|Reviews for Into the Storm|
| stacy chapter 2 . 9/26/2005
keep going with this one. it is a very good read, and i want to see what happens next.
| Jo chapter 2 . 8/8/2004
Hi, the best way to avoid writing a Mary Sue is to plot your story before hand. Ask yourself WHY you need to add a character who is Voldemort's violet-eyed daughter, despite the fact that JK Rowling has stated that Voldemort does not have any children-it is simply not in his character, or history, to breed. Ask yourself why you feel the need to give your characters names like "Caily" and "Rowan", names that are a bit too forced and pretty. Why do they have to be amazingly beautiful?
Also, purple eyes is the nr. 1 Mary Sue traiy of all time.
Making Snape "very handsome" is just bad writing. In the books he is described as foul, greasy, sallow-skinned and so on. Making him "very handsome" just makes you look like a fangirl who thinks mean, dark men are "omg, so sexy!" He's not nice, he has a temper, he throws tantrums, he is often wrong and he's not very nice.
Watch your language. Harry is not very likely to say "They were high school sweethearts", seeing as how he's British, and doesn't go to High School-he goes to a wizarding school.
Don't change point of view all the time (the whole *inside Rowan's head*, *outside Rowan's head* stuff is really annoying).
Author's Notes in the middle of the text breaks up the flow and ruins the story. You need to put tham at the end or beginning of each chapter. Putting them in the middle of the chapter is not allowed on .
I suggest you delete this story, find a beta, re-work your plot and your characters (what's wrong with having normal-looking characters with normal names?) and then re-post. You also need to learn not to write such rushed and stilted sentences.
| kayla chapter 2 . 8/4/2004
omgoodness! you need to update! it is awesome! i can't wait to read more!
| wolvesaremylife1 chapter 2 . 11/29/2002
I like it so far. Add another chapter please. Keep up the awesome work!
| Mary33 chapter 2 . 11/13/2002
You're writing a Harry Potter Fic! Has the world been plunged into chaos and mayhem! It's sad and yet...intriguing? I've read like two or three paragraphs and I already like it.
So keep spitting out those chapters, k?
See ya in two weeks!
| Aras chapter 2 . 11/6/2002
I liked how you ended the chapter on a rather humourous note. It's nice from the more tense feel of the end of the first chapter.
I think that you should bring out more of Snape's original character. Although the character traits that you have in him now, it seems realistic to keep some of the old one's as well, especially in public or with a group of people.
It looks like it could be good. Don't rush. Just let it come out.