Reviews for Bitter Frost
rach chapter 1 . 12/29/2005
it was really cool!

wright another one
DoraMouse chapter 1 . 9/13/2004
Nihao Sh33p,

While the writing is good here, I suspect that this one-shot will probably hold more significance and insight to a member of the Zoids fandom. Being an outsider... I can't begin to appreciate the amount of depth and detail you may have added - since I don't really know how the official series actually portrayed Thomas.

I knew nada of the character before I read this but you've made me curious, Sh33p. Maybe the official series covers the characters past, explains why Thomas's father was working on some evil project, how the father survived, why Thomas never found out about it until now - things like that. However for readers unfamiliar with the fandom, this one-shot leaves such questions begging to be answered. Although at the same time... Nothing really takes away from the focus of this story, which is Thomas himself. I'm not entitled to say whether the portrayal is accurate but I like the way you've built the character. Without spelling things out or dwelling too heavily on any certain aspect, you've painted a clear picture of Thomas. Brave but cautious. Sensitive and sarcastic. Sort of a loner, not given to trust others easily. Knows his limits better than he knows his family. Quite a sympathetic underdog type of character really - but the type who doesn't want sympathy and who won't admit defeat unless perhaps he's dying. In short, very likeable.

The setting was also done with skill. The Zoid-specific terminology was used in a way that made it understandable even to outsiders, though I would like to know more about what Beke is. And the various references to the governments, countries, etc give a vague impression of the political history of the Zoid world without hindering the flow of the writing. The occassional mention-in-passing of other characters and what Thomas thinks of them not only inform the readers of what these others may be like but how Thomas relates to them. Brilliant. The base itself... With the holographs, the not-quite-outdated-enough defenses, the empty pool - amazing how even after death, evil geniuses can be so annoying. And the concept of the base not having defenses against anyone who came on foot... I don't know why but that stuck out as sort of sad since it seemed to define an era where humans had lost a certain measure of independence to technology.

All in all, this is an interesting piece of work Sh33p. A bit confusing in places since even though only one character is the focus here, the story includes more than one POV. You blend a wry narrative second person POV with the characters own bitter awareness fairly well. I appreciate that the story starts 'in the middle' as it were, that keeps the plot moving. The ending is... Very open. You could easily write several more parts to this, if you had the inclination. Showing Thomas when/if he returns to the base, if he speaks to the Emeperor again, if he speaks to his father or as he gets a new Zoid. Were his efforts truly enough to destroy the remnants of Project X? *shrugs* But again, perhaps these are issues that are covered in the official series. Still... If you were willing and able Sh33p, it could be interesting to see your version of the events that follow this one-shot. Although... Having said that, I suppose I should try to find time to look at your many other Zoid fics and see if you haven't already covered this.

Anyway. One of the only suggestions I have for this story is to edit the conversation in the first flashback and give each speaker their own paragraph. This isn't anything too major but as it is - with Thomas saying something and then the Emperor replying all bundled up in the same paragraph - some readers may become confused about who said what. Separating Thomas's remarks from the Emperors remarks would add clarity to the writing. Oh and also... You consistedly misspelled 'Guardian', so I wasn't sure if that was a deliberate error or not.
vansacutie chapter 1 . 10/26/2002
It's a really nice story! I'm just alittle lost, dose Thomas like Veoina or (what I think) Van? Keep working on the story! I realllyyyy want to read more!
Sano-Dead83 chapter 1 . 10/23/2002
S33p I bow down to your greatness! You have got to the best writer here. Oh and dude your rants from your site are freaking cool. Keep up the good work man.
Sick Little Fiend chapter 1 . 10/23/2002
That was incredibly good! You're one of the best writers on this site.
NotHereNow chapter 1 . 10/23/2002
Nice. I like the sarcastic undertone. Aside from a few basic grammer mistakes your writing is very good. I like the fact that your idea for your fic was different and there was no romantic entanglements. Keep up the good work!