|Reviews for Starfox:Color of the Echoes|
| bryan mccloud chapter 3 . 3/24/2014
i believe alpha team 1 will more or less return the favor when X save them from fatal injuries.
| Elarix chapter 2 . 1/18/2014
If X was smart, or had his complete wits about him, he would have asked for a tid-bit of information about his past, as proof that his employers actually knew who he was. Grammar and spelling have improved a lot since last chapter, only one or two mistakes. Nice job!
| FromAnotherWorld chapter 2 . 1/16/2014
Well, that's pretty an interesting story so far. Of course I don't know what you've planed for the next chapters but it could be going to be a really good story. Well, I'll just have to wait and see. At least it's one of few stories that didn't start with any cannon characters and was yet interesting enough for me to read.
There was, however, one thing that was distracting me a little at times, namely your overuse of 'then'.
For example somewhere in the first half of the first chapter you wrote:
'The arm then laid the wolf's body on his back by tilting the table. The men then all walked to their stations and began punching in codes and complex commands into their machines in which each stood by. Minutes passed by, then a loud hiss originated from the mechanical arm.'
Those are simply too many 'then' and the sentences I quoted above are by far not the only example I could have given. The problem with 'then' is that it tends to deprive a story of vividness making it seem more like a plain list of actions and events. Furthermore it's often just unnecessary as your sentence would mean the same but sound better if you removed that one word.
Apart from this one issue I think your writing is pretty fine though. There were a few typos or misspelled words here and there but not an awful lot (yet not little either). For example you twice wrote 'where' instead of 'were' in the first chapter:
'Entering the room where a team of white lab coat donning men'
'Metal bands that where fused to the table that held his arms to his side.'
Both those 'where' should actually be 'were' and in the second sentence there also is one 'that' too much as it's not a correct sentence with both of them.
Also, your second chapter was probably a bit too short. Personally I think updating once a month with longer chapters might be better than every other week with very short chapters.
| bryan mccloud chapter 2 . 1/16/2014
well, if you going to add the star fox team in the story, i would suggest the next generation of star fox...lol.
lets say, marcus leads a new star fox team to protect corneria...lol.
nice chapter man.
| bryan mccloud chapter 1 . 1/9/2014
you know, your summary is somehow similar to another story man.
the title of that story is "starfox: revenge" written by Rogue101.
| Elarix chapter 1 . 1/8/2014
The first thing I noticed was the spelling and grammar. There are several mistakes here and there, one of the most humorous ones being "held" misspelled as "hell." Proof read it a few more times, and watch out for simple mistakes like that, they start to add up after a while, and take away from the story.
Second, most sentences seem to be short and lack-luster; they need to be longer, with more descriptive words and details, and less repeated words. For example, X is called creature way to many times in the story. In fact, that's the only thing he's called. Try calling him "specimen," "subject," "arctic fox," and "X" instead of "creature."
Really, the thing that will help you out the most is reading more fanfiction around here. After a few months you will see how other people write and what they expect to see in a good story.
Ahem, back to the story, it sounds pretty interesting. You've made a cool relationship already between X and the cat scientist, who feels for him. This is something that you should develop more and continue throughout the story, and not just forget about. Overall, it really reminds me of Frankenstein.