|Reviews for Lucifer's Day Alone (Series' of Oneshots)|
| Animevampire1627 chapter 2 . 4h
I have some ideas:
Urushihara gets sick but doesn't want to tell the others in fear of being a burden to them. He ends up collapsing with a high fever and every one is really worried about him.
Urushihara gets cyber bullied and the others comfort him.
Keep writing, i love your writing style and these chapters so please update soon.
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/8/2016
Jesus, your fic is too fucking rushed, incredibly OOC, and your grammar is shit. Stop spamming the site with more crap fics.
| Jade-San chapter 1 . 4/2/2016
Whyy! Urushihara and Maou need some love, I ship them! Urushimao 4-life! CX
| Idk chapter 2 . 9/24/2015
Thank you for writing this! -
| werehogdog chapter 2 . 5/24/2015
Great oneshots they're really cute.
| Iamtheningaking chapter 1 . 2/4/2015
Wow he's a bad cook, how'd he set the kitchen on fire?!
| Girrr13 chapter 2 . 12/27/2014
| ouran.fan55 chapter 2 . 12/6/2014
| Zow chapter 2 . 11/26/2014
this bought a slight tear to my eye :,D really good story
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/6/2014
I needz maor!
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/5/2014
I really love be this fan fiction. The way you write Urushihara makes him really relatable to people, especially myself. I hope you keep writing many more stories about Urushihara and the gang! I would love to see more chapters for this story, such as one of the characters having a birthday, but if you don't plan to write more that's cool too because I love what you have.
| Sasuke vs. Itachi chapter 2 . 11/4/2014
I really like the family fic idea and hope to see more. It is a cute story.
| IsUlv chapter 2 . 10/20/2014
Ahh kawaii! I love it!
| pika318 chapter 2 . 10/16/2014
Hi! I read this fic of yours after my sister Moko-chan, asked me to check it out. She's the actual author of the Hatamaou fics in my account. I'm more of her editor, so after reading this, I thought I should leave some of my impressions of your writing.
Firstly, like you said, your 2nd chapter is definitely much better than your first chapter. At least you decided to go into more details instead of just glossing over them. The first impression I had for your first chapter was how much it sounded like a report rather than a story, rather flat and just describing what had happened. The second chapter improved on this aspect, but bought out some more issues, so I'm going to focus on your 2nd chapter more.
For your 2nd chapter, it's minor, but the very first thing I noticed is how you tend to use Hanzo instead of Urushihara. I know you haven't read the novels, so the thing I can tell you is that the novels always refer to him as Urushihara, so if you want to appeal to the comfort zone and of others, it's best you switch to Urushihara instead as more people will connect the name Urushihara to him instead of Hanzo.
Besides that, perhaps because of the lack of source material, you were a little out of character for the others. Maou as a character is very forgiving really, even if they did yell at him earlier, they would make sure that Urushihara gets dinner and will ask him to join them, instead of ignoring him the whole time throughout dinner.
Also, with Maou saying "As of now, you are not allowed to leave the house unless one of us 5 are here with you" can really be taken the wrong way. Instead of coming across as caring, it felt like they were just imprisoning him even more. Instead of just that sentence, it would be better if you added something like "We were really worried about you. Next time, let us know before you go out alright?"
And "you haven't eaten in weeks", really if one of my family members have not eaten in weeks, I wouldn't wait until he disappeared from the house before I really got worried and talked to him. You might want to think about how realistic it sounds before typing down your sentences.
Lastly, I'm not sure if it's just your writing style, but this story really reads like a children's book, it's not very deep. I really recommend that you read more English novels and fiction to improve your writing. Instead of describing Urushihara's inner thoughts, you might want to write down his actual thoughts? You can try this.
I hope I didn't discourage you too much. But you have good ideas, so I hope that your writing would be able to carry out your ideas well.
| leafninja667 chapter 1 . 10/13/2014
You should continue. You can make a series of one shots or an actual multi-chaptered story.