|Reviews for No Game No Life: The Twins of Blank|
| Cyberweasel89 chapter 1 . 2/13
Hmmmm... Interesting. I admit, Shun's name and kanji doesn't really fit in with Blank's naming theme, nor does she fit in with the two's "reprenting the two halves of the brain" thing. It's too early to tell if Shun is a worthy addition, but I'll keep reading. You have a nice writing style, and No Game No Life needs more love.
Also, judging from what Shiro said, is Shun about as buxom as most of the other female characters in the series? Also, Sora said Shun "couldn't answer the door like that"... Like what?
| Justin k chapter 5 . 1/9
PLEASE CONTINUE THIS STORY! I'M NOT ASKING, I'M BEGGING YOU, STARLIGHT-SWORDSWOMAN!
| ethan.lukkar chapter 5 . 12/30/2014
Magnificent chapter can't wait for more please update soon.
| Starlight Whisper chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
IcyAutumnFlame summed my thoughts up exactly. Shun is far too perfect, and she keeps taking up some of my favorite lines from Sora and Shiro. Also, in her character profile, you said that Shun can't speak in front of large crowds. However, in one of the chapters she spoke with ease, and I think that you should either a) make this a real flaw, or b) think of multiple other flaws because no one is perfect.
Also, you stated that you're 18. I'm not in high school yet, and my writing skills are either at or above yours. From an 18-year-old, I'd expect an engaging plot, strong character development, and a dash of creativity. (Check out Poisoned Scarlet if you'd like an example.) Unfortunately, I saw none of this in your piece. You should add more description because too much dialoge makes a story bland.
I believe you really do have potential as an author if you'd make your OCs more believable. Shun seems to be the result of either a self-insert or your imagination running away with you. I don't mean to be harsh, this is just my opinion and I believe that a healthy dose of criticism helps people get a better on their strengths and weaknesses as an author. (Basically why I welcome criticism on my work, as long as people took the time to read my story.)
| AutumnLakes chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
Hi. I'm sorry but I will not follow or favorite your story. You are a great writer in grammar and way of using words, but you content is no good. It sticks too close to canon events. Also if you are going to add a OC, don't make them Mary-Sue. Shun is too perfect. She is what Sora and Shiro would be if they were one person. It just destroys any liking I have to this story. I feel that if you wanted her to have mixed traits of the two, you should have had them more mediocre than the other two. She should have at least some flaws. You even said that she did Sora and Shiro's specialties better than them. Personally I think that if you are 18 you should produce better work. Your work should be far better than mine because of the difference of our learning experience but I am questioning that. This is NOT a flame. This is strictly my opinon and Blaze's. I hope you can learn from this review. -IcyAutumnFlame & Blaze of Madness
| HuuskerDu chapter 5 . 12/1/2014
Love the story concept with the idea of a third sibling. Very nice. But don't just track the original story verbatim. After all, a lot of the fun of writing fanfics is to see how things would play out differently if one thing was changed.
And I do have to reluctantly agree with Harihi and Dark Crimson that your OC is drifting into Mary Sue territory. If Shun is to become a fully fleshed-out character she needs to have unique strengths and flaws that distinguish her from Sora and Shiro.
First, what unique strengths can Shun bring to the party to complement Sora's strengths (improvisation, bluffing, cold reading) and Shiro's strengths (strategy, analytics, logic)? Well, Blank _never_ loses, not once, even in pure luck games. That's statistically impossible. So how does Blank maintain a perfect 100% win record even in games of chance? Answer: By cheating. How? Shun does it. She is Blank's fixer: the cheater, the computer hacker, the expert in practical sleight-of-hand magic, and the con artist. (Shun can bluff better than Sora if she can plan it ahead of time.) She is the one who pulls their fat out the fire if they can't win legitimately. And she is their expert in spotting and countering their opponents' own cheats. She spots all of Kurami's magic cheats and gets upset that she can't block them because it's real magic. Because of this, she very much wants to learn real magic herself (e.g., from the Flugel or from Fi) so she can do 'real' magical cheating herself, Disboard style.
Next, give her some unique character flaws (not just NEET). For example, perhaps she doesn't fear the real world but rather she hates it. You hinted at something dark in Chapter 5: "Sora-nii, light on the religion please. You know it makes my head spin with all those events that happened in the past." What events caused her to stop believing in God? Well, how about if she was raped in the past (never caught, or maybe it was her father) and so she has a very negative opinion of humanity and of God, explaining her strong atheism. She's not agoraphobic like the other two - she just doesn't like people because she thinks they are all scum.
Have her negative feelings counter Sora's optimism for Imanity's potential. It would create wonderful tension between the two and would give her an opportunity for character growth as she slowly starts to understand her brother's point of view.
Your story has good pacing and flow and you have good writing skills, so use those skills to create something new and original, and you'll have a kick-ass story.
| The Dark Crimson Blood chapter 1 . 11/30/2014
I normally don't reach stories with OC's in them, as they're usually the author throwing themselves into the story and making themselves better than anyone else. Like Harihi, I found the idea of Sora having a twin interesting. However, I have to agree with what Harihi said. You've made Shun too perfect, she's better than everyone else and seem to be making her more of a main character than anyone else. I won't continue reading, but good luck with the rest of your story :)
| Blankisn'tatrio chapter 1 . 11/19/2014
| Harihi chapter 1 . 10/6/2014
I found the fact than you creat a twin interesting so i decided on following you but i trufuly think than Shun is TOO much "perfect" i mean, she is better at language than Shiro, better than Sora at Dating sims and she do hacking, make strategie and other stuff, ... she understood the fact of playing to be the king was useless really quikly
Even her problem of not speaking isn't here a lot (Even if she was only 3 times in front of a large crowds)
I get the fact of putting the character you create but the way you write it seem she is too much perfect
aren't the 3 of them equal ?
Shiro is a genius but Shun seem to be as intelligent
Sora is a "genius" at understanding human but Shun seem to be as good
I can't get the fact than Shun is a genius at strategie but she is taking the others spéciiality too and i find it sad
Sorry i wrote a lot and i am not to good in english so i hope you understood me.
I am just commentating not critizing
I hope your story will improve and will keep on reading XD
(if i annoy you MP me, i will stop writing )
| MerryxAmux chapter 1 . 9/27/2014
Wow...this is just...wow...awesome.
| Viviene001 chapter 5 . 9/25/2014
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/30/2014
Please update !
| JenniBaka2406 chapter 1 . 8/20/2014
Please write more! This is wonderful!
| firedog1235 chapter 5 . 8/15/2014
This story is the best no game no life fan fiction I really hope you write more of it.
| Foxstar - Founder of FoxClan chapter 1 . 8/10/2014
You have my interest, now to see where this goes.