Reviews for Eight Boys in Love
Suhiki chapter 3 . 3/11/2014
It has an interesting plot, but your writing is quite dull and monotone, making it hard to continue reading it. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean it in a bad way. It just could use some emotion to it. Show more of your discription instead of telling it. Describe more as well. I haven't really payed attention to the grammar, but I can see you could use a lot of work to it. Also, try to avoid using said after every dialogue. It doesn't sound that great. If you try reading out, you can get the sense of what I mean. With the character profile, I don't think you should add that. Let the readers find out for themselves. Most of the things said in the profile are repetive in the story, making me skip over a lot of your text because of that. You shouldn't have to make your readers do that.

Ah, there is probably a lot more, but I can't list them all.

Anywho, good luck with your writing. Like one of the reviewer said, try getting a beta reader. It will help you a lot.
Neoma17 chapter 3 . 3/11/2014
Sooo cute. I love Yugi.
Jillangeljinx8 chapter 2 . 3/7/2014
Will Yugi and Atem fall in love in the next chapter
Escaped Ninja chapter 3 . 3/9/2014
The idea is good, but the story seems very disconnected with grammar mistakes, this makes reading it hard. I do like the story idea and am interested as to where it is going, but I would suggest getting a beta to read it through and help improve the story to make it better.
Good luck :)
StarGlow chapter 2 . 3/6/2014
Yugi, you were talking just now right . That mean somewhere in the chapter, you'll get you're voice back! So don't be depress, you have you're friends. And also...hope. (-) I bet you're going to get your memory back too.

Upsate soon!
lonewolf chapter 2 . 3/6/2014
so far so good cant wait wen the action and drama begins real soon
Owlpen chapter 2 . 3/6/2014
Usually, there's should be a little descriptive of the place, clothes wearing, and who and how did they kidnap Yugi in the first place. Since you're still new in the fanfiction world and experienced writing stories as well, try to pace yourself with the story. Overall, this is a little too fast. Think of how readers will read to the stories they enjoy. Just giving you some criticism about your story just to let you know.
Davinia chapter 1 . 2/28/2014
Interesting choice. I havent come across another person who has done this yet but I like the idea of it. It'll be nice to see how much having a profile page assists the story once you get going.
snow-kim chapter 1 . 2/21/2014
Then you need to kill that bitchs for Atem and save Yugi and his friends!

I like this! Keep good write!
39 | « Prev Page 1 .. 3