|Reviews for The Deposition of Haruhi Suzumiya|
| Martin III chapter 10 . 3/25/2019
Pretty cool wrap-up, with a lot of unexpected twists - some of which I liked, some of which I didn't, but all of them unexpected.
A last pair of nitpicks: 1)It's not clear what Kyon is talking about what he says "have you told Haruhi about last summer?" A lot happened that summer, but I can't think of anything that would be important to discuss with Haruhi. 2)There's a key verb missing here: "isn't it possible for us to just there and"
The memory chip from The Intrigues being delivered to Fujiwara is definitely one of the twists I liked. It's counterintuitive that Asahina would have it sent to him rather than to an established ally, but that Fujiwara was in fact the first time traveler they turned to means that, with her knowledge of the future, he's logically the one she would have sent it to. Throughout this fic, perhaps the most distinctive strength of your writing is your digging up abandoned pieces of continuity and resolving them in a way which organically adds to your plot.
The motivation issues mentioned in my last review, which in retrospect I overstated anyway, are considerably alleviated here. Even though it doesn't amount to much in the end, the brigade's suspicions of Fujiwara are important to establishing that the SOS Brigade/Sasaki Brigade alliance isn't just convenience, and adds another good source of tension.
I really enjoyed the detail you put in to the description of time traveling with the homemade TPDD. It would have been easy to write it off as similar to the normal time travel experience, but you created an exciting buildup and made it feel almost like an adventure unto itself. (And yay, I guessed right about the scorch marks!)
So, the two brigades had no plan beyond confront Kimidori and hope for the best? I can't believe they would dispense with a plan, especially since they knew exactly what was needed to perform the power transfer.
While you never directly answer why they couldn't find the humanoid interfaces, the obvious explanation is because they all were turned into humans by Kyon after he went to the past. Since being unable to find the interfaces is the reason they all went into the past in the first place, this is a grandfather paradox, which is a problem for me. Of course, the canon itself has obvious grandfather paradoxes, but this is on a different order, because it involves the problem rather than the solution. Mikuru knowing that she needs to travel back to a specific time because she traveled back to that time and told Kyon is a causal loop, but if you take away the assumption that cause-and-effect are tied to time, it's still essentially logical. There was a problem, and Mikuru time traveled to fix it. The brigade having to time travel to solve a problem that only exists if they time travel doesn't make sense from any perspective.
The permanent transference of Haruhi's powers to Kyon is surprising and a viable new status quo for the series with plenty of possibilities. I don't like how they came to that decision, though. Given Haruhi's declining use of her powers in general, and the lack of any destructive usage since Endless Eight (nearly a year before this story), the case for stripping her of her powers is weak. And I can't see Kyon of all people arguing that Haruhi is too dangerous. Koizumi's analysis in "The Day of Sagittarius" rings true to me: Kyon admonishes the rest of the brigade not to cheat because he believes that Haruhi won't use her powers out of frustration, not because he's willing to have the world be destroyed just to make a point. And if Koizumi's wrong about that, then surely Kyon is the absolute worst person to give Haruhi's powers to!
Speaking of which, the claim that Haruhi is too dangerous because she desires excitement and adventure should put Kyon out of consideration as well, since he is the same as her in that respect, and Koizumi at least seems to realize this. Kyon's just more repressed about it than Haruhi, which given how the powers work, would probably make him more dangerous rather than less. Also, if transferring and even destroying Haruhi's powers is that easy, and there's a consensus that she shouldn't have them, why didn't the SOS Brigade transfer or destroy her powers before?
Overall, I feel that Haruhi is being treated unfairly. The powers are hers, after all, and it's hinted that they were given to her by a higher authority. Nor has she actually done anything wrong with them. Yet the tone of the scene is like a United Nations summit discussing the disarmament of an aggressor nation. They all presume she has no say in the decision, and don't even consider giving her the same arrangement they give Kyon. Now, of course I can't argue that the SOS Brigade would never be unfair to Haruhi, but she's too accepting of these proceedings.
Kyon's realization about the mutual fear between them and the Data Integration Thought Entity was a great moment. Even though I complained about their lack of sympathy for the Entity in my previous review, this still came as a good hard emotional shock. I think part of what made it work so well was that you never emphasized Kyon's fear of or lack of consideration towards the aliens; it was reflected in his actions but never consciously in his thoughts, so the sudden realization of his error comes off as honest, and you can't blame him for not having noticed sooner.
I agree with Magnificate about turning humanoid interfaces into humans. In addition to what he said, while data manipulation might seem like a superpower from a human perspective, having legs and the ability to talk would seem like superpowers from a worm's perspective, if you see what I'm getting at.
When you gave the date Kyon had traveled back to, I was wondering if you'd forgotten that time travelers can't go back further than four years. Obviously not! Good thing you let Koizumi's "theory" remain just a hypothesis; I hated the origin of The Star Brand.
I thought Kimidori subconsciously acting to give the SOS Brigade their victory was a superb twist. The canon leaves Kimidori enough of a blank slate that unprecedented behavior like this is still believable, yet you've also developed her enough over the course of this fic that I cared about the revelation that she had done this. I still think the brigade should have had a plan (it could always go wrong, making Kimidori's act all the more of a lifesaver), but of itself this is a great resolution.
You did a good job of keeping Kyon's desire to avoid a talk in private with Haruhi as a ongoing subplot and running joke. Having the kiss at the end be implied rather than explicit is a masterful example of letting the reader's imagination fill in a major blank.
This review probably sounds pretty negative simply because explaining the problems took so many words, but really, there's nothing here which destroys the fact that this is a thrilling read which captures the characters well.
| Martin III chapter 7 . 3/22/2019
A couple of problems are cropping up with the protagonists' motivations, but this nonetheless remains an exciting piece of work which handles the characters faithfully. You also made some great use of continuity in these chapters.
More nitpicks: 1)I don't know why you would want to tie a series which (like most fiction) canonically takes place "anywhen" to a specific year, much less tell your readers you're doing so. It's distracting, dates the story, and introduces the potential for historical errors, all while providing no benefit whatsoever. 2)Addressing someone as "close friend", like most literal translations of Japanese, sounds silly in English. 3)Koizumi's powers don't work in Sasaki's closed space. This is a major plot point in The Surprise. 4)Humanoid interfaces can't time travel. Nagato explains this in Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody. 5)It feels like you have Koizumi drawing a diagram for its own sake. The concepts are so non-visual that Kyon has to use guesswork to translate what he's drawing into what he's saying, which defeats the whole point of a diagram. 6)"If there is a god, he's playing with a loaded die." I realize that in the source material Kyon's grouchiness occasionally prompts him to spew out metaphors that don't make sense, but there's a thin line between amusing nonsense and distracting nonsense. For me, that sentence fell on the wrong side of that line. 7)Why does Kyon need someone to "translate" the idea of "bigger and more dangerous [hole]", but "'irreversible damage' is easy enough to understand"?
The scorch marks are an interesting plot point. There seem to be no initial clues as to what they might be, but after chapter 7 I'm starting to suspect they were caused by the SOS Brigade's reuse of the same hole in time. That's the mark of a good mystery: Baffling at first, but gives the readers a fair chance at figuring it out themselves before the final reveal.
As for the motivation problems: First, there's no sense of urgency to the situation. With Haruhi's powers gone and Nagato deleted, the Data Integration Thought Entity has no reason to molest them any further, and nothing about their plan to recover Nagato is time-sensitive. This makes it feel odd that Kyon completely drops his daily routine, potentially causing his family to wonder where he is.
Second, it's hard to swallow the SOS Brigade so readily switching sides to Sasaki's brigade. Up until the Data Integration Thought Entity removed Haruhi's powers (which none of them save Koizumi have any reason to object to) and deleted Nagato (who is, after all, the Entity's creation, and is, after all, guilty of wiping her entire race out of existence), it had never done anything against the SOS Brigade, and indeed has saved their behinds more than once. And the Sasaki brigade's only possible motive for helping them is to obtain Haruhi's powers. In short, the SOS Brigade are trading an essentially benevolent god for a malevolent one.
Neither of these points are serious plot issues. The basic idea makes sense: Kyon and Haruhi don't give a damn what Nagato has done or what threat she poses to the entire universe; they want her back, right now, whoever they have to cut a deal with. But it makes me wonder why Koizumi isn't being the voice of reason, and why Mikuru didn't deliver her "betting billions of lives just to save this one" line when they were talking about killing the Data Integration Thought Entity. We could use a stronger sense of why the characters are doing what they're doing, that's all.
I really enjoyed the problem solving element of the story. It's funny how Tanigawa introduced that device in Tsuruya's care with the transparent purpose of being able to produce whatever tech device the plot required in a future story, only to write four more books without ever using it. Having it be an essential TPDD part is a brilliant way of cashing in on that, because it provides a perfect explanation for the paradox of its futuristic composition and 300-year-old dating. The way you sprang this development is also brilliant - it caught me completely off-guard.
It's also a stroke of effective writing that this one part is not a cure-all. How to do without the other key TPDD part is an interesting question with an outright fascinating answer that taps into the source material's established time travel principles. Even then, the gang have to deal with the consequences of using their makeshift TPDD, adding another source of tension to a story already rife with it. And "I'm not just going to duct tape them together, you idiot" is a hilarious line.
For the most part Haruhi's reaction to learning the truth is in-character and believable. I particularly liked her line about "reminding me of something I already know". This fits with things like Haruhi nearly recognizing Kyon as John Smith during their first conversation and the implication that she didn't fall for Koizumi's ridiculous explanation for her experiences in "Snowy Mountain Syndrome". I also like how you bring up the fact that Kyon has stuck with Haruhi without having any obligation to do so without putting emphasis on it.
I think you're trying too hard to make Haruhi the story's comic relief, though. In some cases this works, like her awkward promotion of Kyon, which plays off of her difficulty in expressing her feelings for him. On the other end, though, her kneeing Fujiwara in the crotch is too broad for anything but a TV sitcom. And why does she do this to Fujiwara and not Kuyoh, the one who actually tried to kill her? This also calls to attention a continuity error: In chapter 5 you made explicit that they weren't telling Haruhi about Fujiwara and Kuyoh trying to kill her. And indeed, why would they?
Kyon's stated reason for not telling Haruhi he tried to save her life is unexpected and fits in nicely with his rather deep relationship with her. Your take on the Kyon/Mikuru relationship is similar to mine, though I interpret it as Kyon avoiding *any* serious relationship. Having it be specifically about denying feelings for Haruhi is needlessly complicated and leaves the question of why he would want to deny those feelings unanswered. Nonetheless, I like that you're taking the time to address the issue.
| Martin III chapter 3 . 3/20/2019
Phew, this is a pretty amazing story so far! You've taken a subplot which the series never got around to resolving, and followed it up in an exciting way. The developments are completely unexpected yet make sense with the characters and the milieu.
Plenty of nitpicks, though: 1)The timeframe of the story isn't established early enough, making references such as "after what happened last year" unintentionally cryptic. 2)Why is Kyon dialing Nagato's phone - wouldn't she be in his contacts? 3)What made him think Koizumi was suggesting that they go to his house? 4)Why doesn't it occur to him until chapter 3 that he can convince Haruhi of the existence of the paranormal just by revealing he's John Smith? Ordinarily I'd consider that an understandable oversight, but Kyon repeatedly brings up the fact that he can do this in the source material. 5)Why do they take 90-minute watches when there's only two of them? This is so in defiance of common sense that I don't even know what to make of it, and it's completely unnecessary to the story; if for whatever reason you wanted Kimidori to arrive during Kyon's watch, then just have him take the first watch. 6)Why does Kyon identify being "terminated" with what happened to Asakura? In the source material it never occurred to him that they might have done something more than relocate her (he repeatedly refers to Asakura being in Canada), and terminationrelocation doesn't make a lot of sense. 7)Using forward slashes for emphases works okay in text messages, but in fiction we use italics.
You do a fine job with giving Kyon's narrative a conversational tone (e.g. "... she'd said as if it really mattered. Well, maybe it mattered a little bit."). His feelings for Haruhi are oddly repressed, sort of a throwback to pre-The Intrigues; by the time of The Surprise, which this story ostensibly takes place after, he was quite willing to admit to himself that he is extremely fond of Haruhi. But you're at least convincing and consistent about it, and otherwise his characterizations are completely spot-on. I particularly liked his little shows of pride in Nagato in chapter 2. It's egotistical in Kyon's own peculiar way.
There is a major plot issue here, though. The Data Integration Thought Entity attempting to transfer Haruhi's powers to Nagato when its whole objective is to prevent Nagato from getting Haruhi's powers is an obvious contradiction. There are other ways you could have delayed the Entity's attack.
I really liked "I tried to act like nothing was bothering me, but Haruhi kept giving me weird looks." Ah, Kyon. By now you should have realized that Haruhi can read you look a book.
Interesting observation that the Disappearance showed the world can survive without Haruhi. The whole power transfer thing has a lot of repercussions, most of them problematic, and it's good to see you addressing them in a way that adds tension to the story.
Good job picking up on the fact that the TPDD can be used to teleport! I'll admit that I overlooked this myself, even though I had noticed that in most cases Mikuru was traveling in space as well as time. It adds a bit to her usefulness, and makes a good surprise plot device here.
Kyon noticing a handprint on Haruhi's arm is a nice bit of detail to the climactic confrontation, though of course Nagato's apparent death is the highlight here. Right up until the final moments, I thought for sure you were going to find a way to save her. A surprisingly emotional moment, nearly bringing me to tears. Mainly because of Nagato's fear, I guess, which felt honest and not something put in for melodrama's sake. Even if we haven't seen Nagato or any other humanoid interface being afraid before, the pattern of her character's increasing empathy with humans does make it logical that she would feel fear in this instance. Really, superbly done.
| SomeOldBloke chapter 10 . 3/14/2018
Great story - nice characterisation, logical follow-up to Tanigawa-san's story. Just excellent.
A bit harsh on the IDTE/SCD though, and I wouldn't have minded the story 'meandering' a bit towards the end
| chirping chapter 10 . 11/16/2016
Well, I wrote a review for this story, but it turned out really long and it's going to hit the character limit. It would be really awkward to post the review in multiple parts, so I'm just going to give up on that and share you a link. Go to pastebin dot com slash ig5DKtYL to read my full review.
Short version is: I really enjoyed this story, it provides an amazing finale for the Haruhi franchise, thank you for writing it.
| funvince chapter 10 . 3/13/2015
This is a refreshingly original story. I like that you had Haruh learn about her powers and get involved with the adventure without hitting the reset button at the end. I liked how you wrote the characters especially Koizumi since people tend to write him in a more negative light.
The ending was interesting but I do wonder if Kyon will really make interesting adventures for Haruhi with his personality. But I do like the turning of tables. I'm not sure how I feel about Yuki becoming human and powerless. Is that something she really wants or what Kyon thinks she wants? But she seems happy enough.
| amythestblade chapter 1 . 8/4/2014
Okay, that was freaking awesome. I'm gonna have trouble now keeping the details from this fanfic separate from the actual canon!
That's a good thing for you though, it means your story fits right in! :)
| Ligare chapter 10 . 6/30/2014
I really, really like Kyon. He reminds me of Kamijou Touma in Index universe. You know, the person who keeps insisting that he's just a very normal person who just so happen to have staggeringly abnormal circumtances. The truth is, a normal person won't be able to stay normal after all that he has been through, and the mere fact that he can proves that he's very special indeed.
| iniminimagimo chapter 10 . 3/27/2014
Ecxellent! No other ways to say it! I think you perfectly captured the characters mindset! And your story was very well balanced between action, suspense and comedy! And finally, your time travel scenario was nearly flawless!
Anyway if it was your fitst fanfic please continue, you've got the talent!
| endershadow98 chapter 10 . 3/21/2014
Wow... this was an amazing story. I'm really looking forward to any stories you write in the future.
| crazyjman80 chapter 10 . 2/23/2014
well that was epic.
| ArvisJaggamar chapter 10 . 2/19/2014
Oh my goodness, this fic was just... oh, this was just fantastic. A million 'thank you's are not enough. The ending was very nearly perfect. Haruhi and Kyon are meant to be.
Like I said before, until Tanigawa stops being lazy, I'll just consider this the canon finale to the series. This was truly amazing. And, in fact, I really do think that some of your tie-ins to the original work are spot on, especially that strange rod cylinder thingy. I bet it really IS for time travel. Genius use of it, seriously.
| ArvisJaggamar chapter 9 . 2/18/2014
DANG THIS WAS AWESOME!
I admit, my heart ached a bit when Haruhi was screaming "Come back!" Powerfully done. Can't wait to read the next chapter! But I'm sad that the next will be the last. :(
| SpeedinGuyRcR24 chapter 10 . 2/15/2014
OMG... Fangasms! Nice 3 hour read... I just love this fic. Its like the disappearance arc coming to take a kick to your ass. You did excellent. I mean well thought out first fic... Normally I would review each chapter but hey your story is completed so it feels better to just review as a whole. Personally I loved this story. I would say you write Kyon and Koizumi spot on. Now I havent checked your profile to see if youve written more Haruhi fics but I will say this... im looking forward to more fics of yours! Thats about all I have to say! And remember. John Smith wishes you the best of luck in making the world a more fun and exciting place!
| Michael S. Repton chapter 10 . 2/14/2014
That was excellent. It's great to come back to reading fanfiction after such a long time, and find something this entertaining to reward myself with, *and* for it to be complete so I don't have to worry about the author abandoning it, as happens to far too many of the best stories. I loved the way you picked up so many of the loose ends from the novels and put them together into a coherent plot, and I had no quarrels with your portrayal of the newer characters (which is one thing I really struggle with).
There were only just aspects I didn't like as much. One, it was too fast-paced; the threat of Kimidori took over the plot and didn't leave room for the characters to spend time just being themselves, which is what I like the most about the Haruhi novels. Two, alhough there were some excellent surprises in the first half of the story (Kimidori's role, and having to seek help from Fujiwara) I felt that in the second half, it was too easy to guess where you were going to take things.
Thank you for this story, and good luck with your next one!