|Reviews for Forsaken And Begotten|
| AI chapter 27 . 7/1
Okay When reading fic usually try to stick it out to the end. But I can't keep reading this. You have pretty good writing skills but your plot is like a cheesy no-brain rom com where everything is railroaded to further the one goal of romance, no matter if it makes sense or not. In this story you've railroaded the plot towards Obiwan re entering the Jedi, no matter if it makes sense or not. I guess if you're okay with a cheesy no brainer or com it's ok but I had expected so much more so it's disappointing. Well I would call this a good first draft, and suggest you get a beta who actually has normal common sense and can tell you when characters are not acting like normal people. Thanks for the effort though.
| AI chapter 13 . 6/30
So wait Obiwan is now going to abandon his family to what? Ask for amnesty from the ship crew? Who incidentally the pirates are rescuing when they didn't have to? Okay logic fail again...
And now that Obiwan going to do his turn of the Betray Your Family Game, he absolutely has no grounds to feel bad about what the Jedi did. Because he did it too, willingly.
| AI chapter 12 . 6/30
Or the pirates can send a mayday message to the Jedi council from their ship with the planets coordinates. Any of the Jedi can record and provide the councils comm number. No need for all the negotiating. Especially because these people don't have authority to offer amnesty in the first place...
EPIC LOGIC FAIL OBIWAN
| AI chapter 11 . 6/30
Aww Baby Jedi we know we didn't want you before but we changed our minds! Oops! Just forget about your pirate dad who saved you from abuse and probable early death, no big deal! Because we luv u!
Absolutely sickening. All I'm hearing from the Jedi are I WANT I WANT ME ME ME. Quigon's been so sad! Bant missed you! Any concern about Obiwan himself doesn't come up often. Really repulsive and selfish.
| AI chapter 8 . 6/30
While vigilantism is never the answer, I do wonder what charges Obiwan will face when they return back to Coruscant. Although he originally was unwilling prisoner, he currently identifies as a member of the pirates and even stated he wants to return to them. Plus he has committed crimes, including the murder of the brother. Claiming it was an accident might allow lesser charges to be filed, like manslaughter instead of first degree murder, bug it does not negate the fact that he was willingly in a hijacking / pirating aggression and killed someone to protect a fellow pirate. He should be facing charges, the vigilantes are absolutely correct on that point.
| AEY chapter 21 . 4/24
You are a FANTASTIC and TALENTED writer. You took a simple premise of Obi-Wan being a pirate because he was banished to Bandomeer and took it to home base with it. It is one thing to somewhat follow the canon storyline with minor changes, but you have completely made this story your own with new characters...and did it WONDERFULLY!
What I love about this story is the writing. There is SO MUCH emotion in your writing. I feel like I can actually FEEL and UNDERSTAND what the characters are going through (at least to the best of my ability...with this statement referring to Obi-Wan). It creates such great imagry (I think I made that word up, but hopefully I make my point.) with how poetically phrased your sentences are.
The way you build up to scenes or sub-plot points by providing the reader an understanding of the various emotions that the characters have, their driving motives of their actions, their background story, and the various relationships is ABSOLUTELY ASTOUNDING.
With that being said, I noticed that how you had the story for the first part lead up to the reunion between Tuuvu and Obi-Wan...and the way you led up to it was great because of everything I have already said. I was SO looking forward to that, despite how Qui-Gon felt. Then when the story took a turn towards Obi-Wan's self-sacrificing plan, I knew the story was going to eventually lead up to this scene...and I dreaded it because Obi-Wan has been through more than enough of pain.
When all the main leaders of the three parties getting together, I could feel the tension in the scene. A story speaks really good of an author's talent when as uncomfortable as the scene is, especially since I knew what Obi-Wan was about to do, I still read through...although I had to stop every other sentence.
I usually wait until the last chapter to right a review, but I just had to for this chapter because of how wonderful you have woven everyone's emotions, motives, and actions together to make a satisfying well-written but tension-filled story.
One more thing that I forgot to mention is how deeply thought out this story. I assumed that once the Pirates retrieved Obi-Wan, the story was going to be about Qui-Gon's mission to bring him back. So I was completely surprised when chapter 11 ended with Obi-Wan telling them the deal. However, upon reflection, it does make sense because of the Jedi wanting him as well as the possible capture of the pirates. I liked being surprised and not being able to predict what could happen, another aspect of what makes a great writer.
I do not know how this will end, but I can only imagine. There are so many mini-plots in the story that keeps the interest and emotions going as well as the possible encounters that I can't wait how it unfolds! I won't be surprised if Xanatos have something to do with the bomb. I wonder how the rest of the Jedi will handle seeing Obi-Wan back...alive...as a "dangerous murderous pirate", in particular, his friends and Yoda. How will Tuuvu and the rest of the Togarians react to what has happened? That pact that Qui-Gon has made with Tuuvu about ending his life if he does not return Obi-Wan by his 18th birthday...Whew! Wow, that was deep...I don't even know how to think about that. I know that will be brought up again with the other Jedi, and Tahl won't be happy to hear that. I look forward to seeing how Qui-Gon will do everything in his power to protect Obi-Wan. Speaking of which, sigh...Oh Obi-Wan...it just seems to get worse and worse for him, doesn't it? I don't know how much of this emotional crap he can take before he breaks. He's strong, but even the strongest have a breaking point.
I am sorry for the really long review! I just wanted to let you know how wonderful the story is!
| time2read chapter 1 . 4/1/2014
Great 1st ch!
| Guest chapter 34 . 2/3/2014
Oh my gosh... I swear i havent read a story this fast since... I dont think i have actually...
Anyways this is one of the BEST stories i have read. It was extremly well planned out and im depressed to see it finished.
You captured the characters extremly well. After reading so many different aspects of the Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn relationship this is the most wonderful,heartbreaking,mindboggling, and amazing aspects and i applaud you for capturing it and shareing it with the world
Im happy to know a sequel is planned cause you just left to much infinished. I cant wait to read more!
May the Force be with You and your sequel
| maryg92844 chapter 4 . 10/22/2012
I love how you showed their emotions. I am enjoying your story very very much.
| chibi heishi chapter 34 . 9/1/2012
Oh, that's painful. Literally - this is one of only a handful of stories I've ever read (here or professional) that have managed to make me tear up. Not quite cry, but definitely tear up. I dread what poor Obi-Wan is about to go through.
| thorn chapter 2 . 6/26/2012
| julzdagger88 chapter 34 . 2/12/2012
Amazing Story! One of the best I've ever read...anywhere on any surface! Your are such an awesome writer! Thanks for sharing your talent!
| who.says.we.cant.win chapter 34 . 10/4/2011
Is it Xanatos?
This is a great fic...I think you have portrayed Obi-wan and Qui-gon perfectly.
| Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
Well, I like the premesis, and I love what you did with Obi-wan.
Yoda's words felt off to me as he just speaks bakwards. I'll give you "Alright if join you I do?" but the second line feels more like you were just trying to mix it up. "Not intruding, am I?" would probably be a little closer, even though its something just about everyone might say.
Also, "Qui-gon felt his hopes, desires and dreams shatter"? I disagree. Even if that were the case, they'd sent him off, and Qui-gon was rather determined to not care for Obi-wan at all. Now something like "Qui-gon felt a pang of regret stab through him," or similar I would give. Otherwise, it just doesn't sound in character.
| hentai18ancilla chapter 11 . 4/23/2011
Any future slash?