|Reviews for Harry Potter and Setesh's Blunder - Part 1|
| ollie.cooke.doa chapter 3 . 3/8
Should've included runes on the ship as well
| Light Lord Cybergate chapter 7 . 2/26
Well...I am very disappointing with Harry.
It just shows he isn't cut out to be a leader.
At the first sign of it getting difficult he bails and says he doesn't want to lead.
He has people all around him willing and happy to help.
I really don't see why he can't do all of the things they had planned.
Travel around the galaxy... no problem.
Run a the business...again no problem.
No Harry...you do not have to do everything yourself.. get it into you head!
Besides...they can't leave now..
Without the base on the south pole Anubis will have a cake walk later on.
With all the wards and fidilius etc on it... it will never be found.
As for dumping everything they know on the internet ...in the chance that people don't think of it as a hoax...you can be sure that it would start another cold war...or an international technology race. The one who builds it first conquers the world...
I can honestly see that happen.
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/5
I stopped reading because it qas way to fast paced, there was no character interaction and hermione. Hermione is the smartest character in the harry potter series, at least for her age and despises cheating. Do you not think she would class this as a cheat? Dont get me wrong she would stand by harry but I think there would be some hostility. Also a large part of hermione as a character is her exasperation and her 'go to the teacher personality' the hermione you portray has none of theses traits. I dont enjoy a harry/hermione pairing either, due to unrealistic situations and reactions and because hermione acts like an older sister would.
Aoqh and what I really didnt like was when you put mione... I mean I have never ever heard or read harry potter say mione and not hermione, like its not even a good nickname for her... I think her-her would have been better than mione even if both choices are terrible.
So yeah maybe you should rewrite this and add some personality and flavour to this fic? I mean you basically couldnt be arsed with the hp world and instead just gave us a brief overview of what happened... like I alwayd thought it was supposed to be magical not dry as cardboard
Oh and its 'no.' Or '#' not 'nr.'... that was just soooooooo annoying!
| Obsidius chapter 20 . 11/30/2014
awesome story. thanks!
| MWRANDOM chapter 20 . 11/7/2014
Not bad. Technical issues are few and far between, so good job with that. I've got some issues with some of the logic used to justify decisions in this story, but for all that it still turned out to be an interesting read. Thanks for posting it.
| MWRANDOM chapter 16 . 11/7/2014
Civil War? They have the tech to simply beam Fudge and the other bastards into prison cells. Or if they don't care about bloodshed to destroy their enemies from orbit. That's just assuming they don't go for something more creative or subtle. The point is they have the tech to ensure no drawn out bloody civil war occurs.
| MWRANDOM chapter 15 . 11/7/2014
Ok. With Albus Bloody Dumbledore as head of homeland defense on the magical side the earth is surely doomed. Look at how effective his leadership was with bringing Voldies followers to justice. Hell look at how he willingly put students lives in danger with the Philosopher Stone incident or the Triwizard Tournament. Or simply look at Albus's excellent decisions regarding Harry. If that's not enough, exactly how many order members died under his command during Voldies rise? This is not the sort of person I would want in charge of ANYTHING much less the possible fate of the world. I tell you now if SNAPE is given a trusted role in this then I'm out...
| MWRANDOM chapter 5 . 11/7/2014
Ok. Just gotta say that as a way to free a people this is a TERRIBLE idea. It would be like going to a planet full of Fundamentalists and saying "God lied to you and used you without care. Everything you have ever held to be true is a lie. Now we are taking God to be imprisoned as God is actually a war criminal. Call us if you want to talk."
That is just ASKING for riots, mass hysteria, violence, and death (assuming you ever convince them in the first place, as belief does not necessarily follow logic and reason). You CANNOT deliver such a shock and simply go away thinking everything is going to be fine. You eaither have to have a gradual change over the long term, or you have to stay and enforce order and obedience to the new order until the society becomes used to, and can see the benefits of change.
| MWRANDOM chapter 3 . 11/7/2014
I like this story. I must say however that I find Harry's interaction with Dumbledore is completely unrealistic given Dumbledores actions and reactions in the past. He just saw Harry kill Voldie and incapacitate a number of powerful Death Eaters which indicates power and ability as well as sneakiness (to have come up and implemented the plan without his knowledge) and he simply accepts that this is not an evil Harry on his say so? That made NO sense whatsoever. Given his paranoia about Harry and his stance on second chances and how can he NOT suddenly think that Harry is Tom MK 2? I could accept this if you had him being exposed to the Nishta or something, but as it is it simply comes off as completely unrealistic. He didn't even ask for a wizards oath or require truth serum or anything... I know you are trying to simply get past this to the rest of the story but really, based on the characters and what happened Dumbles should still be convinced Harry must die and some sort of confrontation should have occured while in the privacy of his office.
| Lord Asmodeus chapter 1 . 11/5/2014
This is disgusting. Why are you having him assimilate the memories but keep his personality exactly the same? To be the defender of the innocent and good? Seriously after absorbing the memories which are over 30,000 years old Harry is not only the same, he appears to be even more naive! Pathetic, you ruined a story of great potential. Your synopsis gave an impression that this was a Dark Harry story not some mongrel Harry who is as pathetic before!
| Hytekrednek chapter 20 . 11/5/2014
Good story and I really liked the way that you breached the start of the crossover. I could see how having to deal with a soul piece of Tom and then as that is being blended he had to also deal with a fully in control Harry. Very nice transition. Looking forward to reading more of your works.
| tylermech66 chapter 6 . 10/31/2014
ehem, while I like this story...
PEOPLE DO NOT TALK LIKE THIS NOR DO CLOSE FREINDS VOTE ON SUCH THINGS! YOU QUITE FRANKLY SUCK AT DIALOGUE, GET A BETA SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT AND YOU'LL BE FINE...I think.
AAnd your romance... please stop trying to do it, or get help.
| BURN3 chapter 13 . 10/20/2014
I thought this was a fun story at first but it sure did go off the rails. Harry starting off with the old Goa'uld tech was pretty cool. Introducing the Ancient tech hurt the story but what really ruined this story was the utterly self-righteous grandstanding.
| Kent Rigel chapter 3 . 10/10/2014
Enjoying your story so far, kinda heavy on the methodical stuff and exposition. I get why it's needed and even appreciate all the thought you put in to it... but as a story telling device, it makes the story rather 'dense'. Even the dialogue mostly centres around emphasising that Character A becomes aware of all the exposition by having Character B say it all out aloud.
It would of course make your story longer, but adding other elements in, to space the rest of it out, would make the story flow a lot better. Sirius might take Harry aside before his flight and ask him to be careful, because now that he's exhonerated he plans to spend a lot of time being the awesome cool godfather he was supposed to be, maybe how proud James and Lily would be, etc. Hermione likewise might be a semi-nervous wreck at the idea of Harry dying alone in space if everything went wrong (her canon personality would be the type to fret excessively and require some assurance), furthermore (though I'm not necessarily advocating 'smut') you ought to note that as of the summer after 6th year Hermione is actually coming up on her 18th birthday. The whole 'you could die, let's shag' thing is pretty cliche of course, but realistically the cliche exists for a reason - humans are prone to it. That's not to say you'd include THAT in the story, but perhaps Hermione asking to spend the night with Harry (however that night is spent) might be followed with Harry having brief second thoughts about going to Mars on his mission, whether its worth it when he could just stay with .
That of course I all mean as an example. You could do it totally different. But I just wanted to give an example of how the story could mix in more narrative and character elements amongst the mechanics of importing Stargate into the Harry Potter universe. This story is of course finished (and I look forward to finishing reading it too!) but if you ever re-write it or write something else like it... just think about it.
Something else, at the end of the chapter you indicate Harry would be using a pair of Stargates located at Shawdon Wood and the Hatak to move back and forth. It occurs to me that if the Stargates in Antarctica and Colarado are 'too close' cosmically speaking (having the same 'phone number' so to speak, to use Daniel's analogy from Solitudes) then would the gate on the moon, less than half a million kilometers away be far enough distant to have it's own gate address or be connectable to a gate on Earth?
There's of course a way around that, any gate with a DHD connected to it supercedes a Gate without one (Russians connecting and disconnecting the DHD to get their own teams on and off world while the SGC continued to have teams come and go) so if Harry could figure out a way to remotely connect or disconnect the DHD on the Gate on the moon, he could gate to another planet, turn around and dail Earth again, but come out the Moon gate, which has (in the mean time) reconnected its DHD.
This creates another problem though... if either the Shawdon Wood or on the Moon remain connected to their DHD's then any SG team trying to return to Earth from offworld ought to come out one of those gates... since they have DHD-superceding priority. (The DHD on the Antarctic gate being dead until Sam semi-fixes it in Solitudes).
Lol, that makes 5 'Gates within the Earth-Moon system. Cheyenne Mountain, Antarctica, Shawdon Wood, the Hatak on the Moon and (as you said there were three stored on the Hatak) a spare. That's a lot of gates in one small bit of space.
| Nate chapter 4 . 9/29/2014
Ugh - those other fuckers are being nosy goddamn nancys. Unless Harry and Co told them where they were going before they left - it's none of those other peoples fucking business.