Best fanfic and ITS long to

Very great chapter, although Giselle being treated more specially does kind of seem weird to me. But other than that it was still great.

I have been trying to read through this chapter for a week now and I just can’t seem to do it. There is to much information in every part of this chapter so I just kinda zone-out. But my biggest problem is Ash’s relationship with Giselle, I don’t know how why you decided to have Ash be 10 if you wanted a teenage relationship so early on in the story and Giselle’s arc were to fast paced to feel natural, I don’t get why Ash would ever be attracted to her in the beginning when he saw what a bitch she was. That relationship ruined this whole fanfic for me, it feels so forced that I can’t continue reading this. I think this whole fanfic would be better if Ash was aged up.

Caught up to this finally. Hope to see an update this year.

This is my take on Ash's Pokemon team:
Pikachu
Pidgeot
Raticate
Fearow
Butterfree
Beedrill
Crobat
Golem
Clefairy
Sandslash
Arbok
Victreebel
Vileplume
Venusaur
Charizard
Blastoise
Alakazam
Kingler
Gyarados
Kingdra
Tentacruel
Gengar
Primeape
Steelix
Hypno
Golduck
Persian
Ninetales
Hitmonchan
Hitmonlee
Machamp
Magnezone
Muk
Dugtrio
Electrode
Rapidash
Kengaskhan
Tauros
Rhyperior
Seaking
Dodrio
Parasect
Nidoking
Nidoqueen
Venomoth
Exeggutor
Scizor
Pinsir
Marowak
Dragonite
Cloyster
Ditto
Porygon-Z
Flareon
Jolteon
Vaporeon
Wigglytuff
Omastar
Kabutops
Aerodactyl
Farfetch'd
Lickilicky
Tangrowth
Magmortar
Wheezing
Starmie
Seel

Slowbro
Mew
Mewtwo
Lapras
Snorlax
Poliwrath
Heracross
Bellossom
Stantler
Meganium
Ledian
Furret
Azumarill
Jumpluff
Ampharos
Typhlosion
Forrestress
Quagsire
Houndoom
Feraligatr
Noctowl
Skarmory
Girafarig
Miltank
ariados
Shuckle
Togekiss
Granbull
Yanmega
Honchkrow
Octillery
Ursaring
Sunflora
Mamoswine
Arcanine
Dunsparce
Smeargle
Xatu
Jynx
Lanturn
Corsola
Mantine
Lugia
Umbreon
Espeon
Donphan
Delibird
Hitmontop
Magcargo
Politoed
Qwilfish
Tyranitar
Mismagius
Slowking
Electivire
Unown
Weavile
Ho-Oh
Celebi
Blaziken
Swellow
Linoone
Cacturne
Sceptile
Seviper
Breloom
Mightyena
Ludicolo
Beautifly
Dustox
Pelipper
Aggron
Hariyama
Probopass
Crawdaunt
Sharpedo
Swampert
Ninjask
Shedinja
Sableye
Medicham
Walrein
Shiftry
Plusle
Minun
Exploud
Manectric
Volbeat
Illumise
Salamance
Delcatty
Zangoose
Masquerain
Camerupt
Spinda
Torkoal
Dusknoir
Solrock
Altaria
Swalot
Slaking
Whiscash
Milotic
Claydol
Grumpig
Banette
Castform
Lunatone
Kecleon
Tropius
Huntail
Gorebyss
Relicanth
Cradily
Armaldo
Mawile
Flygon
Absol
Glalie
Gardevoir
Luvdisc
Wobbuffet
Wailord
Metagross
Latios
Latias
Sudowoodo
Glaceon
Deoxys
Jirachi
Ambipom
Empoleon
Staraptor
Carnivine
Kricketune
Torterra
Toxicroak
Lopunny
Luxray
Purrugly
Rampardos
Pachirisu
Bibarrel
Drifblim
Wormadam
Mothim
Vespiqueen
Floatzel
Skuntank
Cherrim
Blissey
Gastrodon
Hippowdon
Bastiodon
Infernape
Spiritomb
Gliscor
Chimecho
Lucario
Lumineon
Roserade
Drapion
Bronzong
Cresselia
Darkrai
Rotom
Phione
Chatot
Froslass
Abomasnow
Uxie
Mesprit
Azelf
Leafeon
Gallade
Garchomp
Shaymin
Heatran
Manaphy
Sawsbuck
Watchog
Unfezant
Swoobat
Samurott
Emboar
Serperior
Simisage
Simisear
Simipour
Musharna
Darmanitan
Crustle
Garbodor
Cinccino
Cofagrigus
Stoutland
Scrafty
Leavanny
Swanna
Scolipede
Emolga
Chandelure
Druddigon
Whimsicott
Beheeyem
Vanilluxe
Conkeldurr
Amoongus
Seismitoad
Stunfisk
Excadrill
Gigalith
Audino
Gothielle
Reuniclus
Archeops
Basculin
Jellicent
Zebstrika
Bisharp
Sawk
Volcarona
Liepard
Beartic
Mienshao
Accelgor
Maractus
Hydreigon
Galvantula
Excavalier
Eelektross
Klinklang
Sigilyph
Ferrothorn
Krookodile
Bouffalant
Golurk
Durant
Carracosta
Heatmor
Lilligant
Throh
Mandibuzz
Braviary
Meloetta
Haxorus
Cryogonal
Alomomola
Zoroark
Keldeo
Victini
Genesect
Greninja
Talonflame
Diggersby
Delphox
Dedenne
Malamar
Furfrou
Chesnaught
Pangoro
Gourgeist
Vivillon
Meowstic
Clawitzer
Aurorus
Heliolisk
Dragalge
Slurpuff
Florges
Hawlucha
Gogoat
Klefki
Goodra
Aromatisse
Noivern
Aegislash
Tyrantrum
Sylveon
Pyroar
Barbaracle
Trevenant
Avalugg
Carbink
Zygarde
Diancie
Hoopa
Volcanion
Eevee
Vikavolt
Mimikyu
Toucannon
Decidueye
Primarina
Togedemaru
Alolan Persian
Oricorio
Salazzle
Gumshoos
Crabominable
Tortunator
Mudsdale
Toxapex
Komala
Alolan Ninetales
Lycanroc
Tsareena
Golisopod
Ribombee
Alolan Exeggutor
Comfey
Incineroar
Palossand
Alolan Dugtrio
Alolan Raticate
Shiinotic
Bruxish
Alolan Golem
Wishiwashi
Alolan Marowak
Lurantis
Silvally
Oranguru
Dhelmise
Konmo-o
Bewear
Araquanid
Passimian
Pyukumuku
Minior
Alolan Muk
Alolan Sandslash
Alolan Raichu
Drampa
Melmetal
Tapu Koko
Tapu Lele
Tapu Bulu
Tapu Fini
Magearna
Marshadow
Nihilego
Buzzwole
Pheromosa
Xurkitree
Celesteela
Kartana
Stakataka
Blacephalon
Guzzlord
Zeraora
Necrozma
Orbeetle
Corviknight
Dubwool
Greedent
Thievul
Eldergoss
Rillaboom
Cinderace
Inteleon
Bolthund
Morpeko
Alcremie
Hatterene
Drednaw
Cramorant
Barraskewda
Polteageist
Sandaconda
Copperajah
Coalossal
Toxtricity
Grimmsnarl
Centiskorch
Frosmoth
Duraludon
Grapploct
Pincurchin
Stonjourner
Flapple
Appletun
Ideedee
Dragapult
Eiscue
Falinks
Obstagoon
Perrserker
Cursola
Sirfetch'd

Runerigus
Galarian Rapidash
Galarian Weezing
Galarian Stunfisk
Galarian Darmatitan
Dracozolt
Arctozolt
Dracovish
Arctofish
Urshifu
Zarude
Glastrier
Spectrier
Calyrex

I was very into this fanfic until the part about Harley being gay was brought up and it was obviously portrayed as a bad thing. I’m not about to go into a rant about this cause I know the author won’t appreciate it, but I think if the author holds prejudice against gay people then it shouldn’t have been brought into this story. It just seemed sort of unnecessary in my opinion, to bring up a bad guy and then add a random part about how he was gay, just to have all the characters act disgusted about it. This is just my opinion, but I really wish it wasn’t added, cause I’m a little uncomfortable continuing this story if this will be part of it. I think maybe a better approach wouldve at least been without all the characters having their obviously disgusted reactions about his sexual orientation. His homosexuality also doesn’t really have anything to do with him being a back stabber, so I don’t entirely understand why it was added. I’ll probably continue the story just to see if I’m wrong, and if so I apologize for this comment, but if it turns out that homophobia becomes a reoccurring thing, I might have to stop reading, and I can only ask the author if they could kindly remove those parts, including this one. It’s the best of both worlds for everyone in my opinion, to just leave that out of the story so everyone can enjoy it without feeling attacked.

I’m not done with the story yet (obviously) but I’m assuming this is either on hiatus, or we’re getting a huge 18th chapter. If this is cancelled, I’ll be crying for a bit but don’t worry about me.

Is this story cancelled or on hiatus

Can’t wait for more!

Annnnnnnd I’m gone.

The meeting with Arceus and Ash is too early. She wants a savior, one who can handle the struggles his destiny will throw at him, but at the first sign of trouble she heals all of his injuries and then reveals to him his destiny.

Why? If you’re going to coddle someone then they won’t ever be strong.

I don’t understand what went through your mind, what you by all rights should have done was have Ash go through his journey without meeting Arceus until the climax or some very other important plot arc.

Mew could have easily been sent, invisible, to heal Ash of his injuries and get away without ever being seen. Or some wandering pokemon found him and healed him of most of his injuries.

Him being left in the real world where time runs normally and having his mother become worried and trying to find him would have given MUCH needed character development and a much more realistic feeling to the story.

Even the actual Pokémon story doesn’t have legendaries that help Ash out with every little problem he has. By all rights this is just wish fulfillment where the mc gets their hands held throughout the whole story. This isn’t even adding up how you had three legendaries give him OP powers on the day of his birth.

What a failure.

To be honest I prefer the original chapter over this one, mostly because Ash was totally Great at seducing Misty’s sisters.

But still, good work.

This chapter was cram packed with some interesting and awesome stuff. First the introduction of Ash's soon-to-be partner, Pichu, Ash meeting Arceus for the first time, Ash's training regime and the fight between Ash, Machamp, Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan. This chapter was a blast to read through.

My favourite moments have to be the interaction between Ash and Arceus and the brawl with Ash and his fighting-type coaches. Ash and Arceus bounced off of each other perfectly; and Ash's statement about protecting the world and the ones he loves was such an Ash-thing to say.

Furthermore, the fight with Ash's coaches was so awesome. I wonder if that feeling Ash was describing has something to do with his hidden abilities.

Overall, this chapter was a great read and I look forward to reading the next chapter.

and now I remember why I stopped reading this the first time. I'm going to try and keep going because I've always wanted to read a fic where Ash catches that giant Dragonite but I will be page-downing all the Ash/Giselle moments because they are frankly, ridiculous in this context. You had firmly established Ash to be 10. His behavior is nowhere near that of a 10 year old. I do have some positive things to say about this work, but if you truly want a reader's c&c, well, here's mine: It's a shame you had to add the whole Giselle factor.

It's a shame because this story was so amazing before the addition of this character - I think last time I made it to chapter 15 or 16 before I had to give up from the sheer OOCness of their interactions. I've tried to read it several times since then.

Why not just write a story with an original trainer then? Ash was darn near asexual in CANON, showing no interest or understanding in girls at all. I was willing to let slide the added intelligence he had (possibly due to Arceus's intervention and the dedication to training... well, if a God came down to me and told me I had a special job, you can be damn sure I'd hit the gym too) but you can't tell me that Pokemon gave a 10 year old the powers of seduction and the mind of an 18 year old in the body of a PREADOLESCENT (seriously, he hasn't even hit puberty yet) because that would be beyond creepy. This behavior is jarring and distracting for the above reasons at least.

Again - great story, great premise, decent writing skill (so very few grammar/spelling errors, it's a delight), length, length, LENGTH - I LOVE long fics and chapters, the longer the better. The physics you're using sound iffy but the descriptions are clear as day and interesting enough to hand wave away the inconsistencies of life and Pokemon in general. There is so much to love about this work but the fact that the romance being (and feeling) shoved in overpowers some scenes and takes away from what the rest tends to be some really good writing.

This has nothing to do with shipping. I would say the same if Ash were to randomly start acting with the manners of a 40 year old gentleman to Misty, May, Dawn, Gary, or Brock. Or anyone for that matter - he's TEN. When you do your best to remind us that he's strong for his age and size and start the fic from his birth so we can't even imagine he's magically 14, well, tell me you want to read about 10 year old's acting like mini-adults. It's not remotely realistic and therefor it's hard to identify with the character more.

I hope you don't see this as a flame. You asked for reader's opinions and C&C and I am giving my honest opinion. You are a very good technical and descriptive writer with an easy-to-read style I can appreciate, it's just the new plot thread you've pulled away from the main story tangling up my enjoyment of it. Thank you for your work and for sharing it.

{edit]} sorry if you see this twice.

keep up the great work. Update soon please.

I've been scouring this site for a well -written 'chosen one' story, and I think I just found It.

My favourite part of this chapter was definitely the flashback of Ash's father. Too many stories paint Ash's father as an absolute asshole, or just don't mention him at all. You on the other hand, have actually made him a very-likeable character, who truly cares about Delia. He definitely had some of Ash characteristics about him.

I also really like how Ash is basically Jesus in this universe, such as how he's given three gifts, much like how Jesus was given three gifts by the three wise men.

Overall, this was an amazing introduction, and I look forward to reading more of this story. I hope you have a great day and stay safe! (: