I liked it. Cozy, concise and easy to follow. Good job

Eh, I ship it

this story is great!

ah yes, pineapple trees

its really hard to tell who is the good or bad people in this story are, and it's really cool that way!

Aw. You better give me those love letters and that flower shop, ya big sap. Heh.

Anyway. Whew. Here I am. I’ve done it. I finished Aura of Storms. It’s been quite a ride for me as well. Let’s go over my thoughts.

The chapter revolving around Zekrom is certainly experimental and risky. I’ll always applaud taking a risk. That said, I really didn’t care for it. I thought it screwed with the story’s pacing. The previous chapter we’d left off with Kyurem making his appearance. The stakes have been set. We know what needs to be done and so do the protagonists. And… then we get sixteen thousand words of essentially backstory about a character that only truly appeared a few chapters prior. It felt tedious and boring. It didn’t fit the narrative as a whole. Honestly, it would’ve worked better as a one shot in my opinion.

Then we have the resolution of the Weavile conflict. It was quite anticlimactic. This is the Pokémon that’s been the primary antagonist of the story, much more so than Kyurem ever was. And by the time everyone gets back, he’s already been dealt with. It’s so disappointing. I’m more bothered by that than the resolution of the Kyurem conflict.

Victini staying behind also bothered me. In your commentary you talked about how you didn’t trust yourself to write a compelling romance, and how you didn’t want to make Aura of Storms any longer. But you were okay with writing over 16,000 words about Zekrom’s past, a tertiary character at best and a plot device at worst? Also, if you don’t trust yourself to write a romance, why write one at all? Was it because Shadow and others encouraged you to spark a romance between Victini and Locket?

By the end, she felt less like a character and more like a source of motivation for Locket and nothing else. She’s been reduced to an idea. This seems even more likely given you yourself worried about killing Victini if you brought her along, because it might’ve elicited more emotional distress. I guess I just disagree with how she was handled.

There’s a lot of discussion about Platoon 4 forgiving themselves over what happened, which… seems to miss the point. Quite frankly, why does it matter if they forgive themselves or not? They’re still alive, they got their happy ending – the families of the ones who died due to their betrayal are the characters that actually matter.

"Cut yourselves some slack. You two are young, I can tell. Locket, you haven't even been on this planet for a long enough time to see the seasons change. Snivy, you probably spent an equally short amount of time living on your own, assuming what I've heard about you is true. Both of you have an amazing surplus of intellect but an amazing deficit of wisdom and experience. So, acknowledge that. You did the best you could at the time—even you, Locket. You were stressed and you were angry and you did what you thought was right, and you realized that it was a mistake. And Snivy, you had good intentions; you just didn't think things through."

There’s a lot of focus on self-forgiveness and moving on from the past in the early part of the season isn’t a bad idea in theory, but when it’s about widespread murder it becomes more complicated. What I’m trying to say is that when the stakes are so damn high, I start caring a lot less about the people who caused it. In the face of atrocity and terrorism, the past is often something you can’t just leave behind. It follows you wherever you go. But perhaps I’m just cynical.

The chess games were excellent. First, it was setup well. The payoff in the following chapter felt satisfying. It gave all the characters involved a chance to shine, and it was also a nice way to break the revelation to Maquerain about the truth. Which leads me to the reveal…

Masquerain as Locket’s dad was clever. I definitely didn’t predict it. What struck me as odd, though, was how Masquerain immediately latched onto Locket despite having no memories of him. And the implication that Locket became more important than Dewott, who had been so loyal to Masquerain for years, left a bad taste in my mouth. I guess I’ve just had so many jaded interactions with father figures that I have a hard time buying Masquerain making Locket the most important thing in his life on the basis of something he can’t even remember (unless I’m missing something and Maquerain got his memory back around the same time).

“Oh, you know I can't hold that against you," Locket responded as he let Masquerain go. "I'm just glad we found this out."

This feels like something you say to someone after they lied to you about, I dunno, you winning a science award or something. Not after they tried to kill you. It just seems so jarring and odd and break my suspension of disbelief.

I find myself struggling to understand Absol’s motivation for wanting to kill Locket so desperately. It just didn’t quite add up. To me, it felt more like an excuse to have a tense moment and kill off Dewott.

That said, Dewott’s death scene was genuinely well written and upsetting. He was my favorite character, I missed him a lot once he was gone. If I’m honest, I would’ve preferred Locket or Masquerain died instead – they may have been more important to the plot, but Dewott was the better character. I still stand by my opinion that a majority of your best moments came when writing about Dewott, or from his perspective.

"Don't worry, Locket. You're okay now. That's what matters."

This line. I dislike this line. It implies that Locket’s life is more valuable than Dewott’s. Not a fan.

There were some really nice character moments. When Locket brewed potions, and when they all drank together. These types of quiet moments are my aesthetic. I wish you’d found a way to use the potions, leaving chekov’s gun hanging is kind of lame. But that’s not a big deal, just a minor nitpick.

“A light wind blew, carving small ripples into the red sand around them. Dewott and Absol lay peacefully atop the wide sea of crimson, the fur on their pelts bending to the fingers of the desert air.”

I really liked this paragraph. The perfect amount of melancholy, and a nice application of metaphor.

It was cool to see an actual city, too bad they couldn’t linger.

"I know what your all is, Locket," Snivy said. "You gave your all when we fought against Volbeat all those weeks ago. You gave your all when you defended Chide from the Arashi invaders. You gave your all when you were protecting me in that dungeon after I'd passed out. And you gave your all when you decided to forgive me. You know how to give your all, Locket. You've known how since the day we first met. You're going to know how when we step foot into that dungeon, I promise."

This was nice. It felt like the culmination of everything they’d gone through together. And it made me appreciate Snivy more, a character I’ve always been sort of lukewarm toward. He really grew into his own in this season, and that was nice to see.

The buildup of tension before entering the dungeon was also good. Things like the compass disappearing added a sense of urgency to everything. Locket’s anxiety added to it as well. And boy did you deliver on the final dungeon.

That chapter was difficult for me to get through, but for the right reasons. It was painful and a trudging slog, but the cathartic release I felt once I reached the end paralleled how Locket and Snivy felt by the end. Well done.

Now, the portion with Zekrom, Kyurem, and Reshiram, I’m a lot more lukewarm about this. It felt anticlimactic and lacking in tension, which is frustrating because it was off to a good start. When Articuno was pressuring Locket to make a decision, a decision where he didn’t have time to THINK, I was on the edge of my seat. Yes, yes, yes! He has to make a choice! And he has to make it as a snap decision! What’s he going to choose? What’s going to happen?

And then… Articuno drags them to the legendaries and everyone talks about it, and the conflict slows to this painful, dragged out crawl. I don’t mind that the conflict was resolved by the three legendaries, but I’m bothered by the fact that it all felt so boring and lacking in tension. Considering how anti-climactic the Weavile conflict-resolution also ended up being just further rubbed salt into the wound.

I did like the conversation between Locket (ahem, Leo) and his mother. There were clear emotional stakes and Locket had to make a very difficult decision. It just lacked any of the previous tension, which is disappointing, and it felt a bit too neat, but… overall a positive.

Also, the fact that I called the Dewott reveal pleased me. It’s, like, the only thing I got right, haha.

I disagree with Shadow. I don’t believe all conflicts needs to be neatly resolved. We didn’t have to know that Masquerain succeeded. It could’ve been left up in the air. I would’ve preferred it, actually. As it stands, it all feels too pat. Real life tends to be a lot messier. I also never thought Snivy needed to explain what happened during his trial, I would’ve never described this story as fast paced, haha.

The interaction between Locket and Flux’s father was wonderful. I loved it. And he was hilarious too, the line about his letters being inappropriate for children got a chuckle out of me.

I’m a sucker for full-circle endings. Snivy and Locket together at the end… weird, it almost made me nostalgic. And so, here we are.

Overall, my opinion of this story is a mixed bag. It had standout moments, boring moments, interesting moments, and ideas that were intellectually intriguing but weren’t always integrated particularly well into the narrative.

It often felt too talky. Considering the moments defined by action, such as Flux’s death, Locket and Snivy’s fight, and Dewott’s battle against Victini were some of the standout scenes in the story it feels like there were a lot of missed opportunities.

One thing I didn’t mention much in my reviews was that I liked how the lore of Pokémon in your world felt so radically different from a lot of PMD stories I’ve read. I also liked how you integrated your knowledge of science to give it a more grounded feel, even if your analytical tendencies also held the story back at times.

Smiles go for miles, dude. Thanks for taking four years out of your life to write this. I enjoyed thinking about it, and your commentaries introduced me to a lot of different stuff that I’m curious about. Best wishes for your next project.

Since this is the first time doing three chapters instead of one for this story, I feel a little... odd. My overall approach to this review ended up being a lot more haphazard than I expected. Hopefully my thoughts remain concise and clear.

Okay. Let's start with Victini and Locket's relationship. I'm not sure I like it as much as I once did. In part because after the Dewott/Victini fight I randomly decided I shipped them LMAO. Like, I'm not even kidding. I kinda want to write a oneshot about it. Would that be cool with you if I did?

But I digress. Let me preface this by saying that people look for different things in a romance. So this is entirely subjective, and I readily admit that. What I look for in a romance is two characters growing together. Building off each other. Complementing each other. Give and take in equal measure. Are you starting to see my issue?

It seems like Locket only ever takes, and Victini only ever gives in their relationship. There's being supportive, and then there's being a glorified grief counselor (plus I made the belated realization while reading the commentaries that Victini was his mentor, adding a student/teacher dynamic to the equation that I've never really cared for) that also gets to make out with the grieving party.

Plus I find myself puzzling over what it is, exactly, Victini sees in Locket that separates him from other pokemon. His ability to love? Isn't it stated that pokemon are naturally loving, caring, and trusting? The fact that he's human? It's not really brought up much outside of plot related reasons.

Maybe part of the problem is that we never really get inside her head, but she feels like this idealized (further emphasized by lines like 'an adorable little chirp that begged forgiveness for intruding' - which, yes, could also be viewed as a honey moon phase) caricature of a romantic partner, always knowing the right thing to say and do. Relationships don't really work like that, doubly so in such a situation as stressful the one Victini and Locket are caught up in.

Which brings me to my next point. I quite liked the conflict between Dewott, Masquerain, Locket, and Victini. The fight scene between Victini and Dewott in particular was a highlight for me.

But once they agreed to team up all the interpersonal conflict dried up and vanished in an effort to propel the plot forward. And considering what I got instead was an exposition dump, the trade off didn't seem worth it.

These peeps, Victini in particular, have been enemies for years! You could've made it so that she had to overcome her distrust of them, I dunno, something, anything that made her more than Locket's emotional crutch. It would also provided her with a bit of a flaw, because at the moment she really doesn't seem to have any.

"What if…she had to kill us at this specific location in the Iron Desert for some ritual of hers to work, and is luring us there by pretending she'll answer all of our questions?"

This got a chuckle out of me.

I didn't care for Absol's info dump. It was nice to get some answers, but the way it was done felt clunky and boring. They just walked in a line and talked. And her plan was quite convoluted.

As for the lie, I'm going to guess it was the part where she got all fidgety and said she didn't see Masquerain talk with Zekrom because she was under the mountain or something weird like that.

Andddd we meet Zekrom. I actually quite liked his discussion with Locket, even if it also verged on an exposition dump, much like Absol's earlier stuff. Their whole, 'They don't deserve to be right' was a lovely and heartfelt moment. Plus it's an interesting moral quandary. Zekrom's fatalism is also neat.

Zekrom's language often bordered on jarringly casual. Like the usage of 'daft'. That was odd, it seemed like it was supposed to be a joke, but didn't land at all for me. I was mostly distracted trying to understand why he became British for a brief moment.

Making Zekrom fallible was a wise choice. It's usually more interesting to read. Going the more omniscient route can work (such as in Dreamworks Prince of Egypt), but it's a lot more difficult.

A couple of thoughts on the philosophical aspects of your commentary.

If we're keeping it strictly to the Christian God, it's important to keep in mind that evil is synonymous with sin and sin is the 'absence of God.' So evil in the strictest sense of the biblical definition wouldn't be, say, the ten commandments, but rather a separation from God. And considering humanity is separated from God up until death, an argument could be made that humans simply don't have the capacity to understand God, because he operates on a different plane of existence. Or something along those lines.

Another intriguing tidbit to remember is that the books of the Bible were written at different times, and offer slightly different viewpoints of God as a result. The Book of Job is generally considered the oldest version, and in it there seems to be the suggestion that God encompasses both Light and Darkness - the best and the worst of humanity in ascended, deified form.

I don't really think murder will ever play as a big a role in population growth as average lifespan, sickness, and birth control. So that right there is my first issue with your argument.

Secondly, it feels like the situations you've defined are either/or. You do this and you're good, you do that and you're evil. While I'm pretty sure we agree there are people capable of committing evil, to put everyone under that label seems far too broad.

For example, let's look at manslaughter and pre-meditated murder. Both result in the death of a person and both are considered crimes, but I would only label one as outright 'evil'. There are multiple factors that go into defining something as evil. I would argue intent plays a major role.

The way I picture it is like a sliding scale, with Good, Right, Neutral, Wrong, Evil being sort of the major marks on the scale. But that's just, like, my opinion, with zero research put into any of that, just some off the cuff observations on my end.

This is one of the first fanfics that I found and the first that I finished. I LOVED IT! The story is so good I could read it thousands of times over. And, honestly, I think it deserves a follow-up. It could be about the child of Victini and Locket, or about the main characters when they’re older. But that is you decision, and I will respect whatever you decide to do. But, seriously, this was great, and you, my good sir, are an inspiration and an amazing writer.

This story was one of the first fanfics that I found and enjoyed. AND one of the few that have proper grammar. Good job on that. Anyways, this story is so amazing, I would read it thousands of times over. And, honestly, I think that this story deserves a follow-up. It could be about Victini and Charmander

This was probably one of my favorite chapters. So dark and gritty and real. The imagery was amazing, and I felt every blow, physical and emotional, that Locket endured. Well done. Now, if you’ll excuse me, imma cry myself to sleep now. T-T

Oh GOD YES FINALLY VICTINI JESUS THAT TOOK WAYYYYY LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE

Oh. My. God. FLUX! NOOOOOOO HOW COULD YOU HE WAS LIKE ONE OF THE BEST CHARACTERS HIM AND CHARMANDER WERE GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER AND HE WOULD RAISE HIM WHYYYYYYYYYYY T-T

What
WHAT
WHAT?!
THE HECC SNIVY WHAT B WRONG WITH YOU?!

Y’know, I said I would focus on season ending reviews, but so much has been happening and I have so much to say!

This chapter was excellent. Tons of pathos and visceral, emotional moments. All that build up from the torture in the cages finally spilled over.

“The bitter taste of the buckwheat lingered on his tongue. The smell of rotting feces began to settle in the air. Kangaskhan was a loud snorer.”

Nice use of the senses to convey how miserable everything is. It flows really nicely, too.

Seeing Dewott and Snivy interact was great. I’m really happy that all the main characters are finally coming together. And as always, I feel like your dialogue shines brightest when writing Dewott. This passage in particular:

"—Because that's what Absol does. She helps you, she hurts you, she tears you apart, and in the end all you can do is wonder what it is she wants. Don't try and figure it out. You're never going to, no matter how hard you try."

Just so good, and captures Dewott’s voice perfectly.

Ah, so the Pokémon was a Minun. Intriguing. That bit was framed in a way that felt very suspenseful, while the reveal strikes me as rather anti-climactic. Not sure if I like it or not, or how much relevance the reveal will have to the plot. Still, the dream sequence overall was nice, although I tend to like them no matter. Give me all of the vague, abstract symbolism, haha.

Anyway, let’s talk about the thing that actually matters. The fight.

First, the way it all comes full circle, taking place where Snivy and Charmander originally camped, is a nice touch. Even if it’s a bit of a stretch, I enjoy that sort of thematic touch.

The contrast between Snivy and his cluelessness, and Charmander’s raw anger, makes for a compelling dichotomy. At the same time, it’s hard for me to imagine that Snivy could be that naïve about what happened.

“So Charmander and Snivy both verbally expressing a willingness to go their separate ways—while completely rational in its own right—was also an illustration that their friendship was not intrinsically valuable to them. It did not bring them enough personal joy for it to overcome their own personal desires. And that's not something that you would usually see in such a developed relationship as theirs.”

I think this is the one thing I disagree with, and the one sour note of the exchange. I never felt their relationship was all that developed, it felt very… removed, in a lot of ways. Especially once Flux began taking a more prominent role. So Snivy wanting to be reunited with Charmander doesn’t resonate with me as well as it could.

However, on Charmander’s end, I feel like everything is perfect. Even if a lot of it is modelled off dialogue from a show, the context and relationships are different enough that it doesn’t really matter to me. It also nicely addresses the issue I had with the previous chapter, and how the lack of forgiveness didn’t have any sort of weight to it.

Charmander punching Snivy was both satisfying and horrifying. Just brutal, and yet I would probably do the same in his shoes (err, claws, as it were). So much violent, emotional release. I love it.

I’m probably going to do only comment on season ending chapters. Or chapters where a lot happens. This is one such chapter.

Something about the scene between Dewott and Kangaskhan rang hollow for me. In theory I like it. The idea of asking for forgiveness, and not receiving it. And yet the conversation feels so… empty. Lifeless. Purely conceptual, and lacking any of the emotion behind asking and receiving forgiveness.

In the commentary you say it’s Kangaskhan’s personality shining through. I dunno, I feel she could be kind and motherly and still provide a bit more cutting anger toward Dewott. Or just something.
Let me put it another way. Neither Kangaskhan nor Dewott seem to care that there was no forgiveness for what happened. If the characters don’t care, why should I?

Here’s an example of a scene from a TV show where forgiveness isn’t given to someone who screwed over an old friend. The dynamics are different, but it’s still a very effective scene: youtube watch?vK03Y2FP9qhI

The dream sequence was nice. It does a good job portraying Charmander’s mental state through imagery. I feel like falling over is something that happens often in dreams because of the resulting helplessness a person feels. I can’t say for sure because I rarely remember my dreams, but falling is something that happens quite a bit in dream sequences. Losing your balance in general makes it so that you feel out of control, at least in my experience.

In terms of pacing, Masquerain vanishing for a large chunk of the season feels a little off. But otherwise I understand why you did it.

And now Masquerain and Charmander finally meet! Sweet. I’m curious what this means, and how it relates to Absol’s supposed remorse. Is something tragic soon to happen? Hmmmmmmmst. I can’t wait for those tow to interact more, should be interesting.

It’s funny you mention the bit about Abra, because it seemed like Dewott had a leap of logic in this chapter, figuring out that Abra turned traitor AGAIN and let Charmander free. Unless I missed something, which is entirely possibly. But I know I did a double take when I first saw that.

I really liked the fishing scene. That sort of stuff is really enjoyable for me. Just two companions engaging in a low stakes activity together (well… I mean they need to catch food or else they’d starve, but you know what I mean, heh) and having a bit of fun. And it also shows that Charmander is slowly coming to terms with his grief. It reminded me of a quote I like:

“Every widow wakes one morning, perhaps after years of pure and unwavering grieving, to realize she slept a good night's sleep, and will be able to eat breakfast, and doesn't hear her husband's ghost all the time, but only some of the time. Her grief is replaced with a useful sadness. Every parent who loses a child finds a way to laugh again. The timbre begins to fade. The edge dulls. The hurt lessens. Every love is carved from loss. Mine was. Yours is. Your great-great-great-grandchildren's will be. But we learn to live in that love.”