|Reviews for Mass Effect Pathways: Black Tides|
| mordreek chapter 33 . 2/7
Nice homage to one of the few good jokes in ME3 there. Good way to start the chapter.
Is the jacket going to happen? Cause that would be an awesome comedy moment.
Not that the story doesn't have them already with "Chaos, chaos everywhere" thanks to the Krogan on board and now the vorcha. I think part of what makes Kel swearing so funny is that we have to imagine what he's saying.
And the awkward mating dance going on here is just adorable, really well done combined with Ria feeling overwhelmed and scared...and then hungover. Those little monologues are always good for a chuckle.
I love the cliff hanger over the potential for something having come before the Reapers.
| Possy-esed chapter 32 . 10/23/2015
Don't normally get to comment but I really do like the overall story you have going. Especially this one, I can certainly imagine the hangar thanks to the detail you have and I really like that the "teasing banter" was minimized to further note the severity of the situation the group was in.
Keep up the good work, can't wait to read the next chapter.
| Porygonman chapter 32 . 10/14/2015
Damn, I've got to say, stuff this good is hard to come by these days. You've got real talent. This story is amazing and us fans fully support your work! Besides, with N7 day coming soon, whi knows if we'll get more MEA news! Anyway, thanks for the amazing work and time you put into this, and keep on!
| mordreek chapter 32 . 10/11/2015
"RUNNING AWAY! RUNNING AWAY!"..."Screw this, call me a cab.", that's basically the impression of this chapter in a nutshell. A nice, fast paced escape scene with good tension but still keeping it clear to the reader that our favs aren't going to die.
| Porygonman chapter 31 . 10/5/2015
Great job with these series, they're great. You're one of the best writers I've seen. It's probably too late now, and I know this is out of the blue, but for all the people that enjoyed this series, and enjoyed reading it, I ask of you, PLEASE finish it. I need to know what happened and I'm not going anywhere. So if you do ever read this, I beg you, finish this one thing for us. Please?
Anyway, great job, I hope you can one day use your talents to write more things. Take care.
Your recent fan,
| Admiral Anderson chapter 30 . 8/12/2015
Don't worry about taking your time, you've put a lot of hard work in this story so far and it really shows;)
| Jim chapter 30 . 8/6/2015
As always, I'm really enjoying this story.
| Bahoogasmif chapter 29 . 6/15/2015
This one was fun to help with, truly. I swear, it's like I'm the only one who genuinely loves vorcha. lol
Your chars are still fleshing out even after this long, which is a great thing. Daron being there waiting as if he were worried about them seems like a very subtle yet big step in his character development. It shows he is developing more than a 'I'm a tough guy hear me roar' personality.
My only real criticism is that Tarran is essentially a exact replica of his father in too many ways. You might even want to dedicate a chapter to his development where we get to see another side of him. Lots of opportunity for crew relations and plot bunnies to grow. XD
Thanks for another wonderful chapter in the long line of greatness that is this series!
| Xhydralisk chapter 23 . 5/27/2015
The plot thickens!
| Tauminicus chapter 28 . 5/20/2015
Very good so far
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 4 . 5/20/2015
Okay, you really need to comb over this chapter. There are a lot of partial mistakes (i.e. words not being fully finished) and a lot of words still glued together. Did you have a beta look at this chapter? Because they did not do a good job if they did. It's noticable, but it's also obvious that you know how to spell things and just missed a few cases where you needed to, uh, keep spelling them. There are enough errors that I am not going to point them out individually, I would just read over it again and nab 'em. Shouldn't be hard, but it NEEDS to be done.
Tarran "replies" without anything else actually being said. He has the first line of the chapter. Personally, I would just go with "said," but if you don't want to use that word, "responded" would be a better choice.
Another speech tage problem: one character "grumbles" in response to all of these people dying. It trivializes the fact that this is a very serious problem, and makes it seem like these characters are just performing this investigation on a lark, not really caring what's happening.
Tarran knowing what a chicken is feels awkward, but I'm pretty sure that was a call back to a certain conversation between James Vega and his illustrious father. The "honorary human license" thing also felt forced, though I did laugh at Tarran's reaction (what other races has he picked up? Probably not elcor, that was pretty deadpan.)
Action's good. It's a nice reminder that Ria can really handle herself, because I kinda wanted to throttle her last chapter. Who are these bastards anyway?
More props to your businessmen dialogue. It flows naturally, and I was genuinely surprised that Werthern was lying that extensively last chapter. So, well done!
Good descriptions, good action scene, good businessmen dialogue. You still need to go over this chapter again and fix these errors, because they really shouldn't exist. Let us continue.
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 3 . 5/18/2015
Might want to change "Author's Node" to "Author's Note." It's just one of those errors that are very noticeable.
I actually really liked the exposition dump, because the dialogue (to me) flowed naturally, and it was information that both the characters and myself needed. All of that rigorous editing you mentioned paid off, in my opinion. The "friendly" banter between Ria and her assorted superfriends was still very stiff and unbelievable, but the fact you were able to construct a meaningful and believable serious conversation afterwards was great. My advice would be to either pay closer attention to your own interactions with your friends (and your friends with each other) and try to see how playful ribbing is carried out in real life.
Ria was behaving very immaturely, though I was pleased to see that it was acknowledged somewhat by her friends. I was not amused by the display of "Spectre authority" and thought it spoke poorly of the main character, but I think that was somewhat intentional. The issue is that this is a book in, and she's behaving this way. I hope some serious character development is in order (though I like it as a flaw - she's still behaving like the kid her father was treating her as.)
Overall, for a chapter you summed up as an "exposition dump," I thought it was well done. It's just the interactions between Ria and the superfriends that I find awkward, and it's hard to criticize that because dialogue is just difficult to write, period. I would recommend changing up the speech tags again, because I shouldn't get all excited when I see you use the tag, "said." But that's a problem a lot of people are having, and not everyone will see it as an issue. For me, it makes it very difficult to take the dialogue seriously. Also, I think I saw two lines that lack periods. It's a simple edit, I hope you'll take the time to go back and fix it.
| A Very Thirsty Megalomaniac chapter 2 . 5/1/2015
I like the chapter title. Strange thing to bring up, but I love good titles.
First off, I counted three sentences that did not end with a period. I would read through this chapter again. It's a minor issue, but the absence makes the white space after those sentences very visible. It's BLINDING! (Facetious...)
There's a common issue here. Use the word "said." "Said" is perfectly acceptable. You use the word "countered" twice, and I did not approve of its use either time. When you use complicated words in place of "said," you run the risk of using the same one more than once, and it is quite noticeable. "Said" dodges this issue neatly, and I'd rather risk gray prose than purple.
Ria really doesn't like to get babysat, huh? It gets a little repetitive, I would change up the wording and make it seem like mounting frustration instead of just a rote reaction to people offering help. I do like this as a character trait.
Shouldn't Shepard be referred to as "dad?" This is from Ria's perspective, more or less, and her last name is Shepard too. Just something I was thinking about.
Right! Comparing the second chapter of this story to the second chapter of the previous story, the writing is much more fluid. Dialogue is still a bit of an issue, but the villains are keeping their mouths shut, which is an improvement. Shepard and Ria also work as a team, which is much better than Laura and Ria's interactions. I don't know who the rest of these folks are, but Core is a good name for a geth.
I will say that you have very noticeably improved on your action scene writing. This entire chapter was basically an extended one, and I wasn't just glancing over it and wondering when it would be over (this happens often.) Bear in mind, however, that two or three times it goes: Action scene. "There might be more of them!" Action scene. "Careful, might be more of them still!"
I like the idea of Spectre caches. They seem pretty decentralized in ME proper, so it seems like the Council has reigned in their individualistic tendencies a tad so they work together more often (this is a guess.)
Anyway, it makes me really happy to see a drastic improvement in both the characters and the writing! The only thing I would really focus on is using the word "said," more, because these other words are very distracting. Also, one cannot "frown" a sentence. I know that's not what you meant, but that's how I read it. Good job!
| mordreek chapter 27 . 4/19/2015
I guess Mordin will be getting some action after all.
If Kel weren't so funny from an outside perspective, he'd probably drive me up the wall too. It amazes me someone so inherently graceless is so good at precision work.
So you took Garrus and Tali in the Citadel DLC? I always went with the particular save's LI and Wrex, he was such a riot and I missed the big lug.
As for the data that was stolen...I have to quote "Monsters Inc" on that one: "It is my professional opinion that now is the time to PANIC!" Good thing Shepard kept them from getting the Darkforge.
| bluekrishna chapter 10 . 4/2/2015
"Fog hung like a shroud of over the landscape..." missing word?
"...she could see the silhouettes of a man..." silhouette doesn't need to be plural here.
"Tripping, she fell to the ground." lol, bitches always be trippin'. just kidding.
"You murdered us" missing punctuation
"Hows the sparring going?" missing apostrophe
lol, her dad found her porn stash.
"...pinning him to the group." surely you mean 'ground'
"Sure bring it on Vakarian." direct address missing a comma before 'vakarian'
"Its not like you have anything at stake in this." missing apostrophe in 'its'
soooo, the sexual tension is heavy with these two. dear old dad must be polishing up on his 'don't you dare mess with my daughter' speech in the wings. gonna need it, i think. anyway, pretty nice chapter. got a glimpse of ria's state of mind, her conflict. and conflict drives a story. so good job!