Just a 22y/o Christian guy from Texas who enjoys writing stories pertaining to Sonic the Hedgehog, as well as Super Mario and occasionally Star Fox, among others. I have a bit of a literary code of honor; basically, I try to keep my stories grammatically and syntactically correct, and free of profanity and sex (though both are implied occasionally; the former more than the latter). I tend to use a few large words as well. I also write in either present or past tense, depending on my mood. Most of my literature contains much action as well as violence (the TV series 24 is partially to blame). I do hope you enjoy my stories!

Currently in the process of writing Hover Totality: Escalation, an intense novel centering on Tails, his wife Kaolin, and the Freedom Fighters as they struggle to liberate the United Federation amidst a bitter world war, started by the brutal regime of Shauland and its allies with a massive nuclear attack. The story contains a considerable amount of gritty action and violence, and some non-explicit sexual content, so read with caution if such things bother you.

It is the fifth installment in what I call the Hover Series. Give'em a read!

Table of Contents:
Prophyle Updaytz
Nuke's bulletin
Upcoming Stories
Extended Bio
Illustrations
Cookout's Life in Hyperbole
Extended Story Summaries
Copypasta Stuff
Credits

"Isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!" - The Tick

Prophyle updaytz
(updated regularly)

5-14-09
Updated Bulletin

4-11-09
Updated Bulletin

4-2-09
Updated Bulletin, Illustrations

3-2-09
Updated Bulletin (!)

Nuke's Bulletin

5-14-09: Haha, early May. No, it's looking like HT:E may be done late this month unless I decide to add more than twenty chapters. Chapter Seventeen is currently under construction.
Also, I posted some new Sonic art in my DeviantArt gallery.

4-11-09: Working on Chapter Ten. the way things are going, HT:E could be done sometime around early May; no guarantees. I'm considering writing one or two short stories pertaining to other events during the UF-Shauland War, but this would probably occur after the Hover Totality trilogy is complete. I'll also (probably) be working on a new set of novelettes/novellas (maybe novels) taking place a good while after the Hover Totality trilogy.

4-2-09: Hover Totality: Escalation is coming along well. I am currently in the process of writing the eighth chapter, and I plan to add at LEAST two more after that, if not five, ten, or even twelve and beyond. Thanks to all who have been reading!
The Illustrations section has been updated, too. Drew Kaolin with a lot of detail.

3-2-09: Hover Totality: Dawn is complete! I plan to add a lot to the next addition to the Hover series. Tons of action. Tons of...stuff. Hopefully it will be as long as a novella - that is, over 17,501 words. As well, I have plans for at least eight chapters. Thanks to all who have read my Hover stories so far! More is to come!

Upcoming Stories

Mario's Trip (hiatus; might be too stupid to post; completed as a script, and needs script-to-story transition and refinement)

A short Mario story/Office Space parody (hiatus; title withheld; completed, but probably needing refinement)

Another violent Nintendo mass-crossover (hiatus; title withheld; completed as script; needs transition to story and considerable refinement)

A story featuring Luigi as the antagonist (hiatus; title withheld; completed as script; needs transition to story and refinement)

A story centering around the Sonic character, Rotor (hiatus; very basic idea has been written)

Another Animal Crossing story (hiatus; very basic idea has been written)

A hyper-violent Super Smash Bros: Brawl-based story (hiatus; title withheld; currently exists as the script of a story I wrote over a year ago with semi-original characters; needs massive editing)

An Amy-centric comedy (hiatus; title withheld; in outline phase)

A trio of prequels to The Uprising of the Red Fuhrer (hiatus; titles withheld; early plotlines and a small amount of the opening have been written)

EXTENDED BIO

Nuke's name

It started back when I joined Gamespot in late '05. I was contemplating on an epic sobriquet, when I dug around in a comic I had drawn a good while beforehand. One of the enemies' e-mail addresses included "nuclearcookout", so I went with it. It worked so well since enjoy nuclear explosions a little too much.

Physical stats

I'm almost 6', weigh between 100 and 200,000lbs, and can cause liberals to weep by simply looking at them.

Personality

I could best describe myself as friendly, comical, and optimistic. I'll add other stuff later.

Homeworld

Earth, I guess. I found this in Aeolian Mode's profile.

Home continent

Texas. Yes, you read correctly. Texas. The greatest, most resplendent and scintillating place in the history of human civilization. It only appears to be its current size due to a warp in space-time, and is actually 11 times larger than Alaska.

Etc

I am a nearly 21y/o staunch Christian conservative, and primarily enjoy writing and drawing. Interests include geology (massive rock collection, y'all), astronomy, storms, comics (currently planning a Sonic The Hedgehog fancomic, as well as one about cats), model kits, carpentry, swords, Sonic, Mario, StarFox, etc. I've been a Mario fan as far back as I can rememb-...well, scratch that. I remember a moment when I was three, but you get the idea. Only recently did I become a rather avid fan of StH. When I decided to add him and Tails to my story, The Uprising of Führer Mario, it kindled mild fandom. Writing a spinoff of that story, Tails the Mercenary, only added to the problem, and it grew even more when I started drawing depictions of Tails as a battle-hardened mercenary. Uncovering a few issues of the comic in Photobucket got me hooked. I believe evolution is completely flawed, and have found evidence (small sample) thoroughly disproving it. I believe Global Warming might be happening due to the Sun (other planets are warming), but certainly not human-caused (I hear that the ice in Antarctica is growing). Quoting Aeolian Mode, "...there is very little if any evidence towards a massive global warming. Actually, nature contributes 193 billion tons more C02s and greenhouse gasses then man does! (With man contributing 7 billion, and nature 200 billion). And, most supporters of global warming base their proclamations on theory alone- almost all scientific evidence points to little or no global warming. In fact, some of the controversy was created by politicians. They have used this issue to raise their federal/international government control of private property. They've also used it to promote global authority at the expense of national sovereignty!"

Illustrations

Click here to see an illustration of Kaolin with a gun! I put a lot of work into this one.

A sketch-to-Photoshop illustration of Kaolin and Tails can be found here.

Did a drawing of Fiona as described in Tails the Mercenary 2 and Shattered Equanimity. LOOK!

A SonicxNICOLE COMIC (non-story-related) I drew.

An illustration of my Sonic fancharacter Kaolin the Fox can be found here on my dA.

I have illustrated the battle between Miles "Tails" Prower and Fiona Fox, found here on my deviantArt account.

Cookout's life in hyperbole

Nuclear Cookout was born on (classified) the (classified)th, 19(classified), in the town of (classified), Texas. It is said that he was born with a Desert Eagle in one hand and a grenade in the other, but the validity of this is debatable. According to an immemorial prophecy, he is your future master, and is currently building an army of unfathomable proportions on a planet near Vega. He is a funsmith (he literally creates fun using his mind and a belt sander), and is an avid hunter of wild vampire potatoes.
Most of his childhood centered around making things explode, or making things that could explode. By the age of two, Nuke was already drawing schematics for a crude Teller-Ulam Fusion Bomb. By the age of three, he had created a miniature nuclear pencil explosive. At the age of five, Nuke began building a small BMP-1 APC/tank, which he completed by age six and used to terrorize the local bullies. Around age nine, he successfully launched his own satellite into orbit, but it quickly lost altitude and crashed into an autonomous smurf region in Japan, instantly killing 3,400. The large amounts of highly enriched plutonium in the satellite's battery led to the deaths of 12,500 more individuals in the following weeks.
When Nuke reached thirteen, he began his own organization bent on conquering the world. The venture started off quite successfully, gathering 1.7 million members by the time he turned fourteen. Right as he was about to initiate his attacks, his archnemesis Captain Planet surreptitiously entered a virus into his computer network. The virus caused his "Initiate" signal to become a signal that stated "Give up and go home, as this is a totally pointless waste of your time. Save the trees." The environmentalist population tripled during the next five months, and Nuke dove into a period of inactivity which lasted 2 years.
By sixteen, however, his thirst for conquest was rekindled after having watched Sledge Hammer on DVD. This ended rapidly when he nearly lost a leg in an IED attack by none other than Captain Planet himself. That malevolent act was the last straw for Nuke.
Nuke had become furious by the fact that Mr. Planet was always after him and his marvelous toys. At age seventeen, Nuke gathered a small army of twenty-two-thousand men. Combined with his collection of ground vehicles, jets, and intercontinental ballistic missiles, he launched a surprise assault on Captain Planet's fortress, which just so happened to be on Al Gore's large estate. Gore was at a Global Warming rally during the violent insurrection, so he didn't get the chance to complain about the resulting engine exhaust, contamination by weaponized chemicals, and radioactive fallout, until he got back home a week later. Captain Planet, who had recently been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, was playing cards with his good friend and fellow radical environmentalist Elmo when the first bombing wave began. The attack had already crippled his electricity-powered air units, but his undergound bunker containing E85 Ethanol-fueled battle tanks had been untouched. The battle raged for four days straight. Due to Nuke's superior diesel-powered army, and willingness to allow a few animals to die via radiation, Lieutenant Colonel Planet surrendered. Elmo was not so lucky, as he stepped on a landmine and was bedridden for three weeks. He later died from his wounds and a drug overdose.
A few months after the victory against Lieutenant Colonel Planet, Nuke started to travel abroad. One place in particular caught his eye: Svalbard. This pleasant cluster of islands in the Arctic Ocean was the perfect place for Nuke to build a second home. On the 4th day of construction, Nuke was approached by an Arctic grue (or domo-kun). Initially terrified, Nuke found this grue to be quite friendly. After feeding it a polar bear cub and a few old sparkplugs, the grue came to love Nuke, who then named it Christopher. Christopher happened to be a very intelligent grue; so much so that he frequently retrieved the correct tools when Nuke needed them, brought the newspaper to the doorstep every day, and even helped Nuke solve a mathematical equation that aided the native Svalbardians...Svalbardese...the locals in developing antimatter reactors. Whenever the time came for Nuke to travel back to his ninety-five-hundred-acre ranch in Texas, Nuke would take Christopher along with him. Christopher generally didn't feel well for the first day or two in the much warmer climate (which could get up to 560º Rankine in the Summer), but he adapted very nicely afterwards. The friendship between Nuke and Christopher would continue for many years.
About one year after building his second home, things were very peaceful at the Svalbard archipelago. That is, until HE came. HE happened to be Captain Crunch, a malicious pirate who roamed the seas for places he could pillage, and people he could slaughter (and sometimes eat). He always began his attacks by plowing his ship into the first building he planned to loot. Sometimes the first building was a decent distance inland, but he achieved this feat via the use of jet engines on his craft. After breaching the targeted structure, Crunch would "crunchitize" any hapless victims inside. "Crunchitizing" was his definition of incinerating someone on the spot with a plasma-thrower (crunchitization could also be accomplished by feeding prisoners into his ship's atomic furnace). One day, while Nuke was playing Grand Theft Auto: Mushroom Kingdom with some of his friends, Crunch plowed his vessel into the house. Thinking quickly, Nuke evacuated everyone inside before Crunch had the chance to do his sinister deeds. The rest of Crunch's fleet ravaged the Svalbard countryside, pillaging, slaughtering, and burning as they went. While running to his AC-130 with his friends, Nuke noticed something: Christopher was missing. Back in the house, Christopher was silently watching Crunch rummaging through his master's things, frequently breaking them. As Crunch leaned over to pick up a shiny new dime, Christopher attacked. He immediately ate-off one of Crunch's arms, but Crunch quickly swatted him into a wall. Using his mastery of alchemy, Crunch constructed a robotic replacement to use until he could replenish his strength with cereal and grow a new one. Nuke busted in and, seeing his little friend on the floor, unsheathed his Hattori Hanzo sword and attacked Crunch, who then transmuted his own sword from the floor and blocked Nuke's attack. The massive swordfight led upstairs, into the attic, and finally onto the roof, where Crunch was gaining the upper hand. As Crunch was about to deal the final blow, the ghost of Ronald reagan said, "Use the Force, Nuke" inside Nuke's head. The empowered Nuke then pimpslapped Captain Crunch so hard that not only did the shockwave register as a 4.5 on the Richter scale, Crunch was sent careening into the thermosphere at Mach 83, where he vaporized in the intense high-altitude heat. Crunch's navy, after witnessing their leader's horrible (yet entertaining) demise, they promptly gave up and helped rebuild the things they destroyed, including issuing formal apologies to everyone affected by the invasion. The following victory celebration lasted two weeks, partly due to the fact that Nuke ordered many thousands of tons of party snacks, much more than was needed.
Now around 21-ish (he won't specify), Nuke spends most of his time modifying aircraft designs, building model ships, typing, helping with reconstruction efforts in Japan's autonomous smurf region, and ceaselessly posting nonsense on internet forums (which he claims to do "f0r t3h lulZ"). He is seeking a girlfriend, and would actually be making progress if he'd get off his lazy butt and get out of the house once in a while. Actually, that isn't true, and I'm not just saying that because he has the coordinates of my house and is "suggesting" using "necessary measures". Nuke is nice man with happy feelings...all of the time!

Extended summaries of my stories (reviews are encouraged and appreciated):

Needs updating. Might do it sometime this century.

Animal Crossing: The Scandal - This story entails the harrowing quest of a young boy named Tater to overthrow an oppressive mafia presence within his humble town. When one of his best friends nearly gets beaten to death, he must seek out the source of the problem. Rated T for violence, canon-character death, and minor alcohol use.

The Uprising of the Red Fuhrer - This follows StarFox and friends on a quest to depose Super Mario's totalitarian regime and free all who are enslaved. Mario finally killed Bowser once and for all, and developed a massive craving for power. First he waged nuclear war on earth, then conquered other worlds after that. Contains considerable amounts of action, and is rated T for violence, blood, minor drug use, and canon-character death.

Tails the Mercenary - This is a spinoff of The Uprising of the Red Fuhrer. It follows Tails' adventures as a battle-hardened mercenary, and features battles with units of Mario's former army, and a couple of old enemies. Post-apocalyptic and action-packed. Rated T for violence, mild grittiness, canon-character death, and minor alcohol use.

Tails the Mercenary 2 - Grittier than the first. After Cream mysteriously contracts an accelerated form of leukemia, Tails must retrieve the very rare herb that can cure it. The problem is, the last remaining specimens are being held by a small army and an old enemy. Rated T for blood, strong violence, and minor alcohol use.

Vintovka - A pleasant little first-person war story told from the perspective of a Koopa sniper. After the Koopa's boss is crossed by a rival gang leader, he has been assigned as the assassin. Rated T for violence, blood.

Mario's Enchanted Day of Enchantment - After Bowser sends his armies to slay Mario at his home, Mario unleashes his unbridled, pent-up fury. the single most violent story I have ever written. Rated T for blood, mild gore, and ridiculously strong violence. Profanity-free (like all of my stories).

That's What Psychopaths Do - As Krystal's life hangs in the balance after Wolf takes her hostage, Fox has a morality debate with Wolf. Told from Fox's perspective. Very short. Rated T for violence, canon-character death, and some blood.

An Inharmonious Morning - A chain of vexing mishaps occurs during one insipid Mushroom Kingdom morning, and this makes Mario into a less-than-savory fellow. Can the red plumber handle it, or will he snap and mutilate everything in his path? Rated T for mild violence.

The Quest of the Two Plumbers - One vituperatively rainy morning, Mario and Luigi make their way to the grocery store. However, a certain someone intends to hinder their quest, and it isn't Bowser. Rated T for violence, alcohol reference, and fungi.

My Dearest Mina - This is a romantic letter that Tails wrote concerning his girlfriend Mina, preceding the events of Tails the Mercenary 1. He is heartbroken that he still cannot find her, but hasn't let go. Rated R for sappyness (not really). Very short.

Tails the Mercenary 3 - Sally Acorn has been shot by a sniper, and Tails has taken it upon himself to find and eliminate whoever did it. What awaits him at the end might be more than he can handle. Rated T for strong violence, blood, an interrogation scene, and canon-character death. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated.

The Night of Difficulty - Luigi awakens one night with a powerful hunger, and Murphy's Law goes into overdrive to prevent him from getting back to sleep. Rated T for some violence and blood.

Shattered Equanimity - Life was good after Tails quit his job as a mercenary and married Mina, but things were turned upside-down after he saw his best friend murdered in front of his eyes. Following the event, he went over the edge, and began a hunt for the killer, fueled by pure, relentless vengeance. Rated T for strong violence and blood.

Hover Above - As Tails collected his thoughts one day, following an incident between Sonic and Shadow, he bumped into another two-tailed fox. Though initially showing hostility, her feelings for him grew. Rated T for mild violence and action. Contains lulz. Robotnik would scowl if he read this.

COPYPASTA STUFF

Toast. There is no explanation for what I just said. If you believe this, copy this to your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give that rabbit some Trix, copy this to your profile.

If you think that those kids should just let Lucky have his cereal back, copy this to your profile.

If you think Slippy should die in every Star Fox fanfic like Kenny McCormick, copy this to your profile.

If you firmly believe in Jesus Christ and believe that He saved you with His blood, and aren't afraid to say it, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever cracked a joke that no one understood, and yet you thought it was hilarious, copy this to your profile.

If you are senselessly random, lolroflbbqmountain, and believe Wilford Brimley when he says that diabeetus testin' supplies can be found at Liberdy Medeecul, copy this to your pr0phile.

If you believe the medical industries are deliberately hiding сures, simply to profit off the rampant sickness that is plaguing America today, copy this to your profile.

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. When you argue with yourself and LOSE it is weird. If you agree, copy this to your profile.

If you're not confused when I say the Mario brother's brother is Mario, and the Mario brother's brother's brother's rival is Waluigi, copy this to your profile.

If you think yiff (lewdness/porn featuring furries) is sick, copy this to your profile.

If you think profanity is a linguistic blemish that should never be used, copy this to your profile.

If you try to expand your vocabulary on a regular basis, copy this to your profile.

If you despise socialism/communism, copy this to your profile.

If you HATE rap more than any word in any human tongue can effectively describe, copy this to your profile. (lulz, hyperbole again)

If you do not have an addiction to caffeine, and think energy drinks are bad for you, copy this to your profile.

If you're not confused when I sing the song "I was looking back to see if you were looking back to see if I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me," copy this to your profile.

If you think double-negatives (and beyond double negatives) are entertainingly confusing, do not not anti-un-copy this into your profile.

If you drink tea, and find it to be vastly superior to soda, copy this in your profile.

If you are a night owl, get up late and go to bed even later every day, copy this in your profile.

Just because we eat animals doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing...or does it? I think so, after all, God certainly doesn't forbid it. If you are just fine with fur coats, clothing, boots, etc., copy this to your profile.

If you think Tails is superior to Sonic, copy this to your profile.

If you like "The Office", copy this to your profile.

If you like soundtrack music, copy this to your profile.

If you look forward to serving NuclearCookout in his New World Order, copy this to your profile.

If you like techno, classical, jazz, and some weird foreign music, copy this to your profile.

If you like looking up things and finding out stuff from Wikipedia, copy this to your profile.

If u HAET Mudkips, copy this into your profile

If those stupid Soviet Russia jokes amuse you, copy this into your profile

If you are eagerly anticipating the declassification of futuristic aircraft and other technology, copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied something to your profile, copy this to your profile.

If you're bored and wish to subject others into wasting 5 seconds of their time, copy this to your profile.

98 percent of the world has a MySpace account. If you are part of the 2 percent that can resist stupid fads, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you said it, copy this to your profile.

If you think that StarFox is the BEST player in SSBM of all-time and pawns all other characters, copy this to your profile.

If you believe yourself destined to rule the planet with an iron fist, copy this into your profile. (I personally plan to rule with a platinum fist)

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this into your profile if you're part of the 8 percent who would be garnering amusement from the ordeal.

If you think that girl's dad in the Eggo Waffle commercial needs psychiatric help for trying to take her waffles, copy and paste this into your profile.

I don't write slash, incest, or pedophile. If you don't either, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know our society is moving in the wrong direction, copy this into your profile.

If u belive that grammer nd speling are imprtent, than copy this nd paest it onto ur profiel

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.

65 percent of teenagers spend more time watching TV rather than reading. If you are part of the 35 percent who read more than watch TV, then copypasta this into your profile.

98 of teens have been drunk or high. Paste this into your profile if you like bagels.

If you support the freedom to homeschool, paste this into your profile.

CREDITS

Screenplay: NuclearCookout, Director: NuclearCookout, Executive Producer: NuclearCookout, Music score: NuclearCookout
Based on the best-selling novel by NuclearCookout
Starring: NuclearCookout, with NuclearCookout, NuclearCookout, NuclearCookout, and NuclearCookout