Reviews for In Fire Forged |
---|
Sophronius chapter 4 . 6/30/2014 I heard you like reviews, so here you go: This is by far the best rationalist!naruto fanfic I have read so far, and there's been a surprising number of attempts. Your writing style is really good overall, far far better than Time Braid which you compare your fanfic to. However, your descriptions are strangely lacking, especially those of other people's appearances. All I know of Izanami is that she has two swords, and I have no clue what Sakura's parents look like! This makes reading about them very strange because I have no picture in my mind of what's going on, which damages the immersion. I guess you could say this is representative of your Sakura if she really never pays attention to what's going on around her (In a way she feels more like canon Naruto than canon Sakura), but it still seems strange. Your science-y passages are very nice. However, bear in mind however that their perspective on mundane physics is likely to be very different from ours on account of the people of the Naruto world growing up in a world with chakra. To them, it wouldn't seem as if chakra is something weird tacked on that breaks laws of nature as it does to us. They never had the benefit of our perspective. Naturalism/reductionism might never have caught on in the first place, since it certainly seems as if things like souls exist in the Naruto world. I really like your realism tack and like others here I hope that it stays that way and the story doesn't go the way of the Shonen. A realistic portrayal of chakra-powered ninja would be really cool. Please steer clear of Ender-style 'it works because I said so' combat plans, especially the kind that character's come up with in between sword swings. Sakura's fight with Kakashi seemed a little like that to be honest. Ask yourself: "What would I do if I had these powers and I was in their situation?" You probably wouldn't risk blowing yourself up. You'd probably be terrified of explosive tags and ninja techniques and fighting with real swords, even if you're the one using them. One last thing: Please make sure that you show how characters get their powers. I think a huge flaw of HPMOR is that HJPEV starts the story with "oh hey I have super science knowledge and rationality and a huge amount of gold and international fame that nobody ever saw me work for, don't mind me while I prance around and tell everyone they suck and get away with it." I think a good rationalist story show show why characters can do what they do, and how. Think of Brandon Sanderson's First Law: "An author’s ability to solve conflict with magic is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to how well the reader understands said magic." How do Sakura's seals work? How did she learn them? What are their limits? How did Naruto get wind techniques? How do elemental techniques work? What are their limits? How does the Sharingan work? how did Izanami learn to use Genjutsu with it? How does Genjutsu work? What are it's limits? And so on and so forth. |
Local Hegemony chapter 4 . 6/30/2014 I really like your writing style. It feels efficient, and the fact that you proofread and actually pay due consideration to what you're writing makes the story an easy read. I'm interested to see the direction you take the story in, but I hope you don't make the ninja overpowered almost-deities. It just seems weird to me to have a group who should be focused on stealth and infiltration focus so much on face-to-face combat when it would be easier to run away and stab the guy in the back if you can teleport faster than the body can even react(300 to 400 milliseconds for a blink, around half a second for human reaction time). Even if ninja can react faster than that, anyone who closes their eyes ever is dead, especially when ninja can maintain their momentum because they can start a stab, flicker, and cut off your head before you can even blink. In the same vein, if you don't give elite samurai incredibly high taijutsu and detection capabilities, their extinction is basically assured because noobie ninjas could kill the most highly skilled ones at their leisure. Also, could you make it so that ascension to chunin is a little more difficult? It seems strange that the people teaching academy students only have about one more year's practical experience. But yeah, I like where this story is going. |
Angry Paradox chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 There is something very intriguing about how chakra and physics link together. I actually find the passages about chakra science to be very interesting. I like that you have Sakura deviating from the medical techniques which define her in canon. I'm curious as to why izanami instead of Sasuke, though. I like the rivalry that is between her and Sakura, and I'm super excited to see what you have Sakura learning in the month she has before fighting Izanami. I feel that Sakura is relatable in that she is aware that she is lesser in skill than her teammates, and that she is actively trying to better herself. I also like that Sakura shows a little bit of bitterness at Naruto and Izanami's 'advantages' even if she does accept them. I feel that jealousy is something a character like Sakura, who is surrounded by ninja who were born with advantages even within her age group, should express, if only to push herself towards betterment. Not many authors realistically have Sakura expressing this kind of sentiment. I'm eagerly awaiting your next chapter! |
zerash chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 Excellent so far, I'll keep an eye on this. Very Time Braid-esque. |
Akamatt chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 Nice, I really enjoy your Chakra Science. |
DonLyn chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 Quite enjoyable. Weirdly enough I find the articles to be the most interesting part of the story. |
Guest chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 I want you to be happy, so I'm writing this review. Not sure what to say, expect that I like it so far. it's not like the story itself has really begun, so I guess that's a compliment to your writing style, and because I like the characters (Sakura and Kakashi more than Naruto and Izumi). Oh, and you wrote "wasn#t" instead of "wasn't", that's an especially glaring typo ;-) |
KasonSama chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 Oh man I love this chapter and really hope Sakura at least gives Izanami a run for her money, and I'm not sure if I'm reading this right, but there's a special reason Sakura was put on Team 7 other then because of her high scores. and I hate to ask but why Izanami and not Sasuke? I mean I like it better it's a different twist and the hate between Sakura and her is amazing...but I still wonder why the choice. |
reality deviant chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 interesting worldbuilding |
Traiden chapter 4 . 6/29/2014 I am glad to have found your story and come from the link posted on /r/rational. I look forward to reading more of your work and can't wait till the next update. I do wonder why the change in the gender of the younger Uchiha sibling but it does not detract from the story, as I am enjoying your portrayal of Sakura. |
Poppy Grave Dreams chapter 4 . 6/28/2014 That beginning really made me laugh. I can see a lot of potential in something like a momentum-stopping technique, and that in itself is fascinating, because if that is what it is then that suggests that chakra can break the laws of physics and would probably support that last section at the end of this chapter (by the way, I love the parts like the last section, and they're also nice little insights into the further development you've put into this world). The character dynamics are interesting how you're establishing them; a female Sasuke sure can make a difference when handled by a skilled writer. I really want to see what Sakura comes up with before the month deadline, since I bet she can definitely pull something worthwhile off, even if she doesn't win. And I like how you're fleshing Naruto out, also. Kakashi's intent on helping Sakura progress is good, too. Your characterization of Sakura herself is fun to read. She's easy to relate to for the readers—I like how she's the "average girl" on the team and is painfully aware of that fact, but how she's still putting the effort into bettering herself. And the way she is innovative is fun and intriguing, the way she is scholarly but can put her theoretical knowledge into practice is definitely appealing. I have to wonder if Sakura's feat with fixing the timing issue will capture the attention of the ANBU more so than it already has; and I am thinking that, if so, that would not necessarily be a good thing. Other things in this story, like the creative training practices such as substituting with teammates and manipulating sand using chakra, are nice little details that help add to the story's vibrancy. And, of course, I love your writing style also. Looking forward to the next chapter! |
Therl chapter 4 . 6/28/2014 I enjoyed reading this chapter, keep up the good work. |
Ann chapter 4 . 6/28/2014 Hopefully Naruto will later ask her a question about her techniques so that she can shove a 'you don't trust me with your secrets, why should I trust you with mine' answer down his throat. |
skycomv2 chapter 4 . 6/28/2014 good chapter. I like Kakashi's unrepentant rummaging through Sakura's notes. We also have a date on the fem Sasu and Sakura trainwreck that should be fun. I like Sakura's confrontation of Naruto's vast Chakra, Naruto being taciturn was a surprise. I like Sakura's earth exercises, reminds me of Gaara's abilities. I kind of thought earth techniques would be more solid like earthbenders from avatar. |
jkkmilkman chapter 3 . 6/22/2014 Love the realism, looking forward to more from you! In other fanfics I imagine anime characters. This is the first fic that makes me imagine real people. Keep it up! :) |