FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination 
mobile edition| JasperSAYSrelax128 |
 Poll: Should The Black Parade turn into a Jasper x Bella story or remain cannon couples? Vote Now! |
Author has written 22 stories for Twilight, Misc. Books, and Shiver, Maggie Stiefvater. Age: 19 JSR IS BACKK NIKKUHSSS old stuff: "Geez, I give you my favorites list and you go and insult the authors!" Stories Blog, for sneak peaks and news: www.comtastical.blogspot.com So you want to know JasperSAYSrelax128? For me, fear is walking in front of a group of people, just to be worried about how they think you look. For me, acting rude and obnoxious in class is normal, no matter how weird you think I am. For me, having bizarre dreams is my escape from the real world. For me, breaking an awkward silence by yelling “MUFFINS!” is the best. For me, hiding my true feelings with a stupid or sarcastic remark, and a good laugh, is natural. For me, making people laugh makes me feel that speck of hope that I am good for something. For me, hilarity is me doing a rain dance in PE in hope of canceling the mile, and it raining two minutes later. For me, loyalty is my best friend in jail, and me right next to him sayin “DAMN!” For me, bonding time is my best friend in jail, and me in the cell next to him saying “THAT WAS AWESOME LET’S DO IT AGAIN!” For me, friendship is me beating a random girl’s ass...because she told my friend her shoes were ugly. For me, being myself is my friend getting rejected, and me calling up the guy and whispering “7 days...” For me, fun is sending random people in class visual death threats during a lecture, just for the laugh. And at the end of the day, it will all be okay. Because I’ll still smile for someone, and I’ll still laugh for something, and I’ll still live on. - JasperSAYSrelax128 My opinion of running the mile and a half: Brianna: Come on, let's go! Me: -panting- fuck...no... friend: BELIEVING IS SUCCEEDING! Me: I BELIEVE!! -starts running- ...-runs 10 feet- Me: okay. Done believing. My opinion of Miley Cyrus: Random Girl: I follow Miley Cyrus’s tour dates so I know when to go see her when she comes. Me: Really? I follow Miley Cyrus’s tour dates so I know when to leave the city when she comes. My opinion on texting: Me: uhh...Q...Q...WHERE'S THE FUCKING Q?! ...5 minutes later... Me: AHA! FOUUUUND IT!! Mom: what? the Q? Me: no. the send button. My opinion on explanations: Jules: What kind of cell phone do you have? Me: I have the Blackjack 2. Jules: what's a Blackjack 2? Me: THE BLACK THINGY WITH THE BUTTONS THAT GO BEEP. My opinion on friendship: Rachelle: So, who was that that you were with earlier? Me: Who, Steven? Rachelle: Yea, you guys looked like you were the best of friends, joking around, laughing…how long have you known each other? Me: ...a day. My opinion on mornings: Jules: Good morning Sunshine! The sun says hello. Me: fuck the sun. My opinion on helping a friend: Tori: Hey guyz! I need help! What would you do if your cell phone got lost in a CORN MAZE when its pitch black outside...?! Me: get down on your hands and knees and pray to god no one mistakes it for a stepping stone. How I think: Me: He broke up with me over a text. Jules: What a jerk. Me: I know! HE DIDN'T USE ANY COMMAS!! Projects: Teacher: Okay, so the point of this project is a research project. You can do it on anything. You can even do it on homeless people. You’d have to have a “doing” thing that you would do, like if you were doing homeless people, you could go pretend to be a homeless person in the park. Try not to pick something like sitting out in your backyard doing nothing for 10 hours. How many people would get bored after ten minutes? Me: Dude I’d be out of there after five. IMing: Mitchell: Ben=jackass Me: Mitchell=dumbass In class: Mr. Cole: I could have taught at elementary school, but the math students aren’t as advanced. I wanted to find people who were more intelligent. Me: and then you found Alden. MYSPACEE: Sarah: god damn it i need someone to hang out with. Me: There are always chia pets. I heard those are good company. TV: Mom: Buzz Aldren is on here! That famous astronaut guy! Me: Buzz Lightyear? Mom: Buzz Aldren! Me: Buzz Lightyear? Mom: Jenny. Don’t be disrespectful—the guy went to space!! Me: ...yea, so did Buzz Lightyear... IM: Me: life goes on. Mitchell: ... Me: until u die. Mitchell: ... Me: HAHAHA. then you're...dead. Mitchell: ... Me: and theres no life. Mitchell: ... Me: oh wait...theres JESUS! Facebook: (posting my status) Me: I'm a sad sad panda. My sister: Can I feed the panda bamboo shoots!!!???? Me: PETTING ZOO HOURS ARE CLOSED!! Facebook #2: Mitchell: They're remodeling Wal-Mart!! Random girl: Um, they have been for like a year. Me: Mitchell are you serious? Wal-Mart is what you think the facebook world gives a shit about? Mitchell: hahahahaha, there are some old people on here that may want to know. My Room: Me: You’re gonna swim in the ocean with me, right? Jules: As long as there are no jellyfish. Me: What do you have against jellyfish? Jules: They KILL YOU. Me: ...you’re racist. Facebook: Me: I'm genious XD Jules: hey genius you spelled genius wrong. Me: ...I'm genius. Jules: PAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. | |||||||
1. Things a Vampire Can’t Do » reviewsA series of VERY FUNNY one-shots of things our favorite vampires can't do. Set in Eclipse. Brought to you by JasperSAYSrelax128 writer of "Oops, he did it again!"Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 5,847 - Reviews: 349 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 6-22-09 - Complete2. The Good Left Undone » reviewsSequel to "Player Haters". Bella and the Cullens are starting college, and having the time of their lives...until students start to go missing. Will Bella's past have anything to do with it? ALL HUMAN!Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 48,331 - Reviews: 1278 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 6-23-09 - Complete3. The Gift of One Liners and the Curse of Curves » reviewsDemetri was always the famous lady's man in the Volturi. Good-looks, poise, courteous, and one of the most deadly killers our world held. But what he didn't expect to find on a mission was one of his most life-altering discoveries. A girl.Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,987 - Reviews: 49 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 11-22-09 - Demetri4. The Black Parade » reviewsWhen I was a young boy, my father took me into the city, to see a marching band. He said, "Son when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?" He said "Because one day I'll leave you, to join the Black Parade." fullsumTwilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 22,644 - Reviews: 795 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 10-18-09 - Edward & Bella5. Seeing Crimson » reviewsBella was kidnapped by the Volturi in Eclipse, and now she's a vampire with no memory of her human life and so powerful she can kill any. What happens when her new assignment is to recrute a certain mindreader and future seeing vampire?FULL SUMMARY INSIDETwilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 14,483 - Reviews: 434 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 7-10-096. Prayer of the Refugee » reviewsSequel to Feel Good Drag. Bella is living life good, racing, hot boyfriend, nice friends...until she wins a yellow Camero in a drag race, and Bella's life is plummeted into an unknown world of transformers as the race begins. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE.Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,855 - Reviews: 406 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 9-20-097. Poetry » reviewsPoems written about when Edward left in New Moon. Bella's POV. I may possibly add more poems later on from different character's POV's.Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 10 - Words: 3,347 - Reviews: 78 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 7-28-098. Player Haters » reviewsEdward and Bella have been bickering since kindergarten. He's a player, and she is his sister's best friend. What happens when they discover their true feelings for each other, right before it all ends? ALL HUMAN! FUNNY!Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 50,318 - Reviews: 883 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 6-5-09 - Complete9. Paradise Lost » reviewsSequel to My Black Dahlia. Bella has been broken, hurt, pained, lied to...but now, she's trapped. As a result of her transformation being corrupted by an unknown source, Bella's powers were catapulted into chaos—trapping her in mirrors.FULL SUMMARY INSIDETwilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,038 - Reviews: 195 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 10-26-09 - Bella & Edward10. Oops, he did it again! » reviewsWhen the family goes hunting,Emmett and Jasper Bella-sit. They decide to play truth or dare. Contains Jasper in Wal-Mart, Bella kissing, Emmett in jail? and Blue paint...will Emmett get in trouble...AGAIN? Won the Fanpire Fanfiction Best Humor award!Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 51 - Words: 72,429 - Reviews: 2987 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 4-23-09 - Complete11. My Black Dahlia » reviewsWhen Edward left Bella in New Moon, she became a drug/cutting addict. She is sent to Rehab, but what if her doctor, who is supposed to help her get better, is the reason she's there? Will she except help from Edward?Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 26 - Words: 34,309 - Reviews: 1050 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 8-2-09 - Bella & Edward - Complete12. Misguided Ghosts » reviewsHe was the most caring, wonderful, loving boyfriend anyone could have...until he turned into a vampire. Now my only hope of escaping...is if I die. "Would someone care to clissify? a broken heart and twisted minds, so I can find someone to rely on."Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,962 - Reviews: 156 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 10-1-09 - Bella & Edward13. It All Started With a Comment » reviewsSequel to "Oops, he did it Again!" Funny One-shots of crazy, hilarious, insanely awesome incidents that all started...with a comment. All Vampire, no Renemesmee, Wolves may show up later.Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 10,096 - Reviews: 719 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 8-11-0914. I Know I'll Wake Soon » reviewsTwo-shot about when Alice and Bella race to save Edward in Volterra. Bella is ordered to die, and Edward and Alice protect her, and end up dying in front of her. Will there be an afterlife after all?Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,708 - Reviews: 68 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 8-19-09 - Bella & Edward - Complete15. Hunger » reviewsMy version of the next book. Shelby wants revenge. Shelby's happy ending was corrupted when Grace came into the picture, now Grace's ending will be destroyed. While Grace tries to fight off Shelby, can she fight off the cold that once plagued Sam?Shiver, Maggie Stiefvater - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,680 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 2-20-10 - Grace & Sam16. How To Fight Like a Pirate » reviewsCrossover Pirates of the Caribbean.Isabella Swann is the daughter of Elizabeth.Jack comes, and Elizabeth is needed for as Pirate King.What happens when he takes Bella instead?she meets a beautiful bronze-haired man of course!FULL SUMMARY INSIDETwilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,502 - Reviews: 241 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 7-25-0917. Feel Good Drag » reviewsBella is one of the top street racers in Arizona. But when a recent race ends up in a police chase, Renee sends her to live with Charlie in Forks. What happens happens when she discovers an underground racing site, and meets new friends? SUMMARY INSIDE AHTwilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 44,530 - Reviews: 1225 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 8-13-09 - Bella & Edward - Complete18. Don't Forget » reviewsBella was changed into a vampire in New Moon when searching for the meadow. Now she has a new family and awesome powers and moves back to Forks...and runs into a certain family. Will they get along? Pranks! REALLY funny!Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 33,971 - Reviews: 620 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 5-25-09 - Complete19. Diaries of a Phoenix » reviewsI was brought back into this world by accident...but I'm still here for a reason. My resurrection wasn't expected...but neither was my murder. Now I'm looking for them. I'm looking for my murderer.Misc. Books - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,739 - Reviews: 73 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 12-27-0920. ACTION! » reviewsFunny Takes...making fun of the Twilight MOVIE! HILARIOUS! Seriously...read if you want to laugh.Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,609 - Reviews: 528 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 8-3-0921. A Lesson in Charades » reviewsDon't Forget SEQUEL. Bella is finally marrying Edward, until she is kidnapped before she makes it to the Altar by 4 vampires that take an interest in her. When Alice can't SEE them, how will they save Bella in time before she is betrothed to another? AVTwilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 27,067 - Reviews: 474 - Updated: 1-26-11 - Published: 7-13-0922. Vampire or Werewolf? » reviewsEdward and Jacob switch bodies for a day...Will they be able to handle Edward in a werewolf body, and Jacob in a Vampire body? What does Bella think?Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,978 - Reviews: 309 - Updated: 6-25-09 - Published: 5-10-09 - Complete
USA