach.

"It begins with a character, usually, and once he stands up on his feet and begins to move, all I can do is trot along behind him with a paper and pencil trying to keep up long enough to put down what he says and does." -William Faulkner

"Christianity : The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Makes perfect sense." -Christopher Hitchens

"Thinking of you, wherever you are, we pray for our sorrows to end and our hearts to blend. Now I will step forward to reallize this wish. And who knows? Starting a journey may not be so hard,or maybe it has already begun..." -Kairi, Kingdom Hearts 2

"Aang, this is my friend Foo-Foo Cuddly-Poops. Foo-Foo Cuddly-Poops, Aang." -Sokka, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Leon: Think you can handle this many?
Cloud: Well... Might be tough if one more shows up.
Leon: Hm. Then that'll have to be the one I take care of.
Cloud: What, you're fighting too?
-Cloud and Leon, Kingdom Hearts 2

"From the day I was born until the day I die, the only side I’m on is my own." -Genyjo Sanzo, Saiyuki

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." -Michael Pritchard

"Humor is just another defense against the universe." -Mel Brooks

"You know why big brothers are born first? To protect the little ones that come after them." -Ichigo, Bleach

"Hiei, I can't accept this. I value our friendship and all we've been through but... I don't like you that way." -Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho

"You're a team player, a save the day superhero. I hate people like you." -Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

-Growls at painting, clutching it tightly- "Damn you! Let me inside of you!! LET ME INSIDE OF YOU!" -Dark Mousy, DNAngel

"Don't tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can't he come up with something more original?" -Lina Inverse, Slayers

"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs." Christopher Hampton

"I swear to God, if you say 'om nom nom' one more time, I'll kill you!" -My younger sister, Shark Week. XD

"Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps." -Emo Phillips

"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." -Sir Richard Steele

"Something big's going on outside, and we're all too smashed to do anything about it..." -drunk Junon resident, Final Fantasy VII

"The red carpet has teeth." -Auron, Final Fantasy X

"What I have shown you is reality. What you remember... that is the illusion." -Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII

"A pro isn't someone who sacrifices themselves for a job. That's just a fool." -Reno, Final Fantasy VII

"Shut up Elena. You're making me sober." Reno, Final Fantasy VII

"Well... that's a lame way to kill someone." -Tidus, Final Fantasy X

"This is my phone... Tell Yuffie she has no right to reach this number..." -Vincent Valentine, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

"Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away." -Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

"A wolf will always be a wolf, the Shinsengumi will always be the Shinsengumi, and a manslayer will always be a manslayer, isn't that right, Battousai?" -Saito Hajime, Runrouni Kenshin

"In the end, only the fittest survive in this world. If you're strong you live, if you're weak you die." Seta Soujiro, Rurouni Kenshin

"I've never seen a ship like this before. It's far behind any C'tarl-C'tarl ship. It won't move unless you're naked! That's very kinky, wouldn't you say?" Aisha ClanClan, Outlaw Star

Kagura: You don't know what a woman feels like when she's in love!
Shigure: Oh, yes I do! Or at least I've felt enough women to venture a guess.
-Kagura & Shigure, Fruits Basket

"We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being an ass'." -Sohma Shigure, Fruits Basket

"That's because dessert is one of the four essential meals of the day!" -Tsuzuki Asato, Yami no Matsuei/Descendents of Darkness

"Then I'll give you just one piece of advice... dying hurts like hell." -Heero Yuy, Gundam Wing

"People who want to die, hurry up and die. You're wasting good air." -Doctor G, Gundam Wing

Reno: Hey, partner... =hold up bomb and shakes it slightly= This thing... uh... got any bite to it?
Rude: Shin-Ra technology at its finest.
Reno: Oh, so you made it?
Rude: If nothing else, it's... flashy.
Reno: =smiles naughtily= Oh, good...
Rude: You love it, I know.
-Reno and Rude, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Angeal: "When the B Unit sets off the signal, you're to sneak in and-"
Zack: =bounces in place= "Yeah...? And...? And, and, and...?!"
Angeal: -smirk- "Indulge yourself."
Zack: "Yes! That's what I do best!"
-Zack and Angeal, Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

"Me and Cloud here are both backwater experts. Oh yeah!"
-Zack , Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

“Evil beware. We have waffles.”-Raven, Teen Titans

“Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.”-Anonymous

“A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.”-Anonymous

“Men are 44 percent muscle, 53 percent fat and 3 percent brain. This explains a lot of things.”- Anonymous

"I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry." -Randall Jarrell

"Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill. I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business." -Henry David Thoreau

"One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child." Randall Jarrell

"When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it." -Marie de Sevigne

"Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world." -Peter York

"Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none." -Jules Renard

"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." -Mark Twain

"I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere." -Unknown

"Turns out if you never lie, there's always someone mad at you." Scott Westerfeld

"A sale? That means I'll go broke saving money." -Michael Greene

"To read a book for the first time is to make the acquaintance of a new friend; to read it a second time is to meet an old one." -Selwyn Champion

"I'm not short. I just live in a big world." -Edward Elric, Full Metal Alchemist

"I'm a damsel; I'm in distress; I can handle this. Have a nice day." -Megura, Hercules

"I believe in dragons, unicorns, good men and other mythical creatures." Anonymous

"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic." -Doris Egan

"You got hair like a girl."
"And you smell like bubble bath. At least I can get a trim."
-Mr. D and Phury, Lover Enshrined

"Not having fun tonight, Z? You look like someone's shit on your front lawn." -Wrath, Lover Enshrined

"I hate when you're right."
"Which explains why you're usually so short-tempered."
-Rehv and Xhex, Lover Enshrined

"You look like hell."
"And you're Miss America."
-Vishous and Butch, Lover Unbound

Jane: "There aren't any syringes."
Butch: "I've got some." -holds out a sterile pack but keeps a grip on it- "I know you'll use this wisely."
Jane: "Wisely?" -yanks the syringes- "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school."
-Jane and Butch, Lover Unbound

"I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer." Rhage, Lover Eternal

"If sex were food, Rhage would have been morbidly obese." -Dark Lover, page 81

Butch: -addressing Beth- "You want to know his shoe size or something?
Wrath: Fourteen.
Butch: "I'll remember that at Christmas, asshole."
-Butch and Wrath, Dark Lover

Rhage: "You're getting into some kind of shape, cop."
Butch: "Aw, come on now." -grin- "Don't let that shower we took go to your head."
Rhage: -fires towel at Butch- "Just pointing out your beet gut's gone."
Butch: "It was a Scotch pot. And I don't miss it."
-Rhage and Butch, Lover Eternal

"Looked like someone had nailed him in the hey-nanny-nannies with a wet sponge." -Lover Enshrined, page 50

Vishous: -blinks- "God, you're going for sainthood, you know that? You've always been there for me. Always. Even when I..."
Butch: "Even when you what?"
Vishous: "You know."
Butch: "What?"
Vishous: "Fuck. Even when I was in love with you. Or some shit."
Butch: -clasps hands to chest- "Was? Was? I can't believe you've lost interest." -throws arm over his eyes- My dreams of our future are shattered--"
Vishous: "Shut it, cop."
Butch: -peeks out- "Are you kidding me? The reality show I had planned was fantastic. Was going to pitch it to VH1. Two Bites Are Better Than One. We were going to make millions.
Vishous: "Oh, for the love."
-Vishous and Butch, Lover Unbound

"You know I'm right."
"Fuck you, Dr. Phil."
-Butch and Vishous, Lover Unbound

"This place is just too freaking precious. Give me rednecks and home-grown beer any day of the week over this X-culture bullshit." -Butch O'Neal, Lover Awakened

"You finished, big guy? FYI, goalpost over there would work righteous as a toothpick." -Vishous, Lover Revealed

"I should kill you now." -The Scribe Virgin, Lover Revealed

"Think of it this way. At least you won't have to worry about shaving your back as you get old, true? No manscaping for you." -Vishous, Lover Awakened

Butch: "You so need to lighten up about the potato-launcher incident.
Phury: "You broke my window."
Butch: "Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it."
Phury: "Twice."
Butch: "Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen."
-Butch and Phury, Lover Unbound

Zsadist: -awkwardly hugging Phury- "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."
Phury: "That was you?"
Zsadist: "You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?"
-Zsadist and Phury (twin brothers), Lover Awakened

Butch: -talking about Rhage's beast- "Can it get into the car?"
Vishous: "If it really wants to. Fortunately, it can't be very hungry."
Butch: "Yeah, well... what if it's got room for Jell-O?"
-Butch and Vishous, Lover Eternal

"Me? I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when he's going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid." -Jack Sparrow, PotC

"RAITO! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU MULTI-FLAVORED SKITTLE! NOW OPEN UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU TASTE THE RAINBOW, YOU MAN-BITCH!"-from story Discordant Harmony by Hari-Aisu

"Happily ever after. Well, that's boring as all fuck, now innit? Yeah, let's not ever go that route, hm?" -Alice o'Hearts

"Ah, yes, divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potionmaking. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses ... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach." -Potion Master Severus Snape, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" -Stephen Wright

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Jack Handey

"We're all gonna do three things in life: We're all gonna lie; we're all gonna cry; and we're all gonna take painful shits." -Dane Cook

"Some people are like slinkies--Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs." -unknown (if you know, just PM me! XD)

"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing." -Tony Stark, Iron Man

"I'm murdering you as soon as we're free." -Genjyo Sanzo, Saiyuki

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.” – Isaac Asimov

“Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”- George Bernard Shaw

"Just because I grew up Catholic doesn't mean I go to church all the damn time. Only when I feel like it. It's boring and my sister falls asleep and drools next to me. Yeah, that's real respectful to God, let me tell you." -Me

"Aah! What do I do? There's no electricity and it's a fucking sunshiny day! Better call my mom..." -Me, seriously this happened.

"Peace out, girl scout!" -Rachel Rosen

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." -Jack Handy

"Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right." -Woody Allen

"Tell your boyfriend
If he says hes got beef
that I'm a vegetarian
And I ain't fuckin' scared of him." -Don't Trust Me, lyrics by 3Oh!3

"Porn? ...As in Porn?!" -Dr. Bailey, Gray's Anatomy

"Are you sure it's just your memories that are the problem?" -Lulu, Final Fantasy X

Pacha: "Uh-oh."
Kuzco: "Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall."
Pacha: "Yep."
Kuzco: "Sharp rocks at the bottom?"
Pacha: "Most likely."
Kuzco: "Bring it on."
-Pacha and Kuzco the llama, The Emperor's New Groove

"Live long and prosper." -Spock, Star Trek (especially loved it in ST 2009. Smart-ass, Vulcan style.)

"Dammit, Jim!!" -Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Star Trek

"Hard-Boiled Eggs. Ingredients: eggs, water, citric acid, sodium benzoate (preservative). Allergen Information: Contains Eggs." -boiled eggs package from Kroger (seriously)

"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans." -Ronald Reagan

"A room without books is like a body without a soul." -Cicero

"Dammit, Jim, why aren't you wearing underwear?!" -Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Star Trek XI fanfic Commendable Service by Rawles

Sarek: "Kirk, I thank you. What you have done--"
Jim: "What I have done... I had to do."
Sarek: "At what cost? Your ship? Your son?"
Jim: "If I hadn't tried... the cost would have been my soul."
--Sarek and Kirk, Star Trek III

"Keep writing. Keep doing it and doing it. Even in the moments when it's so hurtful to think about writing." Heather Armstrong