|Reviews for Feral Bird: The Rewrite|
| Li Kagami chapter 35 . 10/16
Love this story, the grammar still makes me cringe in places but it's not too bad over all.
I will say this however, Nii-Chan Big BROTHER and Nee-Chan Big Sister or sometimes just 'brother' and 'sister' respectively. So Hanabi would call Hinata nee-chan not nii-chan.
Hope to read more soon.
| Darth Sygnious chapter 35 . 9/26
Hmmm... I don't know... Chapter is not bad and all, but so many things perplexes me.
Sasuke having a radio seems very odd to me in this world, where information usually travel by scrolls. Doesn't sit right. Oh well...
And for the invasion itself: You depict a lot of scenes like you're enumerating a list. Anko did this, Yota did that, Hiruzen did this, etc. etc.
It feels quite monotone and hollow, when you could have taken several of these scenes and expanded on them. Give a full scene to Hiruzen himself, lasting at minimum 4-5 sentences if not more. Same with others like Anko, or Yota. Or you could have described Sakura's transformation seen from someone else's view, like her worried mother (given that she had been nearby to witness it), who had become more concerned for her daughter than anything else when seeing her wolf out, only to be relieved when Sakura goes after the enemies and appears to have control. Or try some other creative ideas, if you can think of any.
I'm only mentioning examples, my point is that the way you enumerate it, it sort of gets old, this far in the story (and personally I would have expected more from you at this point, given how long you have been doing this).
I do realize on the other hand that expanding scenes only for the sake of expanding them can also become a trap and backfire. So, use some care and common sense, you would need a plan and ideas of your own to go with, instead of forcing something out. So, don't do it where it would feel forced or unnatural to you.
Otherwise, the chapter itself is fine, I actually enjoy Shukaku's blunt nature, and glad to see him keep Raven at bay for a while.
Raven... UUGH! 'shudders'!
Speaking of Sakura: Wonders if she gets a little post-traumatic reactions on this one.
"No, it's not that I killed them, they were enemies... it's how I did it: With my teeth! Oh the bloodbath I caused!"
A fine chapter, but like I said: Try to avoid sole enumerations like you did in this chapter. Try to expand on a few scenes, whenever you describe a full-scale war.
| animelove22 chapter 35 . 9/25
love the omeke and cant wait till next chapter
| Animalover205 chapter 35 . 9/24
An awesome chapter, I really liked it, and can't wait to see Kurama kick Ravens ass.
| cathyscloud9 chapter 35 . 9/23
thanks for the update!
| jax-naut2.0 chapter 35 . 9/23
Can't wait for next update and is gaara gonna get a love intrest
| jax-naut2.0 chapter 34 . 8/31
Please update soon
| Battlesny chapter 2 . 7/28
did Sakura just Glare at Sasuke?!
| Animalover205 chapter 34 . 7/14
Wow! So Raven is a Tengu? I must admit that I didn't see that coming, at all. Keep up the good work.
| bksniper1 chapter 34 . 7/14
Hi just gona say that this is one of the best that I have ever read, looking forward to how the story develops.
| Darth Sygnious chapter 34 . 7/14
Happy to see another chapter. Though a bit short, but it's acceptable.
In general, I think you did good in the fight scenes, and somehow, stating that Shikamaru and Temari have begun dating, adds some extra spice to the silliness of their fight. Heh.
That Raven... Man, she makes canon darkside-Gaara seem less bad (though it has been a while since I watched that part of the anime).
So, am I to predict that Naruto and Hinata ends up fighting Raven in the woods, with Hinata getting gradually chrushed against a tree? I so hope that Naruto ends up going all Kyuubi, big and more badass, instead of "regular fox-out". Though that might remain mere wishful thinking...
"I said I wasn't going to do the canon exams"
You certainly didn't ;)
Good chapter, I enjoyed it.
| Tsukoblue chapter 34 . 7/14
| cathyscloud9 chapter 34 . 7/13
Wow! loving the action! Raven is even more insane than Shukaku! Update soon!
| cathyscloud9 chapter 33 . 6/7
enjoyed the chapter! update soon!
| Coru 32 chapter 33 . 6/7
another wonderful chapter and getsuga ninja are morons