|Reviews for Betrayal|
| Jostanos chapter 15 . 5/24
| misswitlock16 chapter 22 . 5/20
i like it hope you add more
| farawisa chapter 22 . 5/16
huh i had thought that i already read this story. now i'm pretty sure i didn't. can' t wait for more with this either!
| dcrawford chapter 1 . 5/3
This is not a good story at all.
| DragonsDreamer chapter 22 . 4/27
Next chapter please. Love your work so much.
| ashuraou chapter 5 . 4/21
Some parts did not make senses.
| I.C.2014 chapter 22 . 4/20
Please update soon.
| Guest chapter 18 . 3/17
I love the story! Just a few comments on some of the inconsistencies in it:
1) Harry's kids' ages are a bit unclear. We know that Teddy is ten and Lily is three, but what about James and Allen? We also know that the order of ages from oldest to youngest is Teddy, James, Allan and Lily. However, in this chapter Allan is referred to as the youngest (when Lily and James cuddle with "their younger brother").
2) Hermione's pregnancy. The length changed from three months along to six months along within the same scene. Also, A few days ago Hermione was just two month along. Which is it? We know it cannot be the six months one, as the curing for Allan's eyes will take but a few weeks and Hermione examined his eyes on the plane and started the healing process within the first few days the Potter family was in the USA. (btw, why weren't the kids checked for injuries the first chance they got?)
3) the kids really don't behave their ages (especially Lily) or like they just went through a huge trauma (I'm an early childhood education teacher and I've worked with the refugees in Europe so I actually do know what I'm talking about). The kids are way too calm and collected. Sure they've had a few nightmares, but nothing what is usually expected in these situations, especially in the first few weeks (screaming, uncontrollable anger/crying, meltdowns, violent behaviour, shutting down and pushing people out, refusal to let the "safe" adults out of sight, clinging, trust issues, insomnia, lack of appetite etc). I acknowledge that this is not that kind of fic, but something to make it just a tad more realistic would be nice. I think you could make some really cute scenes with the clinging :)
These are my few main things about the story. However, I really do enjoy it, very much so. I just think you may need to write a few things (like timelines etc) down when you write, just so you can keep up with all of it. It's not easy writing a long story so I do understand the difficulties that come with it. I hope this was helpful! Thank you! :)
| truefictionaddict chapter 22 . 3/13
Oh my gods please tell me this is getting updated! Seriously a pm to let me know would be much appreciated. I love the flow and feel of this story, although I was curious about when Loki would show up, and how will they get Fenrir and sliepnir?
| dragonfox123 chapter 1 . 3/8
Interesting chapter and plot and amazing idea
| Aslinna chapter 22 . 3/6
Please write more, this story is awesome! Can't wait to see where you take it.
| MrsBanner chapter 22 . 3/5
Oh my! That's stunning and really amazing I love your fanfiction. How Loki get there? And Bela just popped out of nowhere. I need another chapter.
| hplemonpersona chapter 22 . 3/4
OH CMON MORE
| Mysts of Time chapter 6 . 2/27
...pairings were not mentioned. I assumed they would only be friends. There doesn't even seem to be an explanation behind Harry being gay. That's the only thing that bothers me.
| lisa.francis.96780 chapter 22 . 2/12
this is a very interesting story