|Reviews for Ground Zero|
| jmack chapter 8 . 8/11/2014
aww i was hoping it would be Franklin and Orianna. But its really good, im already hooked
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 8 . 5/2/2014
Ooh snap! Already feeling the attraction.
| OptimisticPessimist12 chapter 8 . 4/29/2014
Hey! Nice to see you back updating! :) (I really should get back on my stuff, too. :P)
Anyway, awesome chapter, as short as it was. Man, she's got herself a situation going on there. I wonder if she will leave while she has the sense to do so, or if her 'debt' thing will keep her there. Either way, I'm interested to see how their friendship will progress and what will happen once Micheal's family comes back into the picture. Knowing his character and judging from the situation, it probably won't end well for one of them. Or both.
Still, I'm excited for future chapters and you are really a great writer. Don't be so hard on yourself! Everybody makes mistakes and has room for improvement, but overall this is quality work you have going here and I hope you get more people reading this. :)
| The Little Lost Lamb chapter 7 . 2/20/2014
Look at Michael being all heroic and stuff - but seriously, he was pretty badass. I can't wait to see what happens between Orianna and Michael when she stays at his place! Is his wife or the kids going to see her there? I guess she'll stay in that fourth room that we're not allowed to enter - which i believe might overlook the pool. Or maybe she'll end up in Michaels bed! Either way, she deserves to do a bit of relaxing by the pool.
The chapter turned out great :) i'd like to Orianna thinking a bit more about the shit she's gotten herself into, and definitely more interaction between Orianna and Michael! That house is definitely way too big, and considering all the bad guys after Michael, they should invest in some doggy protection!
Anyway, i can't wait for the next chapter! Hopefully it'll be out soon!
| OptimisticPessimist12 chapter 7 . 2/17/2014
Another great chapter again! :) I like that Michael came to her rescue, though it seems like he just happened to stumble upon it. Lol I like that Orianna is going to spend the night with Michael, I wonder if she will be meeting with the other members of the trio. I guess in the way of criticism, I kind of feel that it's lacking a little bit in description. Your other chapters were fine, but this one seemed very dialogue heavy for all that action that went down in it. I'd suggest maybe a little more on the inward feelings of the characters, their surroundings, ect. Not too much, but it could possibly make your chapters a little longer and might be able to make things jump off the page again.
Anyhow, this was a good chapter all in all. I can't wait for your next! :)
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 7 . 2/17/2014
Thank goodness Amanda and Michael had that problem, if not it'd be so awkward if Orianna slept over. It would be a much bigger problem.
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 6 . 2/9/2014
ah shit. She's pretty much already part of the boys if she's going to be working with Lester. Now she in trouble and called up Michael. Good idea, girl!
| Savannah's Angels chapter 6 . 2/8/2014
I'm looking forward to the next chapter, I really like your OC :)
| OptimisticPessimist12 chapter 6 . 2/6/2014
Oh, boy. Orianna/Nevaeh has gotten herself into quite the situation. I hope Michael will be willing to help her out! I liked that Lester figured her out, I was waiting for something like that to happen, I doubted that something like that would have been able to slip by him. I'm excited to have her taking place in the heists! :)
Great chapter, as usual. I'm excited to see what you have in store for this. :)
| The Little Lost Lamb chapter 5 . 2/5/2014
Great chapter! I'm excited to see where this story goes - have you decided on a pairing yet? (I hope its Michael/OC lol
| OptimisticPessimist12 chapter 5 . 1/23/2014
I have to say that, for a first fanfiction, which are pretty much known for being somewhat poor, this is REALLY well written. I'm trying not just giving you blind praise here, but, aside from the odd missing comma, which doesn't really take away from the whole thing at all, this is great so far. Your grammar and spelling are great, as well as your OC. I am really enjoying her strength without making her some ex-military babe, and how you seem to be using her anger as a flaw. I can imagine her anger possibly causing some issues between her and the other protagonists (especially Mr. Trevor Philips) and I am really excited to see where you are taking this.
In the way of constructive criticism...
For once, I don't think I have an issue with anything. The way you have written Michael is true to his character, your OC is rather well developed at this stage, and even your minor ones, like Glenn, are enjoyable. Your grammar is awesome, and I haven't really found anything to nit pic about so far.
For suggestions, at least for my own personal opinion, I would love to see Michael as a prominent character. As much as I love a good Trevor fic, and even a good Franklin one, Michael is my favorite as well. :P If you could balance all three, even better! Still, it's up to you and where your muse lies. :)
So, all in all, this was a really well written start to this, and I have some high hopes for it! :)
Update soon, you deserve more reviews.
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 5 . 1/21/2014
That was a good way for them to meet. Though it was sudden how Michael took her to his place immediately.
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 4 . 1/20/2014
I'm going to guess and say it has to do with how someone called Trevor a motherfucker? and he got pissed so he punched the dude? Lol something to do with his rampage missions. These should be longer! :)
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 3 . 1/20/2014
Ooh pretty name. Now for a new clean slate.
| Leyshla Gisel chapter 2 . 1/19/2014
Ooh okay. I dig this! I've been reading GTA 5 fics lately, but none are too good and the ones that are, they're slow to update. I see potential in this one though, so keep it coming! :)