|Reviews for A Fly in the Ointment|
| zombiehunter1982 chapter 9 . 5/30
naruto, Jack and marida
| R-king 93 chapter 9 . 5/30
Excellent chapter update soon
| erik chapter 8 . 5/30
A great story.
| superArianara-N7 chapter 8 . 4/23
This is a really interesting story, I like it:)
Also please keep the pairing NarutoxMiranda
it's not that I don't like Jack (one word BadAss) but it just doesn't...fit(?)
Anywho;) hope you will keep writting and see you in the next update!:D
| Karibanu chapter 8 . 2/17
Long game Jack/Naruto/Miranda is an option - they'd all be hurt badly if it *didn't* happen at this point, none of them are stable enough to cope with the fallout of their little circle breaking up right now - but getting to that point is going to take the entire fic I think. Naruto needs the world to slap him in the face before he turns into something as monstrous as Saren, he's turning into quite the loose cannon.
| pyro357 chapter 8 . 2/8
| Dracco chapter 8 . 1/30
umm where did Liara come from?
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/9
what do you think of a naruto halo xover?
| KingRamses chapter 8 . 12/27/2014
I will give you credit. The concept and backstory is brilliant...You may need a beta because there were quite a few spelling and grammar errors but I definitely like this story. Patiently awaiting your next update and I hope all is well
| loganhunter2 chapter 3 . 11/4/2014
9 / 10
| loganhunter2 chapter 2 . 11/4/2014
Now that got me interested 10 / 10
| loganhunter2 chapter 1 . 11/4/2014
Interesting 9 / 10.
| Lydia-Hood chapter 7 . 10/28/2014
Ok this doesn't make sense, I would have expected the fact Naruto was trained by the Council and Spectres, that he already served for five years, but had connections to them for 9 years, all of that should have given alot more credence to his words, heck the fact he saved Tevos's daughter's life would mean he would have earned alot of brownie points with her, the fact that they simply ignored the claims of their new star spectre so completely, in ME the reason Shep was ignored is because she wasn't in their favor, which is the case for him, they should have paid alot more heading to his claims, plus the fact he did damage heavily Saren, heck how the Hell did Saren magically recovered already in time from a very serious injury, Reapers might have tech to deal with damage faster, but they aren't Ancients from Stargate with their healing devices that heal massive damages in a snap, if it was merely an injury it would be something, but he was supposed to have been defaced, it shouldn't have been recovered from so easily.
| ayleid chapter 7 . 10/26/2014
I'm sorry, but the more I read of this story, the more Naruto comes off as a giant bully. So humanity and the Council are boggled down by red tape and politics ; so as a whole, humanity's best are weaker than him and paranoid.
Politics and bureaucracy are inherent to civilization. The humans are the new kids on the block and they truly can only count on themselves before -in canon- Shepard secures them their spot in the galaxy's food chain ; while the aliens gave Naruto his first true home.
It's all about efficiency and points of view. The Council and the Alliance are learning ; they are just beginning to know each other ; and all these bureaucracies are trying their best to make sense of a world in perpetual, often brutal, evolution.
Naruto is incensed because they are slower than he, don't perform to his standards (and who really can ?) and don't bow down to his views. Once again, that is the behavior of an immature bully at best, and a dictator in the making at worst.
Did he really not learn anything from his friends ? Thane, Zaeed to a point, definitely Bau : they fight for those weaker than they, to do what is right, and accept to work with the world as it is, without throwing a tantrum when they get boggled down. This story is about a dark!Naruto, and his social circle doesn't reflect that.
So, this is not consistent, and this Naruto bears only a passing semblance to canon Naruto.
To show the galactic community under this particular angle, the author allows himself several shortcuts that I don't agree with.
Beside that, NeonZangetsu delivers a fic of good quality. I don't like this particular twist of a theme that is common for him, but he has the writing skills to back it up.
| Matdeception chapter 8 . 10/16/2014
I'm greatly amused by this.
I'm not sure if your intent to return Naruto's memories is via his genetics, I'm sure scientists will argue with you all day about it, likewise the religious inclined would call foul about it being 'his' soul. Yet you can't really argue 'Chakra' as a reasoning for it(Again, if that's the underlying intent of it).
I do question Hanabi's inability to truly accept him though. If I was in her shoes I'd prolly freeze, eyes widen as Naruto pulls out a effing Rasengan, and quickly re-evaluate my beliefs on whether or not he is truly himself, but with memory issues. After all, given what she has no doubt picked up concerning science and the like, the very idea a 'clone' could retain memories of a previous life (And usage of things like Rasengan, Kage Bunshin and the like) would come off as completely absurd.
Oh, you could argue that she could believe some one just gave him a mental history of his past, but given his entire existence is based off fossilized remains, with said remains being consumed via the cloning process, I find it unlikely Hanabi wouldn't realize something fishy is going on.
Back to the Chakra theory; Given what we know about chakra, such as the tailed beasts and the like, how Chakra seems to have a distinctive feel for the person using it, it wouldn't be far fetched to assume (Well, no more far fetched then the fact weird dealing with a physics bending magical substance capable of allowing the users to shoot lightning bolts out of their ass) that a persons memories could be etched into their chakra. Hell, just looking at the Sage of the Six Paths and his summoning of the dead kage from the pure world really gives it credence. I'm rather curious if this is how you're handling his return, albeit in pieces and slowly, of his memory and skills.
As for the Harem... well, this isn't one I'd call a harem as things stand. You've given enough lead up with the Miri angle, I was honestly more surprised they have waited years to reach the point they had prior to his mission with the Destiny Ascension. It's believable, and that gets a tip of the hat from me. The Jack angle... well, as some one who played the hell out of Mass Effect, all I can say is you're handling it well.
Just remember, I'm fairly certain (You've even partially established it in this story) that Jack and Miranda have a love/hate relationship. Entering a relationship with Naruto (If that's the way it's going to go) means also entering a relationship with Miranda. I'd suggest refraining from incorporating actual relationships with anyone else (teasing and innuendo's still appreciated), because as things stand I can't see Hanabi not gunning for her (former?) husbands ass. Which increases the relationship to 4, which I frankly feel is generally the limit most authors can honestly dedicate to a harem set up with out losing control of their characters via 'ignoring' them while focusing on certain members to the exclusion of all else.
But again, this is one of those really odd circumstances that doesn't stretch believe-ability too terribly far. Looking forward to seeing how it goes.