|Reviews for Singing Lullabies|
| Greenerin chapter 2 . 1/9
I really, really hope that you'll continue this awesome story!
| aniark chapter 2 . 1/3
the awkward is palpable. Poor Elsa, she's gotta deal with sudden parenthood. Poor Anna, dealing with a new home. poor babies
I hope you continue!
| kkrn chapter 1 . 12/13/2014
Will this story ever be finished? ?:(
| Rolling Guy chapter 2 . 10/14/2014
Good story. One of the better ones here. Great potential. I hope there's still a chance for this to be updated.
| ElsaTheSnowQueen2 chapter 2 . 8/16/2014
amazing work so far! keep it up! 3
| ElsaTheSnowQueen2 chapter 1 . 8/16/2014
amazing i love it so far! 3
| Pleasekeepgoing chapter 2 . 7/1/2014
I've really enjoyed your story so far! Please continue with this :)
| Henderson94 chapter 2 . 6/21/2014
Nice chapter! Lived the last one and really like this one. Great way to introduce the characters and incorporate them in the story. Really well done. Only problem I really see is the age difference between Elsa and Anna. Seven years is just a little bit intense so you may want to think about decreasing it by two years or something. :p Keep up the good work!
| Hei-Feng chapter 2 . 6/17/2014
Oh god they are so awkward XD hope to see their relationship improve soon lol
| CatherineZz chapter 2 . 6/16/2014
| Diana Campos21500 chapter 2 . 6/15/2014
I can't wait until you update
| Icy-Windbreeze chapter 1 . 6/11/2014
I loved this first chapter! You're describing their situation very detailed and their interactions are very well written!
| Tomlong75210 chapter 2 . 6/11/2014
Grammar's all right. Plot and setting are ... different from other stories I've read, though. I'm interested. You have good level of description, describing the physical space, and the emotional tone is well conveyed through italics, character reaction, etc. But...
My main gripe: I can't get over the sameness of the main characters, Elsa and Anna. Their speech. Their behaviors (cursing, etc.). They sounds the same. If you didn't refer to each girl by name in the initial back-and-forth of each conversation, I wouldn't know which words belonged to which. The girls differ in age, background and upbringing. These contrasts are all written out in the story, in facts, but little or none of these contrasts are reflected in the dialogue itself: grammar, patterns, word choice. The only changes I see reflected in the dialogue are the transitions in emotion: there are ellipses when the characters are hesitant due to nervousness and so forth. Kristoff's dialogue too, is pretty much indistinguishable from Anna's in their one-on-one scenes.
Continuing on that point, the emotional spectrum of Elsa and Anna is also pretty narrow; though this impression could just be an extension of the mirror person ... issue. Last chapter, they're both nervous or upset, monologues littered with curses. This chapter, they're both anxious, damaged and hesitant, dialogue emotionally neutral on both sides. While it seems natural that hesitance receives hesitance from the other party, the dialogues (or monologues) are just too mirrored. It's almost as if there's one, shared personality per conversation.
The other characters (however brief their appearances have been thus far) are also thin. They're one or two-toned: Oaken is the surprisingly cheerful, surprisingly big guy. There's a sweet baking lady. And, of course, we have a seeming party-pooper but friendly when-you-get-to-know-him Kristoff. If the main characters were more developed, it would be easier to overlook other weak representations of characters. As things stand though, you seem to be relying too much on the representations of the characters as built up through reading other Frozen fanfics or ... from some other experience external to this story.
Back to the good: there's a _really_ nice balance of implicit and overt descriptive constructs. Although the at-a-glance emotional buckets (damaged, anxious, etc.) seem limited, you're use of subtlety in emphasis and reactions convey a fairly broad range expressions. You not only employ the (moderate) use of feeling-related adjectives for emphasis interwoven throughout the dialog, but more impressive (and rare), you also change the sentence structure in slight but meaningful ways. A strong point of your writing is in describing the character 'physics': how the characters interact with and react to each other and their surroundings, etc.
Another (really curious) thing is that the narrator's perspective, more in line with the reader's perspective, usually appears to be from the outside looking in. Most Frozen fanfics I've read, especially those told from Elsa's point of view, invest much time in internal monologues to convey psychological state. This is neither good nor bad; however, with your approach, you've to have largely passed up on some of the most direct means of building the characters' personalities for the reader: inward-focused descriptions of character emotional states and introspection (by the characters). There is some internal speech, but it's sparse and more objective. Around the dialogue you're primarily describing (well) the physics of what's happening: reactions, things happening in the background, etc. If the brief or even-keel dialogue is intentional, that's _okay_, but then you need to use some other medium for showing off your characters' identities.
As for grammar, not 'much' to say here (for now), but the grammar slips I had the hardest time overlooking: mismatches in tense and misused semicolons. The tense mismatches (I "tripped" over) were few. An example, "she didn't even know where she [i]lives[/i]". However, there were just too many semicolons. Some should actually be commas, for grammatical reasons; others, periods, in cases where you seemed to want more of a pause (where the semicolon may read like a comma). Some instances were even nice opportunities for dashes, preceding abrupt changes in direction (of thought), such as: ";scratch that" or "; wait, I mean". (And I'd replace the comma with a period in this last example.) I love seeing some of the infrequently seen punctuation and grammar patterns, but when they are not used well or are "overused" ... not so much.
You've got some pretty compelling features here in the unique setting, plot (beginning), unusual (at least for Frozen fics) story-telling approach; however, unless at least the main characters, Elsa and Anna, are developed into more complete, distinguishable entities, my interest will quickly wane. Right now I feel like I'm reading about 'one' "main" character and a couple of side tropes. There are a lot of good mechanics, and flow, even (such as the nice, non-awkward opening and closing sentences for the chapters and segments). Captivating characters and plots can keep people reading through many and recurring egregious grammatical mistakes, but watery main characters are killer dead weight for any story. If need be, sacrifice greater sentence structure variation and punctuation in order to put more focus on developing your characters _for your readers to realize_.
I can't say I'm a whimsical reviewer, but I am the spontaneous and unreliable bit of the word, when it comes to reviewing. Just FYI, characters that "all sound the same" is something that doesn't surprise me when I read stories written by young (or poor) writers, but I generally have zero tolerance for it and will only reluctantly drag myself through a couple of chapters in order to see why said story has so many reviews or see if things will get better (because I'm an optimist of sorts)-they don't-and, in the end, I stop reading at some point. The problem I pointed out earlier isn't quite that, but it's close enough to trigger WARNING bells for me. Much of this composition I do like, and, ultimately, if I didn't think there was a lot of good material and evidence of _good_ story writer (in the making), I wouldn't have bothered writing any of this ... especially, with such wind.
For me, the lack of character-identifying dialogue is the missing piece. (And it's almost always "the" missing piece if it's missing.) I haven't read any of your other writing; so, I don't know if this is a fluke or somehow intentional, but if it weren't lacking, I think this fic would be at the next level (significantly higher). It's not a technical thing; so, it's certainly an achievable change. Secondarily (after dealing with the character thing), on the technical side, I'd suggest working on the narrative "voice" and consistency (in presentation and perspective).
I don't think that this is an easy skill to come by. Particularly with a modern setting, I imagine it must be very easy to slip into your own voice, which would make it hard to write dialogue fitting your characters, especially if you don't have really clear representations of them in mind. You aren't relying on the very quiet Elsa, Queen Elsa or overly excited Anna tropes. If you don't rely on an over emphasized "known" (or cultivated) quirk to distinguish characters, writing identifying dialogue-dialogue that fits the character and agrees with the reader-requires much more effort (or practice, perhaps). Since Frozen's setting isn't current-world modern, its fanfic pool is not the best source of examples. I do have one example off the top of my head, a well-written Elsanna romance fic, with this quality of distinguishibility in its dialogue: 'You Are' by Pmrising. Like your fic, it has a modern setting and is written in third person, and it also relies more on external dialogue, as far as dialogue goes.
Hope the contents of this review were not too harsh and hope the example is useful (if not also enjoyable). Good luck in all your writing, and I _am_ looking forward to the next chapter.
Thanks for sharing!
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/10/2014
Ooooooh my god. Fiiiiinally someone who can actually write the characters in a way that is enjoyable to read and relatable. I feel that you're spending a lot of time fleshing things out and not rushing, which is lovely to read. Seriously, I was so happy to have found this story, I couldn't take much more muddled fumbling through poor plots and half assed character development. This story, and your writting is gold. Sometimes I can't understand where a character (Anna especially) is going with their thoughts or mental comments and have to read back, but I reckon it's just me getting so into it, and wanting to read more so badly. I really can't wait to read more, keep up you're awesome writting! Peace!
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/10/2014
THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE!
For awhile I couldn't get rid of this story out of my head after reading the first chapter, I'm so curious on what's going happen next and you totally did not disappoint! Ugh these two is so precious and awkward I just want to give them a group hug. 33