Regarding the Protectors of the Plot Continuum: I did not come up with the concept. I do not come up with the badfics/badphics that my agents enter and destroy. Credit for to former goes to Agents Jay and Acacia, neither of whom I have ever met (so sad), who started in the Department of Mary Sues, Lord of the Rings division, and left a disturbingly large legacy. You can chat with other members and friends of the PPC at their message board.
The fics/phics, are, as I have mentioned, real. They're all stories I actually found here on the Pit of Voles, and they were all meant as serious fanfiction. This truth is appalling, is it not? While there are many, many wonderful writers here on this site that I absolutely love, there are also many more badficcers. To them I say: Please stop. Please take some rudimentary English courses. Please reread/rewatch/relearn your fandom and make the effort to keep the canon characters in character. I know you love them very much--so do I. I know it's tempting to pair Erik with an avatar of yourself (though I don't so much understand that when it comes to Leroux! and Kay!Erik--he's a walking corpse, people), but that doesn't mean the world needs to hear about your epic love. If you absolutely can't resist writing it, then keep it to yourself, or just share it with a few friends. I'm just sick of slogging through it when I'm trying to find something good to read.
If you're here because I PPC'ed one of your fics, then I would like to congratulate you on being observant enough to track me down. If you're here because someone named Gammut left you a bad review and you somehow managed to link him to me, I would like to deeply, deeply apologize for his behavior. I'm afraid that it's what he's instinctively programmed to do, and it's going to take a while longer to beat it out of him.
I have a LiveJournal account where I keep all the stories I'm not allowed to put up here called spoofmasterfics.
My regular LiveJournal account is here
Frotu and I have started a Cafepress shop, which contains links to our other Cafepress shops.
Hoom, hoom, what about me is relevant? Well, I graduated from high school just last year and immediately began attending the Disney College Program, which caused me to relocate to Florida and spend four and a half months working backstage at Disney World in the entertainment costuming department. If nothing else, this experience has taught me that I Want To Finish School, because low-paying, menial full-time jobs are Teh Not Fun. Free access to all of Disney World, however, is another matter, and I consider it all worthwhile just for that. I just got home from that at the end of May, and now it looks like I'll be getting a job at an elementary school doing daycare.
Ah, and what is it I study at Boulder? Why, film, of course! doffs hat Though I have a long way to go, I must say that it's extremely exciting to be there and learning all about the art form.
"After a while I find I have written so many introductions that someone collects them all together and puts them in a book and asks me to write an introduction to it."
-Douglas Adams
"I could be a naked psychiatrist psycho killer!"
-the guy who played the killer in the amatuer film I had a small part in
"I have stood here for five weeks now. The bones of my feet have grown into the ground like roots, and provide me with nutrients. Sometimes worms crawl into my toes. Wanna see?"
-me, making fun of a dinosaur in a video game because it never moved. At all.
"See that smoke? Doesn't exist. See those nice clouds in the background? We weren't so lucky on the day of the shoot. We just added them in. While we're at it, I added in the volcano, too. We filmed this in a parking lot."
-the director of Spy Kids 2, explaining how they did the scene where they're looking down into the volcano
"The following morning the weather was so foul it hardly deserved the name, and Dirk decided to call it Stanley instead."
-The Salmon of Doubt
"Yeah, but if picking up civilians is the punch button, what if you accidentally punch them? I mean, swoop, 'I'll save you!', and then, pow, right in the gut!"
-me, talking to a little kid about his Spiderman game
Me: "Why is there a huge long montage of Marines on vacation?"
MysticButtCrystal: "So it'll look less horrifying."
-when we were watching the video they gave him
"I would do anything Tim wanted me to. You know - have sex with an aardvark... I would do it."
-Johnny Depp
"If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them."
- also Johnny Depp
"Well, I was supposed to hit this guy with a breakaway chair, and they gave me the chair, and said it was the breakaway chair, but I didn't check it. And it was a real chair. Well, the cameras started rolling, and I hit him with it. But it didn't break. So my brain goes, 'Hit him again, Jeff.' So I hit him again. And it broke. It's okay, he was a stuntman."
-Jeff the fight coordinator
MBC: I'm going to go change into some pants that don't suck. I'm sure you don't like looking at these either. But see, they're cool, one leg's tattered. (Pulls down pantlegs to show one is ripped off around the ankle)
Me: You should cut the other one off.
MBC: Yeah, then I could look like a pirate...who's concerned about his fatty thighs! (Slaps his own ass) Arrr!
-My brother and I, talking about his horrible blue sweat pants
"...My arms are a little stringy, but there's some good eatin' in my legs! I'd be tempted to eat them myself!"
-Edward Bloom trying to get Carl to eat him
'Malcolm sat in one of the padded chairs. The stewardess asked him if he wanted a drink. He said, "Diet Coke, shaken not stirred."
Humid Dallas air drifted through the open door. Ellie said, "Isn't it a little warm for black?"
"You're extremely pretty, Dr. Sattler," he said. "I could look at your legs all day."'
-Jurassic Park (the book-that quote speaks to me)
Lennox: "Those nuggets are already 90 fat!"
Macbeth: "There's no law against fat! Besides, we have a salad menu."
Lennox: "The salads are even worse! We inject fat into the lettuce! Heck, it would be cheaper if we just served normal lettuce!"
Macbeth: "If God didn't want us to inject fat into the lettuce, he would have made lettuce taste better."
-the play "Old Macbeth Had a Farm", in which a modern-day version of Macbeth takes over a chicken restaurant company
Me: "Mort's a Morton."
Amber: "So?"
Me: "You'd think he'd at least have the decency to be a Mortimer or a Mordecai."
-talking about Secret Window
'"He'll be chocolate fudge!" shrieked Mrs. Gloop.
"Never!" cried Mr. Wonka.
"Of course he will!" shrieked Mrs. Gloop.
"I wouldn't allow it!" cried Mr. Wonka.
"And why not?" shrieked Mrs. Gloop.
"Because the taste would be terrible," said Mr. Wonka. "Just imagine it! Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it."'
-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
'"Make this awful thing stop!" ordered Mr. Teavee.
"Can't do that," said Mr. Wonka. "It won't stop till we get there. I only hope no one's using the /other/ elevator at this moment."
"What other elevator?" screamed Mrs. Teavee.
"The one that goes the opposite way on the same track as this one," said Mr. Wonka.
"Holy mackere!" cried Mr. Teavee. "You mean we might have a collision?"
"I've always been lucky so far," said Mr. Wonka.
-guess, just guess
Amber: "Sit over here. I want to get a picture of us."
Me: "Okay." (does so)
Amber: "Take off your mask. I want a picture of you without it."
Me: "No."
Amber: "Come on!"
Me: "You will never see Erik's face!"
Amber: (pulls my mask off by force)
Me: "Daaaaaaamn yoooooou!"
-at Senior Day when I wore my Poot mask
MBC: Lock seems to like the island though so I don't blame him for just settling in. The island likes him too I think. In fact it seems to have picked him to lead the others to enlightenment and healing. It's still a very anti-social island of doom though.
Me: It's a maladjusted island. All the other islands made fun of it when it was little.
MBC: Yeah well that's because it's father was a peninsula and it's mother was Japan and she abused it physically.
-IMing about Lost
raven: I saw what you said on the tbc. what's a git?
me: a kneebiter
raven: what's a kneebiter?
me: someone who bites knees.
--An IM conversation after I called someone a git
Frotu: I don't think he has dignity
Me: Ever?
Frotu: He's cool like that.
Me: He must have at some point.
Frotu: thinks mmmm... maybe... he didn't.
Me: Wait, you saw Dear Frankie. Was he dignified in that?
Frotu: He was born without dignity... yes. He was good and spiffy
Me: Aha. He had a dignity transplant.
Frotu: He has dignity injections. Like steroids.
Me: Yes yes, but most directors won't spring for it. It's expensive.
Frotu: It is. And not necessary all the time. Dignity can be overrated.
-a conversation about Gerard Butler's inherent lack of dignity
Dracula: what is this?
Harker: what the... how did you get here? i didn't see you!
Dracula: (picks up mirror) these things suck. (hucks it)
Harker: I-- aaw. (pout)
-Frotu's description of a scene from Dracula (the original novel)
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