|Reviews for First & Last|
| good chapter 11 . 5/14
Alice is such a bitch, how dare she decide if bella can't come to her own dads wedding
| good chapter 10 . 5/14
Rosalie deserves to be treated like that. Do you know how much it hurts when your best friend and your boy friend hook up? Even if you don't love the guy it's still a major betrayal
| XmariskaX chapter 28 . 1/23
Great story! Though there were some inconsistencies, i still loved reading this!
| denninelli chapter 29 . 1/21
Good story. I enjoyed the different take on the characters.
| Aggie94 chapter 29 . 1/19
Truly fun and lovely.. Happy Alice is far far away. Thanks for sharing your words. Meg
| BiteMeSilly chapter 17 . 1/16
Loving this story, hopefully finish it by today. Had to review because Alice is a total bitch-brat and i don't like her xD love Bella and am 100% in her side so far. Let's see if it continues
| Kickinl8tr chapter 28 . 1/10
This was great. Loved it loved the characters really different loved her 5 sisters and the Denali family nice change to see them as good characters
| baseballshoppingmomma chapter 28 . 1/6
Enjoyed the story very much but I would like to know how Alice the Ass ended up in Texas. Hopefully everyone told her how very bitchy, hateful, and spoiled she was but of course she would have been unable to see that because in her own humble opinion she is so very perfect. I would also like to know what happened to Esme and how their relationship has endured. Just a thought!
| 2loveybunnies chapter 15 . 1/6
I hate to say this, but this absolutely makes no sense. Why would Alice be so horrible and bitchy towards Bella when she's never even met her until the wedding? Why would Edward's family hate Bella when Emmett is the one who hurt her? Bella didn't do anything to any of them - and Rose knows that! I can't believe that these people are so stupid and shallow. And why does Emmett care if Bella was hurt or not when he's the one who ran off with Rose - I mean he totally cheated on her and left her for her best friend! He's such a hypocrite. These characters are very juvenile and the story is a little hard to believe.
Constructive criticism time (because I think you're making a valiant effort, but you're a bit out of your realm). First rule of writing - write what you know. If you're in high school, it might be best to stick to subject matter that you're familiar with and situations that you can portray as realistic. Trying to make Bella into some big-time marketing executive (at Vogue no less) without really understanding how the industry works is a stretch. And Vogue wouldn't hire an outside marketing consultant (with no experience!) who had anything to do with editorial content, layout design or photo shoots - that's all done in-house by their own staff. If Bella were working in marketing- even with an MBA - she would be a junior associate and assigned to assist on smaller accounts first. But that's just details that could be easily fixed.
I think setting up realistic characters is important for a story to be believable. Edward just sort of shows up out of nowhere (and happens to be Emmett's brother). The connection the characters have to each other is absurd. Rosalie just happens to get Alice as a roommate randomly at ASU - without her or Emmett ever knowing Alice was going there at the exact same time? And Edward? I thought Emmett, Rosalie and Bella were a year older than Edward and Alice? And why is Emmett a man and Edward just referred to as a "boy"? Why would Carlisle hate Bella? Or Esme for that matter? Why would Esme all of a sudden decide to forgive Carlisle for cheating on her? And how did they all really end up in NY together? None of this makes any sense.
I also don't buy that Charlie would have ignored his only daughter for 6 years! That is ridiculous...even if they weren't close, there would have been some contact. Who was paying her tuition? NYU is about $66,000 a year (times 4). NYU Stern (MBA) is over $110,000 per year. Its hard to believe Bella was paying for this on her estranged father's cop's salary. I get you want to write a fun, sexy, interesting story, but when the details don't make sense the story doesn't make sense. I am only saying this because I think with the help of a beta and bit more realistic plot and characterizations you could be a really good writer. Seriously only meaning this to encourage you and not hurt your feelings. If I didn't think there was potential I would not have bothered to review or say anything. I want to see you write something that you understand rather than making stuff up off the top of your head that isn't accurate or realistic. You have the potential...
| 2loveybunnies chapter 12 . 1/6
Seriously - they're all in NY? And you said that Emmett had been injured in college and had stopped playing football, so how could the Giants have drafted him? Is he married to Rose now?
| 2loveybunnies chapter 11 . 1/6
So, why is Edward called a boy here - isn't he only 10 months younger than Emmett and Bella? It makes him sound like he's 17 or something. And why wasn't he introduced to Bella - or at least introduced himself? That was awkward - as was Alice's purposefully not sending Bella's invitation?! Completely immature and implausible. And don't you think Charlie would have stopped Bella from leaving and told Alice off on the spot? She's his daughter and he thought she was invited! Alice should have been fired!
| 2loveybunnies chapter 2 . 1/5
Wow, Rose is a cold, hard bitch for stealing her best friend's boyfriend! Seems obvious that Rose only hated him because she couldn't have him...but how did Emmett feel about Rose and why would HE do that to Bella?
| 2loveybunnies chapter 1 . 1/5
Well, I laughing a bit because at this point we don't know who the friend is, or who the boyfriend is and the fact that she's gonna miss the friend more than the BF is hilarious! Can't wait to read more...glad I found this complete because I would have hated to not have another chapter to go to after this one!
| IAmMelissa2 chapter 23 . 1/4
Edward's POV is like the frosting on the cake. I like cake a lot, but the frosting is always the best part - it makes the cake complete. Don't know where that particular simile came from, but now I am hungry for cake. :-)
| IAmMelissa2 chapter 17 . 1/4
I've never had anything against canon Alice behavior. However, I like your twist on her in your story. It adds an interesting angle. In my opinion, you successfully walk a fine line with her - I don't hate her, but I definitely don't like her! Good job. Thank you for sharing your story - glad I discovered it!