|Reviews for Winter Girl|
| music31 chapter 15 . 3/3
You are a FUCKING asshole for doing this to Anna and elsa, you hear me your A FUCKING ASSHOLE
| music31 chapter 13 . 3/3
Your a asshole for Doug this to Anna and Elsa, you hear me a ASSHOLE.
| music31 chapter 10 . 3/3
Where the actual fuck is this story going
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/1
k so dad cheated on mum and had elsa.
and then what, cheated again to the other and had anna? bc elsa is nineteen and anna seventeen. wtf i dont get it
| Guest chapter 18 . 10/29/2016
What a story
| Alluvial Fan chapter 18 . 10/15/2016
Ok, first off let me say well done. I did enjoy this but with some reservations. You led us (your readers) on a winding twisty tale that was fun, sad, crazy, stressful, and dark and in such a way that we were never sure what was going to happen. The way this story went, it was almost unpredictable. As a reader that's fantastic. I hate predictable stories as most of us do. As such, keeping your readers on edge, never certain what is going to happen is tricky and you did a great job at that. You're very creative in your writing and in your wording.
I think I have to agree with some of the other reviewers that this story ended a little too abruptly for my liking. There was such a good lead in of Margaret setting Elsa up to manipulate and frame her. It was so twisted and evil. A fantastic set up, but then it was a little bit of a let down when Aurora ended it so quickly. It was almost like there was another story going on with Aurora and Margaret that should have been told but we didn't get to see it. Only the snippets of the outcome. I felt like there was something missing here.
As for the little epilogue with Anna and Elsa five years later, again a little too brief for my liking. The one thing I didn't like was the kids names. I could understand Anna naming one child after her mother, but I have my doubts that any one would name their kid after someone (ie. Margaret) that they hated, who threatened them and caused their mother to die. It would have been more believable and maybe a nicer ending if she'd named the other child after Elsa.
If I could offer some constructive criticism it would be this. The artistic side of this story was great but the technical side not so good. By technical I mean sentence structure, grammar, clarity etc. Although it got a little better in the second half, there were continual run-on sentences and prolific inappropriate use of tenses (past, present, future). In addition I found myself having to read and re-read paragraphs multiple times trying to decipher who was saying what. You had multiple people speaking within the same paragraphs but no indications that the speakers had changed. Most times the only clue was in what was spoken, but even at that, there were a few places that I had no idea who the speaker was. It just didn't make sense. In addition you'd have one person speaking but another persons thoughts in between their quoted lines. This got very confusing.
I also found that about half way through, some of the sex scenes got a little tedious and I found myself skipping through them just to get on with the story. But maybe that's just my impatience.
Anyways, this is getting much longer than anticipated so I'll wrap it up by saying thank you for your hard work on this. In spite of my criticisms it was a good story and I hope you're not offended by this because it wasn't my intent. My intent was to help you see some things that could make this or any future stories you write better. I think it's a good story that could be a great story and worth revisiting to maybe polish it up some in the future.
Thanks for sharing it.
| Reza Novaria chapter 18 . 7/23/2016
Yeah, I have to agree with Waela. This last chapter seemed so rushed. Up till this point, it was pretty detailed, with explanations given at the right times. Here, it's left up to the imagination. Granted, that's not a bad thing, but since the previous chapters laid everything out, this feels out of place. Good fic over all, though. The dark themes were nice. Don't see them very often.
| Waela chapter 18 . 7/19/2016
The story doesn't feel complete. I have so many questions. How and why does Anna have kids? Who's the father? Is he important to Anna? What's going to happen with Elsa and Anna and their relationship? How have they changed? WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED?
Sorry. I'm just completely confused. I feel like a better end would have been when their father died (well, a bit after it but still). At that point I at least understood what was going on. It a gripping story but the ending was... less than satisfactory and without closure... *sigh*
Anyways, I liked the story. I liked how things developed. It's just the ending that makes me scream in frustration.
| Mctraqueuse chapter 18 . 5/23/2016
I LOVE your fic,
the character has evolved each chapter in history it is great :)
desolated for hortographe I am French is what Google translation .
| midnightscar17 chapter 18 . 4/23/2016
| KittyKittenKat chapter 1 . 4/18/2016
OMG THIS WAS AWESOME!
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/1/2016
U r sick
| death7559 chapter 2 . 1/25/2016
Drama with a side of bathroom smut, dear sir or madam, I thank you.
| death7559 chapter 1 . 1/25/2016
Just stumbled upon this story and am intrigued, having read several chapters, before returning here to comment. Also, please ignore the flames in the comments, they don't matter.
| Mosh chapter 18 . 1/8/2016
The story was dark and twisted and you adding your happy little comments at the end of each chapter made it absolutely morbid. All in all it was an interesting read.