|Reviews for From the Journals of the Nerevarine|
| Whatmesage chapter 5 . 9/9
It's always a treat reading through your stories, old and new. Also always worth a chuckle with your avatar here on this site.
| TharzZzDunN chapter 5 . 6/2/2014
This has been really interesting, thanks for sharing!
| Newtinmpls chapter 5 . 3/27/2014
Ajira's comment about the broken nose - oh my goodness I have to stop sneaking peeks at this at work - I was cackling like a maniac. Her part does need work; either completely use the kajiit style or don't - the going back and forth is disconcerting.
| chronodekar chapter 5 . 2/17/2014
Annnnd you killed my shipping fantasies. DAMN YOUUUUU !
Alright, with that out of my system, perhaps we can return to the real review?
This is a much better chapter - not as much of an info-dump as the last one, but felt like the plot was going somewhere. Only note-worthy point I can think of is, if you could change the writing style? The whole date-and-word thing is fine, but as a mechanic I feel that we're seeing strains already. Nothing wrong with hiding certain events (4 golden saints), but the back and forth flips are distracting.
I am reminded of watching something on the history channel - good presentation of facts and usually interesting. But for plot? I'm both feeling something and missing something - yeah, that doesn't make sense, but there IS something wanting in the narration.
Also; do the dates have any real significance? As a reader, I just see that snippet of numbers and gloss over them. If you were to write the dates in reverse order, I probably wouldn't even notice.
A bit more chapter-specific review points;
What do I remember the most about this chapter? That there's no Ajira shipping. :(
What is the worst part of this chapter? the perspective change between Lord Nerevar's, the librarian and Baroness Ajira's notes.
What do I not understand about the plot in-general? Some game-specific events that don't make sense to a newbie (My knowledge of Morrowind comes from wikis and fanfiction. I've never really sat down to play the game).
All the best to you LordsFire!
| chronodekar chapter 4 . 2/17/2014
There is now, the rather obvious suspicion that Ajira is the "watcher" for Caius. She either truly adores our hero or is a damn skilled actress - making her a very dangerous individual.
Plotwise, I'm not sure what I think. Sure, we've seen more of the general plot, but everything's just a note. Like a documentary - our hero hasn't really started effecting events just yet. Some consideration can be made for the fact that the back-story needed to be explained, but ... well, even if it is necessary, I find myself a bit bored. Yes - that's exactly the word.
The last chapter was fun and nice to read. This one? An info-dump. A couple of minor events happened, but are they really worth recalling? Also, the cast is growing too large - I'm losing track of all the names. And they were hard enough to pronounce already!
| chronodekar chapter 3 . 2/16/2014
Better story? The shipper in me is already enjoying it A Good Deal. THIS chapter is the real highlight of the story and where I feel things kickoff. In fact, it puts the other 2 chapters to such shame that I ask you, LordsFire, to consider deleting chapters 1 & 2 and replacing them with some 500 word prelude or some such.
What I really admire about this chapter, is that it can be re-worded to be the entire life-story of an Imperial Solder. Very well done!
I'm not usually a fan of "by the date" kind of stories - they turn out to be boring history-like documentaries than anything else. Happily, that's not the case here. :)
| chronodekar chapter 2 . 2/16/2014
This is a much better chapter than the first. Last time, I got the feeling that I was listening to a psyco. This time? The anger is still there, but very much subsided. The shipper in me can't decide if Ajira should be a sister or lover. The scenes between them are cute. :)
Nitpicking - can you consider using horizontal lines? I know that the editor on FFN is ... not the best of things, but a quick ... nevermind. I usually spend a good 10 - 20 mins checking for horizontal lines in my stories. It's understandable why you would want to skip them.
Something I just realized - the way you are proceeding with the story, unless someone is familiar with the game, they wouldn't understand some of the sections you've skipped over. Take the whole mess with "Crassius Curio" - reading this alone, a reader wouldn't know why you were so angry with him.
| chronodekar chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
On one hand, I'm happy to see you writing fanfiction in a world I'm familiar with (Yeah, I _still_ haven't got round to reading your SailorMoon fic). And on the other hand, any sense of tension that the story might have provided, vanished the moment I realized that this was meant to be a kind of journal entry.
That kind of story-telling works in something like Final Fantasy. The game's first scene clearly shows the cast on a trip and our hero begins a narration of how they arrived at that point. The overall anticipation is still there because even if the viewer is seeing things from a "past" perspective, we know that the journey hasn't ended.
In this fanfic, when I see the words "Lord Nerevar" (and the summary?) I get the feeling that he's already finished his quest.
One good point I want to raise is how there is a noticeable difference between the usual speaker and the editor's notes. The EN's sound like they were written by some old librarian. The normal story? Reminds me of Jason from "An American Geek in Halkeginia" ... oddly enough. Have you read it, by chance?
Moving on to chapter-2,
| Hiei-Uchiha chapter 5 . 2/15/2014
Effin' awesome! Lol, I am currently on a Skyrim kick, but I love the lore of the Elder Scrolls series. I truly hope to see more of this and your many other works, particularly The Warp is Calm and Dungeon Crawler 4. Anyways, good job once again!
| Endgames chapter 5 . 2/13/2014
Holy crap. Holy crap. There's just so much in this chapter. And all of it's awesome! Man, I had totally forgotten about the huge variety of Daedra that Morrowind offers. I actually had to look up the Winged Twilight to remember what they looked like.
I had been thinking about this story again after reading the last chapter, and I realized that if they were heading into Telvanni territory they would likely see the slave markets. I was half hoping, half not hoping, for a big scene where he breaks the slaves out. Best case scenario would have a night-time raid with few deaths, but I was mostly expecting a descriptive mental melt-down. I was a bit disappointed by the initial terse account where Ajira just grabs his arm and they walk out. That was until I read Ajira's account. In retrospect, it really makes sense for him to write a short entry when he's that angry. I really, REALLY liked seeing Ajira's side of things.
I was so excited when we got to the match-up against the Golden Saint, and then disappointed when it was over so quickly. I think you analyzed their combat proneness correctly though. The bare skin is a liability, a staff is a poor weapon against a swordsman, and they were mostly dangerous in groups. I like his change in attitude (as observed by Ajira) when it came to fighting them, as they really do look almost human (attractive as well).
I had frequently been wondering as to the identity of the "Lady Indoril" mentioned previously. It didn't quite seem to fit Ajira's personality, but she could have changed. My question was answered when she was referred to by the Editor as "Baroness", and I thought you'd leave it at that for people to pick up on. I thought that you overdid it a little with Ajira's analysis of her own infatuation, and especially with Azura's advice. That's mostly a complaint from a story-mechanics perspective, not an unrealistic-happening perspective, although it does make me wonder why Azura would bother with such little things. I guess she may play a larger part in the story later (making Bill her "champion" or something), or the extra meaning attached to the words that Ajira mentioned may be a big deal.
I had been hoping for a bit more fluff surrounding Bill comforting Ajira after seeing the slavers, but I think what happened was more realistic. After a long journey, in close quarters, with emotions running high (and one member being very angry), at least one argument would certainly happen. It really fit with Bill's character that he would lash out physically, despite his strict morals, since he is a very physical person. I think it's also good to make him less ideal in the readers' eyes (as well as Ajira's).
I liked seeing Ajira's improvement in stamina and combat over the course of their travels. Her mindset change as to the danger that animals present also makes a lot of sense.
I was a bit surprised that Bill would unquestioningly take up Malacath's quest (Azura is one thing, but the rest of the Daedric Princes seem like a shady lot). Then again, we know he takes issue with Mehrunes Dagon, but don't know about his views on the rest.
Overall, this was another great chapter (in case you didn't get my opinion from the first couple lines). You've been posting so frequently that I may go through withdrawal as you work on the next part. It's perfectly understandable though, so good luck writing it.
| The Mad Mad Reviewer chapter 5 . 2/12/2014
I really need to buy this game so that I know what's going on.
| Rexnos chapter 5 . 2/10/2014
This chapter is a perfect example of why Skyrim, Morrowind and every similar large, open-world, RPG might never surpass the written in regards to story. No matter how epic the battles, how impressive the landscape, or how deep the lore, most of the challenges a player undertakes within such worlds can be boiled down to mindless fetch quests. Character development, whether in regard to the player's character or those character around him or her, is never prized or viewed as critical to the game.
From a game design perspective, it's hard to blame the developers. These types of games advertise freedom in addition to their sprawling worlds and epic quests. Part of this freedom involves allowing the player to forge whatever character they desire. Whether it's appearance, weapon focus, or pertinent skills, the player must have the ability to decide what is important to him or her.
But the writer and reader side of me laments the fact that the above just can't happen in a free roaming world. In their quest for freedom, game developers have chosen to avoid defining characters in any way. They focus on the mechanical freedom and entirely miss personal freedom. My Skyrim character can't be a racist, a religious nut, a sexist, a snob, or even an asshole. He begins the game a blank slate and he ends the game defined only by the deeds he's accomplished. The words he has spoken mean nothing, and his personality can only be implied (and that's generous). I truly hope that game design for these open world games will someday surpass this flaw.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. I wrote a paper for my masters on a similar subject so this is natural an idea I've thought too much about. I'm very much looking forward to the impact your player character will have on the world around him. He has everything the typical open world character lacks: a personality, flaws, emotions, friends, and a host of other human quirks. As usual, your attention to character development really makes this character real.
I'll add that the manner in which you've chosen to tell the story (journal entries) really adds to the feeling of realism. The little asides by the editor and the numerous suggestions that we haven't been told the whole truth really bring the story to life in more ways than a simple retelling could. I can't help but wonder exactly what we haven't heard that's important and what we have heard that's flat lies.
| ultima-owner chapter 5 . 2/9/2014
that's quite a task to take up
| Kaelas17 chapter 4 . 2/8/2014
Given how hard it must be to wrest a coherent plotline out of such a wide-open sandbox game, this is a really good story. You've managed to create a nice balance between game mechanics and story narration- and the addition of a 'romance arc' with Ajira was a brilliant touch.
Thanks for writing.
| Endgames chapter 4 . 2/2/2014
I never, ever thought about Vivec that way. I always ran around complaining about how damn difficult it is to get anywhere (before getting constant effect levitation anyway). That section describing the fortifications of Vivec and the other potential defenses was brilliant (down to the impossibility of using a battering ram against gates at the tops of the ramps). The attention to detail you've shown here that fits in so well with the character is staggering.
It certainly fits with the game, where you are able to kill almost anyone as soon as you level a few times and get some decent gear, but he is getting some huge advantages here. He starts off with good luck, some extreme fighting skills (long blade, block, and heavy armor), then picks up the best non-unique sword in the game. Now he's a natural at using magic as well. On the other hand, I guess that Mysticism isn't the most combat-applicable magic, so he won't be overwhelming enemies with it. And you have given him effectively no sneak skill or speechcraft. I'll bet he sucks with a bow too, and can't pick a lock to save his life. So I suppose there is balance there.
I liked that part about the recurring daedra. I laughed quite a bit at their banter.