|Reviews for Madhouse|
| grandvizier527 chapter 22 . 8/11/2014
Out of curiosity, I read this-albeit after it was finished. I feel that it was a bit of a learning experience for me in regards to SYOT writing.
When you reviewed mine (the one you submitted Denelle to), you didn't seem to like many of the characters, and I got the impression that you were disappointed with the way I was writing it. I can understand now why you might feel that way after reading this. But first, the SYOT itself:
If your goal was to create a disturbing, nightmarish Arena to contrast from the usual natural ones, then you certainly did a great job! The pseudo mental asylum depicted here looks like it came straight out of a horror game, and the tributes' fear and panic was captured accordingly.
You also did a great job of capturing each tributes' personality and emotions, getting most of them to break down in different ways so that when it came time for their death they certainly weren't the same as when they first entered. I'm sure you've heard it a million times, but this was very well written. However...
You write very differently from the way I do, in ways that I probably can't, nor do I want to. For starters, your format is not my cup of tea. What I mean is the way you would show just a few reaping POVs before going to the train rides, so that all the tributes would have just one POV by the time of the chariot rides.
Although that certainly makes the SYOT quicker to write, I just can't write that way. I have to have a chapter for every reaping and get a glimpse of every character prior to their reaping to understand more about them. When you don't do that, then I feel like there are a lot of things missing with the tributes whose reapings you didn't show. I understand that showing is supposed to be far superior to telling when you're writing anything, but I need you to tell me a bit for me to understand the characters better. You can leave some stuff out and show me new things about the character later, but if I'm not informed of anything and just have to piece it together myself than the characters all begin to look alike.
Another thing is that this SYOT is too morbid for me. Yes, I know it's technically the Hunger Games, but is darker necessarily better? Maybe some people would think that. But I don't. I see no reason to drag out deaths and describe them in the bloodiest detail when the reader can just picture it for themselves.
You haven't reviewed once since the interviews. If you're busy, that's understandable, but it also gives me the impression that you regret getting involved in it the first place. I don't know how much you've read, either, but if you've seen the Arena than you've already seen that I prefer putting more fantastic elements in the story, what with the gods and temples and everything. I don't know if all of your other SYOTs are like this one, but it seems that with this one the reader was meant to watch with bile fascination while their beloved tributes were tainted and ultimately died. But I seem to prefer telling a dramatic story in which you feel sad when a tribute dies at all, rather than pity them for the way in which they died.
What I'm saying by all this is while I liked this SYOT and can admit that its tributes are better written and more realistic than mine, I have to concede that we just have different styles. So there's no hard feelings if you don't really like my SYOT-although keep in mind it's just my first time.
| grandvizier527 chapter 8 . 8/1/2014
I know you wrote this a while back, but I just thought I'd let you know; I consider 7 to be the highest score a non-Career can get, but you seem to use 5. So if you were reading my SYOT and were confused by more scores, this is just an explanation.
| writinginpen chapter 22 . 6/28/2014
The story overall has a been amazing. I know it's taken me months and months to review, but I'm finally completing Madhouse, and I can't say how impressed and pleased I am with both the way this story ended and your writing.
Alright, so the opening scene in this chapter was one of my favorites. The last paragraph really hits home. Especially "I'm keeping what I fought for. I'm not letting go." I love that even after all she's been through, Kennedy still remains true to herself. She's till staying true to what she said about choosing herself over her friends, and I honestly respect that. Clearly, she's aware of the nightmares she'll face, but she also understands that she's not going to allow those nightmare and the guilt to rule her life. And even though this is fiction, that's still a lesson we all can learn. We make mistakes. We have guilt. We do things that are wrong. Yet, even so, we can't allow those things (guilt, regrets, our wrong doings) to rule over our lives. We have to choose to keep fighting, to keep living, even when it feels hard at times.
"Do you regret it?"
"No." - Once again, Kennedy is still herself here. She's taking ownership over actions despite how horrid and treacherous people may see them, or well, how she may see them herself. Wow. I guess I'm just extremely proud of how Kennedy is remaining strong, yet she's still somewhat broken.
Talk about a punch to the gut. The paragraph where Kennedy says she killed the only two friends she had was pretty powerful, man. Kennedy has definitely shown she'll make sacrifices, that she'd do anything to stay alive.
Oh, and I'm enjoying Kennedy's and Lawson's relationship more here, too. It's nice to see a friendship amongst all of this, even if neither of them are technically okay.
I agree that Kennedy has changed to a degree. In a way, the Games have transformed her, but also revealed her, whether good or bad.
Trilla, haha. Its nice to see her again, too.
Nice analogy with Caesar there. Drop of blood in the water. Perfect Imagery!
I like the whole twist you put on it too. The friendship Atarah, Elijah, and Kennedy had from the Capitol's POV, I mean. It's realistic that even though they enjoyed their little alliance, they still wanted Kennedy to use the capsules on her allies. It's rather sad, and like I said twisted, but believable coming from the Capitol citizens.
Hmm. I find it interesting that Woof hates Kennedy for what she did. I guess its plausible yes, considering he wanted Davin (who I miss) to come home. But then again, isn't one of your tributes coming home better than none? You'd think Woof would be a little more supportive or respectful of Kennedy. Though, I do get he's probably hurt and what not. Still, it's intriguing to me, the whole District 8 dynamic we have here.
Poor Ward . . .
Hmm. So Caesar and the audience laughed at Alton as he sought out the mutt and then killed him. I guess they were entertained, correct? That, or surprised, considering the balls it took for Alton to do such a thing.
Ugh. I miss Alton, Matteo, Calliope, and Elijah. Dang man, these chapters always suck. It's like ripping off a scab that's trying to heal.
Simple, relentless tears. Again, these little lines you have here and there are killing me. Dude, the feels and emotion.
Again, with the plot conflict concerning both Woof and Lawson. Yet, I love how Kennedy doesn't care about neither. She's won. She's a victor. She's going home. But is that it? Is that all? Like Haymitch said, you never get off that train. So has she really won or only survived? Is she really a victor or just a lucky victim? Is she really go home or is she going to a place that's just familiar? Because really, what's home after everyone you know, knows your dirty secrets and has watched you kill on live TV.
The scene with Holden was nice. It's a breath of fresh air to see glimpses of happiness here and there amongst all the tragedy and angst. I like how Kennedy stepped in, demonstrating her courage and authority (what she has, at least) in saving her friend and doing her best to help those out in the fields at District 8. Hopefully, others will warm up to her presence in time.
Man, the Victory Tour was a mixture of emotions. Calliope's parents. Ada's baby sister. Matteo's family in rags and those two strangers who left (who were they?). Megaera's brother, who stormed away mad.
Smiles don't win the Hunger Games. . . speechless
Ward's mom and dad :,(. That's sucks that Graeden's family is shattered now, too.
So, District 9 gave me chills. Elijah's family standing together as one, and then Atarah's father all alone on his platform. Then, he left. Yeah, I'm dead inside. . .
RIP Davin and Alton.
Powerful ending to a powerful story. Like Mockingjay, this has such a bitter sweet ending, yet I love it. Also, it has an everlasting message too.
Amazing story, Jake.
| writinginpen chapter 21 . 6/28/2014
Favorite out of these POVs and why?
Elijah. Jake, you did amazing job with his character growth. Like Elijah said in his POV, there were two different Elijahs at the end, and that's how you wrote it. There were two different Elijahs, two different voices, which was perfect in all aspects. Honestly, this chapter was brilliant to me (rather sad too.) Especially with the whole Elijah and Kennedy sub plot, which later became the major plot. With Elijah, I'm still in shock at how well you wrote him when he lost all morals and crumbled. He was really determined, fixated, obsessive in making Kennedy pay for her "sin". Even when he died, he didn't really regret doing what he did to Kennedy (beating her to a bloody pulp almost.) It was all about going and being happy with Atarah for him. Really, Elijah became warped, just like Megaera was, so that similarity that Callipe spotted was spot on, as the Games did corrupt Elijah. All in all, I'm glad that these three characters made it to the finale, as I enjoyed each one of them. Elijah and Calliope were liked from the beginning, but Kennedy grew on me while in the Games. I'm actually content with her winning. She was a competitor, in my opinion, as soon as she took Atarah out of the equation.
Am I happy with who won at the end?
Favorite overall tribute?
I don't think I had a favorite alliance in this story. I enjoyed them all equally.
Awesome chapter, dude!
| writinginpen chapter 20 . 6/11/2014
Favorite out of these POVs and why?
Alton. It'll always be Alton for what he was. He was the tribute I related to most in Madhouse. Plus, the only tribute I went from hating to liking. Still, I can't get over that Elijah killed him. Really, Elijah is loosing it, isn't he? That, or the arena has finally changed him and he accepts what must be done.
Well, Megaera is finally dead, too. She wasn't a favorite of mine. However, I did respect her for being an antagonist that made things interesting, as she was the one who set the crumbling of the Careers in motion and all that.
Elijah and Kennedy are about to square off next chapter. I'm kind of looking forward to seeing that encounter.
Predicted Victor? I know now who wins, so yeah. . .
Who I'd prefer to win? Any of the remaining three I'm happy with. I like them all evenly.
| writinginpen chapter 19 . 6/8/2014
I'm the worst submitter ever. . .
"It's a tale painted with heroism, yet I've never felt like the hero."
Okay, I had to quote this brilliant line before I went into answering the questions. Really, Jake, Matteo's POV was amazing this chapter. You really did well with capturing the raw emotion there.
Matteo. Well, I don't know how to put in words how much I enjoyed this last POV from him. I think it opened and unveiled the Matteo behind the mask, the Career who wanted to be better than he actually was. Reading his POV, was emotional too. I mean, to see all his thoughts, reasons, and regrets, man, you really nailed Matteo, Jake. To me, I think he became one of my favorites because of the relatability; how we all hide behind false facades sometimes. Plus, I like how Megaera affected him throughout the Games and how he constantly battle to stay intake with his humanity. Really, this was a great close to Matteo's character. I'm going to miss the guy.
So Megaera is human, huh? Hmm. I'm surprised she felt guilty for killing Matteo. I'll admit, she's always been the biggest threat in this arena. As much as I dislike her, I'm not surprised she's made it this far, and really, I wouldn't be surprised if he made it to the finale.
Kennedy. Surprisingly, she's one of the few characters I started out disliking, which later turned into liking. I think her development and growth has made me love her all the more, too. Not to mention, how normal she is. Just a girl afraid to die, enough said.
Oh, and awesome ending! I can't wait to see what these last three chapters bring!
Who I would like to see make it?
Calliope, Elijah, and Alton.
Who I think will make it?
Ugh. I don't know. Kennedy, Elijah, and . . . Calliope, maybe?
| writinginpen chapter 18 . 6/1/2014
Favorite out of these POVs and why?
Alton's was my favorite, but I'm going to discuss the other two as well. Elijah's POV was amusing, as it focused on all his mixed emotions towards Kennedy murdering Atarah. Not to mention, his own guilt for leaving Atarah vulnerable, but also for having empathy for what Kennedy did in order to win. I'm interesting in seeing how that future encounter pans out. Then, with Calliope and her hallucination of Mageara, which was actually Lochlan. Man, that was pretty wicked, and totally unexpected. I thought Mageara would kill Lochlan, but I like that Calliope did it unintentional. Adds more to her character, I think.
Now, onto Alton. Alright, so I think this POV of his has to one of my favorites. I loved the whole trying to be hero angle, plus the fight scene with the mutt. Out of all the remaining characters, I think Alton has over gone one of the more dominant character developments in Madhouse, as he's changed so much from that opening chapter at the reaping. Davin and Celene truly did change him from what he was, or at least peeled back some of the layers, allowing us to see a different side of Alton. Overall, I'm still rooting for him to win.
Predictions for who's going to win: Calliope, Matteo, or Megaera?
Calliope. Even though I'd prefer for Matteo to be victor.
Anyone who has fallen that I expected to go farther?
Sabrina. I really thought that she'd last quite a while. I'm all for solo tributes making if far, yet hardly any SYOT writers allow them to, which I don't understand why. Anyway, I thought Sabrina would be in the running for victory, considering how cunning and cutthroat she was prepared to be.
| writinginpen chapter 17 . 6/1/2014
Favorite POV and why?
Kennedy. At the moment I'm at a loss of words. A part of me always knew that Kennedy would be the first person in the alliance to start thinking solo, and when Atarah became injured, I did see the opportunity arise for her to do so. That said, Kennedy's POV was intense this chapter. Powerful and emotion and adding a whole new layer and depth to her character. Atarah asking her why forced by heart to burrow into my stomach, if I'm honest. That poor girl, getting killed by her friend, yet I can't blame Kennedy for what she's done there. Because lke she said, "it's myself or my friends." And I think it's more likely that someone would choose themselves over someone else. Only a few are truly selfless in the arena.
Predicted final three?
I'm going to say Kennedy, considering what she just did to Atarah, Calliope, because she's always been one I've predicted to make it the end, and Elijah or Alton. Both seem capable of making it to the finale, really.
Reasoning behind those four:
Matteo, I see dying soon, as he'll more than likely be killed by Calliope or Megaera. Lochlan, well, I never expected him to make it this far, and he doesn't seem victor material to me. Megaera, because I think it'd be too predictable if she made it to the finale, so she's bound to get killed by Calliope or Matteo even.
| ejbrown18 chapter 22 . 5/18/2014
Loved this story! Great!
| writinginpen chapter 16 . 5/18/2014
Favorite of these POVs and why?
I think I'm going to have to go with Ward. Yeah, it's a little bias, but this was his parting POV. I can't put in words how well you wrote it too. From the start, I never expected Ward to loose his composure like he did, but I'm glad it happened and the way you developed it, making him go all crazy and guilt ridden. I've in a way been dreading the part where he dies, as I knew it was approaching, but you wrote it so well that I can't complained. It seemed like the right time for Ward's story to come to a close, really. Thanks for writing my tribute so well Jake.
Other comments I'll make:
Elijah, he seems to be trying to be the foundation for the girls. That said, I see that foundation cracking when he has to kill again. That, or when Kennedy or Atarah did.
Tatum is saved. .. and Elijah and Kennedy took down the mutt. Wow, I wasn't expecting her to be saved, honestly. I thought she was dead.
Dang, I wasn't expecting Matteo to take out Alistair. Again, with all these twists. Still, Alistair's last words were deep. He understood. Megaera. . .I can't hate her in this chapter, because that was well played on her part, as she wheeled Matteo into doing her dirty work for her. However, I am hoping for her to get a dose of humility soon.
As of right now, who do I see winning?
Calliope or Elijah. Maybe Kennedy, Alton, or Megaera.
If I were a tribute, what would my plan be in the Games?
Well, we did a mock Hunger Games and I was a Career in that, which led me to fifty bucks and a victory. So yeah, I'd probably be in the Career Alliance. Not a psychopath, though.
| Lupus Overkill chapter 22 . 5/17/2014
Well, since you asked for it, I felt I may as well as review this; you asked for it, so here I go.
Well, where should I start?
I guess I'll start with my thoughts on Kennedy's Victory; she was never one I expected, to be honest, despite her development. I liked her character, but being a younger tribute, I often counted her out when it came to anticipating the Victor. Going into the finale, I expected to see Calliope win, given both her development and strength; the other two had developed, but Elijah had lost himself and Kennedy, as I said before, seemed too young to win. After Calliope died, though, I saw Kennedy winning, so that's good. I'm happy with it; she's not who was I expecting to see win, but she works as a Victor.
Then, the start of this epilogue; Kennedy's discussion with Lawson about how she's changed with her actions, particularly the betrayal of her allies, during the Games, was interesting. It did a lot to display Kennedy's tenaciousness and development during the Games; it was a nice sequence.
I don't have much to say about the Games recaps in and of themselves; Kennedy's emotions and thoughts throughout them, especially when it came to former allies, were interesting, but there isn't much else I can say about them other than that. It was also interesting to see how she received the fame as a Victor.
Kennedy's encounter of with the Peacekeeper was another interesting sequence, although it wasn't a favorite of mine; it's interesting to see how she's both clinging to her old life while still making use of her status as a Victor. She's working and interacting with her friends as she always has, it seems, despite the changes that have come with her Victory. It's an interesting take on Victory.
The Victory Tour was pretty good; it was a good closing end for these tributes, but I'll focus on discussing the parts that stood out to me. I suppose the stand out parts for me was seeing Ada's sister in Three and Atarah's father's attack and subsequent execution in Nine. The addition of the detail and emotions toward Ada's sister, although minor, was something I appreciated. Atarah's father's attack and death at the hands of Peacekeepers was notable in the chapter as a whole, as I expected Nine would. It was a tragic way to end off Kennedy's conflict with Atarah's family; that's a terrible way for anyone to live the remaining time of his or her life. The other goodbyes were good as well and did well in closing off their characters. It was nice to hear Kennedy's feelings toward Davin as well.
Kennedy's last words did a lot to show off her character; she's changed, but she's remained quite strong and constant, in a sense. She's maintained her character, though. Her final words did well in showing off her tenacity and resolve.
I guess I'll end off there, as I have little else to say about this epilogue other than what I have already; something might come to me later, but I'm not sure when. But yes, this was a good way to end Madhouse; I'm glad to have taken part in this story.
| LokiThisIsMadness chapter 22 . 5/17/2014
This chapter was the longest of them, but the most beautiful since the beggining. Really, Jakey, Kennedy was the perfect choice for Victor since the beggining. I didn't saw it early, but I see it now. She's so human ;-;
Kennedy and Lawson's relationship, thought. It is so broken and yet so perfect. Kennedy's thoughts about Meg made me love her even more. Because, in the end, they were all children forced to fight to the death.
I'm glad that it was Kennedy to win and not Calliope, because Calliope saw Meg as a monster but Kennedy saw her for what she really was, broken. just like everyone else.
Now, something that I really liked in here was Kennedy's Victory Tour. From District One to Twelve, i love seeing the tribute's families. I almost cried at District Four, i have to admit. Tirzah's maid, the only one to mourn her. Atarah's father. Matteo's family and finally, Meg's brother. God, I really cried in Kramar's part. Cursing and leaving in a storm from his beloved sister. God Jakey, I really loved this chapter so I'm marking it as Madhouse's favorite chapter.
Madhouse was amazing, and this was an excellent ending.
| Tear That Cherry Out chapter 22 . 5/17/2014
rip neve family
first the mother
then hER DADDY ;_;
you wanted a review didnt you? youre welcomeeeeeeeeee
| Tear That Cherry Out chapter 21 . 5/17/2014
Yeah, I forgot to review this too actually, because I was just reading over the finale and I wanted to answer these questions. I'm also procrastinating in reviewing MIB, too, so yeah I was stalking this.
idc about the finale ok go atarah!
Are you happy with who won in the end?
Kennedy -.- I swear you did this on purpose to me; you always do. Anyways, with the fact the little betch killed my bby gurl then yes, actually I am quite happy. I was always focused on Calliope or Elijah as Victor, but in the end I actually see why you did it. Calliope could've won, yet ELijah killed her, and if Elijah won... yeah ok not so good. But hey Kennedy got Atarah's father killed at the Victory Tour so look at her go!
Favourite overall tribute?
Yeah, bias, of course; Atarah was the first of many tributes who are legit the exact same. She started a trend, pls guys come on!
Calliope. She was level-headed and just amazing yeah ok.
Celene lmfaoooooooo she made me cry ok
It's obviously gotta be... Tirzah's alliance! That was by far my fave. They got along so well!
Elijah, Atarah and Kennedy's. It was so functional until the Final 9 and then it went downhill.
the prologue lolololol
no that chapter where atarah killed errybody!
yeah, that was a fave
| LokiThisIsMadness chapter 21 . 5/17/2014
How did I not review this? :o Stupid, stupid Cloe.
Well, I guess I'll review now, Jakey.
Favorite out of these POVs and why?-
Elijah's. I mean, that's where it all happened. I have to admit, for a while, after Matteo and Meg died, Elijah was my choice for Victor. He was such a tribute, with his amazing personality and backstory and you know how much I loved Elijah's aliance with Atarah and Kennedy. But thinking about it now, after knowing who the Victor is, Kennedy was the perfect choice between our final three. I can see why you picked her for Victor rather Elijah, he was already too broken with Atarah's death and the Games. At least, he'll see Atarah again.
Are you happy with who won in the end?-
Like I said before, I truly am. Kennedy was the perfect choice in the end.
Favorite overall tribute?-
Meg ;P Besides her, Matteo and Calli'.
I know that they were together for a short time, but I just loved the Meg and Matteo alliance right before his death. two of my favorite tributes together, and it lead up to 'Teo's death.
Chapter 19, "Anger" or Chapter 20, "Courage". You know why Jakey ;P
I loved Madhouse so much that I have no words. From Celene to Kennedy, all of them were amazing tributes that made this an amazing story.
Anyways, excellent job with MH, Jakey!