|Reviews for Winds from the East|
| shimmersing chapter 4 . 10/29/2014
I loooove the dialogue, I'm getting a really delightful "Firefly" flavor from it. And dramatic! I love the way you take time with Vacy's thoughts. It really brings her to life.
| laloga chapter 7 . 7/15/2014
Yay for finishing a story! :) That's always a good feeling. Congrats! :D
Loved Corso's "correcting" himself with the ladies present - too, too adorable. Always love seeing that boy blush. :D
The best part, though, was Vacy's willingness to join a team, and her "might have been a smile" at the end. She's already done a lot of growing, and it bodes well for the future.
Lovely story! :D
And thanks for the lesson at the end; I can definitely see the parallels between a Harlequinade and the story you've got here. :)
| Nerica chapter 7 . 7/12/2014
I have to say, this is the PERFECT ending for this fic. It gives some closure, yet we know it's only the start, if that makes any sense. So bittersweet...
Awesome job you did! ;D
| Zipitnow chapter 7 . 7/1/2014
Hahahaha! Great comparison for the characters. Vacy is definitely the Harlequin. And Corso...sigh...love his character in game! Handsome too!
Great way to write up the characters, sort of cannon ...but better! So much fun to read about your fav toons in a new way. Thanks for adventure for the Smuggler class! Looking forward to the next chapter. Yay for the writer!
| Ambroisie-Seduisante chapter 3 . 6/29/2014
•I've always enjoyed Vacy's inner monologue. She's very spunky! Also, her thoughts really help develop her character. They show her strengths and weaknesses. In the first few paragraphs, for example, when you have that dialogue between Vacy and her 'brother,' you display that Vacy isn't perfect. She isn't some immortal and invincible ninja. She makes mistakes and can be injured. You really feel her pain when she sobs "This is impossible."
•One suggestion is that I'm not entirely sure how long it's been since she was shot. I know in the last chapter, she passed out… is she immediately waking up? Or has some time passed?
•I enjoy reading her inner voices argue with each other - her 'devil-voice' and her 'survivor-voice.' Although I was unsure what you meant by devil-voice, because first you say it's her depressing and angry voice that says she is pathetic and worthless…. but then you say that it gives interesting suggestions that she prefers over her survivor-voice? That doesn't quite fit for me.
•"murder biz," that was good. Again, I love love love Vacy's thoughts. So sassy!
•"..it proved a good bit sturdier…" This wording doesn't seem quite natural, unless you're trying to show that Vacy isn't necessarily a formal/eloquent speaker? I think "it proved quite sturdier" would flow more naturally.
•The dialogue between Vacy and Riggs seems too casual and silly considering the danger of the situation. I would think they would have no time to make jokes due to the risk that she is currently in. Just my opinion. I'm relatively new to the fandom so I'm still getting a hang of what is considered the norm.
•good cliffhanger. It sets up the danger Vacy is in quite well!
•On word-count: this is obviously an opinion that varies amongst writer and readers. Personally, I would have preferred a bit of a longer chapter and more plot development!
•To tie it up: I remain a big fan of your writing style and of your character. You have quite a talent for letting your character's personality shine through via her words and actions. You're a perfect example of "show don't tell."
| Dominique Sotto chapter 7 . 6/29/2014
That's an interesting interpretations of the roles in the Harlequinade, I can see that. Actually, I can see how Risha in your later stories takes on Syreena's role. The Archetypes are strong with BioWARE. Really, if you scratch any Bio character, you are likely to find a Baldur's Gate 1 character right there. Glas to see Vacy acquiring an entourage. It also was endearing that Riggs blushed on "bastard". Lol, a gentle soul, him. :)
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 6/22/2014
The language you use is really interesting; "dodged and twirled" for example really portrays the unique setting of the Star Wars world or of space (or both, depending on where the landing occurred). The way you weave Vacy's physical description into the flow of the narrative is gorgeous as well; it gives a greater meaning to that beyond just describing her for the reader - and I love how it's not a neat picture either, not the perfect character for her gender or her role in those first few paragraphs. You surprised me a little with the tattoos, which is always fun.
My personal preference is to have the prologue and the chapters separate, no matter how short the prologue is. If they can continue into each other, to me that doesn't justify having the first part labelled a prologue in the first place. And, length wise, it's not too bad. I've had one that was under 100 words (though that's not the best example...)
Another tattoo, but again carefully woven into the flow of events/narration.
[Vacy straightened a touch further and let her hips swing...] - that sentence is rather long, particular with words like "but" stretching it further. I'd suggest breaking it up somewhere and having two separate sentences.
Somehow I didn't expect the tone of their interaction from Vacy's first impression of her meeter, but perhaps that's due to the nature of her work and her familiarity with situations like that. It gives us good insight into the life of a pilot like her though: something that gives us a little more substance to her and that snippet of loneliness in the prologue.
[The man he'd called Corso had thick...] - this one sounds like it's more for the reader's benefit. Something like "Corso ran to them, thick dreadlocks flying" would work it more smoothly in to the narration, but currently it read more as a distractor.
A general note on your writing: it stretches somewhat more than it needs to. Some places you can use contractions; others you can cut a few words. It flows okay for the most part, but I don't think it's necessary. Eg. "The small mirialan who sat curled up" - can be written as "the small mirialan curled up" and I don't think you're losing anything. The extra words frame the dialogue parts a little oddly.
Republic...so this is before the establishment of the empire in the third movie? Doesn't sound like I'll need much fandom knowledge for this so far; sort of a spin-off story that runs behind the scenes of the main canon. Interesting; I love reading fics like that, so I hope I'll catch you again and continue reading.
| Edhla chapter 6 . 6/20/2014
Great chapter title :)
I really like the contrast between the secretary's curves and the unforgiving hard lines of the desk.
[forgoing any pleasantries] I like this woman, Clickety! I like her a lot!
[the Captain] I'm not totally certain, but I think out of fandom, at least, Captain only has a capital when it's accompanied by a person name: Captain Fiorst.
But really, I love how smoothly this scene runs. You've got to get Vacy in there to talk to Viidu and you do it with a great pace, not skipping bits but not dwelling on the mundane, either.
The scar is awesome, too. Especially as a disabled person, I get a little tired in fanfiction of people with OMGZ TERRIBLE SCARS that are in extremely hideable places, or disabilities that only affect them when it's convenient. The scar isn't the extremely cool thing, but Vacy's attitude toward it. She's right, of course - scars are interesting. But more than that, it shows she isn't wired to the binary of ugly/pretty that a lot of women are stuck with when they evaluate their own appearance.
[a pint-sized badass] lol, I bet she is! This seemed a little omnisicient, however.
Vacy, as someone who has never been lacking in that department since the age of ten... you are truly not missing out on much. I promise :p I also loved Vacy's reflections on makeup and her hair because it's just so relateable. I had a job I had years ago, in my early twenties. It was an office job with no client contact, but I remember looking around one day and realising I was the only woman in the office with a natural hair colour and no makeup on, and suddenly feeling stupid for not realising I was "supposed to" wear makeup to work, even though nobody'd ever said anything and my work contract didn't ask for it. But like Vacy, I am terrible at putting it on or making it look good, and I think more women are like that than others think. It's not a skill people are born with. I'm rambling, but oh, the red that isn't even red! I've been on the lookout for actual-red lipstick for about a year now.
And I completely love this representation of multi-faceted womanhood and the moment between them when Vacy asks her if she's considered moving on.
Viidu on the back foot! I also really love Vacy's comment about the... I guess, coffee? Whatever canonical thing they're drinking, if it isn't any good, she'd say so :p
[kind of sadly] Again a stylistic thing, but I felt "kind of" was a bit authorial in this respect.
As for the relationship between Syreena and Viidu, I'm probably about to say something monumentally wrong and stupid, but the vibe I'm getting is "she's trapped, at least emotionally." She flinches when called to, her smile is tight, her hip-swivel seems a little TOO 'sexy secretary', perhaps, and she seems keen to use words like "sugar" that could indicate a subtle sort of sarcasm. I'm interested to see if I'm even close to being correct...
| Edhla chapter 5 . 6/20/2014
[platform, and sighed.] I'm not totally sure, but I'd eliminate the comma here and put one in later, to read "revenge, same as you."
Being canon blind, this was a lot to take in, working out which character is which, which "side" they're on, and how everyone interacts. I won't lie and say I'm now as savvy as anybody 'cause I'm a bit on the dim side when it comes to that, but your dialogue explained it as clearly as possible without its falling into "as you know, Bob" syndrome.
Again, I absolutely love Vacy being clever without shoving it down anyone's throat. She's on the right track, I think, the whole "nobody is that good" argument.
[He concluded] Just for flow, I'd consider eliminating this - the dialogue works just as well without it :)
Your description of the earth and grass outside Fort Garnik fascinated me, perhaps unduly :D The detail about the wind erasing her deep footprints was a beautiful image. It seemed a little weirdly placed because we're in Vacy's POV so she'd need to turn behind her to see them disappear in the wind, but it'd be a shame to lose something so pleasing.
I could be completely wrong in my perception here, but I felt that in a way Vacy was trying to good-old-boys herself to be accepted at the Fort; while it may be my missing the significance of American terms, "ma'am" seemed almost an attempt to put her back in her place, politely but firmly.
[deep skin darkening further] I've had a look at this a few times and I'm still a bit confused, so I imagine it's a canonism.
And you know exactly where to leave us, too - not a cliffhanger, but a nice hinge of an opening door.
On your author's notes - I usually skip A/Ns. Hell, I'm usually bored reading my own. But yours I'm finding a genuinely interesting read, and I'm looking forward to reading more about your creative process. xx
| Edhla chapter 4 . 6/20/2014
"Corso's final cry" has a really nice syllabic sound to it, even reading it out in my head; I really like little hooks like that in your work.
[What had he seen?] This may speak more to my dislike of rhetorical questions in most fiction, but I felt that this would be stronger without the last two sentences, and just ending it on the lovely understatement of "no... no... no..." :)
[She'd been given] I recently had an anonymouse sort of rake me over hot coals for my use of the passive voice, so I'm super sensitive in seeing it others' fics ;) I think this might read better as "the identicode Viidu had given her."
I absolutely love some of your word choices here; "mashed" is particularly good. I really like "sharp tang of blood" as well, as it implies a taste and not just a smell; I thought it a bit odd to use "faint" and "sharp" together. Your mileage may vary.
I love the little standoff with the separatist group is great, especially the dialogue (though the phonetics every now and again had me pausing to work out what was meant, since you were particularly interested on how it comes across here; nb that I'm lamentably canon blind.) These guys don't strike me as the brightest crayons in the box.
The Wonder taking off was a nice dip into really deep crap; I felt that the description as Vacy runs to the hangar bay and can only watch was good for what you have here, but I felt that paragraph could stand for a sentence or two more... it seems a little sudden.
The "torchy" conversation really made me smile, and so did Vacy's reflections - again, it says so much that she won't go to comfort from a good-looking stranger, but even in this drama, she's managed to *notice* he's good-looking. Excellent work, again xx
| Edhla chapter 3 . 6/20/2014
Oooh, after your PM the beginning of this chapter was even more gratifying (and I've just realised how
disappointingly short my last one was. Apologies, and I have about 150 chances of making it up you, right? ;)) I half expected her brother to be a bit more abusive, but that probably just shows the relationship I have with my sisters ;)
[Wincing when] There's nothing wrong with this, per se, but I find it more effective when the cause and effect are written in the order that they would naturally occur; so, "pain stabbed through her abdomen and she winced."
Oh, the "slid around a bit" is gruesome and glorious. I would never in a million years have thought up something like that (except now, but that's more nicking people's ideas ;))
[damn ass] And now we get abuse! Yay! :D
In answer to the question I forgot from before - yes, a "sickfic" is basically an excuse to give a character some medical condition, from the sniffles to multiple limb loss and everything in between. I have a secret love of them and you write them extremely well. I really liked the detail of the twelve paces (and shuffling doesn't count) and the description of Vacy's tending to her own injuries (I don't understand some of the terms, but that's okay, I BELIEVE them.)
[two quick shots] Part of me wanted some gory detail, but I understand that that might belie the practicality she had in doing it and how quickly she had to get over it and move on.
[Captain, are you all right?] Missed the closing speech marks :)
But seriously, another very clever moment is "Riggs, right" It says so much... that she's tried to remember his name, thinks that it's important, and is really only half guessing by this stage (but is still right.)
And kudos on the dialogue between characters; they each have their own distinct voices without being caricatures or basically the same, something I find excruciatingly hard in OCs.
[could have sworn] This is stylistic, but I felt as if it'd be more urgent if you cut straight with: "Vacy heard".
The fact that an injured woman takes off at a "dead run" is delicious storytelling and characterisation, all in one. Great work! xx
| Leonidas701 chapter 2 . 6/19/2014
This is a good action scene to start off. It’s nice and short, and I like that you had her plan out her stealth moves ahead of time.
How does destroying the monitor turn off the tower? Wouldn’t that be like breaking a drawbridge by cutting the winch? Shouldn’t it just keep on doing what it was doing?
Wait, if the lasers burned her clothes, wouldn’t they have cauterized the wounds? Why is she bleeding?
I like that you had the separatists acting like normal bored guards. Usually people make them act like they all guard buckingham palace. That said, why did she shoot the armed guard first, then take out the tech?
My nitpicks aside, this chapter was a pretty good action piece, and it works as a way to establish that the character is inexperienced but skilled. Kudos.
| Edhla chapter 2 . 6/19/2014
It's testament to the quality of your storytelling that I last read this about two months ago, and have reviewed a lot since, but I remember it clearly.
The clean clarity of your action scenes continues to impress; by action I don't just mean action-movie stuff, but things like the introductory paragraph describing Vacy's body language and movements. I struggle to write stuff like this myself and so am paying attention ;-)
The, uh, f-word inner monologue was utterly fantastic and when she got to "I am so f-cked" I cracked up. I like this woman!
"... And that is okay"... And this is dialogue that Stephen King would envy.
[she forced herself...] this "tells" but only slightly; it's a small flaw for writing this hot.
So I like a bit of sickfic and this delivered, while feeling appropriate for the universe it takes place in as well as being in character - so much harder than it appears! I felt "I'm sorry, I tried" was a little stock-footage for the awesome other dialogue in this chapter, though.
Your AN makes me interested in WoW :-D I wouldn't give away ma future writing plans in ANs, but that's a personal choice; readers can wait ;-) Excellent work xx
| Draconicdisciple chapter 1 . 6/14/2014
So I'm mostly canon blind. Most of what I know of star wars is from one movie and playing the mmo of it, (and barely playing the mmo at that) so I'll try my best!
I really liked the prologue, it gave off the feeling of being mysterious and mournful and made me wonder what the situation was and why Bubba needed help, as well as who the woman was. It was great for pulling me into the story and made me want to continue reading!
Although, a Mirialan is a race right? So it should be capitalized. When you mentioned a Mirialan you didn't capitalize the “m” so it was mirialan. All race names should be capitalized.
“You clearly have a lot of experience getting shot at,” that amused me greatly and I really liked it. It was a nice comedic moment that I felt was greatly needed and fit in just right.
I appreciate that you listed the characters, but I felt that it was unnecessary to include it. How you described the characters made them fit right up to the description so it was kind of redundant. I got their personalities by how excellently you showed them. Just Vacy’s movements alone gave off the kind of aura of someone with a lot of charisma and professionalism that you were explaining to us. You showed it so well that the telling was unneeded. I understand if your writing style is the kind to use a list of characters, I've known many writers to do so.
Speaking of Vacy I really fell in love with her as a main character right away. I’m assuming that she was the person in the prologue (might be wrong about that) but I instantly started caring about her and I couldn't wait to see what she experience and how she would go through it. You did that with the other characters as well, I instantly grew to accept them and they seem like real people. That’s something not all writers here can pull off.
The transition between Vacy’s and Skavak’s conversation and the introduction of Corso and the problem felt forced in. Like they had finished the conversation so coincidentally he ran up with a problem and you rushed to move into the conflict. That lost any suspense and shock that could be felt by the problem and it didn't even feel like that much of a threat afterwards because it feels like “ah oh well, let’s continue this another time and just go deal with this first.” You should put more substance into the conversation and maybe put either an ironic statement that foreshadows the conflict or have the conversation carry on and he bursts in and interrupts someone speaking so that you can create the more “sudden” feel that will draw us deeper in.
But it was rather enjoyable! I sort of want to keep reading even though I’m not a big fan of star wars hehe. Thanks for writing this!
| Zipitnow chapter 6 . 6/14/2014
Love this chapter. The way you wrote up Vacy comparing her form to Syreena's was perfect. And yes! On the lipstick, you just want red...no big deal, right? So you turn down the cosmetics aisle and your confronted with...THE WALL OF LIPSTICK! Including 5000 shades of just RED! Its a bummer, same thing happens with hair color! (sigh).
I like that Vacy is protective of girls who may not be able to defend themselves, even though Vacy herself is petite. Its always the little gals you need to watch out for. They are deep wells of "fight" and "spirit".
Can't wait for the next chapter, love SWTOR characters and the way you write them up. Awesome. Yay for the writer!