Nicely done for your first. I am looking forward to reading more from you.

This is a cool idea - I like fics that fill in little bits from canon that we know about but which weren't written in detail. You write really nice descriptions, such as the serpentine hinges, or the door standing like a giant. Sometimes in dialogue, it jumps about a little quickly - characters seems to go from one feeling to another very quickly, so maybe take more time over the conversations they have, or the thought processes going on behind the words. Other than that, great job.

I'm part of a creative writing RPG site which is based on the Potterverse but with original characters in an original setting. We're currently accepting applicants for our new term and I hope you'll check us out. It's rmimagic. com (without the space). Please message me if you have any questions.