|Reviews for Sword of Origin: Protector of Zero|
| SakuraLuck chapter 1 . 1/1
I'm a bit confused, his eyes flashed gold so I thought they were light brown or amber but then Louise described then as silver? Are they both?
| Mana's Cinder chapter 19 . 12/25/2017
You know, I'm curious. Will there be any actual romance between Shirou and Louise any time soon? It seems like all the FoZ/Fate crossovers (involving Shirou anyway) that I've read either drag things out to an extreme degree for the sake of milking the drama of "There's an attraction, but it cannot be!", or Shirou is so hung up on Saber that he refuses every advance he receives from the beautiful women around him. Even up to Henrietta or Louise for that matter.
It would be interesting to see a story where romance is actually a decent component of the story and not some far-off fantasy tucked into an epilogue or something. Shirou becoming more human and less... whatever he thinks he currently is, falling in love again, etc. would make the story more entertaining (in my opinion) than if he simply kept stubbornly pushing her away. Not that she's made any direct advances yet, but she's already decided that she loves him so I imagine it should happen before too long that she makes some kind of attempt.
I wonder if she remembers that he kissed her to save her during her little episode in the Reality Marble.
I've been getting the vibe that Louise is her world's version of Rin. And that this Shirou's Rin was researching something to do with either fixing his fucked up mentality (which seems way worse than even Archer's) and/or putting him in a place where he could improve his world view/ become more normal (relative to how "normal" Shirou Emiya can be, what with his initial distortion). The thing I'm most curious about is his broken memories (are they memories? It's almost like Rin was trying to speak to him in that moment, but that could be a flawed interpretation of it) where Rin was trying to remember something about his Origin. Is it not Sword? Was it changed? Or it is something to do with his interpretation of what that Origin means? There's at least one instance of him reaching out to his Origin and getting conveniently interrupted by someone else too.
With Rin's insistence that she's been by his side all along, even now, I wonder if she was referring to Louise or if Rin is somehow trapped either within Shirou or between realities as result of some Kaleidoscope mishap and has to help him through cat's paws (such as Louise). Or maybe she just decided that she couldn't help Shirou anymore, and is keeping her distance beyond reaching out during dreams, but it otherwise fine. It sounds like this version of Rin is way more powerful than normal Rin, so I don't really know the limits of her capabilities. Zelretch seems to be able to do whatever the hell he wants with the Kaleidoscope.
I think my only real complaints for the story is that Kirei exists and that, for some reason, Ruby is a thing in that world. Kirei is a really annoying asshole who exists just to spread corruption and manipulate things to increase misery for those around him. Ruby is just kind of brokenly overpowered with how it can give people Servant abilities. Not that Shirou in this story isn't OP as well, but he can only be in one place at a time. Ruby seems able to be used to upgrade people from a distance, and multiple people at a time?
I also would have liked some more light hearted moments between Shirou and Louise, particularly if they're to fall in love, but I guess that can still happen later. The constant war environment does get a little old though.
Lastly, I personally dislike the Tiger Dojo. I've never understood why fan fiction writers think little intro/outro segments where the 4th wall is violated for the sake of humor or info dumping is either good or necessary. It's more cringe-y than anything. But then I'm also a person who hates "Omakes" because they seem like a waste of time due to their non-canon nature. It might be a little rude of me, but I always end up thinking "this is all time and effort that could have been put towards writing additional scenes for the actual story."
Anyway, that's it from me. I hope you update soon. You're over a month late on your prediction for the next chapter (Which was Nov 18th. It's Christmas now), but I guess that was just an optimistic estimate on your part more than anything.
Good luck with your writing.
| Rawrking chapter 15 . 12/15/2017
Decent prose but the addition of extra Fate elements is just contrived and you haven't really bothered to expand on them. This wouldn't be a complaint if there were a few pov chapters from the "bad guys" side, but narrow focus on Emiya and Louise makes the plot very linear with limited information on what's going on in the rest of the story. All we know is~ EMIYA got summoned as a familiar...so how did the rest of the FSN elements get here, who are they and what are their motivations?
| Rawrking chapter 12 . 12/15/2017
you twisted the plot of Familiar of Zero way too much. Might as well consider adding the AU label. Kirei Kotomine conspiring with the leaders in the shadows makes sense since you're adding more Fate elements, but Brimir being alive and trying to revive Holy Grail is just cringe...
| Rawrking chapter 11 . 12/15/2017
trash fic lol...so fucking contrived-changing staff of destruction from a mere rocket launcher to gae bolg and class card system...you dun messed up! Let the unnecessary drama commence.
| Hetalia SN Korea chapter 19 . 12/10/2017
I love your story please update soon. Thank you very much.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/7/2017
Basura. Y no me refiero a la narración, más bien a la trama en si. Otro mierdas que invoca que se queda como imbécil que lo humillen, a el y al supuesto invocador que quiere denfender, mientras acepta las órdenes del parásito rosado (Ironía. Aquí por ejemplo dice que quiere defenderla, pero dejan que la humillen aun pese a que podría parar toda esa mierda demostrando un poco de magia. Ironía? No, esto es una mala trama.). Es básicamente un mal cliché que recorre cada puto fanfic de familiar zero. En resumen, no merece la pena esta mierda. Ya se perfectamente con esto como irán los próximos capítulos.
| Guest chapter 19 . 12/3/2017
| Guest chapter 7 . 11/25/2017
The action scenes are great
| narutofan020 chapter 19 . 11/21/2017
I picked this up years ago but forgot about it for some reason,probably because of the long im all caught up now and i must say i really like this and im looking forward to the next chapter
| Guest chapter 11 . 11/16/2017
Damn... Servant cards? This just got shite. I get it. You made your emiya OP as fuck so you want to make a token effort of him having to struggle. However, bringing in other elements from the nasuverse just makes this contrite. Why cant writers just inject a character from one universe into a second universe and let the mayhem ensue as they tackle the mechanics of their new world?
| v3yah chapter 19 . 11/6/2017
'For now, he had to deal with a group of rowdy teenagers, among which were a clingy girlfriend, ...' WAIT when Emiya and Louise start dating? Is this because Emiya subconsciously remember he dating Run in the past?
| Mernom chapter 19 . 11/6/2017
Did... Emiya used the Swords of Revealing Light? He did, didn't he? After all, Gilgamesh used Mirror Force in the first part...
| Guest chapter 19 . 11/6/2017
Forcing situations is bad.
| KazuSakai chapter 19 . 11/6/2017
The real question is...
Were you able to finish them all?
No, seriously, Im glad you are safe. Death by sushi sounds like a weird way to die but thankfully didnt happened to you. Stay safe dude.