|Reviews for 21st Century Schizoid Man|
| guest chapter 9 . 2/22
This is an interesting story, but I'm wondering when you are you going to update again. Also, I'm guessing that the swim team will not get the money due to being employed by the water park.
| Galeiam chapter 6 . 12/20/2014
Monogatari Vibes are strong in this one.
| Guest chapter 9 . 10/4/2014
I'm excited what the surprise is and ding 100 reviews
| Anon chapter 9 . 9/20/2014
Really loving this story. You have really improved as a writer. Medeka and Zenkichi in this story arr amazing.
| FateBurn chapter 6 . 7/29/2014
| FateBurn chapter 3 . 7/29/2014
good story so far.
| Frogkind101 chapter 9 . 7/20/2014
Fun rewrite looking forward to more updates.
| Fahad09 chapter 9 . 7/18/2014
Momo and Namanie stole the show in this chapter. I loved how you characterized them, especially their interactions with Zenkichi. The way they view their relationship with him is also something that I found completely unique.
If I could I would write a two page review on all the things done right in this chapter and still not give it the praise it deserves, you did an amazing job here, I only wish I had to words to give it justice.
I hope to see many more chapters for 21st-Century-Schizoid-Man because this story has become by far my favorite on-going fic in this site.
Looking forward to seeing what happens next (cliffhangers drive me crazy).
| sadistic lunatic chapter 9 . 7/17/2014
D: no! How could you end this on such a cliffhanger!
Gotta love Ruki-ruki-chan and Medaka's possessiveness.
| Jarjaxle chapter 9 . 7/17/2014
Lo, I was wondering when you were going to update...and at the same day...you update.
Liked the Changes you made to Water Park fights and Yey, we are seeing Namanie and Momo already! Where are the rest of the Girls.
Zenkichi wants to be normal...But I say he is lucky bastard with all girls after him!
really liking this version more, even if Akune is not member of the Council in this
| Artimenner chapter 9 . 7/16/2014
*Exhales* This one was quite the ordeal to proof-read from start to finish, I’ll tell you that.
I’m going to give this chapter a more negative review than usual, but first I actually have a more broader assessment than just this single chapter, so hear me out here, because I think there are some suggestions that might be worthy of mention in the overall scheme of things by now.
So, first thing's first. Remember my last review, in where I said that it was a good move to make your own original plot-point of obsession with normality have more space as Zenkichi's main focus this time around? Well, on the chance of sounding hypocritical, allow me to backpedal a tiny little bit on that and eat some of my own words.
I’m starting to feel a small, but unnescessary, disconnect between the new Zenkichi and the Zenkichi in the manga. I only mention this here, at this point, because in the old Normal, you gave your Zenkichi a changed character because of his obsession , but still keeping true to another plot-point from his character in the manga. Namely his distaste for the fact that people would seek the help of fate(Medaka) with the Suggestion Box instead of solving their own problems, and that because Medaka did that for others, she was, in effect, ‘too right’, and being ‘too right’ is just as wrong as being wrong, which is why he asked for Devil Style in the manga, a skill that symbolized everything Medaka/fate was not, a philosophy similar to Oshino’s coming from Zenkichi on the fact that only you can solve your problems and save yourself. Oh, and the fact that he was the one who caused that to begin with.
The above seemed to take just as much space as your own original take on the character in the old Normal story, and I thought eliminating that this time around, was a smart move. I realize that you’ve clearly, from the beginning, toned down some of the negative aspects of Medaka’s character to make her more tolerable from the manga to this story by making her less ignorant in the subject of feelings, so she no longer holds the negative portrayal she had in the manga, and in Normal, with Zenkichi despising that part of her.
But here's the thing; I think that instead of suggesting removal, I should've been advocating a sort of balance between originality and presence of the source material. Like, 70% normal-obsessed, 30% manga throwback. I really think that might be the correct balance to best dimensionalize the character.
For this, I’d suggest just choosing a plot-point from manga Zenkichi and expanding on it as a minor side-point, instead of the one I mentioned above, in tandem with your own original plot-point of his obsession.
For example, in 'Those Who Love Monsters', the author rolled, from beginning to end, with Zenkichi’s line from the manga of “A person forgiving another – isn’t as magnificent a thing as it’s made-out to be.” as one important aspect of his character, because it actually related to Kizumonogatari fantastically, a line anyone who has watched the Shinobu bath scene in Nisemonogatari and knows the story of the scars Koyomi and Shinobu carry would understand. But the thing is, that was never the main plot-point, yet it was a very welcome addition. The best thing is that Zenkichi really did say that in the canon, so it wasn’t out-of-character to roll with it (and if you want, you can even subvert that, as Nisio himself did in ‘Chapter 176: You’re Forgiven’, when Zenkichi forgave Shiranui, or strengthen it, as Nisio has always done with Koyomi and Shinobu – you can do it with your version of them – the possibilities are endless).
Another example of an employable plot-point is the last one Nisio gives Zenkichi in the manga, which is him not being satisfied with living his life for the sake of someone else as he had always done for Medaka during childhood and middle-school, this plot-point reared its head once in the election(surprisingly enough; mentioned by Akune), but pretty much slept until the end of the manga when Zenkichi decided that he wasn’t satisfied with just living for Medaka – and I feel that your character has some inkling of this already, due to the very nature of the fact that he has a life that Medaka has no clue of, and if that’s the case, then I recommend further exploration or foreshadowing of that plot-point.
Really, though, all I’m saying is that I feel I was somewhat incomplete and incompetent in my earlier review. If this sounds like a condemnation of your new version of the character, please forgive me, because it really isn’t, as the story isn’t close to over yet, I still like this Zenkichi's contained personality far better, and you could very well be planning to develop this later on in the plot - but the thing is that I don’t know if you were, so I felt compelled to mention it. I hope that’s understandable. If you already had plans on this, and were aware of this, you can just ignore this point entirely and call me an idiot, because I'd be an idiot.
Now, that was the first suggestion I wanted to mention, let’s go over to the second, which is the pacing of the overarching plot. Again, I briefly mentioned the point of this in my last review, but here I'm going to go more on about its pro's and con's.
It’s been pretty clear for a while now that you’re going at this story at a much, much slower pace when compared to Normal. An example of this, I think, is that we haven’t even gotten the standard Council filled yet and there has been no Summer Story so far, but the most important part is that there are fewer inklings of what feels like the center-piece of the story – Zenkichi meeting Shiranui, going to her village, and facing Iihiko.
Now, I don’t think the slower pace is entirely a negative, slow plots have their pluses and minuses just like faster plots, but some of its disadvantages are starting to rear their heads into the story right about now, especially in this chapter. As I said before, It’s not as if you’re not expanding on the events of the past that are foreshadowed in every chapter of the story, you are, but at a much lesser degree than in Normal, and in much less detail. For instance, instead of reading a Summer Chapter right now, and reading foreshadowing for what happened between Zenkichi and Shiranui and Iihiko in the village to change their lives forever in the journey, we’re reading about foreshadowing of a Summer Chapter. Can you see what I mean by slower pace?
I think we can all touch base on the fact that the most interesting part of the story is the journey that changed Zenkichi’s world; it’s practically the key to his entire character and the plot (the Kizu-like influence in good Medaka Box stories is so real, by the way). While there has been some good foreshadowing of it - mostly when Shiranui and Zenkichi are interacting because it invariably lends itself to reminiscence - I can’t help but think that we knew more about it in the old Normal; yet, the mystery was just as intense. Actually, I think the mystery was maybe even more interesting then, because what you revealed was very vague, but still very striking – yes, I am talking mostly about the foreshadowing dialogue of the Summer Chapters, which were, I think, your best chapters. Exposition and dialogue-wise, Namanie Blade and Sui Sickle (especially Shiranui's opening soliloquy) were actually pretty amazing.
I guess all I’m really suggesting here is that I think a Summer Chapter-level exposition would be kind of good right about now and by that, I mean stronger foreshadowing to up the mystery factor. Striking foreshadowing is definitlely the key to making a slower plot more interesting and diminishing its disadvantages. As always, its a battle for balance and structure. I feel that the story could benefit from more foreshadowing.
I felt the need to bring it up, though, because I’m mostly talking about the pacing of the plot in regards to past events. All in all, I think a somewhat faster pace would be more beneficial in that regard. You wouldn't need to write a Summer Chapter yet, but more foreshadowing would be a good addition right about now, I think.
And that's all I'd like to suggest to the overall story. Really, I'm more of just correcting my past review for some of its unthoughtfulness and laziness, but I hope that there's at least something of worth written up there to help. Take it all with a grain of salt, though.
So, now, uh, what did I think of the chapter itself?
I also had some problems with this chapter in its own pace. To be honest, by the end of this chapter the first time I read it, I was really, really exhausted. There’s only so many times that I can read flustered Zenkichi getting abused on swimsuit world in the one chapter before I start to get bored, something not helped by this chapter’s length. In that light, the few times in-between those when people talked to Namanie or Momo, or when Zenkichi got serious, were an breath of fresh air, and the best parts of the chapter.
What I mean is I felt it started dragging-out abit too much. I feel like there was a few stuff that you could’ve cut out to, as they say, ‘reduce the fat’. I see that you wanted to touch on the issue of polygamy in what Medaka and Nekomi imagine is their love triangle (little do they know…), and I like that you wanted to introduce Namanie and Momo (which I loved) and everything that came with that, and introduce Kikaijima - but some of the in-between dilly-dallying? I thought just gave the chapter an unecessary cluttering element to it, that kind of exhausted me as I neared the end. I would've reduced the length of the challenges and taken-out some of the unnescessary scenes to make it a less tiring read overall.
I wouldn't say the chapter was bad, but I would say that I thought it was unnecessarily tiring.
(There’s also only so much openly grinning battle-maniac faces that I personally can take before I start groaning, one of the more boring aspects of Medaka in the manga -
| dragon-cloud16 chapter 9 . 7/16/2014
Finally a update after waiting for so long and the meeting of the Swimming Club. I do enjoy the fact that you included some of the actual series that have the Cthulu Mythos included or as a focus for the story line. It was a good chapter and the inclusion of Momo and Namanie in this part was nice and hopefully going to include the others sooner rather then later. I wonder if Kikajima will be joining the Student Counsel at this point or not. You did replace Akune with Nekomi after all and further changes could happen.
I really wonder though if there will be a inclusion of something from other super natural series like the Monogatari franchise and somethings from High School DxD since you did say that Great Red and the Three Factions were running around. Just keep up the good work and watch out for a old man with a shotgun looking for his lawn gnomes.
| Paradox Dreams chapter 9 . 7/16/2014
Dagon approves this chapter!
| Han-Ko chapter 9 . 7/16/2014
:D thanks for the awesome update.
| Mistletainn chapter 9 . 7/16/2014
Oh how glad I am to see the story finally updated. And while it has similarities with canon, where the student council confronted the swimming club in a contest that was set in a pool, it has many differences and I appreciate it. It was good as usual, then I saw the cliffhanger... FFUUU-!