|Reviews for A Fly in the Ointment|
| Exanime Draco chapter 7 . 8/3/2014
That was really good, I really wish I had read this chapter when it first came out. I would have too, but then as the age old saying goes 'Shit hit the fan known as my life'. I've been wrapped up in trouble ever since. I honestly can't see what people dislike about this fic, I think its amazing myself. I honestly wish I could write a story in this cross over. Sadly however, (much as it is blasphemy to say so) I've never played any of the mass effect games. So I only have this with which to satisfy myself so to speak.
I've enjoyed the humour that you've added to this particular crossover series the most out of everything. From what I understand the Mass effect series isn't a very humour filled game series, though there is the occasionally funny moment every now and then, though not much. As such I'm really enjoying how you've added all this humour into the mix. It really plays onto Naruto's prankster nature regardless of whether some of it is what you might consider to be 'grim' humour though I enjoy that as well depending on the circumstances in which it is used.
I mean don't get me wrong humour isn't everything in this series and action is important as well. However, when it comes down to it, Naruto isn't a dead serious character 100% of the time. Something which the Mass effect universe seems to place an emphasis on happening. As such it's always appreciated to see a smack to the back of the head for a bit of levity, or the random comment that sounds stupid such as the 'babe say what now?' like at the end of this chapter, or even the whole incident involving Jack giving Ashely the finger after the council session. It perfectly follows a fanfiction involving Naruto as a main character, though as you've shown yourself capable of doing it also has plenty of action as well.
Not only that but this action is also very well done too. I personally hope to see more of this fic in the future and that you don't just abandon it because of the lack of attention it might be receiving.
On to other matters however. In regards to whether you should change the pairing up to a harem. I personally think at the very least you should throw Jack into the mix for two reasons. The first is that it could open up some very good and very entertaining scenes of humour for the story down the road. The second reason however is that it also opens up some potential plot twists as well in the regards to tragic choices and future events.
Hanabi on the other hand is a bit more difficult for me to give you some advice on. For one thing I haven't really seen a whole lot of her in this story outside of two small scenes. It hasn't really been a whole lot of character and personality to show from her. And before you say other wise let me explain my reasoning. For one Hanabi has observed Naruto, and aside from your preview at the end of the chapter, she has only seen Naruto as a clone, not as the original person, just a clone. That while he may have the same skills, and some of the same ideals, he is not the same person (which in a sense is partially true). As such it's a bit difficult to get a read on her and if she would fit into the pairing of this story, since even in the preview she doesn't really come across as romantic match, though that is in part due to the circumstances involved in the preview itself. However, from what I can glean from it, at this moment she seems more like a woman buried in deep seated lust, rather than love at the moment. Something which is understandable given her previous relationship with Naruto.
Jack on the other hand has spent a great deal of time with Naruto. As such it wouldn't surprise me to see her having some feelings of a more romantic nature towards Naruto. Something which is partially apparent (if you look closely enough) during the scene in the elevator in this chapter when she mentions she's just playing around. Not only that but she also fits well with Naruto's personality and his more playful nature, while Miranda fits in with the other half of Naruto's personality.
Hanabi on the other hand like I said is rather difficult for me to give you an accurate answer for. As such I won't give a definitive yes or no answer just yet. I'll have to see a few more chapters which involve her both interacting with people other than Naruto, and with Naruto himself, along with maybe one or two which have scenes regarding her contemplating events going on around her and potentially Naruto and what not. All so that I can get a better understanding of her personality for this story. Still though if she were to be added to the potential harem, I would say it should likely be a case of it being after Naruto remembers her name from his genetic memories and mentions it to her.
| Prime Sedarys chapter 7 . 7/28/2014
| thegreat35t chapter 1 . 7/28/2014
| souldancegirl chapter 7 . 7/27/2014
This is cool, very nice. Hope you update more of it.
| Atsirk Enoh chapter 3 . 7/26/2014
I could just imagine a young Jack, she'd look so cute. Ah, the wonders of a fangirl.
| Atsirk Enoh chapter 1 . 7/26/2014
This is great, every single thing you wrote in this chapter. A real hook, line, and sinker.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 7 . 7/26/2014
I think you should keep Hanabi as an antagonist for now. Makes things far more interesting.
Also, this story feels like it should be a multi pairing, if only because of Naruto's equally close relationship with Miranda and Jack. Don't see anyone else with him, though, unless you have Shepard fall for him, but that's unlikely. Perhaps Kasumi, if Keiji dies? Dunno.
The next chapter should be good. Can't wait to see it.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 6 . 7/26/2014
Hanabi as an antagonist is looking pretty good. And saving Saren with a flashbang grenade allowed for their chief enemy to escape, yet still show that Naruto is capable of killing him, even not at full strength.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 5 . 7/26/2014
The time skips are a welcome thing. Gals to see the story moving into canon territory. And I'm surprised there's nothing going on between Jack and Naruto. I would have thought there'd be something. If you haven't decided already, by all means, pair them together.
And the addition of Hanabi... not really a fan, but I suppose you needed a replacement for Kai Leng. Glad to see she's an antagonist, though.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 4 . 7/26/2014
So you're saying Jack isn't involved with Naruto? Could've fooled me. Seems like they're only a step from getting intimate with each other, especially if she has a tendency to sneak into his shower.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 3 . 7/26/2014
Wow, a SpecTRe candidate already, not to mention meeting Jack for the first time... Things are picking up in this story.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 2 . 7/26/2014
Why would he give all those funds to Cerberus? They could have used some for themselves. Not like Henry Lawson's in any position to do anything to them.
| CelestialSilhouette chapter 1 . 7/26/2014
I'm surprised Leng died already, but I can't deny it's damn satisfying.
A cloned Naruto... So he's not the original. Just has the same name, abilities and whatnot. Interesting way to introduce him; gives him the background with Miranda and all that.
| The Immortal Doctor Reid chapter 7 . 7/26/2014
Ah, come on, we all know Jack and Hanabi are going to join. It would be a crime if they didn't.
| sphiinxx chapter 7 . 7/25/2014
have to say the line about looking down from above and whispering "no" was absolutely epic. paragraph i have read in months