What is my name?? Kali ((cu "as in the word cup"-lee))

What is my physical age?? Could you please repeat question?

Why am I here?? Why are you here?

Why am I typing this if I'm answering almost nothing?? Wow I'm right, this is stupid.

http://www.fictionpress.com/u/645952/(This account is mostly for my "All the Other Mythologies" community. Because there's a hell of a lot more variety over at fictionpress. So, if you're looking at my profile because of the community I have here, I would click this link. I have over twenty stories on it.)

Well, as I sure that you're all aware of, I'm a Mythology nut. If you didn't know this, then you should take a long hard look at the top of this page and what it says that I'm writing for, because there isn't one thing I've written that isn't Mythology related. Anyway... Greek, Norse, Egyptian (my personal favorite) and I'll presently I'm learning more about so called "miracles" of Christianity, because apparently Zechariah, Revaluations, Daniel, etc are too depressing for the people I'm around. (No comment.) Which brings me to the subject: Jesus wasn't born in December! (Think the Spring.) Okay?! It's old pagan tradition coming back to haunt you. Just like the Christmas tree. Yes, that's pagan too. Then of course there's the wonders of Halloween, which is Wiccan. And no, Wiccans aren't Satanists, they don't event believe in Satan. Then of course theirs people who feel the need to annoy the crap out of the Jews when they don't even realize that the Jewish still believe in about two thirds of the Christian bible. Not to mention that fact that Jesus was Jewish... Yes, don't try to talk religion with me. I will, and I have ranted.

Favorite Fictional Characters:

1) Dean Winchester (Supernatural) ((He's sarcastic, has good taste in music and hates cop shows.))

2) Rorschach (Watchmen) ((It's a pretty butterfly, or maybe a flower.))

3) Castiel (Supernatural) ((It's Cas, what more can I say?))

4) Zachariah (Supernatural) ((Please don't bludgeon me; I don't know why I like him.))

5) Sammy Oliver (Reaper) ((You just want to pat him on the head and pinch his cheeks.))

6) Petey Petrelli (Heroes) ((He trys so hard it's funny.))

Loathed Fictional Characters:

1) Claire Bennet (Heroes) ((She needs to be dead, and stay that way for once. Stupid Mary Sue.))

2) Angela (P2) ((A stupid, proud whore.))

3) Steve (Reaper) ((He should be stoned by Sam and Andi for condemning their souls to Hell.))

4) Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) ((A nag.))

Favorite Mythological/Religious Characters

Yes, there is a lot.

1) The fourth horsemen Death (Christian) ((Don't ask why, because I don't even know myself.))

2) The archangel Gabriel (Christian, Jewish and Muslim) ((Yes, the Muslim's believe that he is real. Did you know that they also believe that Jesus was a prophet? I know, it's great to know things.))

3) Seth (Egyptian)

4) Loki (Norse)

5) Anubis (Egyptian)

6) Thanatos (Greek)

7) Morpheus (Greek)

8) Osiris (Egyptian)

9) The first horsemen Conquest/ Pestilence (Christian) ((It gets even better, some people think he's Jesus and others think he's the Antichrist. Pretty big difference, huh? Obviously, he's the personification of conquest. I'll stop now before I start ranting again...))

10) Odin (Norse)

11) Thor (Norse)

12) The third horsemen Famine (Christian)

13) Hades (Greek and Christian) ((Yes, he is in the Bible. Feel free to google Revelation 6:8 if you don't believe me. If you think that's crazy, then you'll love Dante's Divine Comedy, which was written in the fourteenth century AD.))

14) The Archangel Michael (Christian and Jewish)

Favorite Myths/Stories:

1) The biblical book of Revelation ((Yet again, don't ask why.))

2) Osiris's Death (Egyptian)

3) Orpheus and Eurydice (Greek)

4) The story of Job (Christian and Jewish)

5) Ragnarok (Norse)

Favorite Authors:

1) Dante Alighieri

2) Rick Riordan

Favorite Books:

1) The Divine Comedy

2) The Lightning Thief

3) The Meq

All Time Favorite Quote:

"Life as an angel condom. That's real fun. I think I'll pass, thanks." - Dean Winchester

-You Know You're a Mythology Nerd When...

You want to point and scream "Child of Seth!", when you see someone with red hair. ((This happens every morning when I look into a mirror. D: ))

When you watch a movie or read a book you think of ways that some sort of Mythology could be intertwined with it.

When you hear that someone has the name of Gabriel or Michael, you immediately think of the archangels.

You're teaching a mythology teacher about mythology.

Every single fic on of your account is involved with Mythology.

You've started a different catiorgy here that is about some time of Mythology. ((I e-mailed fanfiction and had them start the Norse Mythology category.))

You want to hit people on the head when they don't know who the Greek god of wine is. ((HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW??))

You rant when people think that Hades is the god of death, because you know Hades is the god of ONLY the underworld and that Thanatos is the personification of death.

Better yet, you just rant period. The only difference between you and others is that you know what the Hell your talking about.

You use things that happened in Mythology in your sarcastic comments.

You have played (or play) Mythology related RPs.

When you go on the history channel and watch Clash of the Gods and The Nostradamus Effect.

When you give yourself and your friends Mythology related names.

((Hehe, I made that one all by myself!))

-If you think the Disney channel uses mind control, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind. (Hehehe, I'm smarter than you righties.)

-If people mistake you for a vampire (cough cough or you are one cough cough)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you DON'T check under the bed for monsters, but you DO check behind the shower curtain for monsters/murderers/Michael Jackson, copy this into your profile.

-If you find yourself being used as a Mythology book for everyone, put this in your profile and add your name to the list: Kali-Nineteen,

-If you think the church should get the hell out of the way and put ALL the biblical books in the bible so you that wouldn't have to copy the ones their not hiding from the Internet, put this in your profile.

-If you're a demigod copy this in your profile, put your username on the list and your god parent in parentheses.Kali-Nineteen (Morpheus),

-90 percent of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus were standing on the edge of a six-story building. Copy this into your profile if you're part of the 10 percent yelling JUMP!! (Am I a teen though?)

-If you like riddles put this into your profile.

-If you question your own sanity sometimes put this in your profile.

-If you know that getting good grades has nothing to do with being smart, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you love Fanfiction high put this in your profile! Yay!

-93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, blissfulmememories, Vampire Apple, Vampireyaoi, Queen-Skizophrenya, Metropolis Kid, Kali-Nineteen (But am I a teen?)

-If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.

-96 of people don't know that 40 of all statistics are made up on the spot. If you're one of the 4 that do, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you love to use fanfiction and can be on it for hours on end, copy this on to your profile.

-Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile. (But am I still a teen? Or maybe I'm younger than 13.)

-If you think that the word 'normal' is a term most commonly used for mind control put this on your profile.

-This is about abortion...

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heartbeat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
Today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
My hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus’ arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this.

-Although I'm not Bi or Gay, I still think homophobia is an other proof that a lot of people are too ignorant and closed minded for their good.

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMT stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my 'kind.'
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"
--IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG... REPOST THIS--

-If you actually know what the word ignorant means, and don't mix it up with the word arrogant, put this in your profile.

-How To Annoy People On The Beach

Ask everyone you meet, "Hot enough for you?"
Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as you can.
If you see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"
Every time when you're about to duck under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"
Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.
Put seashell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.
Throw jellyfish around.
Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as you can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're listening to some happenin' tunes.
Act like a sea gull.
Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."

-How To Annoy People
At An Amusement Park

Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatedly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.
Every time you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off.
Offer people money for their spots in line...MONOPOLY money.
Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements.
Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent.
Find someone and tell him or her you're lost. Use your best acting skills.
Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains.
Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.
Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmatic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride.
Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of heroine, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of.
Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.
Start talking loudly about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.
Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.
Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off.
Walk up to anyone in the park, and say, "Hi, my name is your name" and offer a handshake.
Ask ANYONE for their autograph.
Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.
Find someone to tell your life story to.
Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."
Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.
Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.
Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."
Ride every water ride and inform everybody with you that you can’t swim and everyone's gonna drown.

-Ninety-fivepercentof the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World, GatorPups95, 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', inspire16, Kali-Nineteen (But am I still a child?)

-Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile.

-Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. (What?)

-I am “POPULAR”, so I MUST be a rude stuck up brat
I'm AUTISTIC, so I MUST be mean and have no self control
I get STRAIGHT A’S, so I MUST be a weird
I'm a "NERD", so I MUST have mental issues
I am in BAND, so I MUST be a freak
I'm into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST think I'm better
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control
I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshiping baby killer
I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish
I'm a GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someones butt
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian I'm a VEGETARIAN so I MUST be a tree hugger
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean
I haven't EVER HAD A BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be a unromantic
I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a BRUNETTE, so I MUST be a smart Alec
I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a with a jock boyfriend
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm a METHODIST, so I MUST be lazy not caring person
I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time
I LOVE MY FRIENDS, so I MUST be giving them something
I'm SUSPICIOUS, so I MUST be an arrogant jerk
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi
I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious
I have ADHD/ADD, so I MUST be a crazy-chick that you can't control.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I'm a REPUBLICAN, so I MUST support everything that Bush does
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I'm SHORT, so I MUST compensate with something else
I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too
I'm IMPULSIVE, so I MUST be an idiot.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be dumb.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be prejudiced.
I WRITE, so I MUST be a loner.
I'm QUIET AND SHY, so I MUST be stuck-up.
I'm AWKWARD AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX, so I MUST be a pimple-faced teen.
I'm FORGETFUL, so I MUST be doing it on purpose.
I sometimes SAY STUPID THINGS, so I MUST be stupid.
I'm TALL, so I MUST be good at basketball and volleyball.
I'm a GYMNAST, so I MUST be a wanna-be cheerleader.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST be hilarious.
I don't HAVE ANY FRIENDS, so I MUST be autistic. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE… So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be fat, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I’m QUIET if I don’t know you so I MUST be emo or anti-social.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall, blond, blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the time
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I CURSE A LOT so I MUST be a bad kid and have problems
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

Stop stereotypes! Copy this into your bio

-25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

-Try to Read this:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt!

Copy and paste this on your profile if you can read it.

-16 things to do in Walmart.

1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in house wares"... and see what happens.
4.Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area
6.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7.When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8.Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9.While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13.When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream... "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting, "go, pikachu, go!"
16. Stage a conversation with your shadow then when you walk through a shady area, scream that your friend is missing.

-41 Things to do in an Elevator

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask, "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9.MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say, "you should be ashamed of yourself!” and leave the lift tutting.
33. ASK, "Did you feel that?"
34. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
35. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
36. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...
37. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
38. WHEN someone comes in ask him or her to press 5 or 6 different floors
39. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
40. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
41. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.

-Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when it’s your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (For a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing “Let’s all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gunshot scream, "Hit the floor!” jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

When someone walks by you in the aisle scream, "Ahhhhhh! Bad Touch!"

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by them self.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

During a love scene, stand up and run to the screen shouting "Hooters!"

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting, "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer’s name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cell phone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that’s showing a movie you’ve already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.

-Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(I forgot how do you use regular soap?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right destroy a universal childhood belief.)

-Spread the Stupidity

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America do we use the politics to describe the process of economy so: Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creature.
Only in America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

...(\_/)
...(O.o)
(>/_ _\

Join the dark side, Muhahahaha!!
(We have cookies)
This is Bunny
Copy Bunny to your Personal
text to help him achieve
world domination.

Reaper

Heaven or Hell? After Steve broke his wrist, Sam meets many new, strange and apparently important people. But as life goes on for him a question pops into his head. Does God what the Apocalypse to happen?

Book One: Amends

After hearing about what the angel Sam thought was his friend did to him, a benefactor decides to aid him with the after math.

Complete

Book Two: Nature Over Nurture

Seth's promise goes through. Sam starts having weird dreams of two unknown character fighting over his life; soon after life threatening things start happening to him. Then of course, there's the problem of Morgan escaping from Hell.

In Progress

Book Three: Angels and Demons

After meeting the man that claims to be his guardian angel, Sam is forced from everyone upstairs and down to go along with what Seth, and apparently the Devil have planned for him. However, when the subject of releasing the King of demons, Abaddon, arises, Sam decides that enough is enough. Of everyone. And comes to the one and only person he knows that would actually help him, Zachary.

Not Yet Posted

Manhattan

Thunder Struck by AC/DC (1990)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#thunderstruck Click "Play" on the fourth song.

Surfin' Bird by The Trashmen (1963)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#trashmen Click "Play" on the first song.

Amends

Thriller by Michael Jackson (1982)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#thriller Click "Play" on the sixth song.

Collateral

One Last Breath by Creed (2001)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#creed/2 Click "Play" on the fourth to last song.