|Reviews for Two Psychos|
| Blex Luthor chapter 1 . 4/5/2014
Alright, pretty cool chapter and a very solid start to a story.
What you did best, I'd say, was Trevor. Everything about him was spot on, especially the dialogue. I died when he said, "Fucking Oligarchs! Yeltsin and ain't gonna save ya this time!" Good stuff, good stuff. Oh and him blowing up over the "Canadian" thing? Golden. The writing throughout is pretty good too. I also loved pretty much everything about Bytchkov's character, so good on you for that too.
I only have a few real criticisms (besides the SPaG stuff I have as nitpicks). For one thing, this seems a little too reliant on brand recognition. Like when you introduced what the Russians were driving (the Canis Seminoles and the Pegassi Infernus), I think it would have been more effective to just describe them as SUVs or sports cars or whatever, maybe get into a little car porn and really talk about how glorious that Infernus is. Other than that, I'm a little skeptical as to why these Russian immigrants (especially since they probably aren't overly educated or cosmopolitan) all have perfect grammar. I could understand someone higher up in the organization having the experience or learning to do that, but low-level soldiers like Oleg? I wouldn't bet on it at least. Even Bytchkov seems like a middle-man, at best, who'd probably make at least a few mistakes with his English.
"inconsistent; constantly changing": This is a little redundant.
"No he fucking doesn't": Should have a comma right after "no".
"Soccer": Shouldn't be capitalized.
"an enjoying it": Should probably just be "and enjoy it".
"'Leonid, the case.'Leonid promptly...": You should throw in a space after the quotation mark.
"Classic Russian two-headed eagle.": Tsarist/Czarist, not Russian. Because of the regime changes that Russia has gone through in the last century or so, making the distinction matters a little more than it would otherwise.
"The fucking cheek.": Do you mean cheat? I mean, he could be calling him a "cheek" like the British slang, but we don't really say that on this side of the pond.
"backhanded swing of the hand": A little redundant here, I'd change it.
Anyway, all in all, a good chapter.
| alexisg200 chapter 4 . 4/5/2014
Good chapter and good character development with Tobias but i hope this fanfic doesn't turn into a weird yaoi fanfic cause i really fucking hate that shit. I don't have anything against gay people in real life but that yaoi stuff? fuck that but anyway i bet Trevor will kill him or they team up but Trevor kills him in the end but i really hope he just kills him cause Los Santos ain't big enough for two psychos
| alexisg200 chapter 3 . 3/26/2014
Another fantastic chapter keep updating good sir.
| alexisg200 chapter 2 . 3/20/2014
Nice that you updated i;m going to follow this story now it's well written
| Murphdawg20 chapter 1 . 3/18/2014
I'm surprised nobody has reviewed yet. You did a pretty great job of writing for Trevor's character. I'm already looking forward to more.