Reviews for Hey John, It's Me (Pepsicola John x Dave)
Resilverin chapter 1 . 4/2
-pauses reading in the middle-
dude i just... gah, i cant xD
this made me feel so awkward im laughing and crying at the same time
okay
first thing that shoot right at me is that you used the word "fuck" too many times in speaches
-continues reading-
this was sweet and short, your writing style stands out a lot as you used simple vocabulary and grammar, nothing special in the way you write
this is basically a short smut for the ones who love short smuts and the no homo stuff but eventually john giving in
kinda hoped for anal here but its good enough, i mean this is really how it should be done, prepare few times, get to know each other, before going all the way, which was nice to read here
improvement ideas: read a lot of fics that are over 50k words long, usually those fics are top quality with good character development (although you didnt need that here), plot (once again not needed here), description (i feel like this fic could use a bit more flavouring in terms of imagery) and character interaction (could be a bit more and better interaction)
examples of what you could have done here: when dave fell asleep you chould have had a paragraph of johns thoughts about him or how exactly was dave sleeping, i imagined him with his face on the keyboard here for some reason (dont think you did mention where he was in the room?) so you could have had john making a point on how the keys have imprinted on daves face to get away from the awkward subject of im not a homosexual
overall: the story was alright, good for a quick smut
Guest chapter 1 . 3/14
Why... Why *Dies*
Aiz chapter 1 . 3/8
You have some badass talent wit lemons XD (-)-b (thumbs up)
Nickname chapter 1 . 12/3/2014
It was good! But it got a little hard to read when it was all just one big bunch of text. In the beginning it was good tho. But you should make it on more rows :)
(Sorry if I wrote something wrong, hope you understand tho.. hehe. English is only my second language anyway whoops)
Monset chapter 1 . 11/15/2014
This was absolutely adorable! :D I loved your storyline for this,it makes me feel like this really could have happened.A few grammatical errors but I could work my way through them just I really didn't have a problem with the lack of keep on writing ; o ;
waterbirdy chapter 1 . 11/11/2014
I would have read it if it wasn't in two whole bricks. Unless you are playing it as a quirk of some sort, please make new paragraphs. :D
Guest chapter 1 . 9/17/2014
Omg That was so hot (sorry i love yaoi... And i totally ship them!)
nate chapter 1 . 9/13/2014
i really enjoyed it thanks for writing stay cool bro
Kuro Narazumono chapter 1 . 9/7/2014
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FEEEEEEELLLSSSSS
Guest chapter 1 . 8/15/2014
That was an adorable fanfic. I can just imagine Dave singing that ConAir song. ˇ However you should fix some of those grammar mistakes. There were a bit of them. xD
But besides that, I really liked the fanfic. It's my first taste of PepsiCola and this has inspired me to get more. v
Karkitten2.07 chapter 1 . 8/7/2014
Awwww plz do a chapter on telling dad!
EmiTheImmortalVampire chapter 1 . 7/4/2014
I liked the story but I hate the extreme lack of paragraphs. It makes it hard to read and due to not allowing me to run my cursor over the words so I know where I am at... just makes it a bit harder.
SleepingWithSirens4LIFE chapter 1 . 6/14/2014
oh, what am i doing reading this.. .-. but great story.. (i suppose)
Octopimp chapter 1 . 5/24/2014
It would have been nice if you had added a little more detail and background to the story, but I enjoyed it.
JD chapter 1 . 3/30/2014
The fic content wasn't bad but the format of this fic is TERRIBLE! I don't know if it's because I'm on my phone or something, but most of the fic is in one huge paragraph that is incredibly difficult to read. Your fic would be much better if you started a new paragraph every time someone spoke.
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