|Reviews for Fate is a Great Excuse|
| Partsu chapter 1 . 7/23
Bwahahaha! Do they have TvTropes somewhere? This feels like conversation between two tropers with one having multiple roles and one one.
| Leonineus chapter 1 . 11/2/2015
Well. First impression... I don't think I've ever seen anyone give the Fourth Wall such a spectacular rogering in a mildly serious fanfic before.
| Silvara chapter 17 . 7/23/2015
Oh, it's been so long that I hadn't read this story. I can only wish that you had found a way to continue it and having fun with it. There are so many tales to be told in Amalur, both official and accounted, both legend and private RP... :)
| Guest chapter 17 . 7/7/2015
Ahem. I have been reading this for an entire day now. And I would like you to know that you are quite cool. Seriously, never has exasperated snark been so funny for so long. Bless you, miss (I'm assuming you are a miss).
I'm not that articulate, but in a sentence you fucking rock. Props for remembering all of Amalur's inane bullshite and calling it what it is.
| K chapter 17 . 12/24/2014
"Feel whatever you like but I'd advise something positive," Fayne suggested. "This is a great day."
Tilera laughed. "Yes, I'll try. But you have no idea!"
"Oh, please tell me you're not going to start with the insults," Fayne said, groaning.
Tilera stared at her. "Insults? Why would I insult you when you've just saved me?"
"I don't know. Ask the worst gnome ever in the worst town ever," Fayne said cryptically.
"I've spent ten years seeking this spear and never truly thought I'd find it," Tilera revealed. "I 'wasn't fated to' or some such nonsense. We're going to kick so much ass with this."
"If you never thought you'd find it, why did you keep trying?" Fayne asked.
Tilera shrugged. "Well if I just gave up then I certainly wouldn't have found it!"
"That is true," Fayne conceded.
"So come with me to Rathir and then we'll go break the siege
"Do you want the Tuatha to win?"
"I hate the fact that that's actually a legitimate question and if I don't they probably will," Fayne complained, sulking.
"There's no 'probably' about it," Tilera told her.
"We have a problem," Tilera said seriously. "Apparently Elund Carth doesn't believe in mythical weapons of prophecy and doesn't think a spear is going to be able to slay the Niskaru monsters at Mel Senshir and so won't send ships out to attack it for the millionth time and hope something new happens this time and not just the senseless death of everybody who goes. Can you believe him?"
"No, he sounds quite unreasonable," Fayne said dryly. "And I suppose the reason you're complaining to me about it instead of trying to change his mind is that you've passed the buck and decided it's my problem?"
Fayne's stealing skills left a lot to be desired so she basically just walked up to them, forcibly took the ring and then the chalice, and ran off. She was caught by the guards as she didn't want to make everyone hostile to her by killing her way out and so she bribed them to let her go. She didn't even have to give back what she'd taken and so she'd chalk that one up to a win.
Finally she went to the temple of Lyria to get the Cowl of the Maiden.
It was a little bit awkward when she walked in there to steal something and was immediately set upon by one of the temple people. Whatever they were called. Priestesses?
"I could…go back," Maire said consideringly. "It had never occurred to me and yet you're right. I could go back." She paused and something like wonderment crossed her face. "I will go back. Thank you. I don't know who you are or why you're offering impromptu marriage counseling but thank you."
"My name is Fayne," Fayne introduced. "I only met your husband briefly but I liked him and he's suffering and you look like you're not happy either. Besides, it's not like you're asking me to go on an epic quest to try and help you guys."
"Actually I didn't say that," Fayne said. "Your son did. How did you know that? Were you listening at the door? Then why did you pretend that you didn't know he was awake?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Coriana said innocently.
"And also by smelling it," the woman said. "I can understand how you wouldn't notice that I was doing that, though, since I didn't insist on sticking my nose in the wine in case that had any negative effects on me. I'm very good at my job, you know. That's presumably why you came to me. Now, I sold a vial of this very poison to the servant of old Elnar Abergast."
The other guard spit on the ground. "Death cultists."
"I know!" Fayne exclaimed, feeling rather more charitable towards the pair now.
"I, uh, I have a confession to make," Coriana said after handing over the gold. She was wringing her hands. "I almost married Elnar when I was younger but my parents didn't approve and I just…I didn't. I knew that he deserved better than to be rejected like that but I never dreamed he'd be driven to a death cult!"
"Stop it," Fayne said firmly.
"Stop what?" Coriana asked.
"Stop blaming yourself," Fayne said firmly. "This isn't your fault. You didn't 'drive' him to do anything. Maybe he deserved to be treated better by you once upon a time a long time ago but those days are long gone. He's no longer the victim here. You are. He tried to kill your son. And the fact that you've lost the rest of your family…well, who can really say that wasn't his doing as well? Don't blame the victim. Don't blame yourself. If this is what he's like after having been rejected, is he really who you would have wanted to marry and father your children?"
Coriana let the words wash over her for a moment before abruptly straightening. "No. No it is most certainly not."
I am so glad you put those words of wisdom in.
And thrilled you updated. I'm also a bit worried that its Christmas Eve, and you have not made any Christmas a carrol story, but then again you made 2 last year, and probably don't want to make one this year.
| K chapter 17 . 12/24/2014
"That wasn't what I was going to say though you really should obey such summons," Rhiad replied. "You look very proud and regal. How would you like to go deliver conscription notices to a bunch of people around Rathir? It's for the war effort."
Fayne glared at her. "Do I look like a freaking messenger?"
Rhiad nodded. "I think you do, yes."
Offended, Fayne stormed off.
"Wait, you didn't take the notices you need to deliver!" Rhiad called after her.
"I need you to be my second. And to go down to the lower tunnels and buy a mild poison and then sneak into the well-guarded armory of my opponent and coat his blade with it so I can get hit and look convincingly dead in the duel tomorrow," Walen elaborated. "If I don't die I'll have to go to war and I don't want to so I'll also need you to tell my men what ship to put me on so I can escape Rathir and in the process destroy the reputation of an honorable war hero who I've in some way wronged by making everyone, including him, think that I killed him. What do you say?"
"I see right through you," Fayne declared. She decided to set out to find Orwin anyway just in case. There was no need to be negligent just because this was probably a waste of time.
"Well…this is awkward," Eriad admitted. "Since I've told you what I didn't want you to know now and I've destroyed any trust by trying to kill you I'm going to have to kill you anyway. But I want you to know that this is really uncomfortable for me."
Once he and his men were dead, Selni turned to her. "So I don't actually know who you are or why you helped us when the one person we actually trusted turned out to be the murderer but…thanks. That was really good of you to randomly show up and save us all."
Fayne stared at her. "You're going to let me in just like that?"
The woman shrugged. "You look trustworthy."
"Is this common policy? Because if it is I think I understand how what's-his-name got poisoned a little bit better," Fayne remarked.
She went in anyway and went up to the woman who looked the fanciest. She had a really weird glowing neck contraption that Fayne could only assume passed for fashion up here.
"Since you're here I'm going to assume you want to help my son," Coriana announced. "I'm too old to do it personally so please go get me a Lapidus flower from the Acathan wetlands. It's blue. It should cure this poison."
Fayne shrugged. "That was nice and straightforward. Alright, I'll see what I can do."
"I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually care a great deal about your problems," Fayne said. "So much so I'm weirding myself out a little. Who is Maire? What happened?"
| K chapter 16 . 11/10/2014
Yes! Another chapter! Albight one with some very distirbing quests and quest givers. Oh at least the genral WAS compentent, I hope she goes back to it after this.
| Silvara chapter 16 . 11/10/2014
This sort of novelization is one of the most tasty little gems of fun and interest I had on FFN in a while! When I thought I couldn't hope for anything better than A Lovingly Woven Tapestry from A3O, I stumble upon Fate (hehe).
I enjoy reading the cheeky parodying humor much more than I had expected. I think you made your Fateless character very relatable for most female players, and I think that's by device not luck. Oh and she is fun. Even if she can be a gratuitous jerk at times—but that's alright because I can appreciate one or two jerks from time to time, I mean, I really love Fae after all—and does every Amalur girl player think they are fappulously cool too or is it just me/us? No no, it cannot be chance or coincidence, I don't believe in those, it must be Fate, the Developpers knew it and all made every Thread so it would weave beyond of our mortal comprehension. Without question.
Fangirlishlynesskins put aside, I love how you work on parody, finding possible loopholes and demonstrating how easy you can fill up for them through great RP skills and a welcome imagination.
| Good point chapter 5 . 10/30/2014
I'm glad someone picked up on it. The original story was transphobic, the narrative was changed so instead of killing Nix, they "defeated" him (i.e. snapped him out of his magically induced delusion, because the quest couldn't be changed) and vowed to help him transform. The lorestone text is "...a better way we will help you to find." Then, the quest is more like punching the clock: watch?vp_u3YRZb74w
| rayabn chapter 1 . 10/28/2014
interested in you
How is everything with you, my name is miss Raya, i picked interest on you after going through your short profile. I really want to have a good friendship with you. Beside i have something very vital to disclose to you, but I found it difficult to express myself here, since it's a public site, Please i will like you to reply to me, through my private e-mail raya_duke
So we can get to know each other better, and also tell you more about me,yours friend Raya
| K chapter 15 . 10/8/2014
I am so thrilled this was updated!
"Not really. But think of all the Niskaru you'll get to kill!"
"I…don't think that's actually supposed to be a positive," Fayne said. She decided to explore the town some more before going off to visit the windstones.
And the importance of good maners !
| K chapter 14 . 8/27/2014
Now that I reflect on it, I'm kind of worried. You haven't updated for a month. Your not blocked or bored are you? Please don't be.
| K chapter 14 . 8/27/2014
suppose that is a fair point," Fayne said. Some people just exuded far more competence than others. Tragically for her, she appeared to be on the more competent side
Oreyn shuddered. "Marriage."
Well if she was cool with her incompetence then at least she was self-aware.
Fayne laughed. "Choosing? When did I choose to do any of this? I never signed up for this fateless one gig."
"As far as you know," Agarth pointed out. "You're kind of amnesiac."
"You did kind of sign up for it a little," Alyn said. "I mean, you didn't know this would happen but you did…but that's a story for another time."
Fayne glared at her. "Every time!"
"It will be worth it when I do get around to telling you, promise."
Fayne sighed. "Fine, I'll do it. I'll go…singlehandedly end this ten-year war that is supposed to kill everybody. Honestly, this all sounds so ridiculous. How is this my life?"
Alyn looked like she really wanted to answer that but kept quiet.
"In the meantime, take 8000 gold for your trouble," the king said. "Also, be fully aware that you may be the most amazing mortal to have ever existed."
| K chapter 13 . 8/27/2014
"But there are people out there who are far more dangerous than Gnarsh. People like your companion, Alyn Shir," Nyralim said cryptically.
"I would hardly call her my companion as she keeps ditching me," Fayne murmured darkly. "But are you seriously telling me that Alyn Shir is more dangerous than pack of prismere-wielding trolls?"
"There's a time for talk and a time for fighting. Let's go kill a troll!" Alyn said loudly, beginning to stroll away.
I think I like her. If only she would stay in the party.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't do anything except kill Gnarsh. I did try but she wasn't interested."
"Why would you be expected to do anything except kill her?" Nyralim seemed confused.
Fayne's eye twitched. "You're the one who said it was a test!"
Oh Fayne, most game tests involve violence
"Or that, despite the fact that the Tuatha have – for whatever reason – chosen not to attack this city in ten year, once they realize I'm here they'll ambush me here instead of tracking me somewhere else when I leave? I'm not a fae. They can't possibly think I'm going to move here," Fayne said, annoyed.
"Those are all very good points but this is our city and you have to leave until you're no longer being hunted," the fae said imperiously.
"I don't know who you are, random guard guy, but I kind of hate you," Fayne said witheringly.
"That might actually be some concern if you had my name," he replied.
On the way to the cave, Fayne killed a sleeping bear because it was in her way and Agarth got way too excited for that, shouting "Another victory!" Fayne wasn't really one to turn down a compliment but she personally didn't see how it was much of a victory.
The party gets way to excited
| K chapter 12 . 8/27/2014
"Brownies," Fayne repeated skeptically. "Are you seriously telling me that you've been terrorized by a bunch of wild seven-year-old girls?"
Why are Brownies monsters? Arnt they the helpful side of bogerts?
I've seen your shakesphere fics (and love them) and it makes me wonder what you would do with Disney stories like frozen?
I bet it would be funny.
"And that's great but now you stole so you must die," the other man said seriously.
Fortunately, it seemed that while they felt strongly enough to try to kill her they didn't feel strongly enough to follow her outside
I never got that
"Ew, get your filthy poisoned peasant air away from me!"
"My…air?" Fayne repeated, wondering if she had somehow misheard him.
Apparently satisfied that his order would be obeyed, he promptly went to the bed and lied down on it. He didn't bother undressing or even slipping under the covers and in a matter of seconds he was asleep. That was certainly fortunate and Fayne had no trouble grabbing the medallion off of him. And this time she didn't even have to run from the authorities or vigilante civilians!
"Hi, this is going to be weird no matter how I phrase it so I'm just going to come right out and say it," Fayne said. "I need Ametair's boots."
"I was hoping someone would come up to me one day and say that!" Aergase said happily.